The World Wide Rant


E-MAIL

Click Here


MONTHLY ARCHIVES

March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
May 2002
March 2002


LAST 10 ENTRIES

WWR Movie Review: Napoleon Dynamite
I Raise My Beer to Thee
It's a Rare Moment
Liveblogging: A Twist
Pooty Poot Putin
Crikey, Once More
Mmm, Beer
And God Looked Away
Keyword-Targeted Advertising
It's For the Children!




« January 2005 | Main | March 2005 »



February 28, 2005

WWR Movie Review: Napoleon Dynamite

OK, we're 37 minutes in to the movie and I have to ask: does this damn thing have a plot? Right now it feels like someone took some funny ideas for scenes and then strung them together in the hope they'd make a movie.

Update: Not much of a plot; however, the ending did seem to make sense. That said, it's rather difficult to recommend a movie that isn't driven by a plot, by it characters (they're one-dimensional and generally unlikeable), or by the setting (ooh, hey, Idaho... neat).

Two out of five monkey heads for this one.

Posted by Andy at 10:09 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)




I Raise My Beer to Thee

Zombyboy is celebrating two years of blogging and having not wet the bed. Yay!

Posted by Andy at 09:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




It's a Rare Moment

...when I agree with Oliver Willis (on matters other than just how delicious a Hostess Swiss Cake Roll can be), but if the guys at Powerline want to be the bleeding edge of blogdom, they've gotta do better than this:

That was a mistake, of course. One "Chris Rock," the host, whom I've never otherwise heard of, led off with an idiotic anti-Bush tirade. $70 trillion? Interesting statistic. What was noteworthy was not the host, who obviously knows nothing, but the crowd--every single person there laughed and applauded. So much for the Academy Awards. I'm curling up with a good book, about which more later.
Never heard of Chris Rock? Can't grasp that comedians distort the facts in order to make this thing called "humor?" Can't let go of your own ideology-humping biases to realize that Chris Rock is a funny guy, at least when he can use bad words?

Sorry, but this is either the most subtle form of blog humor to zip right over my head, or the Powerline guys need to step away from the blog and check out the world around them*.

Note: The Powerline author, Hindrocket, is also the one who - a couple of years ago - said:

As the empirical foundations of Darwinism have crumbled under attack by a new generation of biologists, especially microbiologists, its advocates have become increasingly shrill and sectarian.
I'm sorry, dumbass says, "What?"

Update: Heh.

Is it me or are the Power Line dudes replacing thought with knee-jerk Lefty paranoia? Anytime you make O-Dub look good is a defeat for the Right in the blogosphere.
* But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and that frightening, glowing orb is the sun. Perhaps we should step away from the Xbox and come out of the basement more often.

Posted by Andy at 12:30 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (1)




February 27, 2005

Liveblogging: A Twist

Some folks might liveblog the Academy Awards; others might not.

But I bet I am the only one who is liveblogging about another blog that is ignoring the awards show!

So, let's get started...

...ok, nothing new over there yet.

Update: Phil Dennison is liveblogging the awards, touching on subjects as diverse as British dentistry and butt-crackery

Update 2: No changes over at Zomby's site. He's got this "ignoring the Oscars" thing down pat. A true expert. A genius!

Update 3: Zomby has now expounded upon the brotherly love he has for yours truly. I am touched, and I raise my glass of wine to him as a show of respect, and because it puts it that much closer to my mouth (the wine, not Zomby - you people!).

Update 4: Not that I'm watching the Academy Awards, and not that I actually rewound the digital video to verify this, but did Morgan Freeman just say "Heavens to Murgatroid?"

That's nifty.

Update 5: Still nothin' new over in Zombyland. What a slacker.

Update 6: Actual live blogging and more links over here.

Update 7: I spent five years of my life working for Price Waterhouse. I never got asked to count the votes at the Awards, and - to this day - I blame that for Jethro Tull winning the Oscar for... no, wait, sorry, that was the Grammy awards. But I did work there.

Update 8: Hooray for Che? Hollywood is so screwed up (as is the "he-makes-me-cream-myself-for-the-poor" journalist who wrote the profile to which I just linked). But, hey, let's not let his murderous Communist ways or his desire for martyrdom get in the way of our really nifty t-shirts.

Roger L. Simon says:

Santana in a cornball Che t-shirt. So far, I like the French song best. This is dull schmaltzy fair. If Che hadn't died young, people wouldn't worship him so blindly and we wouldn't have to listen to his sentimental crap.
Oh yeah, Zomby is talking about something or other.

Posted by Andy at 07:29 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (2)




Pooty Poot Putin

He just doesn't get it:

George Bush knew Vladimir Putin would be defensive when Bush brought up the pace of democratic reform in Russia in their private meeting at the end of Bush's four-day, three-city tour of Europe. But when Bush talked about the Kremlin's crackdown on the media and explained that democracies require a free press, the Russian leader gave a rebuttal that left the President nonplussed. If the press was so free in the U.S., Putin asked, then why had those reporters at CBS lost their jobs? Bush was openmouthed. "Putin thought we'd fired Dan Rather," says a senior Administration official. "It was like something out of 1984."
A few thoughts:That Putin can't (or refuses to) grasp all of this should be demonstration enough that Russian democracy is flatlining.

Beep...beep....beeeeeeeeeeeep.

Posted by Andy at 06:59 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)




February 26, 2005

Crikey, Once More

It's been 20 years since Philip Bailey and Phil Collins recorded "Easy Lover?"

Sorry, just surfing the web, listening to Music Choice 80s and 90s channels on the digital cable, and realizing that - despite my best efforts to wish it otherwise - I'm getting old.

I mean, uh, less young.

Yeah, that's it.

P.S. Why the hell is Darius Rucker doing Burger King ads now? Didn't he sock away his Hootie money into a range of index funds* ensuring that he'd never have to work again while maintaining a well-to-do lifestyle?

* Or perhaps tax-free munis?

Posted by Andy at 11:09 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)




Mmm, Beer

Tried a new one last night: North Coast Red Seal Ale. I'd tell you lots about it, but after six or so of them in the course of the night, all I really recall is that it was "good."

Posted by Andy at 07:34 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)




And God Looked Away

For, oh, about thirty years or so:

Dennis Rader, 59, of Park City, Kan., a Wichita suburb, was arrested without incident during a traffic stop Friday afternoon...authorities said Saturday they are confident the arrest will end the search for BTK, the serial killer who police now believe murdered 10 people between 1974 and 1991....

Authorities wouldn't say where Rader, a Cub Scout leader who was active at his Lutheran church, is being held.

It'd be swell if that ominpotent and omnibenevolent god up there decided to do something powerful and good every once in a while, wouldn't it? But, no, he leaves it up to us mere mortals to try to put things right.

I suppose he's probably too busy* cooking up another tsunami or maybe a typhoon to bother with petty things like serial killers.

Thanks, Big Guy!

Lots more, without the Puppy-Crushing Evil Atheist Anti-God Slant, here.

* Or perhaps he just doesn't much like Lutherans.

Posted by Andy at 06:44 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)




Keyword-Targeted Advertising

...still has some flaws.



No, I didn't go searching for the images, but found the link in my server referral logs; the disparity between the search results and the sponsored ad jumped out at me.

Posted by Andy at 06:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




February 25, 2005

It's For the Children!

