I'm on diaper duty tonight, and - I must say - there's nothing quite as rewarding as slow dancing with the wee Fiona to the songs of David Wilcox and Hedwig & The Angry Inch until she drifts off to peaceful sleep.
OK, a million dollars might be a start, but, for now, this will do just fine, thanks.
Thus spake The Mountain Goats:
This song is for the ratsJust came to me while reading this and this and this.
Who hurled themselves in to the ocean
When they saw that the explosives in the cargo hold
Were just about to blow
That is all.
A list of people who are going to get the special sauce no matter where they go.
Via Dave's Picks
The idea that the universe was created by an intelligent being may be science fiction to some, but to others it's just plain science.Uh, except that either it is, or it isn't. Either it follows the scientific method, or it doesn't. Either it forms a hypothesis and tests it for falsification, or it doesn't.
At the Institute for Creation Research's Museum of Creation and Earth History in Santee, some 50 exhibits at the 3,500-square-foot building attempt to explain how the universe was created by the God described in the Bible, and not through the forces of evolution.Kaboom!
"Although we do believe in the Bible, we look at the science and use that to support the theories," said museum official Kathryn Mokan.
An official statement that they don't use science or the scientific method. That they already have an immutable view of how it all came to be. That they pick and choose from "the science" to support those views. Nary a mention of prediction or falsification.
It's about time we stop giving this nonsense any level of credibility and refer to it as creation "science" (making the quote/unquote gesture with your fingers as needed). This so-called "science" is comparable to the "medical knowledge" of a little boy playing "doctor" with the girl next door. He might understand that she's got some interesting parts, but you wouldn't want him doing a pap smear.
If this was a bunch of children playing make believe and pretending to be "married," it would be cute - but these are adults with, reportedly, the same amount of brain tissue between their ears as you and I.
What went so tragically wrong with them, and how can we prevent it in the future? If elected as your President, I promise to make solving this riddle a goal of my administration.
Barna has the scoop, and it's some scary stuff.
At least to a rational person.
Well, he might have, right before being knocked unconscious.
So, here we go - attention: Glenn Danzig!
Yes, you're big. You're bad. You sing about skulls and the devil (quite well, in the past anyway). You're scary looking in that big, bad, singin' about skulls kind of way.
This doesn't mean a really big singer from another band can't kick the crap out of you with one solid punch when you start a fight.
It's almost like they were watching different speeches, isn't it?
Update: Hey, don't look at me, I was watching the Fear Factor "All Models" episode, because - while John may be all kinds of handsome in Teresa's bedroom eyes - I like them thar boobies so much more. And stuff. Or whatever.
C'mon, Walter, hup-hup!
British Nobel laureate Francis Crick, who with American James Watson discovered the double-helix structure of DNA that revolutionized genetics and spawned the ubiquitous field of biotechnology, has died at 88, associates said.A brilliant scientist has left us, and those who still think the Baby Jesus crafts every baby by hand are rejoicing.
Oooh, John Kerry will be accepting his party's nomination at the Democratic National Convention tonight. That's pretty exciting, judging by the way all the local networks are carrying coverage.
Someone tell me how it goes, 'cause the Fear Factor "All Models" episode is on.
Just another observation from the Democratic National Convention:
Barack Obama, one of the Democratic Party's rising stars, used his own story in a call Tuesday night for America to "reclaim its promise" as a place of opportunity and "the audacity of hope...."So "generosity" is what the Democrats call forcibly taking money from Americans of all classes and using a portion of it to fund education through student loans?
"They [his parents] imagined me going to the best schools in the land, even though they weren't rich, because in a generous America you don't have to be rich to achieve your potential."
Note: I'm what Walter would call a pragmatic libertarian, so I can see making an argument for state-funded education to a point. But, really, let's not call taxation for such "generosity" - it's, at best, a societal obligation, and at worst, thievery, but it sure isn't anything to do with the goodness of our hearts.
