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Maybe It's Time to Sell the Ford Fusion
Your Invisible Best Friend Thinks You Suck Too
Sex Pit Help Me Jesus*
The Virgin Mary in a Pizza Pan?
Random Riffs and Rhythms
In the WWR Kitchen
Colorado Weather
2+2 = Baby Jesus
Thou Shalt Not Snicker
Oh, The Humanity!

« January 2007 | Main | March 2007 »

February 27, 2007

Maybe It's Time to Sell the Ford Fusion

When I heard that the new Dodge Neon had added cargo capacity, well, I had no idea.

I wonder what kind of mileage that thing gets.

Posted by Andy at 10:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Your Invisible Best Friend Thinks You Suck Too

I'm sure, like me, you have seen news articles bemoaning the lack of self-esteem among the children of America, and how this lack of confidence in oneself leads to unhealthy habits, poor self-image, and general skinniness and fattywaddyness and such.

I think I know why this has become a problem.

Songs like this.

It's off one of those children's music CDs that parents acquire through the years. I have no idea what the name really is; I just call it "The Sad Git Song."

Fiona isn't allowed to listen to it on my watch.

Posted by Andy at 09:43 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Sex Pit Help Me Jesus*

I wonder if this woman is any relation to W.C. Rice:

A woman who paints what she calls messages from God on the roof of her San Mateo house is receiving a reprieve from the city until the City Council has an opportunity to hear her appeal next week.

Estrella Benavides began painting messages on the roof and garage door of her home on Cottage Grove Avenue more than a year ago. The rows of painted words — large and small — provoked some residents to complain to the city.

Perhaps it won't be long before she, just like W.C. Rice's "Cross Garden," is part of Roadside America, singled out as a delightful source of kooky Americana, a wee bit of our country that enables us to laugh at others while feeling that much better about ourselves.

Rest in peace, Reverend Rice, and keep up the nuttiness Ms. Benavides.


Update: My first post about the Cross Garden can be found here.

* Regarding the title, click here.

Posted by Andy at 09:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

The Virgin Mary in a Pizza Pan?

More like "Stupid People in Texas:"

Crowds of people have been converging on a small home in Houston, Texas to gaze on what they call a sign from above. They see the image of the Virgin Mary on a pizza pan.
I'd like to think this was a joke, but it appears to be on a reputable Texan television station's website. I fear the fact that this was reported with any degree of seriousness is demonstrative of just how hopeless our species really is.

Here we are stressing the importance of real science to our people, and they would rather worship at the feet of kitchen equipment*.

It is to weep.

* And, really, if you're going to worship at the feet of kitchen equipment, at least make it something worthwhile. Who knew some British kitchens came with airbags? No, no, I shall never grow up.

Posted by Andy at 07:17 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Random Riffs and Rhythms

Every once in a while, I stop by the public library, check out the CD section, and grab a few CDs by artists of whom I have never heard.

Sometimes it's a complete miss and I end up with absolute crap, which is why it's nice that I can return them the very next day with nary a penny from my pocket.

Sometimes I find some stuff I like. So, here's some stuff I like.

"Blue Lips" - Joseph Arthur

"Knock Me Down Girl" - Slicker

"Queen of Quiet" - Erin McKeown

...and, apropos of nothing, and not from the library but from my very own personal music collection, which I probably shouldn't admit, but it seems like a fun idea right now:

"Playing with the Boys (Dance Mix)" - Kenny Loggins

I'm sorry.

Note: Before Jody can come around throwing his homophobic* gay comments at me because of the Kenny Loggins song, here's another picture of Nigella Lawson and some noodles and boobs and stuff.

* See, dude is gay, so the chances of him being homophobic are right up there with Ted Haggard being a homosexual ...uh... Republicans keeping the Congress ...oh, nevermind.

Posted by Andy at 12:11 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 25, 2007

In the WWR Kitchen

It's been a cooking weekend for me here in the WWR household. No idea why; these moods just come upon me.

