Pope Benedict has seen fit to once again open his mouth and let the stupid run out.

VATICAN CITY (Reuters) - Pope Benedict said on Thursday that embryonic stem cell research, artificial insemination and the prospect of human cloning had “shattered” human dignity.

I don’t know about the Pope, but my human dignity is just fine. It might be a different story if I had to dress in pretty robes and ridiculously pointy hats, but that’s the neat thing about leaving the Catholic Church: I don’t have to worry about being elected Pope.

He said this included total respect for the human being as a person “from conception until natural death,” and respect for the natural transmission of life through sexual intercourse.

Natural death.

Hmmm.

I wonder if Benedict, in his dying days, will be hooked up to some of those respirators and morphine units that grow on trees, natural medicinal gifts from God that they are.

Practices like freezing embryos, suppression of embryos in multiple pregnancies, embryonic stem cell research, the prospect of human cloning and artificial insemination outside the body had “shattered the barriers meant to protect human dignity,” he said.

So, test-tube babies are somehow less dignified than those of us created through the sweating and grunting of the beast with two backs? Given that the man (supposedly) has never had sexual intercourse, I suppose he can be forgiven for seeing the sex act as something akin to a fancy dress dinner party, but someone should disabuse him of that notion ASAP. Else he might keep saying dumb things like that.

While we wait, may I suggest the Church launch death squads to execute all human beings who resulted from artificial insemination? I mean, really, can we have those undignified degenerates walking among us? What if they trick one of the godly into procreating and pass their cooties down the line? Que horible!

It was the Pope’s latest foray into scientific issues. On Monday he warned against the “seductive” powers of science, saying it was important that science did not become the sole criteria for goodness.

Ah, yes, the seductive powers of knowledge and reason and understanding! No wonder that the Pontiff that purveys mythology as fact would live in dread of humans shrugging off the dead weight of superstition, favoring instead to actually know the world, rather than just - uh - make up sh*t about it.

I love that this man can, in all seriousness, discuss science being harmful to human dignity, when he believes that we are all born as evil, sinful creatures through no fault of our own. I suppose that eternal damnation is all about human dignity too. I wonder how many other impossible things he believes before breakfast.

Yep, another one:

Doctors say they have never seen anything like it: A window washer who fell 47 stories from the roof of a Manhattan skyscraper is now awake, talking to his family and expected to walk again.

Alcides Moreno, 37, plummeted almost 500 feet in a December 7 scaffolding collapse that killed his brother.

Somehow, Moreno lived, and doctors at New York-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Center announced Thursday that his recovery has been astonishing.

He has movement in all his limbs. He is breathing on his own. And on Christmas Day, he opened his mouth and spoke for the first time since the accident.

Somehow he lived? Uh, pardon me, but has anyone considered it just might be the loving arms of Baby Jesus that caught the falling lamb and set him softly on the ground below?

Sure, sure, “softly” might be a relative term…

Dr. Herbert Pardes, the hospital’s president, described Moreno’s condition when he arrived for treatment as “a complete disaster.”

Both legs and his right arm and wrist were broken in several places. He had severe injuries to his chest, his abdomen and his spinal column. His brain was bleeding. Everything was bleeding, it seemed.

Soft, indeed, like a whispered “I love you” on a warm, salty ocean breeze. Snuggles the Bear soft, even.

His wife, Rosario Moreno, cried as she thanked the doctors and nurses who kept him alive.

“Thank God for the miracle that we had,” she said. “He keeps telling me that it just wasn’t his time.”

It was his time, however, for 24 units of blood transfusions, plasma, platelets, pro-clotting and anti-hemorrhaging drugs, a brain catheter, a nifty scar down his abdomen to relieve pressure, a tracheotomy, assisted breathing, and nine orthopedic operations.

And, I’m just guessing here, lots of prayer.

But, um, also 24 units of blood transfusions, plasma, platelets, pro-clotting and anti-hemorrhaging drugs, a brain catheter, a nifty scar down his abdomen to relieve pressure, a tracheotomy, assisted breathing, and nine orthopedic operations.

I’m sure one was just as important as the other.

Science may never be able to explain what protected Moreno when the platform he and his brother were using atop an Upper East Side apartment tower broke free and fell to the ground.

Edgar Moreno, 30, of Linden New Jersey, died instantly. He was buried in Ecuador, where the brothers are from.

My bet for why Baby Jesus didn’t catch the brother? He only has two arms (note: that’s the scientific explanation). He’s not Kali or Cthulhu, you know!

Being serious for a moment, Moreno’s survival is amazing, certainly. His living through the initial case of rapid deceleration was a lucky break, and his continued survival is a testament to the amazing dedication and skill of the EMTs, doctors, and nurses who tended to his shattered body. Here’s hoping he makes a full recovery and return to his wife and children.