I also realize that not all student loans are through the government. However, students have the option of consolidating their student loans through the government to get a better interest rate. The money for those loans does not fall out of the sky like so much magic fairy dust.
* No, I'm not comparing him to a terrorist. Don't be stupid.
One would think this incident would cause the universe to implode upon itself leaving nothing but a void of common sense.
But, no, we're still here in a world populated largely by idiots on each side of the aisle.
When they made a t-shirt saying:
I had an abortion.It's old news in the spacetime of the blogosphere, but I don't really get the outrage over the shirt.
I just think it's a poorly-conceived shirt that makes the wearer out to be either a champion of "too much information" or a proud sponsor of infanticide, depending on where one falls in the pro-life/pro-choice spectrum.
If you happen to believe that the embryo or fetus is simply a clump of cells (as I do, up to a point), then the shirt might as well say "I took a big poop today!"
If you, on the other hand, believe that the embryo or fetus is a human being with rights (as I do, after the aforementioned point), then the shirt might as well declare "Killing babies is fun fun fun!"
Either way, it's not the kind of thing you ought to feel compelled to share with the rest of us.
...is probably just that because he thinks this site is really excellent and cool, dude!
Apparently no one in East Texas got the memo that when adults try to make something "cool," they invariably achieve exactly the opposite.
All this hymeny goodness courtesy of Brent
Al Gore, from last night's opening of the Democratic National Convention:
I didn't come here tonight to talk about the past....So much for not talking about the past, huh?
I want to to thank you as Democrats for the honor of being your nominee for president four years ago. And I want to thank the American people for the privilege of serving as vice president....
I do think it is worth pausing for just a moment as we begin this year's convention, to take note of two very important lessons from four years ago....
The second lesson from 2000 is this....
It is in that spirit, that I sincerely ask those watching at home who supported President Bush four years ago....
By the way, I know about the bad economy. I was the first one laid off....
I also ask tonight for the help of those who supported a third party candidate in 2000....
No matter how you voted in the last election....
To those of you who felt disappointed or angry with the outcome in 2000....
There's someone else I'd like to thank, and that's the man who asked me to join him on the ticket at our convention 12 years ago....
I'll never forget that convention or that campaign the way we barnstormed the country....
And so it was....
First, let me unequivocally state that I think the razor-wired, netted, fenced in "free speech zones" at the Democratic National Convention are a slap in the face of the First Amendment, more akin to what one would expect in a country run by the kooky far left (or the kooky far right, for that matter) than the United States of America. I think the same of the actions of the Bush administration when they make similar moves.
We can yap on and on about not letting the terrorists change our way of life, of declaring they will not interrupt the great American experiment, but that's exactly what we do with excessive nonsense like this. Al Qaeda has proven they are smart enough to live among us for years, hijack airliners, and bring down two of our proudest symbols. I think they'd be smart enough to wear an "I (Heart) John Kerry" shirt if need be.
But that's not why I'm writing (despite the length of what I just wrote, and despite the length of my explanation about how that is not why I am writing). So, uh, yes - anyway.
I agree that the "free speech zones" are a bad thing. However, some people are just being dumb:
Members of a group calling itself Save Our Civil Liberties quietly walked around the protest area wearing black hoods, their hands bound behind their backs with yellow cord. One protester wearing combat boots and a red Democratic National Committee (news - web sites) T-shirt ordered them to walk, kneel and hop on one foot.After drawing their comparison, they all hopped a bus home to their family, friends, and warm dinners, just in time to catch their favorite television show before going to sleep in their own warm bed.
David Meieran, 42, of Pittsburgh, said they were trying to draw comparisons between the government's treatment of terrorism suspects and political protesters.
Yes, just like terrorism suspects.
How lame is it that I once again will get out of blogging something meaningful by, instead, posting a link to the recipe I made tonight and the wine we had with it? Pretty lame.
