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Yup, Still At It
Can I Get a Research Grant?
Procrastination Tip #93
What God Has Put Together
Oh, It's Coming, Just You Wait
Once Again
Your Weekend Moment of Fiona
Shocked! Shocked, I Say!
Someone Call the IRS

« April 2005 | Main | June 2005 »

May 31, 2005

Yup, Still At It

...writing 100 Words a day, almost every day.

Posted by Andy at 08:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Can I Get a Research Grant?

New study finds that companies design advertising to encourage people to buy their products.

Tobacco companies designed cigarettes to appeal to women's desires to be thin and healthy in ways that went "far beyond marketing and advertising," health researchers said Monday.

They said internal documents released by tobacco companies under a 1998 court settlement show the companies created cigarettes, including "slim" and so-called "light" brands, in part to attract women.

This, of course, is shocking to those of us who fondly remember the failed "By The Time You Get Cirrhosis, Hospitals Will Have Bionic Livers" campaign that Coors ran once upon a long ago in a land called YouAreStupid.

Posted by Andy at 12:20 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

May 30, 2005

Procrastination Tip #93

Checking out lots of books from the library, knowing that when you see them stacked by your bedside you will think to yourself "I really need to read those before working on my own book," is a great way to - uh - avoid working on your own book.

If you have one. Which I don't. Not yet anyway. For the reasons why, please consult Procrastination Tips 1 through 93.

Good luck finding the other 92 of them, as I haven't written them yet. Why? See above.

If you're curious what I am reading, though, it looks like this:

And now I'm off to iron my clothes, for tomorrow it's back to the office.

Posted by Andy at 08:44 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

What God Has Put Together

...let no man put asunder:

Peru's "little mermaid," a baby born with legs fused from her thighs to her ankles, will undergo delicate surgery Tuesday night to begin repairing her rare birth defect, her doctors said Monday in a statement.
Looks like a big middle finger to the G-man. Chalk up another point for medical science, while the "intelligent designer" is still looking at a big ol' goose egg.

Wait, this story is probably just some liberal scheme to discredit God in the culture wars!

You can't fool us, god-hating-liberal secularist Jane-Fonda-dry-humpin' media! Someone get David Limbaugh on the line! We need his thoughtfulness!

Posted by Andy at 07:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Oh, It's Coming, Just You Wait

Secularists are not like Nazis, says David Limbaugh, well - not yet, but oh lordy lordy the revolution is a-comin' and them good Christians are gonna be against the wall!

But I do believe the climate that now exists in this nation with respect to Christians is the very type that existed in societies, including Nazi Germany, preceding this more severe form of persecution. The soon-to-be-persecuted class was originally stigmatized as mean-spirited and intolerant, justifying suppression of their liberties. The demonization grew systematically, and eventually full-blown persecution occurred.
The more nonsense like this I read, the more convinced I become that the religious right-wing is comprised largely of nutters with intense persecution complexes. I don't think anyone was even aware there was a "culture war" raging until they manufactured it.

It's fascinating: 83% of the population considers itself Christian, there are tens of thousands of churches across the land, we have a President who wears his religion like Bill Clinton wore White House interns, and Christians from all walks, be they good folk or evil men like Pat Robertson or Fred Phelps, can practice their religion freely, and idiots like Limbaugh call it oppression.

Note to dumbasses, regardless of religion: a government that doesn't endorse your god is not the same as a government that denies your god.

Please set your OppressionMetersTM back to "zero" and join the rest of the thinking world.

(found via Ankle Biting Pundits, who consider David Limbaugh "thoughtful." No, really don't laugh.)

Posted by Andy at 07:24 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (2)

May 28, 2005

Once Again

While the Intelligent Designer can't tell his ass from his elbow, medical science comes to the rescue.

Posted by Andy at 10:23 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

Your Weekend Moment of Fiona


Posted by Andy at 05:28 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)


Based on his comments, I get the distinct feeling that Patrick doesn't like me very much. No, not very much at all.

Note: If that is what he calls "lapping me" on insults, I'd hate to see it when he thinks he is losing.

Note the Second: Lee's blog is an enjoyable read, particularly if you have an interest in writing.

Note the Third: If you're not compelled to click through on that second link, might I mention they're discussing oral sex? Well, sort of.

Note the Fourth: Speaking of Lee's blog, what the hell did Lindsay Lohan do to herself? Is she on a hunger strike?

Posted by Andy at 04:02 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

May 27, 2005

Shocked! Shocked, I Say!

You mean to tell me that the American Family Association is despicable? I won't hear a word of it!

Primarily because anyone with four or five active brain cells figured this out a long time ago.

Here's their latest bit of compassion:

Senator Specter apparently wants a place on your wall. Here's why he shouldn't get the chance.

Pick your poster child: Arlen Specter, bald from chemotherapy treatments for Hodgkin's disease, saying that he is Exhibit A for embryonic stem-cell research ... or those cute little kids in the AP photo with this caption: "President Bush appeared at the White House with babies and toddlers born of test-tube embryos, some wearing shirts that read 'former embryo.'"