I can hear you asking, "So, what did you have?"

I am happy to answer, oh reader!

Saturday's lunch was a simple cheese toast, using homemade bread (with our swanky Panasonic bread machine) with sharp cheddar and Gruyere cheeses. On the side was a small bowl of tomato soup (using a recipe by Michael Chiarello).

For dinner that night, we had Grilled Steak Over Black Beans With Chimichurri Sauce. It was tasty; my boy Ewan had four helpings - I can't wait for that diaper. I served it with a Blue Monkey Sonoma County Zinfandel.

Sunday arrived, and so did brunch, consisting of Breakfast Pan Roast with Fried Eggs and Parsley Sauce (essentially another chimchurri sauce - gotta use stuff before it goes off, see).

After eating, I was downstairs watching Nigella Lawson on the Food Network and got inspired to make a mixed-greens salad with a bacon and honey-mustard dressing for lunch. I also got inspired to think of a number of naughty things I'd like to do with Ms. Lawson (supporting evidence: Exhibit A), many of which involved playful spanking and the like, but - since my wife is going to read this - I'll just say I settled for a delightful fruit salad in this particular fantasy.

Mmmm, melons!

Now, to think on what to make for dinner...

Posted by Andy at 04:50 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 24, 2007

Colorado Weather

It's bizarre.

This morning, it was very windy at the house, but no snow to be seen. Right now, it's clear and sunny and positively delightful, if breezy, outside.

The story some 25 miles away was a little different:

Whiteout driving conditions and ice on the roadway caused a massive pile-up on Interstate 70, near E-470 Saturday morning.

Chief Mark Campagnola of the Sable Altura Fire Rescue says emergency crews responded to a 35-car pile up on the westbound lanes of I-70, Saturday morning.

Drivers tell 9NEWS there was zero visibility and they were driving at what they thought was a reasonable speed at the time of the crash. Some drivers told 9NEWS they were traveling as slow as 15 mph at the time of the pile up.

Drivers say they hit the brakes as soon as they saw the cars piling up in front of them, however it was too late because I-70 was covered in a sheet of ice.

Wacky stuff.

Posted by Andy at 12:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 23, 2007

2+2 = Baby Jesus

PZ Myers' politics are oft-wonky (yet, still, we love him, in that manly straight way, of course), but his rationalist rants are a joy to read. For example, this one in regard to teachers in Florida putting holy oil on student desks the night before the big test:

Look, it's very simple: if you believe that daubing objects with holy bacon drippings and chanting magic words will imbue them with special powers, if you think your imaginary Lord of the Universe will whisper answers to a test in a kid's ears if his chair has a spot of grease on it, but won't if it doesn't, if your job is to teach children and you think one way to give them an understanding of algebra is to beg a ghost to do it for you, you are a disgrace, a confused and deluded kook, and you are screwing up.
I think I need a tissue for this tear in my eye.


Posted by Andy at 06:58 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Thou Shalt Not Snicker

From this article about male circumcision and AIDS:

Adult male circumcision reduces the risk of HIV infection from heterosexual intercourse by up to 60 per cent, three trials suggested...

"This is an extraordinary development," said Dr. Kevin de Cock, director of the World Health Organization's AIDS department.

His colleague, Sylvia Le Poon, was unavailable for comment.

Ah, it's good to be mature.

Posted by Andy at 06:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 18, 2007

Oh, The Humanity!

From a description of a video clip on

The owner of the salon where Britney Spears shaved her head talks about the experience. (February 17)
I only hope she'll find the strength to trudge on with her life.

Posted by Andy at 12:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 17, 2007

RMBB 6.0: The Morning After

Well, that was fun.

I'm almost sure of it.

Posted by Andy at 11:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 15, 2007

The 9/11 Effect

Never again:

A man armed with two pistols hijacked an Air Mauritania flight Thursday but was subdued by two passengers, a Spanish official said.

The senior Spanish government source said a man had been trying to commandeer the Boeing 737 to Paris...

