America-hating professor Ward Churchill has resigned as chair of his department, but will stay on as a professor:
Monday's announcement follows a growing furor over written comments Churchill made about the victims of the Sept. 11 attacks.Because there are so many positive - or even neutral - ways in which to take being called "little Eichmanns." Gosh, and when the lefty kooks call Bush "Hitler," they're just being taken out of context. They don't really mean to compare him to an evil man who drove National Socialism across Europe while exterminating millions upon millions of Jews, homosexuals, gypsies, and handicapped people; they mean to say that he's... uh...
In the essay, he called the victims of the attacks "little Eichmanns." Adolf Eichmann was the Nazi who oversaw the plan to exterminate millions of Jews in World War II.
Churchill says his remarks have been taken out of context.
Look, if you're going to make asinine comparisons of moral equivalence, at least have the chunky-munky gonads to own up to it, eh Churchill? Ya big puss.
Wine: 2002 Chateau Souverain Chardonnay Sonoma County.
And now I'm fresh out of white wines, so must pay a visit to the store this week to restock. Suggestions welcome, $20 or less per bottle as I'm look for "everyday" wines.
Note: Yes, I know it should be a "blogaversary," but that didn't fit as well as "birthday" in the title. Stop yer nit-pickin', you kids!
This Wednesday, from somewhere deep in the heart of Denver (specific location as of yet undetermined, much like whether or not Rosie and Shrek are the same being), Vodkapundit and I - and possibly others - will be live-blogging the President's State of the Union address.
And drinking beer.
Lots and lots of good beer.
Oh, yeah, and live-blogging or whatever.
And maybe some other people.
But, most of all, beer.
New survey shows that many American high school students are kind of dumb:
The survey of 112,003 students finds that 36% believe newspapers should get "government approval" of stories before publishing; 51% say they should be able to publish freely; 13% have no opinion.Sigh.
Asked whether the press enjoys "too much freedom," not enough or about the right amount, 32% say "too much," and 37% say it has the right amount. Ten percent say it has too little...
Although a large majority of students surveyed say musicians and others should be allowed to express "unpopular opinions," 74% say people shouldn't be able to burn or deface an American flag as a political statement; 75% mistakenly believe it is illegal."
I suppose it's ok though, so long as the trains run on time.
Evil multinational corporation
oppresses proletariat boosts domestic economy:
U.S. consumer spending advanced solidly in December as personal income shot up a record 3.7 percent on a big dividend payout by software giant Microsoft Corp. (MSFT), a government report showed on Monday.Bad, Microsoft, bad! Sheesh, next Bill Gates - a robber baron if ever there was one - will be trying to do something dastardly like immunize the children of the world*.
The Commerce Department said personal income rose 0.6 percent in December when the impact of Microsoft's dividend payment was stripped out.
* It's obvious that since Bill Gates is also a "mad scientist," that these immunizations will contain genetic therapy to create a "buy Microsoft" instinct in the children, ensuring the continuance of the Gates empire. Don tinfoil hats now.
Wow, first we have an Iraqi vote that annoys leftists and insurgents both, and now this:
The man replacing the mayor of Baghdad — who was assassinated for his pro-American loyalties — says he is not worried about his ties to Washington.Hmm, I'm picturing Dubya, clad in Roman battle armor, with a flowing tunic; glowing Sword of Freedom's Might held proudly aloft; all while riding on the back of an eagle; with Toby Keith playing everytime someone passes by.
In fact, he'd like to erect a monument to honor President Bush in the middle of the city.
"We will build a statue for Bush," said Ali Fadel, the former provincial council chairman. "He is the symbol of freedom."
Tasteful, subdued... perfection.
Update: Some possible poses can be found here.
Perhaps with the last two days of my being a cheering section for the Iraqi people, some of my more left-leaning readers had begun to think I was turning into a Republican flunky* - so, to put those thoughts to rest:
There, now, group hug everyone.
* I realize that the rare uber-lefty-kook who stops by here will think this anyway. Thankfully, you and your ideologies are but an insignificant pimple on the bottom of American politics, so away with you - shoo! shoo!
And, apparently, louder than expected:
The Independent Election Commission of Iraq clarified an earlier estimate of a 72 percent turnout in Sunday's election, saying that the "figures are only very rough, word-of-mouth estimates gathered informally from the field."A higher-than-expected turnout, and a series of - comparatively - impotent attacks by the insurgents, create another victory for the people of Iraq.
"It will take some time for the IECI to issue accurate figures on turnout," the statement said. "What is certainly the case is that turnout has exceeded expectations throughout the country."