"I look in the mirror every day," says Specter, "barely recognize myself. And not to have the availability of the best of medical care is simply atrocious."

The greatest irony in all of this is that the AFA writer making fun of Arlen Specter's appearance is one to talk; he looks like a dumbed-down version of Alley Oop.

I love the smell of ad hominem in the morning.

Posted by Andy at 08:36 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Someone Call the IRS

Cranky Liberal, seeing the glorious light of the divine Jesus as explained by one Tom DeLay, is proposing some tax code changes.

He’s right. Even though those leftover embryos will NEVER become more than what they are, they are real humans. Just because they are no longer dividing and organizing into distinct life forms, they are real human beings. I say we pass a bill right now that recognizes them as such.

I think that each fertilized egg in a clinic should have full status as an American citizen, protected forever from harm. The parents of course should be able to claim each and every fertilized egg as dependents on their taxes. They are, after all, human life. I think I’ll talk to my wife tonight about setting up 7 or 8 in-vitro Americans. Maybe then I could afford to fill the tank up in my Jeep every week.

...why stop there? Let's pass a bill confirming that - hey, Catholic brothers and sisters - every sperm really is sacred, and a human being to boot!

I can see my revised 2005 W-4 already - total number of allowances? 400,000,000,000,000 - give or take a few hundred million.

I'm gonna be rich!

Posted by Andy at 08:26 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)


Proof that the World Wide Rant is unadulterated evil.

It may take a little while to load, as calculating evilnicitousness is no easy task.

(found at Paperback Writer)

Update: Sorry, that should read evilnicitousnessosity.

Posted by Andy at 08:14 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

Life Imitating Stupidity

Those of us who have some level of appeciation for the Second Amendment have, for the most part, joked at some point about the banning of knives too.

Whoops, apparently some limeys* were listening.

A&E doctors are calling for a ban on long pointed kitchen knives to reduce deaths from stabbing.

The researchers said there was no reason for long pointed knives to be publicly available at all.

...and the attempted disarming of a nation continues. The wife and I have talked about moving to London at some point, but I dread a day where, when confronted with danger, the only weapon available to me is my scathing wit. Take that, scoundrel!

Next up for banning: lead pipes, metal chains, and dirty looks.

* Remember, I'm married to a limey. I can call them names.

Posted by Andy at 07:57 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (1)

May 26, 2005

Because You Can Never Have Too Much Free Time

20 Questions with the Sith Sense

The real content you've come to love or hate will return tomorrow. I think.

Posted by Andy at 10:07 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)


I did it again. Like a hundred times over.

Posted by Andy at 09:17 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Little Known Fact

I can sing along with the entire Gin Blossoms' album "New Miserable Experience."

Oh, and Del Amitri's "Change Everything."

Hey, I didn't say I was proud of the fact.

Posted by Andy at 08:28 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

May 25, 2005


Pretty pictures.

Posted by Andy at 09:28 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Know Thyself

Thanks, it would appear I already do:

You scored as Materialist. Materialism stresses the essence of fundamental particles. Everything that exists is purely physical matter and there is no special force that holds life together. You believe that anything can be explained by breaking it up into its pieces. i.e. the big picture can be understood by its smaller elements.











Cultural Creative






What is Your World View? (updated)
created with

Posted by Andy at 09:05 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

Yes, Yes...

One hundred words, yes!

(You do go over there for your daily dose of literary whateverness, do you not?)

Posted by Andy at 02:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Love Me Some Interwebs

You can view the Princeton lecture archives via the mystical magical electronic wonderland of the Information SuperhighwayTM.

I hear you can also find porn on it. The net, not Princeton's archives. Although that'd be kinda neat, huh?

(h/t to The Heathen Hold)

Posted by Andy at 08:46 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

Helpful Workplace Tip

Do you work in an office full of cubicles?

Do you really like smooth jazz?

Do you like to listen to it on the radio in that office full of cubicles?

Well, would you knock that shit off, please?

Posted by Andy at 08:37 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

May 24, 2005

You Know The Drill

word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word

Note: Highlighting text is your bestest pal.

Posted by Andy at 10:09 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Watch Your Back, Folks

You are 100% Rational, 28% Extroverted, 57% Brutal, and 57% Arrogant.
You are the Sociopath! As a result of your cold, calculating rationality, your introversion (and ability to keep quiet), your brutality, and your arrogance, you would make a very cunning serial killer. You care very little for the feelings of others, possibly because you are not a very emotional person. You are also very calculating and intelligent, making you a perfect criminal mastermind. Also, you are a very arrogant person, tending to see yourself as better than others, providing you a strong ability to perceive others as weak little animals, thus making it easier to kill them. In short, your personality defect is the fact that you could easily be a sociopath, because you are calculating, unemotional, brutal, and arrogant. Please don't kill me for writing mean things about you!

You can take the test here. I found it via Tman.