But you'll live. I promise. Studies have shown it.
So, we had Enrico's Pasta with Italian Sausage and Creamy Bell Pepper Sauce. It turned out quite well, which continues to amaze me, as I think, surely, someone out there is tempted to just make up a recipe that is absolute crap, post it on the net as something delicious, and cackle themselves to sleep in the knowledge that I'm out there preparing it with blind culinary faith.
I didn't have any dry Italian reds on hand, so I went with a Taltarni Shiraz Pyrenees 2000 which, to the limited training of my palate, worked just fine. Your mileage may vary, but don't tell me about it.
If you really need something to read, check out Zombyboy's Lament. I've had similar thoughts (such as hanging up the blog, moving to a small shack in Montana, and printing anti-government tracts*), but haven't gotten around to expounding upon them. I do, however, wonder where this blog is going, what people want to read, and why monkeys have to be so cute and cuddly (when they're not eating the young of other primates, anyway).
Oh well, have a splendid evening. God loves you.**
* Just kidding, Mr. Ashcroft.
** Well, he would if he could even be bothered to exist. But, no, not God, he just can't be bothered to do much of anything, the lazy slouch.
Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) makes it known that he believes guns force people to pull their triggers.
OK, not exactly that, but his latest bill is about as stupid:
The Inducing Infringement of Copyrights Act (S. 2560) was introduced last month by Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah), head of the Senate Judiciary Committee. The legislation would hold a company liable that "intentionally induces" a person to infringe copyright.And beer pours itself into the mouth of the drunk driver. And porn forces people to look at it. Why, through the miracle of Orrin Hatch, I can live in a world where I'm not responsible for anything!*
I wonder who could support such a ridiculous bill:
One supporter of the bill, RIAA chief Mitch Bainwol...'Nuff said. Kill the bill.
* Oh, sorry, that's the reason I'm an atheist, if assorted fundie kooks are to be believed.
I'm only one third of the way through listening to Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books, Azar Nafisi's work entwining literature and life in post-Islamic-revolution Iran, but found this tidbit too good to pass up posting now (as described at Horsefeathers):
In his masterwork, The Political, Philosophical, Social and Religious Principles of Ayatollah Khomeini, he addressed some pressing social problems, such as the dangerous pressure of menís sexual appetites: "Did you know that one way to cure a manís sexual appetites is by having sex with animals?" But this leads to very important moral, intellectual and philosophical problems, to wit: "You have to ask yourself if a man who has had sex with a chicken can he then eat the chicken afterwards. Our leader has provided us with an answer: No, neither he nor his immediate family or next-door neighbors can eat of that chickenís meat, but it is okay for a neighbor who lives two doors away."I wonder, if an Iranian man is reluctant to have sex with a goat, do the revolutionaries tell him "Go on, it fucks like chicken?"
What do you get when you mix me, Zombyboy, three guitars, two microphones, a keyboard, a mixer, and a PC?
I don't know, but I'll be able to tell you in about 10 hours or so.
This could get ugly.
Gosh, I bet no one saw this coming:
Kidnappers struck again Saturday, snatching the chief of an Iraqi government-owned construction company in Baghdad one day after a senior Egyptian diplomat was abducted as he came out of a mosque.I think it's time we punish Arroyo's government in some manner, economically or politically. Of course, doing so might allow Abu Sayyaf to make more progress in their terrorist efforts, which would be a "not so good" thing. It would seem we might be stuck with just giving stern glances and disapproving nods of the collective U.S. head at the Philippines.
The hostage-taking suggested militants were growing bolder, particularly since kidnappers scored a stunning victory by forcing the Philippines to withdraw troops to save the life of a Filipino truck driver.
Wait, wait, new idea: let's kidnap some innocent Filipino and threaten to kill him unless Arroyo's government puts their contingent back on Iraqi soil. It's bound to work!