As for it being a miracle? Nah. A miracle would have been the scaffolding breaking away from its supports and floating down down down to the ground ground ground like a feather, lost from the wing of a cute baby bird making its first earnest efforts at flight.

But God’s never been one for being, you know, showy.

Except for all the people making and smiting and smoting and salt pillaring and planet flooding and bush burning*.

That was then; this is now. These days he goes for the more subtle miracles that look as if no miracle actually took place.

Clever!

*…bloodletting. Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate. Light a candle, light a votive. Step down, step down. Watch a heel crush, crush. Uh oh, this means no fear - cavalier. Renegade and steer clear! A tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies. Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline.

Yes, I know it’s really “book burning” in the song. Shut up.

It could be because articles such as this from Popular Science say precisely nothing of value:

Evolution isn’t finished with us. Scientists using data from the HapMap Project, a large scale effort to identify variations in human genes, have discovered evidence that evolution is actually accelerating.

Granted, we’re not talking about the decade scale here. Compared to your grandparents you’re not some kind of advanced mutant.

But anthropologist Henry Harpending of the University of Utah, a co-author of the new study, says there have been significant changes in the last 1,000 or 2,000 years.

The rate of evolution is far greater then in the last few millenia, Harpending and his colleagues say, then it had been in the millions of years before. One of the possible causes of the acceleration, the scientists assert, may be the population boom.

With more people, there’s a greater likelihood that an advantageous genetic mutation will arise, and spread. Others contest the group’s conclusions. Either way, this probably isn’t the last controversial or groundbreaking idea we’re going to hear about from the HapMap Project.

Aside from the shameful use of “then” in place of “than,” this article suffers in that it says nothing at all.

Short version: “This group thinks human evolution is accelerating” and “this other group thinks that’s bollocks.”

Wow, insights on science, indeed!

Perhaps some angels visited and gave him the secret to a perpetual motion machine.

Wow!

Can I just go ahead and vote now?

Why do evangelical types hate science so much?

Baby Jesus may not be crying, but I sure am.

Wow, after watching the PBS NOVA recap of the Kitzmiller vs Dover case, involving evolution against intelligent design, I have only the following to say:

Michael Behe: as we’ve known for a long time, you are either very dumb or an incompetent fraud. Piss off, ok?

Creationists: we laugh at you. Lots.

Intelligent design supporters: most likely you are simply ignorant of the science behind evolution, but failing that you are either willfully ignorant of such, or just plain stupid, stupid, stupid. Especially since you’re really nothing but a creationist. Yes, we’re laughing at you.

Lots. And lots.

Ken Miller. while a valiant defender of evolution, you really need to let go of this whole “god of the gaps” belief that keeps you among the faithful. You’re just going to be continually disappointed. Come on over, the water is fine and the grass is greener.

Tammy Kitzmiller, and all the other plaintiffs in this trial, you are to be commended for your willingness to stand up to the idiocy of intelligent design, the violent threats from so many “good Christians” around you, and the general scorn of your community in defense of the pursuit of truth. I only hope that I would demonstrate the same will confronted with the same situation.

Judge John Jones, despite being put in place by religious conservatives, you were open-minded enough to fairly evaluate the information before you, and to see intelligent design for the intellectual dishonesty that it is. After dealing with so much right-wing hackery in the last three to four years, you are a small miracle in the world (amen!).

In closing, darn fine documentary, from which we all could learn a thing or two (although, really, intelligent design proponents and creationists could learn significantly more, like, say, a million billion things)*.

Note: PZ Myers was liveblogging the show. With Diet Coke. Which is nothing at all like beer. Which means I’m cooler.

Note 2: Too funny - in the Discovery Institute’s “Woe is Us Because We’re Dishonest Cretins” response to the show, they have the nerve to say the following about why their superstars, such as Michael “Flagellate This” Behe, didn’t make an official appearance:

Past experience with the media teaches that intelligent design is often misrepresented, especially through the editing process. Quotes taken out of context are used to mislead the viewer, often with effective results.

Creationists upset about quote mining? That’s cute!

* But they won’t.

Whoops:

British marine biologists have found what may be the oldest living animal — that is, until they killed it.

The team from Bangor University in Wales was dredging the waters north of Iceland as part of routine research when the unfortunate specimen, belonging to the clam species Arctica islandica, commonly known as the ocean quahog, was hauled up from waters 250 feet deep.

Only after researchers cut through its shell, which made it more of an ex-clam, and counted its growth rings did they realize how old it had been — between 405 and 410 years old.