Abass Bass, a representative of the Mauritanian Embassy in Washington, described the incident as a "tentative hijacking."

"The information we had from Mauritania is that the passengers fought back and they took the hijacker and now everything is OK," Bass told CNN.

Posted by Andy at 11:50 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 14, 2007

The Origin of Love

Interesting article on CNN regarding pinpointing the source of romantic love in the human brain:

By studying MRI brain scans of people newly in love, scientists are learning a lot about the science of love: Why love is so powerful, and why being rejected is so horribly painful.
Surely I'm not the only non-believer who, upon demanding that a believer provide proof of God's existence, has gotten the response of "Can you prove that love exists?"

Well, yes - yes I can. It's a bunch of electrochemical voodoo. In short, it's all in your head.

Just like that God fellow.

Posted by Andy at 11:05 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Turn on Your Heartlight

Oh boy:

A science student in Kentucky says when the Bible records God spoke, and things were created, that's just what happened, and he can support that with scientific experiments.

"If God spoke everything into existence as the Genesis record proposes, then we should be able to scientifically prove that the construction of everything in the universe begins with a) the Holy Spirit (magnetic field); b) Light (an electric field); and c) that Light can be created by a sonic influence or sound," Samuel J. Hunt writes on his website.

Where to start?

Ah, yes, with the problems:

In summary: Wow, people are stupid.

Especially Samuel J. Hunt of Western Kentucky University, the student in question.

Posted by Andy at 12:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 13, 2007

I Bet The Grocery Self-Checkout Gives The Prosecution Trouble Too

This is absolutely ridiculous:

WINDHAM, Connecticut (AP) -- Until recently, Julie Amero says, she lived the quiet life of a small-town substitute teacher, with little knowledge of computers and even less about porn.

Now she is in the middle of a criminal case that hinges on the intricacies of both, and it could put her behind bars for up to 40 years.

She was convicted last month of exposing seventh-grade students to pornography on her classroom computer.

She contended the images were inadvertently thrust onto the screen by pornographers' unseen spyware and adware programs.

This seems to me a case where the law - and, more importantly, the lawyers - have not kept up with the technology of 2007, let alone 1999.
Amero says that before her class started, a teacher allowed her to e-mail her husband. She says she used the computer and went to the bathroom, returning to find the permanent teacher gone and two students viewing a Web site on hair styles.

Amero says she chased the students away and started class. But later, she says, pornographic images started popping up on the computer screen by themselves. She says she tried to click the images off, but they kept returning, and she was under strict orders not to shut the computer off.

Sure, she should have turned the computer off, but I've seen plenty of smart people rendered dumb by idiotic decrees like "thou shalt not turn off the computer." As for how the pop ups could have come about, I think most of you have been around the internet block once or twice, maybe seeing a boobie or a ding-dong in that time, once or twice unintentionally even.

It's easy - you may want to visit Craigslist to sell some old socks or something, but instead you miskey it as "" - what do you get? Apparently, the "best XXX sex on the net!"

So, because the prosecutors and the school administrators live in a world in which America Online is the height of technological glory, this woman will have a criminal record, if not a jail sentence.

Can a defendant plead "innocent by reason of prosecutorial insanity?"

Posted by Andy at 11:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

One More Plug

I don't know if I'm supposed to link to this, but I think it makes up for pointing you to the Dodgy Lesbian Girl stuff earlier (as awesome as that was).

Anyway, my friend Brennan - formerly of the 90s almost-famous group The Sextants, as you surely recall - has acquired new recording software and such, and is reworking a number of his songs. You can find them here.

You should listen, and rate them well, because the stuff playing on the Earth Top 10 at Broadjam is god awful crap.

Posted by Andy at 10:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

On "Morality, Bible lessons"

(see Herod, Vox Day)

Posted by Andy at 09:29 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Dawkins on CNN

After hosting a panel discussion about atheism, with no atheists on the panel, CNN decided to make things right and invited Richard Dawkins, and others, on to ask them really silly questions:

Perhaps next time they'll have a panel of "being gay in America" and invite Pat Robertson, James Dobson, and the right Reverend Ted Haggard (oops!) ...uh... nevermind.