If you'd like to thank President Arroyo for her brave stand against freedom, justice, and peace, you can reach her here.
I believe, with all my heart, that everyone should be allowed to own one monkey of their choosing.
Or at least I should.
Maybe even two.
...but not of fools*, rather one of books. So to speak.
Not "so to speak" of books, that is, but of chains. It's a metaphorical chain. Or perhaps more of a simile.
I decided, while reading Twyla Tharpe's The Creative Habit, that it would be interesting** to let the contents of that book spur me to read another book. That is, something in the original text would give me the topic for my next check-out from the library. Ms. Tharpe touches on something similar that she calls "fat reading," but the idea struck me before her suggestion, so I call dibs.
So, the next topic for my reading is Pablo Picasso. A visit to the library today secured for me Picasso: My Grandfather by Marina Picasso. Fewer than ten pages into the text and I can see this will be more about Picasso's family than the man himself, and that contrary to the Burning Sensations on the Repo Man soundtrack, Pablo Picasso was probably called an asshole.
No idea where this book will lead me, but I'll be sure to help you glaze over in a week or so by telling you all about it.
* For that, you'll need to go here and read the posts and comments.
** Interesting to me, at least.
One year ago today, two delightful young men met their fate at the hands of the United States armed forces.
Live by the sword, yada yada yada and good riddance.
With the Democratic National Convention set to begin next week, U.S. Rep. Dennis Kucinich on Thursday will announce his support for Sen. John Kerry as the party's presidential candidate, representatives for both Democrats said.It is also believed that the Coalition of Faeries, Leprechauns, Wee People, and Magical Bunnies (CFLWPMB), the largest special interest group supporting the Kucinich campaign, will also throw its support behind Kerry (but only if he believes in them with the sweet innocence of a child).
* This has nothing to do with the content of the post. Rather, I thought it went nicely with the title of the post below. It's all about artistry, you see.
Adolph Coors Co. (RKY), the third biggest U.S. brewer, and Canadian brewer Molson Inc. (search) announced plans to merge Thursday in a deal aimed at helping them compete against the world's beermaking giants.Unfortunately, they will continue to make products that taste like rat piss filtered through Michael Moore's skid-marked underwear*.
The combined company in what was described as a merger of equals would have annual revenues of about $6 billion and would rank fifth in the world by brewing volume, the companies said in a statement.
* Theoretically. I've never actually imbibed rat piss through Michael Moore's skid-marked underwear. Now, ask me about the goat milk and David Hasselhoff's fishnet stockings, and therein lies a wacky tale.
Continental Features (a producer of the Sunday comics section for 38 newspapers) took a poll and has decided to drop Doonesbury:
Of the 38 papers that run the Continental-produced Sunday comics section, 21 wanted to drop "Doonesbury," 15 wanted to keep it, and two had no opinion or preference. "I wouldn't call the vote [to drop 'Doonesbury'] overwhelming, but it was a majority opinion," Wilkerson said.Taking a cue from Michael Moore, Linda Rondstat, and others who have been
"This is wrong, offensive to First Amendment freedoms."No, no it isn't. It's a private sector enterprise making a decision on what it will and will not publish. It might be offensive to one's political sensibilities, but no government - Federal, state, or local - is forcing this action and cracking open the heads of those who oppose it. Everyone has the right to speak their minds; no one has the obligation to carry those words throughout the land on your behalf, even paying you for the privilege.
This isn't about censorship or the First Amendment. For me, it's about this little fact:
Hell, pull Family Cirus while you're at it. Please?
Link from Drudge
The national headquarters of the Natural Law Party have closed effective on April 30, 2004.But, fear not!
The US Peace Government is now carrying forward the programs, policies, and ideals of the Natural Law Party. Dr. John Hagelin, the 2000 NLP presidential candidate, is now president of the US Peace Government, and many former NLP candidates and supporters have taken leadership positions in this new, complementary government, whose purpose is to prevent social violence, terrorism, and war and to promote harmony and peace in the U.S. and throughout the world.And how will they do this?