I’m just glad we don’t have to saw people in half to tell how old they are, because tomorrow would be my 36th time under the knife.

Ouch.

Granted, it’s already no contest given that Vonage offers you many more features than Comcast, and for less money per month. Comcast, however, has been able to use their strength in providing cable service to lure the unsuspecting and ignorant to their (currently) poorer offering.

Vonage has now made their product even better with the introduction of V-Access. Now, your non-Vonage friends can call you for the price of a local call.

Vonage wants everyone to experience the great savings – even if they’re not a Vonage customer! With V-Access you - or anyone - can make calls to any Vonage phone just like it’s a local call. Say your sister in Indiana calls you every day using her old landline. Just look up a local V-Access number and let her call you for the price of a local call!

Make calls to any Vonage number or toll-free number and be charged for a local call, even when placing International calls or dialing long-distance. Reach out from almost anywhere in the US, UK, Canada, France, Mexico and Spain.

Not so useful for domestic calls, given that so many of us have free long-distance on our mobile plans, but it could mean substantial savings for friends and family abroad - or for calling home when you’re across the pond.

Rock on, Vonage (now, if only you’d quit violating patents and get in the black someday, things would be ideal).

Today at work, I caught part of a conversation being had by the two women in the next row of cubes. Given how loud and often one of them talks, I often catch parts (or wholes) of conversations coming from over there. Usually the topic is something banal: a television show, this or that pain in this or that body part, last night’s date at a crap restaurant that inexplicably left one of them very impressed by choice of dining establishment.

That sort of thing.

However, this morning was to be different. The topic? How one of them had a brother who was all into that science stuff.

I, sadly, did not catch everything, but a couple of key phrases told me all I needed to know:

Woman 1: “He’s more into the whole Darwinian idea of how the universe got here, and I’m more like ‘God created everything - bam!’”

Woman 2: “I’d like to ask him, if evolution is true, what happened to all the other monkeys and apes? Why didn’t they evolve too?”

…and from there it moved on, but the bit I did hear confirmed for me that one reason evolution is not more commonly accepted (in this country, and - say - Turkey) is that the populace is largely ignorant of what the science behind it actually says.

It’s easy to defiantly state you don’t believe in something when all you have in your head is a sad caricature of the actual concepts. I mean, if someone told me scientists think that one day a fish woke up and decided to be a monkey in some bizarre Kafka-esque self-experiment, I might laugh at such idiocy too.

(However, a man living inside of a whale? Speak the truth, sisters!)

I was tempted to pipe up over the wall and educate them, but I doubt it would have been well-received and I’d rather not have the HR folks on my back for creating a hostile work environment. What a nutty world where science education may be considered hostile!

In the end, I just went back to my work and waited to unwillingly overhear the next bit of conversation (which was about how a flu shot made them so sick they couldn’t even clean the house, yet again evidence of how evil science can be).

I’m not sure what we can do to resolve this problem (both loud coworkers and scientific ignorance). I’m pretty sure these women had access to educational systems that covered the sciences, just like I did. They seem intelligent enough and nice enough too.

So what’s the problem?

I can only guess that (a) we get religious belief beat into our brains from a very young age, (b) religious figures lie about science, and (b) science is, like, you know, hard and stuff.

How do we solve this problem? You got me.

(Also, PZ Myers is discussing something similar today).

You can catch a livestream of tonight’s “God is just pretend” debate between Richard Dawkins and Dr. John Lennox here:

Remaining true to our goal of engaging secular culture on critical issues in a thoughtful, respectful manner, Fixed Point Foundation will sponsor a debate on what is arguably the most critical question of our time: the existence of God. The decision one makes regarding this question has implications that reverberate throughout eternity to be sure, but it also affects temporal existence from government policy to the individual. Historically, man’s belief in the transcendent has served as a restraint on his conduct and provided hope for his future. Now, it is argued, “God is dead”, and man can do very well without him.

The debate will feature Professor Richard Dawkins, Fellow of the Royal Society and Charles Simonyi Chair for the Public Understanding of Science at Oxford University and Dr. John Lennox (MA, MA, Ph.D., D.Phil., D.Sc.), Reader in Mathematics and Fellow in Mathematics and Philosophy of Science, Green College, University of Oxford.

If I am home from work (and happy hour) in time, I’ll be tuning in.

Update: Whoops. After enjoying a few beverages with a friend, coming home to help feed the kids and make the beer marinade for tomorrow night’s dinner, and setting the kids up to watch a bit of Kipper before bed, it seems I’ve probably missed out on most of the sideshow. However, judging from what I am reading in the comments at Pharyngula, Lennox is offering more of the same tired, fruitless apologetics we always hear (”Liar, Lunatic, or Lord?” How about Literary Device?).