Posted by Andy at 09:50 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

Compare / Contrast

Dennis Prager: dumbass.

Me: so not a dumbass.

(found via Tainted Bill)

Posted by Andy at 09:45 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (1)

Oh, I Don't Know

Looks more like a stubby wee wee* to me.

Did Jesus have a stubby wee wee?

(via Pharyngula)

* With diamond piercings!

Posted by Andy at 08:55 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)


I've tried to get excited about the filibuster debate and the resultant "compromise," but I just can't.

I suppose it's because I think that all the Republicans shouting about "up or down votes" will be the same ones saying "boo hoo hoo" and "we want it back" the moment the tables are turned. Because they will be turned in time, the delusions of some notwithstanding.

Yes, there will come a day when Oliver Willis can slather himself in Oreo creme as a bizarre form of celebration of a massive Democrat victory and it will then be his turn to whinge about how those nasty Republicans won't let President Donk get up and do his thing.

Wake me when it's over.

Posted by Andy at 08:45 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

May 23, 2005

The Colonel's Own 100 Words.

Update: Wow, my rating over there is a -3 right now. No pleasing some people.

Posted by Andy at 10:23 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

More of a Cliff's Notes Christian

Rick Santorum isn't much for reading big books.

Posted by Andy at 08:36 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

May 22, 2005

He's Not Lovin' It

Danish director slams the United States:

Danish director LARS VON TRIER shocked crowds at the CANNES FILM FESTIVAL yesterday (18MAY05), when he branded US President GEORGE W BUSH "an a**hole" and launched into a bitter tirade against globalisation.
Asked for comment, the United States said they still really like danishes, especially the apple ones at McDonald's. They also hoped that as we continue to export our chief cultural icon, the Golden Arches, that the rest of the world will love apple danishes too.

Posted by Andy at 01:52 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Norman Mailer


At present, I have a few thoughts I can certainly not prove, but the gaffe over the Michael Isikoff story in Newsweek concerning the Koran and the toilet is redolent with bad odor. Who, indeed, was Isikoff's supposedly reliable Pentagon source? One's counter-espionage hackles rise. If you want to discredit a Dan Rather or a Newsweek crew, just feed them false information from a hitherto reliable source. You learn that in Intelligence 101A.
This would almost appear reasonable if such a story hadn't dealt a blow to our present success on the ground in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Doing so to discredit Newsweek would be, as they say, cutting off one's nose to spite one's face.

And you don't even need Intelligence 101A* to realize that - but a brain helps.

* What's with the "A?" Mailer manages to ruin even the simplest cliche!

Posted by Andy at 12:01 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

Damned If She Did

...damned if she didn't:

A pregnant Montgomery teen who showed up at St. Jude Educational Institute's graduation to protest the high school's decision not to let her participate in the ceremony is telling her story to one of the nation's top-rated morning news shows.

Cosby, who is almost six months pregnant, was told in March that she would have to finish out the semester at home. She later learned she would not be allowed to take part in the private Catholic high school's commencement exercises.

See, now if she had just gone and aborted her child before anyone was the wiser, the Catholic school would have happily approved of her marching across the graduation stage.

Of course, the Church is against abortion, so doing so would have put another notch in her "one-way-ticket-to-Hell" belt.

Ms. Cosby couldn't win for losing.

In the end, she took matters into her own hands:

But on Tuesday, she showed up at the graduation and announced her name after the last graduate received his degree and walked across the stage. She, her mother and another family member were escorted out of the church by police after Cosby returned to her seat.

Posted by Andy at 11:54 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

May 21, 2005

Pardon My Absence

Been a full day with our out-of-town guest: early morning drive up to Rocky Mountain National Park, much sight-seeing, lunch in Estes Park, scenic drive back to the Interstate, up I-25 to Fort Collins late to find out that New Belgium Brewery is - it appears - closed for renovation, then home to eat a light dinner and watch the very depressing movie "Closer."

To make it up to you, some pics from our day:

Oh, and I also jotted down my 100 Words.

So, how was your day? Do tell.

Posted by Andy at 11:52 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

May 20, 2005

Shameless Plug

Because everyone needs their 100-word daily dose of Andy (and others).

Update: Wow, you write a short story picking on Dr. James Dobson and people start giving you negative votes. Who knew they were so sensitive?

I mean, come on, Dobson's an ass.

Posted by Andy at 09:12 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

How Do I Sign Fiona Up?

The Commissar tells us all about a great new school where kids don't get indoctrinated but truly, truly educated.

Unrelated: Does anyone know who is the owner of the boobs in that needlessly inflammatory anti-ACLU shirt in his BlogAds?

There's a certain irony in that picture, given that right-wing nutters generally hate sex and instead prefer to self-flagellate while begging forgiveness for thinking of Ethel Merman in a 1920s one-piece bathing suit.

Still Unrelated: Please don't take that to mean that I think the Commissar is a "right-wing nutter." He's far, far and many moons removed from that. I was speaking more to the designer of the shirt.