Update: Oddly, left-wing blathering anti-war chuckleheads such as Oliver Willis and Atrios are silent on the success. I suppose they're too busy choking on the vomit of their entrenched ideologies to even be happy that something went right (after all: ChimpyMcBushSmirkySmirk!).
Update 2: Speaking of the left, Jeff Goldstein was a bit more verbose.
It's underway... and I hope many of them take advantage of this opportunity for self-determination. As was said over at Unscrewing the Inscrutable:
I'd like to ask a favor: Regardless of one's political inclination, irrespective of your confidence in the electoral process employed, or the decision to invade and occupy Iraq, no matter what the outcome, let us all stand united in our admiration for those courageous Iraqi's who will brave gunfire, RPGs, bombs, and reprisal, to determine their own fate? For they choose to do so in bold defiance of promised violence and certain intimidation.They've got my admiration.
Of course, I imagine that many of the people to whom UTI was speaking are screaming election fraud* and no blood for oil and Bush lied, Iraqis voted... errr, ok, maybe not the last one.
Update: FoxNews is reporting a blast at a Baghdad polling station.
Update 2: Now saying it was a suicide car bombing with one casualty. No idea how close to the polling station; no traffic should be on the street so perhaps it was engaged prior to reaching its target. More details to come, probably even sooner if you'd watch the news.
Update 3: Now reporting several explosions in Baghdad. Also saying the car bomb detonated at the checkpoint, not at the polling station.
Update 4: No car, just a suicide bomber, stopped at a checkpoint where the bomb was detonated. Another polling station leveled by an IED, no casualities. Rocket attack on another, no casualties. Looks like the insurgents are keeping their promise to try to disrupt the "lie of democracy."
I hope enough Iraqis, facing dangers I can't imagine, feel the same way.
Update 5: I still can't take Geraldo seriously ever since that "Al Capone vault" thing.
Update 6: Geraldo, closing out an interview with a former General, said "I'm with you, brotha." Word, yo. Commence the rolling of eyes.
* I guess after two U.S. elections of senselessly screaming it, they're kind of in a rut. I didn't even vote for Bush the first time out, so shut up.
When you hold everyone back, no one gets left behind.
(Sort of like how, in Communism, when everyone is without money, no one is poor).
That's the film we're watching tonight.
It's fascinating and reassuring and inspiring to see Iraqis, young and old, being optimistic about their futures, understanding that there is a long road ahead, and showing a willingness to slog on in the rebuilding of their nation.
Naturally, many an anti-war lefty is claiming the movie is propaganda by the Bush administration, but it would be an odd bit of pro-war propaganda to show bombs going off, children being frightened, and some Iraqis talking negatively about the Americans (of course, that was just thrown in to make it believable!).
I realize that they will keep on believing what they want to believe, because - goddamnit - Bush McChimpyHalliburtonMcSmirkySmirk!
You can disagree with the way the war was handled. You can disagree with the way we're handling it now. You can disagree that it should have been a priority for the Administration.
But if you argue that liberating these people from Saddam was morally wrong -- then you're just an idiot. Or evil.
I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and settle for "idiot."
I missed The Apprentice last night, but I did just waste a couple minutes of my life reading the episode recap online. That's where I saw this:
Then Trump got down to the matter at hand. George reported that Net Worth received an average survey score, on a scale from 1 to 5 with 5 being best, of 2.92. But Carolyn said that Magna received a score of 3.96. Magna cheered in victory!I'm sorry, but this is supposed to be a premiere firm headed by one of the most well-known men in the country - why the hell are they using an average score to determine a winner? Averages are pretty useless when it comes to customer satisfaction.
For example, you administer two surveys to two samples of six guests. The results of one survey are:
1 1 1 5 5 5
3 3 3 3 3 3What's the average for each? That's right: 3.
It's better to focus on what percentage of your customers were satisfied or highly satisfied (usually a 4 or 5 on a 5-point Likert scale) to gauge performance. The first survey indicates that half of your guests hate you and the other half love you. The second survey says everyone thinks you're pretty mediocre. Which is more useful?
The goal is satisfaction, not mediocrity. I'd rather know what is broken than what is blah.
Just looking at an average tells you little about what is actually going on, about where and to whom you are delivering excellent service, and about what needs to change and what should remain untouched.
Come on, The Donald, get with it.
Well, as original as it can be when it's built out of samples, drum loops, and soundfonts, but - still - the creative genius is readily apparent, particularly if you're looking elsewhere.
Uploaded for our pal Bill.
Update: Seriously, there's just no pleasing some people.
(insert Howard Dean scream here)
Remember, this isn't evidence of evolution or common descent...
Chimpanzees have a sense of fair play but how much they will tolerate depends on who they are dealing with, according to scientists.....rather, it just shows that chimps, with the blessed power of forgiveness, are cast in the image of their Maker*.