Nanny statists killing business in Alabama:

The manager of a downtown Montgomery restaurant and bar said he is losing customers and his business has decreased sharply since the city's smoking ordinance went into effect Jan. 1.

Chris Ellis, manager of the Montgomery Brewing Company, said January sales were down 22 percent from last year, alcohol sales dropped 37 percent and all sales after 9 p.m. were down 40 percent.

Having called Montgomery home once upon a few years ago, I'd like to say that business declined because - well - the beer at the brewpub just isn't very good. However, given the timing, it looks like the healthy government do-gooders have worked their magic.
[Councilman] Cook and Mayor Bobby Bright said the ordinance has made several restaurants a much more pleasant environment. Both commented on Waffle House and the dramatic change since they opted to be non-smoking.
Nevermind that the right to a "pleasant" dining environment isn't exactly enshrined, or even hinted at, in either the Constitution of the United States of America or the Constitution of the State of Alabama*: I just wanted to laugh at the fact that the shining example of fine dining offered up by the Councilman and Mayor was the Waffle House.

Hooray for my moving to Denver.

* However, while we're having fun at the expense of the good people of Alabama, let's not forget that interracial marriage was constitutionally verboten in the Heart of Dixie until 2000 - and, even then, some forty percent of the people still wanted to keep them dirty tar babies from ruining white purity.

Posted by Andy at 05:56 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)




February 24, 2005

Alien Abduction

So, I'm - for an unknown reason, although being too lazy to find the remote is probably a start - watching this Peter Jennings ABC special on UFOs.

My summary: Wow, there are some mighty dumb and gullible people in this country.

Posted by Andy at 09:35 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (1)




Oh Susanna, Oh Don't You Cry For Me

'Cause I came in Alabama with a vibrator 'tween my knees.

Oh wait, No I didn't*.

The Supreme Court declined Tuesday to review the constitutionality of a state law banning the sale of sex toys, rejecting an appeal that said consumers have a right to sexual privacy.

Without comment, justices let stand a lower court ruling that said Alabama had a right to police the sale of devices that can be sexually stimulating.

As I said before, and as others have said better, it always comes back to uber-conservatives being worried that someone might be having more fun than they are.

And they're usually right that we are.

* This is a metaphorical "I" and should not be construed to mean that I walk around with a toy wee wee in my hiney hole or anything like that. Thank you for your time and attention. God bless. Amen.

Posted by Andy at 09:10 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)




Easy as 123

Zombyboy prompted this. And I must obey Herr Zomby.

Gimme gimme more more more »


Posted by Andy at 01:14 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (2)




A Click Before Dying

Unlike the September 11 fake WTC tourist picture that made its rounds on the net a couple of years ago, these final tsunami photos appear to be tragically real.

Photographs from the camera of a Canadian couple killed in Asia's tsunami include their final shots of a huge wave as it rushed toward them at their beach resort in Thailand.
If nothing else, perhaps it will serve to educate others that when a giant wave is surging toward you, running is probably smarter than snapping a couple of photos. It probably wouldn't have been enough to save them, but I guess we'll never know.

Posted by Andy at 12:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




Clarity in Kansas

Who would have thought it possible?

Pro-evolution scientists are getting their tailbones kicked by the creationist folks. The Darwinians are getting outmaneuvered every step of the way, mainly because they are not organized and do not communicate well. If the current trend continues, the survival of the fittest will be the creationists. The evolutionists will find themselves on the heap of history.
He goes on to give his advice for turning this sorry state of affairs around.

Unfortunately, some of it deals with dumbing down the topic. In the short term, perhaps that is the answer; in the long term, we need to raise the thinking abilities of the population. While we're waiting, though, evangelicals will continue to warp and misuse the idea of "science" to promote their agenda (for an example I found last night, clicky clicky here here here).

Faith is not scientific. Creation science is anything but. And until we can get the layman to appreciate the difference, well, we're pretty much screwed when it comes to a general shift in public views.

Posted by Andy at 08:42 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)




From the WWR Bookshelf, A Continuing Series

You can cease with the e-mails pleading to know what I'm reading. Why? Because I, right this moment, shall tell you:

Gimme gimme more more more »


Posted by Andy at 12:35 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




February 23, 2005

Compare / Contrast

Convert / Zealot

(No one told you there'd be a test, did they?)

Posted by Andy at 11:55 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




Breaking News: The Bush Tapes 2

Undisclosed sources, continuing their pursuit of truth, have released more excerpts from the secret Bush tapes indicating that, despite never touching on the subject in his entire political career, George W. Bush has - in fact - ripped one in public and exclaimed "Whoops! Stepped on a frog!"

Original story here.

Follow-up here.

Posted by Andy at 09:35 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




God on the Kob

Korn guitarist does one too many drugs and finds God:

Korn guitarist Brian "Head" Welch has parted ways with the hard rock act, citing a recent religious awakening.
You know, bully for him and all that. I think he's just stepped off the cliff of rationality, but then he was already teetering at the brink by thinking Korn was a worthwhile band.

If this brings Korn any closer to breaking up, then thank the Lord for small miracles.

Amen.

Found via Ms. Malkin

Posted by Andy at 09:03 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)




If You Want a Picture of the Future

Imagine a boot stamping on a human face:

Moscow: President Vladimir Putin of Russia, in an apparent response to criticism by George Bush, said his country was committed to the democratic ideal but would pursue it in its own way.
A way that doesn't involve all that messy "voting" and "liberty" nonsense. I imagine Putin dreams of the day when he can win 99% of the vote just like Saddam Hussein.
Under Mr Putin's presidency, the Kremlin has tightened its control over the media, the legal system, parliament and regional governments.

Mr Putin has sought to justify these steps by arguing that Russia must build a stronger state to fight terrorism.

Trust us, comrade, we're the government. Something about Ben Franklin, liberty, safety, and trade-offs as well.

Posted by Andy at 06:55 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




February 22, 2005

Senile Old Coot Manifesting a Philosophy of Hatred

Sorry, I meant Pope John Paul II.

They sound so similar, surely you can understand my confusion.

Homosexual marriages are part of "a new ideology of evil" that is insidiously threatening society, Pope John Paul says in a new book published Tuesday.

"It is legitimate and necessary to ask oneself if this is not perhaps part of a new ideology of evil, perhaps more insidious and hidden, which attempts to pit human rights against the family and against man," he writes.

Or perhaps a giant case of slippery-slopism, further complicated by the idiotic assertion that two men or two women being lawfully wedded in any way decreases the value of someone else's marriage or family. Here's a hint: if it does, YOU have the problem, not the gay people.

The Pope, like an everlasting Catholic Mr. Smithers, seems determined to hang around as long as possible. While I don't wish death on the man - barring a sudden conversion to a philosophy of tolerance - a quick drift into complete irrelevance would be nice.

Posted by Andy at 11:38 PM | Comments (10) | TrackBack (0)




Video Killed

...the blogosphere star.

Perhaps "killed" is an overstatement, but I bet she'll come back to us with a big ol' head, refusing to blog for the unwashed masses, drunk on the power and fame and joy that comes from now being in Paris Hilton's cell phone.

Posted by Andy at 02:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




February 21, 2005

Glass Houses

Former British Prime Minister John Major says that Tony Blair's actions are a cancer in the body politic.