Our goal is to empower people everywhere with knowledge that can be used to create peace worldwideótimeless knowledge about the power of consciousness as brought to light by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, and validated thoroughly in scientific research.Here's my idea:
This newly verified technology makes use of large groups of peace-creating experts. The inner peace generated by such a peace-creating group radiates into society as an influence of harmony and coherence.
Let's take all of the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi's "peace experts" (also known as "new age kooks") and shoot them into space as part of the Star Wars anti-missile defense system. We can deal with that whole lack of oxygen problem down the road.
Via a list-serv I am on*, comes notice of this event, being held in Denver by State Senator Ken Gordon (D):
Next Saturday morning, July 24th, at 10:00 a.m., I will be debating a Republican on the topic of Fahrenheit 911. The debate will be held at South High School.Sadly, I have other plans involving beer and merrymaking for the better part of that day, but if any of you local readers or bloggers check it out, let me know.
If you come, bring someone you know of the other party. For instance, if you are a Democrat bring a Republican and vice versa. We think it will be fun. You can argue with your guest on the way home in the car. I will try to make my debate opponent cry. We havenít yet figured out who will take the other side, but when we do I will send out another email.
Some people have wondered if the movie will make anyone change their mind. The argument goes- only people who already hate Bush will go see the movie. I said, "No. There are some unaffiliated voters who have just started dating a Democrat and when the Democrat says, "Lets go see Fahrenheit 911," the unaffiliated voter, who is still at that stage of the relationship where they are trying to appear agreeable, says, "UhÖ okay."
* No, it's not a Democratic list-serv, perish the thought, rather a Colorado atheist one.
I think that this is a perfect place to air out all of my dirty laundry...And that's all she wrote. Literally.
And you might be asking yourself, Why the hell do I care about this chick and all of the men that she's bedded?...
Next time: My only four-some (3 guys and me) and what happened to the hotel room....
Friday, April 16, 2004So sorry, but you do.
i wish i didnt suck so bad :(
Sorry for the lack of posts today. Our wee Fiona spiked a fever of 103 (she was hot blooded; we checked it and, uh, saw) so off to the doctor we went. Oh my, but didn't she get the full routine to find the cause of her woes - from a needle in the toe to a catheter in the... um. Well. Special private baby lady parts.
So, not a pleasant afternoon for my daughter or for us parental people. Fiona is usually calm and laid-back, with nary a scream, but when she's mad, she is M.A.D. With a capital M. And an "A" and a "D." Squared. To the infinite power.
I imagine it'll be a late night at World Wide Rant Global HQ, so perhaps I'll find time to mock someone or their beliefs before it's lights out. Stick around.
You know, if that sounds like fun.
Update: Correction - we're taking the wee Fiona to the Emergency Room. Mondays fucking suck.
Update Two: What a night it has been. What sparked the rush to the ER noted above was that, while dancing around the room with Fiona to some random MP3 file, she suddenly locked her eyes onto a spot in the distance. And wouldn't stop staring at it. Even if you turned her around, her head tracked it, eyes locked in place. She wouldn't respond to her name. She wouldn't move her arms or legs. Propped her up in her crib with her favorite toy; she just stared at it and started to topple backwards.
Something wasn't quite right.
So, we went into a panic and off to the ER we go. By the time we got there, she was acting more normal, but her temp was 103.7. Motrin and antibiotics and blood cultures hooray. They're thinking a particularly nasty UTI, not meningitis, thankfully.
It's going to be a long night. Go get some sleep.
Update Three: You know, this might ruin my blog reputation as a callous asshole, but - when Fiona zoned out on us in her mini-catatonic wonderland - I have never before felt such fear and concern for another human being. When I called the grandparents to let them know what was going on, I simply lost it and stammered out the words "I don't want to lose my little girl."