They will put up with being short-changed if they are friends or family of the animal getting the better deal, but won't allow any monkey business if it's a stranger.
* Ookook the Magic Space Monkey
For the first time in almost three years, I can't think of anything to write about. Even made up stuff.
I'm open to suggestions.
Hey, I don't like it any more than you do.
This too shall pass.
Update: OK, some folks have made a few suggestions. My responses follow:
If you hear music playing from the site, it's the RadioBlog down below. Don't worry, it won't be here long as it eats up my bandwidth somethin' ugly. Consider it a rare treat - unless you hate outstanding guitar playing, in which case you may consider it a punishment of sorts. Either way, we still love you.
Update: OK, going to remove the RadioBlog post for the time being until I have time to see how much bandwidth it has gobble-gobbled up. Don't you fret your pretty little head, it'll be back in time. Just believe, chirren, believe.
It looks like that is what somebody is up to given that I just got spammed with a "please donate" link to this site. It looks fairly convincing, but if the Red Cross is using spam to get money then they should be treated as an e-scourge. Hence, let's give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that someone is running a little scam.
Based on whois info, that someone appears to be:
Domain Name:TSUNAMI-REDCROSS.ORGAnyone got a scoop on this? Is Murray the Canadian a thieving little fucktard of a man? Or is it a good cause being ruined by a stupid idea?
Registrant Name:MURRAY FEHR
Registrant Organization:MURRAY A. FEHR
Registrant Street1:15413-80 avenue
Registrant Postal Code:T5R3M1
Update: I notified both the American and Australian Red Cross about the site. I've no idea if it helped, but the site is gone now. Good riddance.
Damn, that was a good meal, if I do say so myself.
And I do.
We just finished wiping out a moderately improvised version of Steak Gaucho-Style with Argentinian Chimichurri Sauce, Mashed Sweet Potato Casserole Topped with Caramelized Bananas, and the old standby, green beans. The sweet potato / banana dish might sound out of place, but it was the perfect complement to the spiciness of the steak and its sauce. Go on. Try it. You know you want to.
The wine was (is, and continues to be at the moment) a 2003 Terrazas Alto Malbec. Nothing fancy, but it paired well, and the spices in the steak sauce brought out some interesting vanilla and cinnamon notes on the finish.
Or maybe it's all a big bunch of nothin'.
A group of suspected illegal immigrants was being questioned early Tuesday after federal officials forced their single-engine plane to land here...
Online records of the Federal Aviation Administration show the 20-year-old plane is co-owned by Afzal Hameed of Dover, Delaware.
Federal authorities said the plane was flying in American airspace illegally and that those aboard the craft appeared to be Chinese, according to San Antonio television and radio station WOAI.Given the (apparently bogus) Chinese terror threat against Boston, it might make one look at the confluence of an Arabic name with Chinese nationals a little more closely.
But at least I've met my post quota for the day.
Update: Michelle Malkin is asking the same questions, but with a much larger readership, which is entirely unfair if you ask me. Not that you did, but if you did, that's what I would say.
Because I'm an outspoken sort of gent.
And were I an outspoken French gentleman, or pretending to be one by using Google language tools, I would declare:
Comment injuste!And then I would eat cheese.
Another one gone:
Johnny Carson, the “Tonight Show” host who served America a smooth nightcap of celebrity banter, droll comedy and heartland charm for 30 years, died Sunday. He was 79.OK, everyone go grab a beer (it's the weekend, one should be close at hand) and raise a toast to one of the greats.
I'd break out the videotape I have with his final Tonight Show on it (as well as the final episodes of Cheers and Quantum Leap, and - yes - I realize just how sad that sounds), but ever since we got the home theater setup, I never got around to hooking up the VCR because that was sooo 1990s.
Oh well, there'll be plenty of retrospectives on the airwaves this week I'm sure. Goodnight, Johnny.
(just saw the news over at Michele's)
Remember, folks, Al Qaeda's war against the United States is merely about our influence in the Middle East:
"We have declared a bitter war against democracy and all those who seek to enact it," said the speaker in the 35-minute message.
"Democracy is also based on the right to choose your religion," he said, and that is "against the rule of God."Whoops, wrong again. Looks like it really is fundamentalist Islam against "the rest of us."
Someone should probably tell the Spanish. And Michael Moore.
Update: They also hate us because their Mom threw away their best porno mag.
Had a pleasant evening out last night with Charles Austin, who was in town, and the usual cast of Denver/Co Springs bloggers. I'm fine today; no hangover, no nothin'.
Others apparently aren't so lucky.
Have a good weekend!