Yeah, well, my wife was in Huntingdon Youth Concert Band in Cambridgeshire with John Major's daughter, Elizabeth, and has this to say:

I was a tuba player and she played the E flat clarinet, and she thought she was special because she played the E flat clarinet. And in band, woodwind players always think they're better than the brass players. She was a snob. Her hair was always pefect, in a Princess Diana do.
So there! Take that, Mr. "Cancer in the Body Politic" Major!

Don't mess with our pal Tony, Johnny-boy!

Note: Yes, my wife, measuring in at 5 feet tall and 110 pounds played the tuba. Weird, huh?

Posted by Andy at 09:16 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




Breaking News: The Bush Tapes

Undisclosed sources tell us that the recently publicized "Bush tapes" also indicate that the President, despite his silence on the subject during his entire political career, has - in fact - experienced one or more nocturnal emissions.

Details soon.

Posted by Andy at 05:59 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)




RIP

Hunter S. Thompson has killed himself.

Can't say I much cared for his stuff, but I know other people would beg to differ.

I also tend not to ooh and ahh much when someone seemingly pointlessly takes their own life, unless they're suffering from an incurable illness or such (but then that wouldn't be pointlessly).

I enjoyed the work of both Andrew Wood and Kurt Cobain, but when they offed themselves - one with drugs and one with a shotgun - I'd be lying if I said I ever thought "poor, poor pitiful them."

Moving right along.

And, no, McGehee, you're not alone.

Update: We have more company.

Posted by Andy at 12:28 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)




February 20, 2005

Breaking News

CNN reports:

Private conversations with George Bush secretly taped by an old friend before he was elected president foreshadow some of his political strategies and appear to reveal that he acknowledged trying marijuana, The New York Times has reported.
Off the record, a New York Times reporter also indicated that the tapes appear to reveal that he acknowledged trying masturbation.

Lots.

In other words, who the hell cares?

I mean, aside from someone like Kaye Grogan?

Posted by Andy at 08:58 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)




February 18, 2005

The Reality of War

Michael Powell's legacy lives on:

At least two TV stations will show an uncensored documentary about soldiers in Iraq despite a warning from PBS that it can't insure stations against FCC fines stemming from bad language.

The documentary contains 13 expletives spoken by soldiers. But "Frontline" producers also made a separate version with the words edited out, for use by some of PBS's 170 stations in more conservative parts of the country.

Your attention, please, "more conservative parts of the country."

Ahem.

Many, if not most, of you, as well as myself, supported President Bush's agenda for war in Iraq. We damn well better be willing to see the good, the bad, and the ugly from that decision.

What's sad is that broadcasters live in fear of offending someone with a bad word or a bare bottom, but know that wanton violence will fly right by the FCC without comment.

What's even more sad is that this is a result of the strange and often times backwards morality that has taken shape in our nation, particularly in the "more conservative parts of the country."

Posted by Andy at 08:34 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)




Pravda

Putin: Iran not developing nukes

...which is about as comforting and believable as this:

Putin: I am not trying to be an iron-fisted dictator of Russia.

Dubya, it's time to stop playing cuddly-bear footsie with the Russians before we find ourselves in another cold war.

Posted by Andy at 07:25 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)




February 17, 2005

I'd Like to be an Understudy

I do enjoy watching The Apprentice, primarily for the gritty reality, the high drama, and the fabulous business education one can receive from the mouth of The Donald.

OK, fine, maybe it's really about this.

Posted by Andy at 09:24 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)




Oink Oink

Kaye Grogan, a freelance writer who looks remarkably like someone you'd expect to see at Landover Baptist, claims at RenewAmerica that freedom of speech has turned the nation into a pig sty.

How sad that something as powerful as "freedom of speech" has brought a great nation down. The very freedom that should be cherished has turned a nation into a quagmire of pig sties. What a sad state of affairs, that the freedom patriot Patrick Henry was willing to die for, has become so soiled, and beyond recognition.
My IronyMeter just exploded. Apparently the proper way to cherish our freedom of speech is to prevent people from exercising theirs; makes perfect sense.

To a kooky uber-conservative, I suppose.

Turn on the television, and you'll be inundated with ads, sitcoms, movies, saturated with violence, vulgarity, and scantily clad men and women engaging in sexual encounters. Flip over to the news talk shows, and you'll be exposed to congressional members as guests, who complain about how things are so out-of-control. Tell us something we don't already know! Like how you're planning on getting things back under control . . . for starters.
I take control via this magical gadget called a "remote control." It's really neat, Kaye: I just point it at the box with pretty moving pictures and can change to other pretty pictures - or even to a blank screen! Wow!

Why is it that conservatives are all about small government until they think someone might be having more fun that they are?

And how sad money has caused such a magnitude of corruption. When some of the rich powerful people realize to what extent they've been willing to sell their souls out for, in favor of fat bank accounts, it will be way too late . . . when the funeral march plays.
Because Jesus hates the naked boobies, and in his Eternal LoveTM and Boundless ForgivenessTM, he will damn those rich fat cats to Hell for all eternity. To his credit, he will blow them a kiss first.
There comes a time and place, when crossroads should make a person reevaluate their lives, and see if they are going down the wrong street and opt to get on the right street. No amount of endorsing bad behavior is going to make it right. Even if street drugs are made legal, this will not stop the destructive one-way street to doom, the drug users are on. The drug users are already shackled to an addiction, and legalizing the drugs is not going to miraculously take away the end results, which is eventually death from heart failure, overdoses or suicide.
What this has to do with freedom of speech is completely beyond me. I believe this is called "confusing the issue," or - more likely - "rambling aimlessly in the hope I'll find a point."
Many people who thought the nineties were bad — would probably welcome those years back, in comparison to how things are going in the 21st century so far.
I sure would, simply because getting old rather sucks. As for the way things are going, we're still a great people in a great nation because of our many freedoms, not in spite of them.
The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) — has laid the law down about obscenity laws being violated on television and radio. So, how does the Fox channel get by with airing a commercial where a young woman is used to poke fun at a ruling made by the FCC last year, concerning the exposure of Janet Jackson's chest, by pretending her top is falling off? A good question, and one that definitely needs answering.
Easy - because the advertisement didn't show any bare booby nipply goodness. Also, making fun of the FCC is perfectly legal (at least right now), and should be encouraged at every opportunity. Such should be the fate of all moralistic nanny-statist weiner heads.
Evidently, these folks are getting a kick out of defying rules. Probably, because they know a smack on the wrist is worth their end goal.
Well, yes, controversy sells, which is neat because it's the moralistic nanny-statist weiner heads like Ms. Grogan that, in their quest to stamp out the possibility of people enjoying sex from behind, actually make people curious about the very things they want to ban.

Life is funny like that. They just need to realize the joke is on them.