You know, if you even notice the shirt when you look at the picture; which - if you didn't - I'd fully understand. I didn't even notice she had a head until a couple hours ago.

Posted by Andy at 08:59 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

May 19, 2005

Sit, Ubu, Sit. Gay Dog.

You know, my May 17th entry over at 100 Words or Les Nessman was pretty good too.

If I may say so, without sounding too arrogant more arrogant than usual.

Of course, the last two days I've been laying claim to the Spirit of Les, posting tributes in lieu of content, like masking tape in lieu of office walls. I'll do better on the morrow, my sweets, on the morrow.

P.S. You should check out the rest of the 100-word works and contribute your own in the comments. Because I say so. Although, you don't have to listen to me, 'cause I'm not a scary Sith lord like the goobers in line in costume or nothin'.

Posted by Andy at 10:35 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

Whoops, Do Over!

Intelligent Designer may need to revisit drawing board:

One of Orlando Romero's calves has a leg up on the other 25 calves born within the last two weeks on his ranch east of Tucumcari. The calf was born with an extra leg, with two hooves, growing from its back.
Do you think maybe Donald Trump could fire God?

Posted by Andy at 10:28 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Time Delay

Hey, ABCNews (and fellow Associated Press yahoos), how about not publicizing how the Apprentice ends while the damn show is still airing in the Mountain/Pacific time zones?

Thanks a lot, dumbasses.

(But I'm glad she won, although I realize that is indicative that I should probably get away from the television at some point. However, I'm still cooler than all those people flocking to see George Lucas screw up Star Wars again.)

Posted by Andy at 09:43 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

May 18, 2005


Faces and pavement really don't go together.

Update: This could also be called "Gravity: It Works!"

Posted by Andy at 09:15 AM | Comments (12) | TrackBack (0)

May 17, 2005

Dude Dude Dude!

I can, like, hardly wait to see Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith!

You know, eventually, on my DVD player.

In my own home.

Where, uh, dorks are outlawed.

(c'mon, dorks, you know I'm all about lovin' ya)

Posted by Andy at 09:08 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

Les Nessman has Left the Building

...and is now working over here.

We quickly grew tired of the "intricacies" (read: limitations) of Blogger and Blogspot, and are now livin' it literarily large on Movable Type. Don't fret, little ones, the Blogspot site will - in due time - redirect you to the new home if you find the above link a little harder to remember.

As soon as we can stop in-fighting, we'll decide on the final name of the site, register the domain, and then hug and kiss and call each other George.

Thanks for reading, although my entry for May 16 is the only one I happen to be particularly pleased with so far (of my own works, that is).

Posted by Andy at 08:49 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

May 16, 2005

ABCNews Adding Value... our political discourse with this headline:

Computer Virus Spews Right-Wing Spam
Those darn Republicans!

Oh, wait, reading the next line down:

Computer Virus Spews Neo-Nazi-Tinged Spam in English and German Into Inboxes
Note to the good people at ABCNews: Despite Michael Moore's full-mouth protestations to the contrary, "right-wing" does not equal "neo-Nazi."

Ah ah ah, your bias is showing.

Posted by Andy at 10:38 PM | Comments (24) | TrackBack (0)

But of Course I am

(found via Michele)

Posted by Andy at 05:55 PM | Comments (13) | TrackBack (3)

By the Book

Yes, we should be mad about this:

KABUL, Afghanistan (CNN) -- A day after Newsweek magazine backed away from a story that U.S. interrogators had desecrated copies of the Quran, the U.S. military said it must reach out to angry Afghans to ease tensions.

At least 15 people were killed and dozens injured last week when thousands of demonstrators marched in Afghanistan and other parts of the Muslim world in reaction to Newsweek's May 9 issue, officials and eyewitnesses said.

Newsweek blew it, and blew it big. Tensions flared and people died.

But, really now, let's be frank: these idiots got upset over someone possibly trashing a book.

Mass-produced pressed pulp with some ink blots on it has more importance to them than human life. I'm sorry, that's just all kinds of messed up.

Despite the fact that many religious righters like to say that evolution and atheism are religions, I promise that if you come to my house and poop on my copy of "On The Origin of Species," I won't go into a murderous rampage or protest in the streets. I might, however, ask you to buy me a new copy and please don't come over again until your bowels are under control.

Even American Christians, while they're never quite sure what to do with all those little, colorful "Good News for Modern Man" New Testaments they've received over the years, probably wouldn't kill anyone for scribbling in Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John.

So, yes, we should point a finger at Newsweek and scorn them. We should also point a finger at Islamic Fundamentalists and laugh.

Posted by Andy at 08:25 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)

May 15, 2005

Required Viewing

Never again.