My favorite bit is how Paula Zahn prattles on to Dawkins about how the religious are intimidated by atheists. Yeah, we're a pretty scary 10 or so percent of the population (at best), armed with our non-belief and our reason and our logic and our desire to understand the universe.

Scary stuff!

What it comes down to is that, in the United States anyway, Christians - predominantly of the conservative variety - have a sense of entitlement that their religion should be given special recognition. After decades of politicians pandering to them, they are incapable of seeing that a government that does not acknowledge their god is not the same thing as a government that denies their god. Indeed, they have become the religious equivalent of career welfare mothers, thinking the government owes them that check of public approbation, specially made out to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (with "Can I get an Amen?" in the memo field even).

Look, we're not out to take away your churches, regulate your thoughts, burn you at the stake, or lead mass waves of our fearsome armies across your lands to conquer them (besides, that's really your niche, you know). We'd just like you to keep your religion the same place we keep our lack of belief: in our private lives, and not in the public sphere.

When you are capable of appreciating that "your god is private" is not the same as "there is no god," maybe we'll move y'all up to wearing big boy underpants too.

Posted by Andy at 09:20 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 12, 2007

too late, again

First, I wait too long and blow my chances with David of Resurrection Song fame. Then, I fail in every way to board a plane for the Big Apple and The Retropolitan slips right through my slippery little fingers. And now, *sigh*, and now Andy has returned to his post and I never even managed to bore wow you all with tales of my latest PTA adventures! Curses! Curse my poor timing!

And so I reluctantly hand back the wheels to you, Andy. But fear not, faithful readers. I shall return. I shall return soon and beg persuade you all to donate $15 to my kids' school with the promise of seeing a Grammy award nominee in a venue roughly the size of, oh, Burger King.

Mwah hah hah!

Posted by Shannon at 06:46 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Fool Me Once

Yada yada:

North Korea has tentatively agreed to close down its nuclear weapons program in exchange for energy aid, U.S. and Chinese officials said Tuesday.

But the proposed deal was being reviewed by officials in the negotiators' capitals before becoming final.

Assistant Secretary of State Christopher Hill, the lead American official at the talks, said the United States will give an unspecified amount of energy assistance to North Korea in exchange for North Korea freezing its production of plutonium.

I'm sure they'll be as faithful to this agreement as they were to the previous one, under which they most certainly did not engage in any sort of nuclear development.

I'm sorry, but how stupid are we?

Posted by Andy at 05:45 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 11, 2007

If Only Ashton Kutcher Were God

It might go something like this:

(found via Jody Wheeler)

Posted by Andy at 10:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

It's Good to Be Back

Although I think I am going to spend tonight pretending I'm still on vacation before I return to work tomorrow.

See you soon.

Posted by Andy at 07:24 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 10, 2007


So Barack Obama is officially in. Sure, he seems like a pleasant enough fella who gives good speeches (I checked my thesarus for alternatives to articulate...can't appear to be racist, ya know), but all I hear from him are banal platitudes. It's along the lines of, "The children are our future" and "We must work together to fulfill America's promise as one nation." Yawn. He never says anything of substance and is relying on the media-created persona to fool people. 45 years old, no competitive campaigns, a very liberal voting record, and two years of doing nothing in the Senate, and he wants to be President?

Forgive me, but anyone willing to consider such an empty-suit with a charming smile needs their head checked. People, don't pay attention to a politician's words! Examine their actions and votes before jerking off to him/her. Obama has nothing!

I don't care for Hillary Clinton and she is clearly not as articulate as Obama (at least for a white person), but she does have a record. I respect her more for standing by it (mostly), than someone who's the media flavor of the month.