FCC Chariman Michael Powell is probably resigning:
Federal Communications Commission Chairman Michael K. Powell, who generally wielded a light regulatory hand as the nation's chief media watchdog but collected some of the largest indecency fines against U.S. broadcasters, plans to step down, two agency officials and others said Friday.Unnamed sources quoted the Chairman as saying:
My mission to shield Americans from a couple of nekkid boobies and backsides, based on complaints from 0.0000001% of the population, while turning a strangely blind eye to programs chock full of murder, mayhem, and general disregard for human life, is complete.Standard disclaimers on how I might have made all that up apply.
I'm proud of what I've accomplished, because - dude - did you see those big ass fines I smacked down?
I only hope that my successor shares my bizarre priorities on what makes for "healthy viewing," understands that Americans are incapable of making viewing decisions for themselves, and is willingly beholden to a vocal minority of moral crusaders.
Just a quick hit before off to bed to dream of invasion of Iran and Syria like a good little Bush-voter.
Tonight's meal: Israeli Spice Chicken, Orange and Yellow Tomato Relish, and Zucchini with Mint and Parsley - all served up in pita bread pockets. It turned out rather well, but wasn't as hot as I was expecting; perhaps more red pepper flakes next time.
Or perhaps not, as the wee Fiona was none too pleased when she got a big chunk of them in her gob with one bite. It's amusing, in a cruel, sadistic way that only a loving parent can possibly understand, to see one's child be completely perplexed as to why their mouth is suddenly on fire, arms flailing for the sippy cup of cool, refreshing water.
OK, off to bed - you should do the same. You look tired.
Dr. James Dobson is still an idiot.
P.S.: Yes, I did scour my eyes with bleach and Brillo pads after reading the Daily Kos. Thank you for your concern.
Harvard President Lawrence Summers has extended an olive branch to those whom he might have offended:
Harvard President Lawrence Summers said Wednesday in a statement on the school's Web site that he regretted not considering more carefully his remarks last week suggesting innate differences between the sexes could account for why fewer women succeed in science and math careers.He ended his apology by saying, "Isn't it just like a bunch of women to get their panties in a twist over something so inconsequential?"
I'm sorry, but just how stupid and naive is the modern press?
You might say the Janet Jackson moment of President Bush's inaugural festivities came Tuesday at a youth concert with hundreds of preteen Hilary Duff fans in the audience.Except that nobody showed a big, brown
Borrowing a word from Motley Crue's Neil, the lead singer of Fuel proclaimed, "Welcome to the greatest ----ing country in the world." Brett Scallions followed with a quick apology of "excuse my language."Holy
Did you know that. prior to Vince Neil and his Motley Crue using the
word "fuck," "f-word," no one in the history of mankind had ever used that word? It's true! The article says so! Look, there it is:
Borrowing a word from Motley Crue's Neil...."Oh, Vince Neil, you evil, evil man! I bet they're wishing they had invited that nasty Kid Rock to their shindig!
P.S. Reading the rest of the article, this pre-inaugural concert sounds like - quite possibly - the biggest yawnfest in the world. Wow, Hillary Duff as a headliner! Yay!
Update: By order of Michael Powell of the FCC, in response to a massive influx of 143 complaints (all written by the same three people), this post has been edited to be "family-friendly."
I'm still here. Just dealing with some... people. Back soon.
Europe, still not quite getting that whole bit about "he who forgets the past is condemned to repeat it," is proposing this:
BRUSSELS, Belgium The fallout over British Prince Harry's Nazi costume has reached all the way to the European Union's top justice official -- who is considering a total ban on Nazi symbols.Because, you know, banning things does so much to reduce their allure to people.
Hey, maybe they could organize a good EU-sponsored book burning of Nazi propaganda! Because the EU is all about freedom, dude.
Hey, does anybody know where my checkbook is?
Update: Found it, thanks.
This blog contains material on gravitation. Gravitation is a theory, not a fact, regarding the force of attraction between all masses in the universe. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully and critically considered.
Note: This message provided to appease those who have a heartfelt faith in invisible monkey elves that pull everything together.
No, not that one.
A federal judge in Atlanta, Georgia, has ruled that a suburban county school district's textbook stickers referring to evolution as "a theory not a fact" are unconstitutional.I'm willing to wager that "confusing students" was the actual intent of those who dreamed up the idea, which was then willingly backed by the ignorant masses of evangelical schlubs who never seem to bother questioning the theory of gravitation everytime they drop a ball.
In ruling that the stickers violate the constitutionally mandated separation between church and state, U.S. District Judge Clarence Cooper ruled that labeling evolution a "theory" played on the popular definition of the word as a "hunch" and could confuse students.