Sixty years ago, in the spring of 1945, Allied forces liberating Europe found evidence of atrocities which have tortured the world's conscience ever since. As the troops entered the German concentration camps, they made a systematic film record of what they saw. Work began in the summer of 1945 on the documentary, but the film was left unfinished. FRONTLINE found it stored in a vault of London's Imperial War Museum and, in 1985, broadcast it for the first time using the title the Imperial War Museum gave it, "Memory of the Camps."
You can view the entire film online; it is more graphic and more disturbing than what I've seen previously.

As it should be.

Some will say we shouldn't have to watch such things; they've said the same thing about footage of 9/11. I feel people need a visceral appreciation for the horrors of such events, for if we as a people forget them, we can only expect to be reminded of them in the future as we see the faces of the newly slaughtered on the evening news.

(h/t Michael Demmons)

Posted by Andy at 03:52 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Abort Now, Pay Later?

Interesting news from the abortion front:

Having an abortion almost doubles a woman's risk of giving birth dangerously early in a later pregnancy, according to research that will provoke fresh debate over the most controversial of all medical procedures.

A French study of 2,837 births - the first to investigate the link between terminations and extremely premature births - found that mothers who had previously had an abortion were 1.7 times more likely to give birth to a baby at less than 28 weeks' gestation. Many babies born this early die soon after birth, and a large number who survive suffer serious disability.

Left unanswered in the article are such items as:
  1. What is the normal chance of giving birth to a baby at less than 28 weeks gestation? Going from a 10% chance to a 17% change is pretty significant; going from a 1% chance to a 1.7% chance, not so much.

  2. Were the results affected by how far along the pregnancy had progressed at the time of the abortion?

  3. Were similar increases found in women who have had one or more miscarriages during pregnancy?

  4. What about abortion induced by drugs like RU-486? Does that fall under the grouping of "surgical" abortions?
Naturally, the "Every Sperm is Sacred Until It Results in a Baby and Then I Wash My Hands of it" crowd is latching on to this like Michael Moore to a big plate of ribs. It'd be nice if they'd ask a logical progression of questions to come to a better understanding of the findings, but logical thought isn't the greatest strength of the uber-religious.

Regardless, women should be provided complete medical information before making a decision on an abortion.

Ironically, the same people who will suggest - no, demand - women be told about this latest study are probably the same ones who don't think rape victims should be informed of all their options, at least not in Catholic hospitals. It goes back to that "logic" thing (and when so accused, many Catholics will say "What about St. Thomas Aquinas? HUH?" - apparently implying that Catholic thought hasn't budged much since the 1200s).

Anyway, it's an interesting study. I'll have to do more digging on it.

Posted by Andy at 03:29 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)

What Are You Waiting For?

You should be reading 100 Words or Les Nessman!

How many times do I have to tell you?

OK, fine, everyday it is. You brought this on yourselves!

Posted by Andy at 10:57 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

The Evidence Keeps Piling Up, A Continuing Series

Michael Demmons points us to this this story about a jellyfish "with 24 eyes, four parallel brains and 60 arseholes."

The eyes occur in clusters on the four sides of the cube-like body. Sixteen are simply pits of light-sensitive pigment, but one pair in each cluster is surprisingly complex, with a sophisticated lens, retina, iris and cornea, all in an eye only 0.1 millimetres across.

The lens structure is unusual because the refractive index - the extent to which it bends light - is graded from one side to the other. Because the image is focused way behind the retina, it appears blurry. So cubozoan eyes are good for spotting large, stationary objects, while filtering out unnecessary detail such as plankton drifting with the current. From here it would be an easy step to evolve an image-forming eye.

No, we must remember that according to the Intelligent Design crusaders that anything less than a fully-functioning eye is useless (which is probably news to almost blind people who can see light and shadow and use it for improved navigation).

Paul from Wizbang was, as always, unavailable for comment; however, had he been, I imagine it would have been something along the lines of "What's so impressive about 60 assholes? I've got a hundred sycophantic ones in my comments alone!"

Posted by Andy at 10:53 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

May 14, 2005

That's No Moon

It's a melon!

Mildly entertaining, despite some questionable claims.

(from my pal and yours, Yvonne)

Posted by Andy at 05:06 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)


At Cannes Film Festival, a British documentary film claims that terror fears are exaggerated.

A previous film by the same producers claimed that "no, really, boiled food is delightful."

Posted by Andy at 04:06 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

One More Random Observation

Christian Science is honestly - truly - kooky nutty crazy.

No lie.

Nifty news reporting, though.

Posted by Andy at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

May 13, 2005

Belated Gift-giving

Sure, sure, so the wee Fiona had her birthday 11 days ago. It's still not too late to buy her something cool like this.

Gotta raise my little rationalist heathen right, you see.

(found via Pharyngula)

Posted by Andy at 11:57 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Hitting the Ground Like Sacks of Wet Cement

In conjunction with Michele, Sekimori, and a guy named Todd, I announce, with some trepidation and a little bit of pride and a spring in my step and a party in my pants, the subdued launching of:

100 Words or Les Nessman

Each day, based upon some randomly decided bit of inspiration, we each will craft a 100-word vignette and post it for all the world to see, praise, or mock as they see fit. Careful with the mocking, though; we know where you live.