Posted by Blake at 06:29 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

My Dad Cried (and I couldn't say anything)

My beloved Grandpa passed away in Denver last June at 92 years old, after suffering from two years of Alzheimer's disease. He is considered the great man in our family...the one who set the standards for work ethic, personal responsibility, and love of family. My Dad gave the eulogy at his memorial and I'd like to share it with you. It's in outline form, but try to imagine my Dad flowing through it effortlessly...until the end. (I've deleted the last name, of course.)

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Blake at 02:43 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 08, 2007

How I am Spending my Winter Vacation

Whenever my friend Tom and I get together, as we're doing right now in beautiful Alabama, we sit down to record equally beautiful music. We do so in all seriousness, discussing chord progressions and melodies and lyrics, and - by the time we've actually got something halfway worked out - we're usually drunk.

And stuff like this results instead:

Dodgy Lesbian Girl

Update: What, nary a comment? Oh, fine! More tunes soon!


Posted by Andy at 12:13 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 07, 2007

This is NOT How to Warm-up

As mentioned in my post below, it's always important to at least stretch or warm-up a little before the workout. Let's just say this is not what I had in mind.

Via A funny gossip blog that I never read.

Posted by Blake at 10:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Body by Blake

I just can’t write about politics right now. Let’s face it, politicians suck and they’re too easy of a target. However, I am happy to hear Ted Haggard has been cured of his homosexuality. I think he was inspired by the now infamous Snickers Super Bowl ad and ripped out his chest hair. Just to cover the bases, my parents forced me into a permanent hair-removal procedure when I was ten and it works. I’ve been straight ever since.

Anyway, as per the title, this will be a boring post about my workout/diet/supplement routine that began about three months ago and has been very effective. Since it may not interest you, I’m going to include the rest of the post in the extended entry. Feel free to read on, if you want. (It’s long.)

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Blake at 05:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 06, 2007

Bush vs. Edwards

I'll post my thoughts about the presidential contenders for 2008 sometime tomorrow, but when I was considering what to say about John Edwards, I remembered this hilarious video from the 2004 elections. You may have already seen it, but it's worth another viewing. Please leave your political leanings at the door, turn on the speakers, watch the whole thing, and enjoy.

Posted by Blake at 10:13 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 05, 2007

a very sophisticated, educated assessment of the upcoming campaign

Sen. Hillary R. Clinton: I like her, I'll admit it. She's sassy and not afraid to say out loud that she hates to ever-living crap out of George Bush. She loathes him and it shows. That's pretty balsy for a woman in politics and I am drawn to it. Honestly, really, truly honestly, I must admit that my vote for her would really be my vote for getting Bill back in the White House. I dig Bill Clinton. I think he was a good president and set a fine example for the next admistration to follow. Can you imagine where we'd be right now if W just got a decent blow-job every now & then? My guess? Not Iraq.

Sen. Barack Obama: I really like him. Like, a LOT. He just seems like a for real person, an actual American. He does good things. I just like him, OK?

Sen. Joe Biden: He is from Delaware. I am from Delaware. That kinda seals my vote, now doesn't it?

Rep. Tom Tancredo: Seriously?? This ass-hat is thinking about running? I will seriously carve out every part of me that has touched American soil with a spoon and move to Eritrea if he gets elected.

Rudy Guiliani: Here's where my dilemma lies. Not that I am a Democrat or anything, but dear god in heaven I am certainly not a Republican. But this guy, he's a bit o' alright, he is. He is smart and clever and he, well, if you can keep New York in order through what he did, you just might sway my vote. Sometimes I worry that he is too far up W's heiney-hole to do what is best for our nation and not just what is expected, but hey, he's a New Yorker. Ain't no New Yorker too far up anybody's heiney-hole.

Blake, I'd love it if you took the next four.