Score one for the good guys.
Update: More over here, although it is lamentable that Eric didn't see fit to use the phrase "ignorant masses of evangelical schlubs" anywhere in the post.
If some of you think my humor is offensive, well... you might want to reevaluate some things in your life. Especially if you explore the rest of that site.
My most recent culinary adventure was Italian Stuffed Meatloaf. I have no idea how Italian it actually is, but it was stuffed with the gustatory goodness of baked ham and sliced Cheddar cheese. The loaf itself was flavored with Italian seasoning, parsley, garlic, and shredded Parmesan cheese. Topped with bacon slices, it was a medley of meats and turned out to be quite tasty.
On the side we had green beans, Brussel sprouts, and whipped potatoes (with fresh black pepper, salt, Cheddar cheese, butter, and milk).
Wine of the night: 2000 Chateau Fleur de Rol Saint-Emilion Grand Cru.
Because of stories like this:
The Paris prosecutor's office announced a preliminary enquiry to determine if the veteran far-right leader Jean-Marie Le Pen broke the law when he described the Nazi occupation of France in World War II as "not especially inhumane."If the French want to really make the world a better place, they should outlaw things like surrender, capitulation, appeasement, and building bridges over insurmountable obstacles like dry land.
The investigation was to focus on whether Le Pen's comments, which were made to the extreme right-wing magazine Rivarol, constituted "denial of crimes against humanity" or "apology for war crimes" -- both of which are criminal offences.
I really should get around to a "What I am Reading" sidebar, because I know how many of you sit awake at night, dreamily wondering just what books are making their home on the nightstand, the coffee table, or my desk. However, until I get around to doing that (after all, it is about time for a site redesign), here's the list:
Well, that was certainly exciting.
I've got an idea for a little writing exercise as well that I'll share later on today, if anyone is interested in doing some collaborative creativity. Yay fun.
* But not as condensed as the evangelical Christian version would be, which would have one page with bold type proclaiming "God did it!"
...is one or more of these.
Thanks to the success of our Special Edition U2 iPod, a slew of other artists are now clamoring to have signature MP3 devices of their own. Pre-order your favorite today.I'd advise against the Christina Aguilera model, as you'll soon find out you're the last in a long, long, long line of owners.
(found via Ang)
With so many companies doing so much wrong, I'm going to take a minute here to plug a company that treats its customers right: Lasko Products.
In late 2003, we purchased a Lasko model 5540 ceramic space heater from Sam's Club. In late 2004, it stopped working, reason unknown. The heater came with a three-year warranty, so I contacted Sam's Club for a proof of purchase (which they provided the same day - thanks!) and submitted it to Lasko's warranty department.
I didn't even have to call them to say, "Will you replace the heater or should I just buy a new one from your competitors?"
One week later, a new heater arrived on my doorstep, free of charge and no questions asked. They are also sending me a postage-paid return label to ship them the deceased product.
More companies should be this responsive to the needs of their customers.
It's the kind of thing you can't keep a secret for long. We should have realized that, but we thought we'd try anyway. However, the press just kept buzzing around, asking questions, insinuating, and accusing.
So, fine, here it is. I'll lay it all out for you.
Yes, I am the reason that Brad and Jennifer are splitting up.
Jennifer and I met at a local Tastee Freeze in October of last year and we just felt that - you know - spark. She was sucking on a chili dog and I said, "Let's run off behind a shady tree." Isn't that how these things always start?
So we're all converting to fundamentalist Mormonism; moving to Colorado City, Arizona; and living in polygamous bliss.
Update: Angelina Jolie wants to pop over for a visit, but only for some nookie. Better clear it with the wives.
Update 2: Michele, don't be jealous. I know how you can get sometimes.
What a heart-warming tale:
Christmas is still going strong for 14-year-old Nick Waters.Asked what he thought about this outpouring of support, my sources tell me Nick said:
When the boy's church asked what he wanted for Christmas, Nick, who cannot talk and was born with no arms, slowly typed his reply with his feet: Lots of Christmas cards. Ten thousand of them.
More than two weeks after Christmas, he has more than 130,000 cards -- and they are still coming.
For Christ's sake, I should have asked for a Christmas card AND a dollar.Once again, I don't make this stuff up, unless I do.
Michael Moore and his "loosely based on a somewhat true story except for all those parts that weren't true" movie won big at The People's Choice Awards.
Draw your own conclusions.
What the hell was the ACLU thinking?
It is probably no accident that freedom of speech is the first freedom mentioned in the First Amendment:Uh, except that it isn't the first - religious freedom is.
Stupid monkey tricks like this are about as helpful to the cause of separation of church and state as pedophiliac Baptist ministers are to Christianity.