An overreaction probably. And, I'm a giant wuss, I realize. But when it comes to our wee Fiona, she is my world and my life and my hope when everything else looks pooped upon. I can't remember life without her - and I never want to experience it as a refresher course. I'm relieved she's going to be ok.
OK, now, go get some sleep.
If this story is true, that "one little word" would be: goddamn-stupid-greased-up-emu-humping-idiots!
A ransom of $6 million was offered and paid out to the Iraqi rebels holding Filipino truck driver Angelo de la Cruz hostage, to ensure his release before President Arroyo's scheduled State of the Nation Address on July 26, a high level Philippine intelligence officer told the Tribune yesterday.This offer was alleged to have been approved by the President herself, who then tapped Malaysian emissaries for the job, the intelligence officer, who asked for anonymity, said.Sigh.
Maybe I should just quit my day job and go kidnap some Filipinos*. Who's with me?
Attention, Echelon-enhanced Super Secret Government Agents: I'm not serious.
Sorry, make that "babies."
Now, everyone go and welcome Wyatt and Abigail to the world. That's an order!
I wonder, for all the bloggers who were spurred to write by the tragedy of 9/11, how many others gave up because they simply didn't know what to say?
I hope "Jolene M" has again found her voice in the two plus years that have passed.
I can remember a time - ok, a book - when Dave Eggers was actually amusing.
It was probably around the same time The Onion was funny.
That is: not at any point in recent memory.
Is there more to this case that I'm not seeing?
Trespassing charges against two people who wore anti-Bush T-shirts to the presidentís July 4 rally at the West Virginia Capitol were dropped Thursday because a city ordinance did not cover trespassing on Statehouse grounds...Told to take off the shirts? Cover them? Get out? Sorry, I call bullshit on that President Bush and your apparent Secret Service ego-defenders. I'm no huge fan of you (even less one of Kerry) but - goddamnit - this is still the United States of America!
Law enforcement officers told the couple to take the shirts off, cover them or get out. When they refused and sat down, they were arrested. They then stood and accompanied the police, said Charleston Mayor Danny Jones.
First it's no protesting in sight of the President. Now it's no t-shirts blasting him? Pardon my French, but - what the fuck?
Jones [Charleston mayor] said, "I donít think this was just about a T-shirt issue. There were other things going on there. The officers, quite frankly, feared for the safety of the Ranks."Here's a clue: when you fear for the safety of someone who is doing nothing but acting on their rights as a citizen of our free republic, you arrest those who would deny them their rights. You pursue those who violate their rights. You, in other words, charge the culprits and not the victims. Once again, I'm ever-so-tempted to call bullshit on such statements - "trust us, we're the government, and we're doing it for your own good."
"I think we need some guidance. Perhaps the Secret Service should have been called and let the Secret Service do with them what they want," Jones said.Mayor Jones, here is some guidance, free of charge. You might remember this rather obscure document being mentioned in your oath of office:
"Every person elected or appointed to any office, before proceeding to exercise the authority, or discharge the duties thereof, shall make oath or affirmation that he will support the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of this State, and that he will faithfully discharge the duties of his said office to the best of his skill and judgment; and no other oath, declaration, or test shall be required as a qualification, unless herein provided."I'll reference you to Amendment One when you aren't too busy looking for ways to cover your ass in this instance.
"The city of Charleston does not engage in violating peopleís rights. We want everybody to come here," said Jones, a Republican....so long as they love Dubya and make it known, apparently.
I thought this was the land of the free; when did West Virginia decide to secede?