What happened to the three minute delay before airing commercials in a Super Bowl time slot, by responsible television officials? This is responsibility at its worst.
Was there ever such a thing? And wasn't the original controversy about the half-time show and not the commercials? And is this another case of Ms. Grogan rambling aimlessly in the hope of finding a point?
The Internet is a great tool for education, but the World Wide Web at your fingertips has turned into a cesspool reeking of vile pornography, in which pornographers use emails, and URL addresses (that seem innocent), to peddle their filth. Even if the filth was covered under the "freedom of speech" and "freedom of expression," the freedom ended the minute the "unsolicited" disgusting trash arrived in my email box. This is called "infringing" on someone else's rights. And the freedom buck stopped there — the minute they violated the "spam" law. It's one thing to go and buy the filth, and another all together, to have it shoved "unwillingly" down your throat.
I agree. Don't be shocked, kids: even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
Recently, conservative columnist Michelle Malkin posted a few vulgar, nasty emails that she received via email from liberals who disagreed with one of her articles, for all to see just how vicious they can be. Good for her! Ms. Malkin is smart enough to know — the more liberals attack conservatives, the more determined they are, to express their personal opinion. No, you don't have the right to intimidate writers like Ms. Malkin. There's a way to disagree with opinions without being mean-spirited. Didn't you learn this in high school during debates?
Apparently, our dear Kaye doesn't get around to read what Freepers write - or doesn't remember the silly "Clinton death list" - or read Ann Coulter, who is still disappointed that Tim McVeigh didn't blow up the New York Times instead.

Kaye, Kaye, Kaye - conservatives do not have a corner on the courtesy market. Nor do liberals. Nor do libertarians. There exist irrational, crude, and rude yahoos in each camp; they just tend to be on the extremes (sort of like, oh, you).

Bloggers use anonymous nicknames to trash people they don't agree with. If you read some of the nastiness they post, you'd be hiding behind a nickname too. Makes one wonder what kind of upbringing did these people have? It's apparent they didn't learn to respect themselves, so it's not hard to understand how they can be so disrespectful to those they trash.
I had a great upbringing and am generally very courteous and well-behaved. I also am not anonymous on this blog. I also happily call a moralistic nanny-statist weiner head a moralistic nanny-statist weiner head when I see fit. Smoochies.
Internet Service Providers, (ISP) and Internet search engines need to be held to the same kind of standard as the FCC is supposed to be holding broadcasters to. After all, Internet connections are over the airwaves, the same way as other broadcasting systems operate.
Yes, because the answer is more regulation - more government - more taxes to support the new regulations! We must ensure that no one gets the idea that someone's mouth on their hoohah is pleasurable!

Here's an idea: take responsibility for what you watch and what you read. Best of all, it requires no new government institutions and it's free.

Just because pornography filth is "universal" and available online, does not excuse the United States from being responsible for what goes on in the United States. It's time (way past time) — for lawmakers to get on with fulfilling their "sworn to uphold" duty obligations.
And just because you don't like to see hoohahs and dangly-wanglies tangled up in goo doesn't mean you're absolved of responsibility for turning off your television, not clicking on dubious links, and singing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" everytime you get tingly in the pleasure patch.
The notion that "freedom of speech" gives one the right to defame, and slander someone publicly is a "misconception." Giving an opinion, and calling someone bad names is two different things.
Ramblin', ramblin', ramblin'. How did we go from porn to slander? Ms. Grogan, your argumentative essay skills are the literary equivalent of Sybil. Didn't you learn how to write in high school?
When all is said and done, the way you choose to exercise freedom of speech, says a lot about who you really are inside. And it's obvious, there's a lot of "pitch black" hearts out there . . . that will eventually become self-destructive.
So if all the black hearts are going to self-destruct, leaving you free to flagellate yourself for thinking of Brad Pitt's bare, sweaty chest without their immoral interruptions, why do you have such a hard on for government action?

Sounds like someone needs a dangly-wangly in the hoohah if you ask me.

And no, that's not an offer.

Posted by Andy at 11:22 AM | Comments (10) | TrackBack (0)




Oh My, How Clever!

Via Drudge comes this from the New York Times:

New intelligence information strongly suggests that Al Qaeda has considered infiltrating the United States through the Mexican border, top government officials told Congress on Wednesday.
Those terrorists, they're so smart. Gosh, who could have imagined they would look to the Mexican border as a point of entry? I mean, it's common knowledge that it is a hardened, impenetrable barrier between the US and Mexico. What derring-do!

Seriously, if this information comes as a surprise to Congress, we're neck-deep in homeland security doo doo.

Posted by Andy at 10:49 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)




February 16, 2005

Step Away from the Genitals

Heh.

And, uh, heh again.

Posted by Andy at 06:18 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (2)




Bush In Your Bedroom

No, fellas, don't run in there looking for it. It's not the kind that would interest you. Worry you, perhaps...

The Bush administration said Wednesday it would seek to reinstate an indictment against a California pornography company that was charged with violating federal obscenity laws. It was Attorney General Alberto Gonzales' first public decision on a legal matter.
Next up I bet he'll wade into the War on Drugs, pursuing legal matters almost as useless as bad porn, while crimes with actual victims are conveniently ignored. Because, you know, it's for the children!
If allowed to stand, Lancaster's ruling [in favor of the porn company] would undermine obscenity laws as well as other statutes based on shared views of public morality, including laws against prostitution, bestiality and bigamy, the department said in a statement.
While I smell some slippery slopism here, I philosophically don't see much problem with undermining laws against prostitution and bigamy. As for the bestiality bit, it's nice to see that, a little more than a year after I conceived of it, Andy's Law is being fulfilled by the upper echelons of our government.
Prosecutors charged Zacari and Romano and their company with distributing videos to Pittsburgh through the mail and over the Internet. Mary Beth Buchanan, the U.S. attorney in Pittsburgh, has said the case was not about banning all sexually explicit materials, just reining in obscenity. Extreme Associates' productions depict rape and murder, Buchanan said.
Rape and murder? Wow, just like every major crime drama on network television, any number of movies, and multiple works of literature?

WE MUST BAN TESS OF THE d'URBERVILLES IMMEDIATELY!

You high school students who just want to get out of reading it can shut up now.

in his opinion, Lancaster said the company can market and distribute its materials because people have a right to view them in the privacy of their own homes.
One would think, but - then again - statue boobies were too much for the illustrious Mr. Ashcroft, and this guy doesn't seem much better on that front.

Posted by Andy at 06:11 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)




February 15, 2005

A Very Important Question

Does anyone remember the made-for-TV movie "The Boy in the Plastic Bubble?" And does anyone remember a scene where John Travolta's character steps free of his bubble and goes horseriding or whatever with his sweet sweet love? And does anyone remember the song that played during that scene?

Yes?

OK, what the hell was it called?

I could, of course, be confusing one or more scenes and songs from the movie, as my memory grows weak after 33 long years of life. I Googled and came up with the John Travolta-sung song that was the theme of the movie, but I'm thinking of something else (unless, as noted above, I'm on the fast tram to Dementia Disneyland).

Anyone know the answer and not ashamed to say so?

Alternate question: Hey, who likes beer?

Update: The only song that is coming to mind is Dan Hill's "Sometimes When We Touch," but that was written in 1977 (according to All Music), while the movie in question came out in 1976. Here's hoping that's not it anyway.

Posted by Andy at 07:13 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)




Showtime, I Hate Thee

You canceled "Dead Like Me?" One of the two shows* on your entire crummy pay-per-view channel that made it worth watching?

I curse you and your children and your children's children, Showtime!

Feh.

(this bit of bad news found here).

Update: Matt, in the comments, reminds me of the show "Huff." OK, fine, three good shows. Showtime's children's children shall be spared.

* The other being Penn & Teller's "Bullshit!"