...to save the boobies!
Entirely work safe, I promise - and it's for a good cause.
(Posted in response to a request by Rae, herself a proud owner of boobies)
While it's not uncommon to hear people wishing for a nationalized health care system or some other social institution that mirrors those that you see throughout the EU, it's pretty rare to find someone willing to trade unemployment rates or wishing that we had a vibrant economy like Germany's.I was amused.
* Yes, I know it should be "zombies," but that's the way Zomby spells it and we don't make Zomby angry. We wouldn't like him when he's angry.
I can't possibly imagine why else this was above the fold on CNN.com:
OVIEDO, Florida (AP) -- A Presbyterian minister collapsed and died at the pulpit after saying "And when I go to heaven...," his colleague said.In an unrelated story, Mrs. Mary Jane Freemont of Glenfiddle, Arkansas died after stepping away from her sixth visit to the "hot bar" at Old Country Buffet, saying "It's like I done died and gone to heaven...."
Update: Drudge links to an extended article:
"We were stunned," Beates said. "It was traumatic, but how wonderful it was he died in his own church among the people he loved the most."Yep, I'm sure that's just the example of God's love he wanted to demonstrate for his flock: dropping dead at the pulpit. Makes me want to sign up for being a Christian faster than you can say "It's done like I died and gone to heaven...."
Admittedly, I've never quite understood the statement that it's wonderful to die "around people you love" or to buy the farm "doing what you love." Sure, it's probably better than dying in a 50-ton hydraulic press while surrounded by slobbering aliens who are laughing at you, but either way, I think the first (and last) reaction I would have is:
"Well, crap. This sucks."Lights out*.
* A-ha - dance, dance, dance.
The Jon Stewart book, America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction, isn't amusing everyone:
Library officials in two southern Mississippi counties have banned Jon Stewart's best-selling "America (The Book)" over the satirical textbook's nude depictions of the nine U.S. Supreme Court justices....and because they read on Lucianne.com that Stewart "might be a big gay liberal Jew."
Sometimes I look up at the clouds and see bunnies.
Update: And Belgian waffles.
Courtesy of Brent, I've been able to recover the exciting content of the posts devoured during the Great Server Meltdown of 2005. I can't be bothered to actually plug in all the links, create and save new entries, etc, so I'm just going to tuck them snugly below the fold. If you're curious, click below for more.
Gimme gimme more more more »
It Hurts, Mommy. Make the Bad Man Stop.
LAWRENCE WELK PERFORMER TO SING JOHN ASHCROFT-PENNED SONG AT INAUGURAL...
That's right. For $40 million they are getting a has-been singer to belt out a song written by the one and only John Ashcroft, (soon-to-be) former Attorney General of the United States.
Let's just say his songwriting is right up there with his love of civil liberties and homersexurals.
You can make your ears bleed here.
No, no, don't thank me - I do it out of the goodness of my heart.
Posted by Andy at 07:43 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
Down and Outage
Sorry for the brief unavailability of the site today; my hosting company
was replacing the server's anyon emitter with a Heisenberg compensator
to prevent any progressive encryption locks or electroplasma system taps.
All better now.
Posted by Andy at 07:26 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
The power of cheese:
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. (AP) - A man serving a life sentence for murder was sentenced to three additional years in prison for felony possession of cheese sandwiches while in jail.I've often said that the Courts don't take dairy products in our prisons seriously enough. I'm glad to see that this is changing.
Fight the cheese!
« That's plenty, thanks!
Why shouldn't Kid Rock be invited by the White House inauguration committee to perform a concert at the Washington, DC Armory on January 18?
I have a thought: because his music sucks.
There, settled. On with your lives, good people.
Update: Bill inspires me to remind you of just how good music can be.
So, that out of the way, let me remind you how good music can be: it can be really good.
I could have sworn I left this blog last night with several posts from yesterday; that I could actually access all of my non-primary e-mail accounts; and that the domain control panel was a functioning page. Apparently the last three years have been a dream, because everything is mucked up this morning.
Here's hoping for the best. No further posts until I see what they can restore, etc.
Thanks for your patience.
P.S. If any of you have yesterday's posts in your cache, would you copy them and e-mail them to andybud(at)gmail(dot)com? You're a peach.
Update: OK, everything from yesterday is lost in the electron sea. Apologies, because that was some fine writing. You're really missing out.
However, this will make you feel better. I'm almost sure of it.
Based on the (rather limited, honestly) response to this post, I would like to offer an apology to all of those who have been praying for the victims of the Boxing Day Tsunami. Your spiritual contribution to the relief efforts is appreciated. It was simply wrong of me to make jokes at your expense. Wrong. So wrong.