In lieu of 100 words, on those days when creativity fails or life gets in the way, you might get a picture or memory or blurb of Les Nessman.

So, you see, it's a winning situation for you no matter what.

Go, check it out, won't you, dear?

Posted by Andy at 08:53 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (1)

May 12, 2005

Helpful Hints for Your Inner Masochist #41

Go over a year without wearing the retainer you were given when your braces came off 16 years ago. Look in the mirror and notice that some of your bottom teeth are slightly out-of-line now. Decide to push the retainer back on to get them moving in the other direction. Wake up with a mouthful of hurt and loose teeth.

Posted by Andy at 08:37 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

May 11, 2005

I'm Against the Death Penalty in Practice

...but I'm willing to make an exception for a killer who admits to stabbing his own 8-year old daughter in the eyes.

A judge denied bail for 34-year-old ex-convict Jerry Hobbs after prosecutors said he admitted in videotaped and written statements to beating and stabbing his daughter Laura Hobbs and 9-year-old Krystal Tobias on Mother's Day.

He claimed the older girl pulled a knife on him, but prosecutors said they doubt that.

He also then asked how was he, an older, larger, ex-convict was supposed to be able to effectively disarm a 9-year old girl without stabbing her multiple times and then turning the knife on his unarmed daughter*.

It was self-defense, your Honor! Self-defense!

Put a bullet in his head and be done with this piece of human garbage.

* Based on the story, I'd say there were no chainsaws handy.

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May 10, 2005

They Really Are Quite Stupid Ignorant, You Know

To wit, Brian McNicoll, writing about the Kansas evolution non-debates at

But so far, the scientific community of Kansas and surrounding areas has refused to participate. This proceeding, they say, is beneath them because all issues regarding the origin of life are settled.
Do they say that? Uh, no, they don't.

McNicoll's just provided an out and out lie. An intentional falsehood. Nothing is beneath these creationist yahoos, despite Jesus' admonitions to be honest and such. Lying for the Lord is a-ok!

Put this to a dedicated Darwinist: How did two apes, two animals driven by nothing but instinct to survive, mate and produce a thinking, discerning, right-from-wrong-knowing human being? Two of them, actually – one boy and one girl, in more or less the same neighborhood, travel not being as convenient then as it is now.

You’ll hear all manner of stammering and yammering about how it’s not that simple, how saying we have a common ancestor doesn’t exactly mean that, at some point, two animals mated and produced a free-thinking person. But the fact is, it is exactly that simple. Show me how this could’ve occurred, shoe me the “missing link,” and I’m foursquare on your side.

Brian, get even the slightest understanding of evolution, and we'll talk.

Until then, we'll marvel at the irony of how your name is so close to the word "Brain," when you clearly lack one.

Update: I e-mailed Mr. McNicoll last night with my concerns, in my usual snarky manner, and - unlike his cohort Ann Coulter - he responded this morning. We now have a bit of a civil e-discourse going on, and he has yet to see the error of his ways, but I have hope (because I'm a naive idealist under this cynical exterior).

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Fear and Self-Loathing Spokane.


Update, unrelated: On the drive home, I realized I should have called this entry "Queer and Self-Loathing," but I decided to Google it first.

It's been done.

Dumb ol' creative people.

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For Your Reading Pleasure

(bumped to the top)

Those of you who are regular readers with reliable long-term memories may recall that, a while back, I had been pimping yet another creative writing exercise. In the end, eight brave souls other than myself decided to play along, several of them before knowing the rules (which makes them really brave or really dumb, but brave sounds better, so let's run with that - you guys rock!).

Latest Update: Copygodd has posted his tale of love, hope, and desperation for all to enjoy. It's fresh!

Gimme gimme more more more »

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May 09, 2005

Blame Eve

I meant to link to this earlier, but can someone please explain to me why a leading right-wing Christian lobby group would advocate knowingly condemning some 250,000 women to a largely preventable death?

Oh, that's right, it's just punishment for having someone's doodly-wang in your hoody-ha without a ring on the finger.

The "culture of life" dry humps death. Film at 11.

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Quality Snark

...can be found over here.

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Gay-hating bigots have something new to ignore:

A compound taken from male sweat stimulates the brains of gay men and straight women but not heterosexual men, raising the possibility that homosexual brains are different, researchers in Sweden reported on Monday.

It also strengthens the evidence that humans respond to pheromones -- compounds known to affect animal behavior, especially mating behavior, but whose role in human activity has been questioned.

Oh, come on, it's a choice. I'm sure every gay man sat around and thought "You know, tomorrow is the day I'll get a raging hard on from pheromone 4,16-androstadien-3-one."

Biological cause? Right!

Dumb ol' science questioning the supreme wisdom of the Holy Bible yet again. Feh.

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Toys in the Attic

Or, uh, in some garbage dump somewhere, for the last several years. Poor, poor toys.