Yep, another installment in which I attach a somewhat random assortment of words onto the domain name "blogspot.com" to see what horrors arise. Join me, won't you?
beer.blogspot.com - his name is Rolf Irgens and he likes to collect "beer lables and botles." You can reach him at email@example.com; he likes his collection so much that he hasn't written shite about it since February 2001. Impressive!
dogcollar.blogspot.com - Hi, her name is Sarah, and she wants to know who you are. Apparently she's someone who likes dog collars, and I'd wager that ball gags are a safe-bet too.
whiskey.blogspot.com - Michael Wise asks "Is my blog working?" Um, since you've not updated it since July 20, 2001, my answer is most likely "No, you goddamned idiot."
saltshaker.blogspot.com - ooh, Alex promises us a blog of relevent (sic) Reformed Christian commentary. Not surprisingly, the blog is empty. So much for that, ya kook.
wineglass.blogspot.com - is it about wine? No! Is it about glass? No! Is it about someone named Debi writing about her dusting fetish or toilet paper and then calling it quits after all of a week? Yes!
stinkyfeet.blogspot.com - Close your eyes. Now, imagine yourself as an emo goth geek loser who has no purpose in life other than to take stupid internet quizzes written by fellow emo goth geek losers. Would you blog about the experience? She would.
jesus.blogspot.com - this had potential. Unfortunately, its author didn't.
boobies.blogspot.com - A blog about boobies. Written by women. You can see why this didn't last very long.
jim.blogspot.com - also titled as "Objectionable Content." I think that once upon a long ago, this blog actually linked to the World Wide Rant. I could be wrong. Most amusing is that the last entry is:
OK! Enough lollygagging. Multiple posts per week comin' at ya, starting now.Dated April 1, 2004. Maybe a joke? I'm sure the Google bot was saddened.
doa.blogspot.com - Yes, Dead on Arrival: the life and times of James Burton. And with one but one post on July 16, 2002, DOA is about right both for the blog and James' apparently sad life.
johnkerry.blogspot.com - OK, someone seems to have been ahead of the game here.
portguese.blogspot.com - You might recall that earlier I mocked the Portuguese and their lack of blogging ability here, finding the Portugal blog to consist of but one ancient entry. As more evidence for my argument (and annexation of their cork-producing country), this blog too has but one ancient entry. Great cultures leave great blogs. Read into that what you will.
process.blogspot.com - "A place to pause in the universe," says blogger Jen Fife-Adams, who hyphenates her name to eliminate any confusion with various and sundry Don Knotts characters. Let's see, her first pause in posting was one year, the second one seems to be at least two years. I think we're due her sage advice anytime now. Stay tuned.
Off to bed with me. The point of all this is, not that is has one, but if it did, which it doesn't, would be that when the media says there are 14 billion kazillion blogs on the internet, they might be overestimating just a tiny (make gesture with fingers) bit. The bulk of this crap has never been updated. And that's probably a good thing.
Vodka's got a brand new blog.
Tonight's meal is a repeat of the Steak Hache' au Poivre, with a side of the Zucchini-Corn Saute, served with a bottle of Cline Red Truck 2002 (hey, a "very good" from Wine Spectator for only $8 - can't go wrong).
Aren't you glad you just spent the time to read that?
I know I am.
Perhaps more later.
C'mon, why is no one taking me up on my fine, fine offer of a ROADMAP TO WEALTH AND EASY STREET AND STUFF?
I swear, I'm going to find the guy who I paid for the roadmap and kick his ass.
Terrorism, on the other hand, reaps loads of bennies:
A Filipino hostage was expected to be freed Tuesday following the Philippine government's agreement to withdraw its forces early from Iraq, a diplomatic source in Baghdad said.Granted, it's only a 50-man contingent, so it's not as if this will shake the coalition to its core, jeopardizing everything for which we have fought. However, it's the principle* of the thing. What some may see as the loss of an insignificant number of bodies aiding the rebuilding of Iraq, the terrorists surely see as a victory for their methods and their madness.
Acquiescing to terrorists only ensures more terrorism. After all, if it ain't broke, why fix it?
In their effort to save the life of one man, they've guaranteed that more will die. Well done, tanga.