Posted by Shannon at 11:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 04, 2007

The Audacity of Caruso

For those of you who remember, I've expressed my disdain for the acting of David Caruso on CSI:Miami. It is so over-the-top and ridiculous that it actually becomes enjoyable after your first vomit. It's strange...he was quite good as Det. John Kelly on NYPD Blue, but as Lt. Horatio Crane he basically plays the same character to an absurd extreme. The only saving grace of this show is Emily Proctor, who is not only gorgeous, but appears to have an orgasm every time she fires a gun. (At least in my perverted mind.) Anyway, the below clip perfectly encapsulates why my title fits Caruso.

How in the holy hell does an actor do this seriously and get work? Your job as a commenter is to list the reasons why this clip is so wrong.

Posted by Blake at 10:57 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

a chick recaps the superbowl...badly

Well, Dorkafork, you were right. Someone did, indeed, win the bowl. For those of you in Alabama on the moon, the Colts won. The Bears started off alright, but they really didn't stand a chance.

I was rooting for both teams, I suppose, but being from The Mile Hi city, and seeing how proud the people here are of John Elway and the fact that he managed to squeeze in that Superbowl win before he retired, I have to say that I am happy for Peyton and I think he deserves this.

I remember when Freddy Couples won some big golf tournament many, many years ago. He was being interviewed afterward with his wife by his side. The journalist talking to him asked what he would remember most about this big day. He shot his wife a sideways glance, and with as much cockiness as I guess a man could muster, said only, with a wink into the camera, "Tonight."

I bet Peyton's thinking the same thing right about now.

Posted by Shannon at 10:19 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 03, 2007

Ann Althouse Likes Me

I rarely comment on other blogs at all, but last night I couldn't resist at one of my favorites, Ann Althouse. Lo and behold, she got a kick out of it and updated her post to include my comment. Check it out if you want here. My only comment there and she likes it! I think I'll get drunk tonight.

Posted by Blake at 07:07 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 02, 2007

Super Bowl Weekend!

So, who is it going to be? The Bulls or the Pacers? The best score prediction will receive a burned CD of Irish folk songs from Shannon in honor of the glorious Andy. (In her words, of course.)

Posted by Blake at 10:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

just for the record

This morning, in DENVER, it was -10 with a wind chill of -25.

Just for the record.

Posted by Shannon at 04:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Brrrrrr….50 Degrees and Uncomfortably Numb!!

Hello again, World Wide Rant readers. Andy has given me another opportunity to guest-blog while he is on vacation. (For those of you who either don’t remember me or are new here, feel free to use the search feature to the left to peruse my previous musings. Unfortunately, that means you will probably also come across the moronic opinions and games of my co-guest blogger as well. Sorry about that. Hi, Shannon!)

I’m not sure what I’ll write about, but it will probably not be about Shannon’s boobies. My new policy is only to discuss those boobies that I’ve seen so you’ll need to encourage her to email me a picture.

Meanwhile, it’s cold here in Dallas and that brings me to the title of this post. Yes, 50 degrees is not normally considered cold by most people, but it is when it’s the godforsaken temperature of your house! Ya see, during the coldest stretch of the year, my furnace decided to betray me last night and I woke up freezing my ass off. I tried to fix the furnace myself to no avail and now the earliest I can get service is tomorrow afternoon. It’s difficult to type with numb fingers and wearing long-johns, sweatpants, two pairs of socks, turtleneck, and a sweatshirt ain’t exactly comfortable. I think the local Starbucks is calling my name for the rest of this afternoon.

Oh, and FYI, the, um, morning “ritual” was very, uh, unpleasant. A cold ass and a cold toilet seat is not a good experience. TMI? See ya later…

Posted by Blake at 03:09 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 01, 2007

Mr. Lady, come on down!

You're the next contestant on The World Wide Rant!

What, no cheering, no screaming, no fainting? That's ok. You'll warm up to me, I promise. Just wait until Blake starts in on the boobie talk. You'll like me a whole lot then.

Anyway....thanks for having me back, Andy. It's good to be here again. Maybe I'll actually write something this time; who knows?

Stay tuned for more pricing games and the fabulous showcases, which are coming up on the second half of The World Wide Rant!

Posted by Shannon at 02:35 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)