However, Michele said make a list, so here you go: toys from my glory days. Man, we had it good back then.

I would have also provided links to this cool aircraft carrier I had, probably 4 feet long, that could launch these foam WWII fighters across a room via the magic of rubber bands. I imagine that would be asking for a lawsuit today. Back then it was asking for mega-fun!

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Name Your Poison

Vodka, baby.

Whoops, sorry, that should read "Vodkababy."

Congrats to Steve and Melissa, whose little one will be entering the world right around the same time as World Wide Runt #2 (as well as my brother's baby that is on the way around then too).

It's a regular baby explosion (as opposed to an exploding baby, which would just be gross and ruin your carpet).

No longer will Steve have to lament:

The doctor explained that her insides were a rocky place, where my seed could find no purchase.

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What's The Matter with Kansas?

Lots and lots and lots.

Can't we just put a big fence around the place and be done with it?

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May 08, 2005

Honestly Now

I have no intention of limiting it to one lousy month.

There are many reasons to tickle your own fancy during the merry month of May, but the best reason surely has to be the celebration of the Tenth Annual National Masturbation Month.
You know, not that I actually do that or anything, because the Pope says it's all kinds of bad and evil and if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to go to the bathroom and, uh, meditate on the topic for a while.

Don't mind me.

I won't even make a "clean up on Aisle 1" joke or anything.

(Found here and here).

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May 07, 2005

Of Vogons

...and serial killers.

Ugh, that was bad.

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May 06, 2005

For Want of an Angry God

Today, Tom DeLay was struck by lightning.

Or should have been.

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The Evidence Keeps Piling Up, Continued

Mmm, veggies:

Paleontologists in Utah announced Wednesday that they had discovered a new species of dinosaurs in an intermediate stage between carnivore and herbivore, on the way to becoming a committed vegetarian. They could only speculate on the reasons for the change, but noted that it occurred in a time of global warming and the arrival of flowering plants in profusion, a tempting new food source.
Paul from Wizbang could not be reached for an idiotic comment.

Update: If you're bored, you can watch a dishonest creationist conservative nut go on an anti-evolution lying spree posed as Socratic inquiry.

Apparently the theory of evolution is responsible for rape, racism, and the rise of communism and National Socialism, which - of course - would explain why I'm a rape-happy racist with a poster of Stalin on my wall and a heart-shaped locket with Hitler's picture within hanging around my neck.

You know, I don't think I'm so much drifting to the left as being pushed by right-wing wackjobs.

Update 2: The 12-to-13 year old student population of Kansas is more intelligent than the state school board:

Topeka — A month ago, eighth- and ninth-grade students at Bishop Seabury Academy held a debate pitting evolution against intelligent design. Evolution won.

About 10 of those students attended the State Board of Education hearings Thursday where the same concepts were debated.

Judging from the students' comments after they listened to arguments from scientists, attorneys and politicians, evolution remained the winner.

Maybe the kids are alright after all; just the parents are boneheads.

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May 05, 2005

Never Again

It's Holocaust Remembrance Day.

Despite our mourning for the millions lost to senseless genocide some sixty years ago, it continues in other places to this day.

So long as one group thinks they are a chosen people, inherently superior to others solely because of their race, their nationality, their politics, or their deity of choice, we shouldn't be surprised by man's inhumanity to man.

In other news, it's also the National Day of Prayer, which is silly. Did you know that, according to the NDP website, it was the "powerful force" of prayer that allowed the Allies to win World War II?

I guess the tens of thousands of corpses lining the road to Berlin were just for decoration.

Update: It's also Cinco de Mayo, a day which is really important to Mexicans, but I'm not terribly interested in it. Aside from the tequila.

And tacos. Love me some tacos.

Posted by Andy at 08:33 AM | Comments (22) | TrackBack (1)

May 04, 2005

Emmett Swimming

Art, life, etc.

Nearly 50 years after 14-year-old Emmett Till's murder shocked a nation and galvanized the civil rights movement, his body will be exhumed as federal authorities attempt to determine who killed him, the FBI said Wednesday.
Here's hoping they finger the culprits.

As for the art part, here is the site of the band Emmet Swimming, who - if what I've read is true - took their name from Emmett Till being found floating in a river. Even though they only use one "T." Of course, Fox News could be wrong - they often are.

But Emmet Swimming is cool.

Posted by Andy at 08:35 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

Fashion Forward

Wow, I agree, these eyeglasses certainly are "hip and stylish."

I'm not sure to whom, but to someone. Surely.

Old people maybe.

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Mayor Bobby (Not So) Bright

...coming to you live from Montgomery, Alabama:

Mayor Bobby Bright wishes he could start every day like he started today.

Today was the second annual Mayor's Prayer Breakfast. Bright joined 350 citizens and elected officials for 90 minutes of prayer, song and breakfast.

"It starts your day off right," he said. "There is nothing better we could do to start our day."