Posted by Andy at 06:57 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)




What's the Sound of a Dinosaur Dying?

Something like this:

The Tulsa World copyrights its entire newspaper and specifically each of the articles and/or editorials at issue. The reproduction of any articles and/or editorials (in whole or in part) on your website or linking your website to Tulsa World content is without the permission of the Tulsa World and constitutes an intentional infringement of the Tulsa World's copyright and other rights to the exclusive use and distribution of the copyrighted materials.
I'd equate the blogosphere to a meteorite crashing into the Yucatan of the Mainstream Media, but that would be a bit over-the-top. Suffice it to say, though, that the MSM seems to be peopled with individuals about as dense as our long extinct friends.

Update: Wizbang seems a bit... perturbed.

Posted by Andy at 06:34 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (1)




Got a Box Full of Letters

Well, this is just a sad story:

At 2 years old Savannah Weaver cannot read, but years from now the letter hanging on her bedroom wall will help her understand just how much her dad loved her.

Aaron Weaver, Savannah's father, was killed over a year ago in Iraq.

The letter was actually written a month before Aaron Weaver was killed. But he never mailed it. The letter arrived home with Aaron's personal items 2 months after his death.

You can read the text of the letter at the site.

I've long intended to sit down and write a letter to the wee Fiona each year, tucking them away, sealed, in her scrapbook or in a dresser drawer. Should anything unfortunate befall me before she's old enough to remember me properly, she'd at least have something to cling to when thinking about a father she never really knew.

If nothing happens and I make it to a ripe old age (minus the assorted pickled organs), then when she's 13 and tells me how much she hates me, hates me, hates me, slams the door to her bedroom, and pouts all because I wouldn't let her go to some party where kids will play Twister and other deviant activities, I can show her the letters and tell her that I love her anyway.

Because guilt trips are cool.

However, life has continued to get in the way, with events like watching "Trading Spouses" in high-definition somehow seeming more important in the moment. I just can't find the time to write my mind the way I want it to read.

How screwed up is that?

I mean thinking that high-def would somehow make "Trading Spouses" a better show, a vital mirror being held up to our culture, instructional and fulfilling beyond compare.

Anyway, I need to get to writing.

Posted by Andy at 01:28 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)




February 14, 2005

Pardon Our Progress

About to take some time to rename the comment and trackback scripts, update the configuration files, and rebuild the site as part of the ongoing efforts to put a halt to the rampant spam.

Stay tuned.

Update: All done.

Posted by Andy at 08:28 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)




Breaking News

From the "Yawn-Somebody-Please-Tell-Me-When-To-Care" department comes this:

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman will announce the cancellation of the 2004-05 season at a news conference Tuesday in New York, following the failure of both sides in the labour dispute to get a deal on paper by his weekend deadline.
My life just hasn't been the same during the strike.

Oh, wait, yes it has.

Posted by Andy at 05:59 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)




Valentine's Day

An observation made while out purchasing groceries for tonight's meal:

King Sooper's Floral Department: When you care enough to wait until the very last minute and end up buying whatever is cheapest at the grocery store thinking your significant other won't know, but I hope you enjoy sleeping on the sofa anyway.
As for the happenings at WWR Global HQ, I'm set to whip up Chicken Francese, Potato Croquettes, and Roasted Vegetables, served with a bottle or two of Pinot Grigio. Details, recipes, and such to follow.

Update: OK, not my best work in the kitchen, but it's not the fault of the recipes. Rather, Comcast showed up whilst I was cooking to replace our cable box, resulting in some uneven cooking time as I discussed problems and such.

Anyway, the recipes:

Chicken Francese

Potato Croquettes

Roasted Vegetables: Set oven to 400F. Slice and dice and chop some red onion, carrot, zucchini, red pepper, and garlic. Toss with extra-virgin olive oil, Kosher salt, and freshly-cracked black pepper. Dump into an oiled pan and roast for one hour; turn halfway through.

I'd tell you about the wine, but the bottle is upstairs. Maybe later.

Happy V-day, y'all.

Posted by Andy at 05:49 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




Spam, Wonderful Spam

Having been foiled by steps I and others have taken to prevent comment spam, the spammers seem to have ramped up their efforts to use Trackback pings instead (judging by the 112 that hit the site in the last couple of hours). Looks like it's time to randomize some file names and rebuild once again.

You know, if someone were to find out who these spammers are and drive very large iron spikes through their foreheads, I'd be tempted to urge the law to look the other way.

Update: OK, I am going to disable Trackback until this evening when I can get home and play around with file names, etc. Apologies to any of you hoping to trackback to my genius this afternoon.

Posted by Andy at 08:13 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)




February 12, 2005

Which Part of "Free Market" Do They Not Understand?

First it was McCain sticking the federal nose into the private affairs of professional sports, and now it's Rhode Island:

Sen. Roger Badeau said he is fed up with athletes charging upwards of $100 for an autograph at large-scale autograph signing events. What really irks him is that children have to pay for the signatures of their sports heroes.

Badeau's bill would ban professional athletes, entertainers or promoters from charging a fee for an autograph to a child under age 16. They would be fined $100 for each violation.

Badeau said it didn't matter that some of those signed baseballs and bats will end up online or with sports memorabilia dealers. He said it still sends the wrong message.

The wrong message apparently being that no one, even a child, has a right to your labors, no matter how minimal, for free.

Update: And from England, we have this:

A new credit card aimed at millions of low-income families is to charge interest at up to 70% - the highest ever charged by a credit card company.

But Debt on our Doorstep said it will now increase pressure on the government to amend the consumer credit bill to include a clause allowing the government to impose a maximum interest rate cap.

Right, because credit card companies shouldn't be allowed to balance the interest rate they charge with the credit risk a borrower presents. We wouldn't want to send the message of "you are responsible for your finances," now would we?

Posted by Andy at 12:07 PM | Comments (15) | TrackBack (2)




February 11, 2005

A Sick Man

...in more ways than one:

Pope John Paul, still convalescing after 10 days in hospital, told the world's sick on Friday that their suffering was "precious", but did not deliver his message in person at a special service for sick people...

"Your suffering is never useless, dear sick people. Moreover, it's a precious thing," the speech said. "If you bring together your suffering and pain, you can be his (God's) privileged helpers in the salvation of souls".

Um, because seeing people suffering, dying in agony, really reinforces the belief in a loving God?

Errr...

Wait, does that mean people who aren't suffering can't be privileged helpers? And, if they can, does suffering make them somehow more privileged?

Doesn't this imply that to provide medical help to someone, to work to reduce their suffering, is to actively work against their being "privileged helpes in the salvation of souls?"*

Isn't this quite possibly one of the most insane things you've ever heard?

I'm not sure what to call a philosophy that apparently so despises the well-being of man. "Sick" is a start, but "evil" might be better.

* Had to edit because the "wee flying baby" story was complete crap, as detailed below.

Posted by Andy at 01:47 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)




Story Time with Rae

Rae has submitted her entry (to date) in the "First However Often World Wide Rant Random Concepts Leading to Coherent Stories, If We're Lucky" non-contest. You can find it below the fold.

As for my own, it's taken on a life of its own and - assuming I reach deep down and find some stick-to-it-ness inside of me - is going to undergo a major rewrite, a restructuring, and a plot change to the backstory which will drive the current events in a whole new direction.