At the same time, I'd also like to take a moment to recognize some other folks:
In the meantime, the rest of us, let's continue donate to the good people who are working to save the many lives still at risk from the holiday devestation. It costs more than prayer, but - then again - it also works.
* I realize I've also just described blogging. The crucial difference is that I don't claim my blogging does anything other than amuse me and a few other folks with excellent taste.
Note: As always, extra-supery-dupery-delicious bonus points for naming the source of the quote I've bastardized.
In which the author wraps it all up so as not to bore you further. Amen.
Gimme gimme more more more »
I arrived in London on the morning of December 23rd, well-rested from my flight of reading, movie watching, and wine drinking. My father-in-law met me at the airport, being my ride to the village; we headed off to his car, and - sensing I would probably need something to wake me up - he allowed me to drag my own bag along behind me and up a flight of stairs. Self-reliance, I told myself, and the ghost of Thoreau smiled upon me.
I gave Henry David the finger. Sodding bastard.
It's a village of three-and-a-half thousand people, give or take some nebulous amount I can't be bothered to calculate; not because I don't love each and every one of you like my very own lil'chirrens, but because I honestly don't know.
It's a village, let's leave it at that.
'Twas there that I was reunited with Mrs. WWR and the wee Fiona in the home of my in-laws. It was good to be back, as several years had passed, and, as their home had been my first introduction to British life, it still held a special place in my cynical heart.
Quit your "awww"-ing and move along, would you?
Spent some time catching up and settling in, and then it was off to the town of Biggleswade. You heard me: Biggleswade. I can't make this stuff up, folks.
At three times the size of Gamlingay, it's a veritable metropolis, with culture and community and a red-light district consisting of a really flirty cross-dresser with a lisp, but the bright lights and big city were not the reason for our arrival. Rather, we were there to pick up fellow-blogger Monica and her husband (and apparent blogger) Matthew from the train station.
Which we did.
Long story, Emmanuel Lewis: We drove back to the village, went to the local pub, had lunch and conversation, and then put them on a train back home.
I should comment that both Monica and Matthew had luxurious locks of cascading follicles and that they both were... well... tall. Given that the Mrs. is a mere five foot, and I'm but a Coney-dog-and-a-half taller (I think, trying to be creative here, folks), I felt wholly inferior in the imposing shadow of these Brobdingnagians that come from a land-down-under (except that in this case I'm more like Colin Hay than they are).
Of course, then I remembered that I am American and can do no wrong and am perfect in all ways and my, oh my, all was better at that point.
Truthfully, we didn't have nearly enough time together to just converse and challenge and explore ideas and opinions. My trip was far too short to allow for it, and my jetlagged, trip-trashed brain was the neuronal equivalent of Alpo, so even now it all seems a bit of a blur to me. I hope they didn't take offense - I sincerely wanted to work a meet-up into our schedules, but unfortunately my body clock was in sleepy-sleep lands while the brain wanted to be on full-alert.
The two conflicting forces called a cease-fire as I fell onto the bed around 5:30, down and out for the count. Morning came. Miracle of miracles.
I've often heard it said that the British savor their irony; I guess that explains this particular event in the WWR-in-law household. Rather than spend my morning looking out the window and mournfully sighing the lack of sun yet again, I had decided to sleep in, resulting in my having a late breakfast.
As I dined on a bowl of Cheerios and what I can only guess was rehydrated milk product, my young niece "E" entered the room and declared that my even-younger nephew "M" was in a very bad mood.
"I am not in a bad mood!" cried "M" as he stormed into the room, offering up as evidence of his obvious perky demeanor the following: "And you're an UGLY POO HEAD!"
Even if you are an ugly poo head.
After that delightful exchange, Mrs. WWR and I headed out into the village to do some final Baby Jesus Birthday shopping for the feast to follow. A lengthy route of walking and waiting-in-line took us to the Butcher, the Baker, and the Chemist for all of our supplies (although the "Chemist" was for diapers and such, not that we eat them, but Fiona likes to have them on her bottom).
Because presenting the "Christmas Turkey and Huggies" at the table might not be a good idea for entertaining.
Anyway, being American (see above for my righteousness), I informed the wife that if we moved to this village, I would analyze what products sold best at the Butcher, the Baker, the Chemist, and the News Agent; I would then open a store that catered to the most commonly needed products only. I'd have higher turnover, lower costs, and within six months I'd run the rest of them out of business - with a cackle even.
She didn't find it amusing. Damn socialist limey wife of mine. I can see I still have work to do.
While out, I also purchased some postcards for the good folks back home. Unfortunately, Gamlingay is a small place and thus only had one postcard for sale - well, six copies of the same postcard of the "essential" village properties.