Oh, I'm not sure: spending that 90 minutes getting in a healthy work out would probably be better for you. And 90 minutes of good-morning-nookie would certainly be more fun (and, uh, probably better for you too).
Bright said he believes more events like today's would strengthen the city and unify its people.
Except for all those atheists, and maybe the Christians who heed Jesus' admonition to pray in your closets rather than making a public showing of how holy you are.
"I think it shows our priority," he said.
Yup, because I sure hate when my elected officials make... oh... governing a priority. Why govern when you can talk to the sky? Good on ya!
"People like their leaders to lead by example and that's what we try to do here," Bright said.
Everytime I vote, I stop and ask myself: "Self, do you think this person prays while they eat breakfast? Because, if they don't, I'm not sure I want them in office."

Now, if they do that, then I move on to things like positions on the issues, qualifications for the job, etc. But first, you know it baby, prayer and brekkie.

Bright said elected officials should be "guided by a force more powerful than we wield as government officials."
Yes, and let that be the force of reason - not irrationality.

Still glad I'm gone from Alabama, that would be me.

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The Other Side

With the resurgence of news regarding the Abu Ghraib abuse scandal and the disgraceful behavior of soldiers such as Lynndie England, seeing the compassion of our men and women fighting overseas helps restore my faith in our ongoing mission and my continued belief that we owe the Iraqi people a stable freedom, one in which terrorism and tyranny have no place.

In this photo, a United States soldier is attempting to comfort a child fatally wounded in a May 2 car bombing in Mosul.

Surveys indicate that the American people are turning against the war in Iraq. That's a shame, as I'd rather not see the country turned over to an enemy that intentionally murders children.

But then again, I'm kooky nutty like that.

Posted by Andy at 12:21 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

American Idolatry

Nope, I'm not really sure what that title means, but it sure sounds deep and thoughtful.

Anyway, here's the scoop:

An Illicit Affair on 'American Idol'?

Ex-Contestant Says He Got Coaching From, Had Relationship With, Judge Paula Abdul


Now, I don't want to get anyone in trouble - and I'm not sure if this counts as an 'illicit affair' or anything - but I've mentally undressed and had my way with Carrie Underwood more than once. She's one naughty girl, that one.

Good God, I hope I didn't just ruin her shot at stardom.

Forgive me, my sweet.

(whispered: Forgive me...)

Breaking News - Must Credit World Wide Rant - Breaking News: Inside sources who cannot be named due to the likelihood they do not actually exist have confirmed to me that Zombyboy has continued to fantasize about Mikalah Gordon, despite her being booted from the show in March.

When imaginary police officers visited the imaginary scene, Zombyboy proclaimed his innocence, saying:

Honest, officer - my imaginary Fran-Drescher-clone lust-bunny said she was 18!
Zombyboy could not be reached for comment.

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May 03, 2005

The Evidence Keeps Piling Up, Continued

Aw, cute little fossily fishies!

Fossils of an ancient fish - dating back 450 million years, when the creatures had neither bones nor teeth - have been found in South Africa.

The finds, which are 50 million years older than any other fossil fish in Africa, will help provide a "missing link" in the evolution of early fish.

The Institute for Creation Research and the Discovery Institute joined forces and issued this public response to the new findings:
Yeah, but it don't look like no monkey!

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May 02, 2005

Southern Grammar Lesson

Whilst perusing blogs here and there, I've found that some people like to form the contraction of "you all" as:

This is annoying, not only because it is wrong, but because it shows an appalling lack of understanding about the function of the apostrophe. The apostrophe stands in place of letters that are not spelled out in full - thus, "you all" should become:
You'll still come off sounding like a hick*, but an edumacated hick.

* Don't be mad. I grew up in Alabama, so I say "y'all" and "fixin' to" and "she's not just my girlfriend, she's my sister" too.

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Vatican Update

Yada yada yada, same old, same old.

The Church is a modern-day hydra.

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It's the Final Countdown

Doo doo doo... doo doo doo doo doo .... doo doo doo doo... doo doo doo doo doo doo....

Time is running out to participate in the Writing Exercise to End All Writing Exercises Except for Any That Might Follow at a Later Date. Five people have agreed to play along and have submitted their story elements (click the previous link for what all that means).

I plan to mix-up and redistribute the story seeds to the players this evening, so if you want in, now is the time to beg, plead, and cajole.

Woo hoo hoo hoo!

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May 01, 2005

Long Lost Twins

World Net Daily's Joseph Farah and cheesy new age musician Yanni.

Biggest coincidence? Neither is worth listening to.

Posted by Andy at 10:47 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Yeah, But What About The Family Circus?

Hey, do you folks remember when Johnny Hart's comic strip "B.C." was funny?

I don't either.

That bit of unenlightened refrigerator art found at Pharyngula.

Posted by Andy at 10:39 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

Dear Mr. Kotter

Please excuse Andy from blogging today. It's the wee Fiona's second birthday celebration (officially, her birthday is tomorrow) and there are family and friends in abundance at our house.


Andy's mother

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