Your excitement is palpable.

Gimme gimme more more more »


Posted by Andy at 08:47 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




People Suck More

At the rate the human race continues to show just how much it can suck, I feel it might be time to sink some money into the companies that manufacture bullets. We're going to need a lot more of them.

To wit:

A newborn baby boy who was tossed from a moving vehicle Thursday in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, is in remarkably good shape, authorities say.
Every story I've read so far opens with this aspect, which - while horrible - seems to indicate that maybe, just maybe, they were trying to give the baby up, knowing someone would see what they did.

That isn't the case.

"The baby had a plastic bag over its head," said Broward County Sheriff Ken Jenne, "a plastic bag like from a food store ... wrapped around the head of the baby." He said the umbilical cord was still attached.
This was attempted murder, period.

As always, due process yada yada yada, and then throw the parents from a moving vehicle. Preferably one cruising at 20,000 or more feet.

Save the bullets. We're going to need them, I promise you.

Update: Curiouser and curiouser, it now seems that the mother made up the whole story (thanks to Tom and Dolphin for the near simultaneous heads-up).

No need to toss her from a plane now, I guess; although her story could have ended up causing much grief for someone innocent (a DNA test would exonerate said individual, but the taint of accusation isn't easily washed away). Nevermind that her state has a safe-haven law that would have allowed her to give up the child, free and clear.

OK, fine, maybe taking her out of the gene pool wouldn't be such a bad thing.

Posted by Andy at 08:27 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (1)




February 10, 2005

Still Here

Honest I am.

Just busy watching too much television thanks to the new HDTV DVR we got. We can be watching a DVD, while our little silver box is happily recording two shows simultaneously, all of them in HD-quality with Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound (when available).

I can feel my brain turning to sludge already.

Sweet.

Posted by Andy at 09:29 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)




February 09, 2005

Target Audience

I found out today that the target audience for this blog is apparently not Southern women over the age of 60 who happen to be my mom.

Thankfully, a few hundred of you every day do seem to enjoy coming back, and a couple hundred more of you end up here as victims of your search engine results. Either way, thanks for reading.

You too, Mom. And feel free to click on the donate button to help me change my evil ways. Love you. :)

Posted by Andy at 06:52 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)




February 08, 2005

Just an Update

High-definition television is a beautiful thing. Beautiful.

Also, today was Pancake Day.

Note: I could eat, like, a million chocolate-iced doughnuts.

Posted by Andy at 11:40 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)




Somebody Order Some More Bullets

We need them for these two:

A young couple are accused of critically injuring their 6-month-old baby, who police say was sexually assaulted, suffered broken bones from head to toe, and had her tongue nearly severed.
Standard disclaimers about supporting due process and then shooting them in the head lots and lots still apply.

Posted by Andy at 08:23 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)




Intelligent Design?

Sure, if you say so.

Wait, wait, let me guess - all the fault of the damn apple?

This moment in natural science brought to you by the show I am watching on the Discovery Health Channel.

Posted by Andy at 12:10 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)




February 07, 2005

The Jesus and Mary Strain, Part I

OK, I took what I wrote below, cleaned it up a tiny bit, and added to it, giving the ongoing saga a title that might have some meaning to anyone who remembers the MTV show "120 Minutes" and a certain movie.

I can do this because, ta-da, I am a creative genius with creative genius license to do creative genius type things.

Or whatever.

Ta-da.

So, without further ado, the new and improved first installment of the story.

Gimme gimme more more more »


Posted by Andy at 07:27 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)




February 06, 2005

Story Time

With your dear Uncle Andy and assorted other bloggers... the fruit of my half-assed labor can be found below, as can that of former blogger Gabriel.

Walter in Denver has posted his story here.

Copygodd has the copygoods right here.

Michele's got hers up (so to speak) at her site.

When Michele and Rae have something ready, look for the links here.

It all started here, with a creative writing exercise I dreamed up, hoping to push myself into doing some writing. It grew into all of us having to use the following randomly (more or less) selected ideas in our tales:

One Character

Octavio 'Avi' Montalvan, 2nd generation Cuban-American just discharged from the Army after a tour in Iraq (or another war, for timeline purposes). Single, unemployed.

Another Character

Jesus. Yes, that Jesus. He's back in the form of a 22 year
skateboarder. He likes punk rock, video games and long walks on the water. He's hanging around for a while to see just how bad humanity has fucked up his father's grand plan, but along the way he's going to get laid, fall in love and place third in the Summer X-Games.

Where Does the Action Unfold?

Missoula, Montana, deep winter. In a barn.

And what is going on?

Bird flu mutates and wipes out significant portion of humanity due to the ease of global transmission by modern transport. Due to number of dead, world governments forced to put bodies in mass graves, but now the corposes are coming back to life, digging their way out and seeking out live victims.

And what's the opening line?

They had never met before, but {character_1} was certainly happy, although a bit reluctant, to put a face on the nickname {character_2} used while commenting, with that nonchalance which had come to characterize {him/her}.

Given all of the above, each participant was asked to write at least a scene based on the above. They had about 72 hours to do so, probably not enough time considering that drama and colds and belly-laughing mocking-monkeys have a way of popping up at the worst of times.

Anyway, here's what I've got so far... it's incomplete, probably makes little sense, but it was fun to make Jesus have a potty-mouth.

Gimme gimme more more more »


Posted by Andy at 06:46 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (2)




Story Time with Gabriel

As detailed in the post above, some more writing. As Gabriel no longer has a blog, I'm hosting the resultant work below.

Gimme gimme more more more »


Posted by Andy at 06:42 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)




February 05, 2005

Super Bowl Weekend

The Super Bowl is tomorrow.

*Yawn*

However, while you're waiting to watch it or not, you can still enjoy the Spike TV Bikini Bowl, where they are replaying several Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue specials from the past. You know, if attractive women are your thing. If they're not, well, then I'm afraid I'm not going to be much help.

Normally I wouldn't be able to endure so much Rob Schneider, but Laetitia Casta makes it bearable.

Yes, I know. I'm such a boy.

Posted by Andy at 02:12 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)




February 04, 2005

Shake Your Love

Deborah (Debbie) Gibson will be doing just that in Playboy. Well, as much as one can shake one's love in a still photo. Maybe they'll Photoshop in some motion lines or something.

Posted by Andy at 11:44 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)




Musical Meme

Zomby made me do this.

Random 10 Albums Semi-Sorta Randomly pulled from my collection:

  1. Various - Singles: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
  2. Kevn Kinney - MacDougal Blues
  3. Masters of Reality - Masters of Reality
  4. Various - A 1940s Christmas
  5. Warrior Soul - Last Decade Dead Century
  6. US3 - Broadway & 52nd
  7. The Mission UK - Carved in Sand
  8. Rush - Chronicles
  9. Radiohead - Amnesiac
  10. The Sextants - Lucky You
What is the total amount of music files on your computer?

Due to a variety of new work restrictions, the laptop only has a couple hundred megabytes. The home computer has four or five gigabytes presently, but I've just started ripping our entire CD collection to it, which I figure will hit the 20-25 GB range when complete.

The last CD you bought is:

The Instigator, by Rhett Miller, almost 2 years ago. I've gotten other CDs since then, but they were promo copies to be reviewed on BlogCritics.