I bought the News Agent out of their stock of this rare commodity. I imagine right now they are pulling at their hair and wondering what they will do in six months when the next tourist pops in.
Pushing ahead, I've thought long about how best to describe an English Christmas - and I realize it can really be done in just four words. So, here they are:
drink drink drink drink drink eat drink gifts drink drink drink drink drink drink drinkSometimes there is an elegant beauty in simplicity, don't you agree?
The drinking tended to come about because the father-in-law had stocked his cellar with a fat cask of real ale. Anytime that either I, he, or my brother-in-law felt the time was "just so," one of us would offer to get a beer for the others while we were down there filling our own glass - as a courtesy, of course. To do otherwise would be rude.
After the beer came the wine with dinner, and after the wine with dinner came the whisky,
and after the whisky came the sand. You ate sand? We ate sand.
Sorry, wrong movie.
The whole eat drink bemoan the tsunami ritual continued on for a few days until the crowd in the house wound down. In time, 'twas just the parents-in-law and myself, the Mrs. WWR, and the wee Fiona. And in even a little more time, it was the day of our departure.
We bid farewell once again to Gamlingay, with Biggleswade in our thoughts, and headed off to Heathrow, soon to be sleeping in our own bed in our home with our own stomach bug and our own Mazda that wouldn't start in our friend's carport, but those tales have been told.
« That's plenty, thanks!
For those of you who insist on spelling "definitely" as "definately": would you stop it, please?
You're just embarrassing yourselves.
According to this blog:
This morning The Eternal Word Network preempted regularly scheduled programming to broadcast a rosary for the tsunami victims. I expect they will continue to do this regularly.At last check, however, all the fatalities of this horrible tragedy were still quite dead, and the survivors still in rather dire straits.
Remember, good people: hands that do are better than hands that pray*.
* Hands that simply twiddle thumbs are also more fun than hands that pray, and equally effective at creating change in the world.
Don't do that!
An off-again, on-again blog that seems to have recently been on-again (at least until the holiday season): Doxagora: America, Considered.
I really wish Watchful Babbler would write more often; I may not always agree with the positions taken, but they are consistently thought-provoking. Granted, sometimes those thoughts sound a lot like "I am soooo right!" - but, still.
Besides, I like the blurb he gave us:
World Wide Rant:I'll have to do something about that 38% thing, but the rest, I hope, remains the same (especially that whole bit about spin-free biases or whatever and such). Heh.
Now with 38% less ranting! Spin-free commentary with cross-ideological biases.
It's a miracle!
Legs folded, smiling serenely, several Buddha statues of cement and plaster sit unscathed amid collapsed brick walls and other tsunami debris. To many residents, the survival of the 10-foot-high figures is a divine sign.The Lord Buddha does indeed work in mysterious ways! Why, just look at this:
"The Lord Buddha is a blessed person, so the statues were protected," said U.M. Husain, a Muslim municipal worker who survived the floods by climbing onto a table, and then clinging to a grill in a wall when the table floated away.
Another perspective was offered by a Buddhist monk. "The people are not living according to religious virtues," said Sumana, a monk in an orange robe who sheltered from the sun under a black umbrella. "Nature has given them some punishment because they are not following the path of the Lord Buddha. The people have to learn their lesson."Christians say it's their god punishing humans. Buddhists say it is theirs.
All I can say is that the gods must be crazy.
Update: In the photo accompanying this story, an Islamic mosque is the only structure left standing in the city of Keude Teunom.
Verily, Allah is the One True God and Mohammed is his prophet! Allahu akbar!
(Cool blog, actually...)
I think people believe in heaven because they don't like the idea of dying, because they want to carry on living and they don't like the idea that other people will move into their house and put their things into the rubbish.Hey, when you don't have time to write, quote.
- Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time
Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi has announced his nation would offer $500 million in grant aid for the tsunami-stricken regions of southern Asia.Well, yeah, but they're still wee little people with tiny pee pees, and this bit of inadequacy-driven outreach won't do anything to change it. So there.*
Saturday's announcement makes Japan the single largest contributor in the relief efforts.
* Just kidding. I think it's great that they're giving so much money - and that they have tiny pee pees because it's good for the self-esteem of my own.
Did you know that, by adding ads to this website, I have already earned an amazing THREE CENTS in just TWO DAYS?
Why, at this rate, I'll hit $1 million in earnings in only 187,266 years -- superduper, space-faring, rocket-launching, wormhole-traversing Lamborghini, you're as good as mine!
It's January 1, 2005 and - despite massive concerns to the contrary - the Y2K5 bug did not bring down global computer systems!
We dodged another one folks!