What is the song you last listened to before this message?

No idea, but I was just singing "Push the Feelings Down," by Matthew Sweet, while typing this.

Five songs that you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.

  1. "Don't Dream It's Over" - Crowded House
  2. "I Won't Take the Blame" - Del Amitri
  3. "Sleepers, Awake" - Johann Sebastian Bach
...and some others that I won't mention because I'd really rather forget about them, thank you very much.

Who are you gonna pass this stick to? (5 persons and why)

Anyone who wants it. Run with it, kids.

Posted by Andy at 08:55 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (1)




Busted!

File-sharing music thief smittenedkitten's days of stealing are over.

Gertrude Walton was recently targeted by the recording industry in a lawsuit that accused her of illegally trading music over the Internet...a group of record companies named her as the sole defendant in a federal lawsuit, claiming she made more than 700 pop, rock and rap songs available for free on the Internet under the screen name "smittenedkitten."
Amazing, considering she was 83, didn't own a computer, and is quite dead.

RIAA: We can't keep up with technology, but we can still be really stupid.

Posted by Andy at 07:35 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (1)




College Campus Prohibition

It might have stopped this:

A California State University student died of "water intoxication" during hazing in the basement of a fraternity, authorities said Thursday.

An autopsy showed death was triggered by hyponatremia, a condition in which excess water in the body causes sodium levels in the blood to drop. Water is then absorbed into the blood and fluid builds up in the brain.

We can only hope that University officials will move swiftly to ban the drinking of water on campus and at off-campus University-related events. The tragedy of H2O binge drinking must never be allowed to happen again.

Or we could just accept that some people are going to do stupid shit. We can educate them. We can restrict access. But people, even if they're only dumb under the influence of peer pressure, will continue to dumb things.

Posted by Andy at 07:25 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




People Suck, A Continuing Series

Still.

A manhunt has been launched in Florida for a couple accused of torturing five of seven children in their home...

In addition [to malnourishment], they are accused of using a cattle prod or some sort of stun gun to shock the children, bonding them to certain spots in the house with chains, striking their feet with hammers and pulling the children's toenails out with pliers.

A bullet to the back of the head is too good for these folks.

Let's do it anyway.

Twice.

Update: Load up the guns*, they've been caught.

* Seriously, I want them to have due process. And then be shot. Twice. You know, if they 'fess up and get convicted.

Posted by Andy at 11:34 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)




Equal Opportunity

Laurence Simon is starting up the second installment of his "Give Your Money To Anyone But Andrew Sullivan Project."

I'd just like to say that, should the mood strike, feel free to send me some money via the Paypal button to the left - no amount too large! Even if you're Michael Moore, your cash is as good as anyone else's, and - thankfully - slopped-up Twinkie and Ho-Ho filling doesn't transmit through Electronic Funds Transfer.

Also, think of the subtle irony involved in not giving money to one Andrew and then turning around to give it to a different one! Surely the Fates would smile upon such genius.

Maybe you'd rather buy some fancy WWR gear (link to the left), proudly sporting a monkey on your back (or your crotch, if you get the thong panties).

Or keep your money and just keep coming back to read every now and again. I'm easily pleased.

Posted by Andy at 08:36 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)




February 03, 2005

Sad Geek Moment

Star Trek: Enterprise is ending its four-season run on May 13.

Sad, Old Geek Moment: I can't believe Star Trek: TNG debuted 18 years ago. Somebody stop the space-time continuum, I want to get off.

Bright Side: I'm digging the new Battlestar: Galactica. For the most part.

Posted by Andy at 08:31 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack (1)




February 02, 2005

Bloggers Comment

Andrew Sullivan and Wonkette are on CNN.

I bet Wonky's got some nice boobies.

I dare not pass judgement on Andrew's boobies. I imagine the nipple hair would put me off.

Update: Wait, he SHAVES?

Update 2: Steve says, from personal experience, no he doesn't.

Update 3: It seems Wonkette was live-blogging too at her site; no idea how Jessica Cutler's anus ties into the speech. But I bet it does.

Update 4: Jeff G has more.

Update 5: After a very informal poll, if Wonkette and Andrew want to submit booby-pics, we'll entertain them.

Posted by Andy at 09:31 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)




State of the Union

Steve and I are at the Denver Press Club, reporting live (sort of, but not really) on the State of the Union address. I'll be posting my thoughts, updates, and just-plain-made-up-shit in this post; Steve will have more stuff and loads more readers, but I just want you to know how much I love each and every one of you. Now give me a hug, baby baby please.

Errr...anyway, moving along, let's get this thing started:

Update: Here he comes, Mr. America....

7:03: John Ashcroft...making sure no naked boobies are on display. Good on ya, John.

7:04 : We're watching CNN if you're curious. Yes, I know, we're the only two people doing so.

7:05: Michele, no, I'm not kissing Steve.

7:06: OK, lots of people with their fingers dyed in ink; forgive me, but as happy as I am about the Iraqi elections, it seems a rather hollow tribute in a land where the right to vote is so clearly taken for granted. Maybe it'll make Americans think beyond what's on the next episode of Desperate Housewives.

7:10: Nice mentions of the spread of democratic reforms (if not ideals) to Afghanistan, the PA, the Ukraine, and Iraq. Loads of applause. I'd clap if I weren't typing, for - YOU - good people.

7:11: Advances in medicine? How about a little stem cell, please.

7:12: What will be the state of their union? Well, if they are gay, apparently non-existent. Sorry, sorry.

7:13: Hillary gave a golf clap. Woo.

7:14: I'm sorry, did Bush just say something about controlling spending? I'm sorry - what?

7:15: Steve has gone to pee.

7:17: Stickin' it to the trial lawyers. John Edwards is a-wishin' he were VP right now. None of that nasty anti-lawsuit talk.

7:18: Steve has returned. His pee was, in his words, "satisfactory." OK, I made that up.

7:19: Correction - MUST CREDIT WORLD WIDE RANT - he says it was "very good." I did not make that up.

7:20: Stuff about dependence upon alcohol or whatever. Mmmm, beer. I love me some beer.

7:21: Amnesty program...hmmmm. Errr.... I like the idea of "open" borders, but I don't like the idea of amnesty proggies that say "please run here as fast as you can."

7:23: Social Security was a great moral success? Errr.... taking money now to pay out now, banking on future investments to keep it afloat? Doesn't that sound like a recipe for a big ol' financial fuck up?

7:23: He said "snocial."

7:23: A drunk next to me told me about the "snocial" thing.

7:24: How to save Social Security? ENCOURAGE SMOKING AND DRINKING AND DRUG ABUSE AND WHORING!

7:24: In 2018, Social Security will be paying out more than it takes in - remarkably, just like the U.S Government of 2004.

7:25: Uh, no, dude, if you have a 21 month old, you're already worrying about college expenses, and those fucking ice sculptures your daughter is going to demand for her wedding. Ice sculptures! CAN YOU IMAGINE??

7:27: I have oodles of good ideas, Dubya. Surrender power immediately and turn over the power of the American government to my benevolent leadership.

7:29: Why are personal accounts a better deal? Oh, because it's my money? Just a thought. P.S. Go visit Steve Wheeler as he is live-blogging too.

7:30: The government can never take away your retirement money until the Democrats say it can.

7:31: Steve Wheeler has pictures of naked ladies on his site.

7:31: OK, fine, I made that up too.

7:32: Marriage should not be redefined - let's bring back polygamy and oppressive patriarchal societal constructs! YES! You know what - if two men getting married really hurts your marriage, then (a) your marriage is a weak piece of shit and (b) you probably shouldn't be married.

7:33: If you are now single, based on the above, and a hot chick, please contact me as I am currently trying to talk the wife into the whole "no, no, really, polygamy is COOL" thing.

7:34: Dude, I bet Steve has got like 1000 comments already and I ... don't. No one loves me. Someone hold me.

7:36: Three words, people "NUKE-YOU-LAR."

7:37: Ok, I'm just being a goon. I'll be serious now.

7:38: More DNA testing for people on trial? Holy shit, Ann Coulter just lost a topic for her inane columns.

7:40: We're apparently working hard to stop "dangerous materials" from being imported into Iraq.

7:42: Yes, I know, we thought they were there. To quote the philosopher Alanis Morrisette, "you live - you learn."

7:44: "The advance of freedom will lead to peace." Indeed.

7:45: Dick Cheney looks remarkably constipated... squeeze it out, bud.

7:46: Iran gots to give ups da goods. They say no. Or however you say that in...uh... Iranian?

Correction: Farsi. I knew that. Somewhere, deep in the dank underbelly of my vast intelligence. Or whatever. Thanks, dear readers.

7:50: The Iraqi people value their liberty as they showed the left the world...

7:52: Michael Moore will not overturn the will of the Iraqi people. Awesome! Sorry, I mean "extremism."

7:55: Michael Moore, will, however, overturn an entire Old Country Buffet to get at the spicy meat loaf and perhaps a few crescent rolls with butter.

7:56: "Our commitment remains firm and unchanging... and freedom in Iraq will make America safer for generations to come." Something certain parties would do well to understand.

7:58: To the family of the fallen soldier, thank you.

8:01: No, to all the families of those soldiers fallen, injured, or actively serving, a huge fucking thank you. Pardon my language.

8:03: "the liberation from Fascism was only a dream... until it was achieved."

8:04: Hmmm, ok, we're done. I was hoping for more details on domestic issues, personally. Further thoughts to come after conferencing with my fellow drunkards for the next lil' while.

8:08: Wolf Blitzer is talkin' about the blogosphere. I doubt I'll be on there. My cell phone ain't ringing. Yeah, hey, NICE NAME, WOLF!

8:13: Ooh, the Democrats are talking... or putting people to sleep, it's hard to tell.

8:14: Is this the Democratic response or a self-help circle jerk?

8:15: Michele, a Democratic activist, says "tell us another story, Grandpa." Darren, her fiance, will probably get a new asshole for this.

8:16: Grandpa, we're already a powerhouse. Thanks.

8:17: I have sooo gots to pee.

8:17: Must stop the slanty-eyed and "yo quiero Taco Bell!" people from taking our jobs, even the ones we don't want. Haven't the Democrats ever taken a college economics course?

8:18: The Dems say it's wrong to take my money, invest it where I want it, to get the returns I am hoping for... instead, they'd rather take my money, invest it in something I've got fuck all clue about, if they invest it at all, and then give me what they think is a "fair amount." THANKS!

8:19: Invoking God? I still have to pee, dude.

8:20: Nancy Pelosi- her name is like the Spanish word "pelota," which means "ball," but somehow I doubt it applies.

8:21: Ok, I'm about to pop. With a capital PEE.

8:22: Democrats all in favor of Iraqi voting, except when they aren't - which is when it serves their purposes. Iraq is a magnet for terrorists... somehow, I have small dificulty accepting that an Iraqi/Allied checkpoint is a better place to have a bomb go off than a shopping mall.

But then people in shopping malls are dirty evil capitalists! Die Die Die!

Yes, I'm being "hyperbolic."

It's cute. And now I gotta pee. Back shortly, loved ones.

8:27. Bladder condition: EMPTY.

Posted by Andy at 07:58 PM | Comments (19) | TrackBack (7)




Just a Few More Hours

First, welcome to any Tech Central Station readers visiting from their live-blogging links. And thanks to TCS for the link, period.

OK - so, in a mere four hours, Vodkapundit and I shall be meeting downtown as we embark upon a valiant quest to find a bar with good wi-fi access and televisions tuned to something other than "Police Chases Gone Wild."

Once that goal is met, we shall anxiously await the seven o'clock hour, at which time the live-blogging of the State of the Union address shall commence. The beer drinking, however, should probably already be well underway. Had better be. Will be.

Mmmm, beer.

So, stay tuned, lil' chirrens. The best is yet to come*.

* I hope. It's quite possible that this blog passed it's "sell-by" date sometime in late 2003, but - if so - no one seems to be complaining about the stench or the spoiled taste.

Posted by Andy at 12:24 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (1)




February 01, 2005

Not Cool

The wee Fiona just up-ended a beer into my laptop. I think I got it all cleaned up before things went kablooey, if they even actually do that and it's not just some fancy Hollywood special effect that has been fooling us all these years.

Say, remember when Edgar the computer fell in love with Virginia Madsen and wrote Giorgio Moroder / Jeff Lynne / Culture Club songs and then blew up so Virginny could be with the man she loved?

Now there's a movie that time forgot.

Anyway, what's even worse is when the aforementioned laptop belongs to your employer. Whoops!

Posted by Andy at 06:49 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)




Yay Hooray Let's Have Some Fun

As I mentioned in passing a few days ago, I'm in the mood to futz around with a bit of creativity, stretch out the atrophied writing muscles, compose some potentially awful prose.

Who's with me?

(updates below)

Gimme gimme more more more »


Posted by Andy at 02:46 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)




Just Wait Until Cobra Commander Gets a Hold of Him

When I saw this photo with this story, my first thought was:

Hmmm, looks like a toy soldier. And a toy gun pointed at him. Photographed up close and blurry.
Drudge is asking the same question; here's hoping it really is a toy and that the insurgents aren't just really crappy photographers who don't know how to use their camera lens.

Hope, hope, hope.

Update: Astute observations from a CNN military analyst:

He told CNN in a phone interview that the flak jacket in the picture had a kind of trim along the edges that he'd never seen before, and that the open-legged pants, as opposed to gathered hems, struck him as odd.

He also questioned what appeared to be camouflage paint on the face.

Apparently the fact that it looked like a toy didn't seem very important.

More Thoughts from Me: No idea why, but the name of the "soldier" was supposedly John Adam - the initials of which are J.A. - which could mean Jackass, which could mean Johnny Knoxville is behind it. Of course, that's probably a complete bunch of hooey, but it came through my mind with the ease of 6 pounds of Olestra in the colon of an IBS sufferer.

Yes, that was unnecessarily graphic and nasty. I apologize.

Posted by Andy at 02:33 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)




Laissez-faire?

No, more like "lazy French."

The French government is proposing plans to ease the rules on the country's 35-hour working week.

However, a recent poll shows that the majority of French workers do not want to work longer hours.

It's perplexing, isn't it? The French want to be prevented from making more money for their labor while, at the same time, giving so much of what they already own to the government.

Lay off the wine, guys - your brains are pickled.

Posted by Andy at 08:36 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)






MONKEY BUSINESS








THE BLOGROLL