Yes, folks, I just agreed with Michelle Malkin on something. She should be pleased. You know, if she knew who I was. I doubt she likes me very much after the whole "let them speak English!" debacle. OK, maybe "debacle" is a strong word. Blip. That's better. It was a "blip" in the blogosphere. OK, fine, a blip on this blog. Go away.
* Did you know that in Spanish there is no word for "principle?" Honestly, would I lie about such a thing? It's rather like how the French have no word for "backbone" or "shower."
"It does not affect your daily life very much if your neighbor marries a nigger. But that does not mean it is right. . . . Now you must raise your children up in a world where that union of man and nigger is on the same legal footing as man and wife."Oh, oh, sorry, please replace the word "nigger" with "box turtle" to see just how far right-wing anti-gay kookery has come.
-- Sen. John Cornyn (R-Tex.), advocating a constitutional ban on inter-racial marriage in a speech Thursday to the Heritage Foundation.
I suppose at least a box turtle could pull his head in before Sen. Cornyn could get the noose around it. Yay for box turtles!
You, of course, are welcome to disagree on the topic of gay marriage; but if you do so in line with the argumentation of Sen. Cornyn, you're a dipshit. Honest, we've done the studies to show just that. Ask your mom.
Speaking in a philosophical sense, that is.
From the Ethical Philosophy Selector:
The highest score, 100, represents the closest philosophical match to your reponses. This is not to say that you and the philosopher are in total agreement. However this is a philosophy that you may want to study further.Take it as you will, but please tithe accordingly.
- Ayn Rand (100%)
- John Stuart Mill (99%)
- Epicureans (97%)
- Kant (96%)
Another way to get rich, although not one that I would recommend: unleashing a wild new drink on the world (first tested on relatives with more money than you), made with:
For many years, I've dreamed of a day when I would not have to worry about money, when I could live the life of my dreams. Well, I have found the secret to amassing wealth with ease!
If you'd like to know the secret, just click on the Paypal button over to the left and, for the low, low, price of $29.95, I'll share the secret with you!
* This should not be construed to indicate that injuns are more or less honest than people of other races or nationalities. Except for those that give you something for free and then ask for it back. They're the bad sort. But the rest of the injuns are fine and upstanding people. I guess, not having ever really known many injuns, but I enjoyed Dustin Hoffman's performance in Little Big Man, how'bout you? Results described above are atypical. Individual results may vary. Past performance is no indication of future returns. What goes up must come down and don't play with that or you'll go blind! Zombyboy didn't like "The Butterfly Effect." At. All. But then, hey, do we care? No, no, we don't. Product may cause drowsiness, nausea, paranoia, general discontent with one's own fate, and a strange desire to touch perfect strangers in imperfect places. But don't go ass-slappin' Michele, 'cause she's mine, all mine. All the words on the wall look the same in the mirror / Every riddle and every clue / Ow, you've got Allah in the east / You've got Jesus in the west / Christ, what's a man to do? Yes, I just quoted a Van Halen song, which is something that the newly minted can do with impunity. Now, send me your money money money! Not that I really want you to, of course, but if you're dumb enough, go ahead, bub.
Busy day ahead; blogging will resume this afternoon. In the meantime, why not check out some of the fine blogs to the right? Each and every one of them has been repeatedly taste-tested by an irate, yet strangely aroused, llama and found to be delicious.
It means "dumbass big man."
LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- State Education Secretary Richard Riordan jokingly told a child her name, Isis, meant "stupid dirty girl," prompting the head of the California NAACP on Thursday to call for his resignation...I'm not sure what could possibly inspire someone, the State Education Secretary no less, to say something so idiotic and mean-spirited to a six-year old. Apparently, though, Mr. Riordan has a habit of opening his mouth and jumping in with both feet clad in giant clown shoes.
The conversation, videotaped by KEYT-TV, took place July 1. The girl, 6-year-old Isis D'Luciano, asked Riordan if he knew her name meant "Egyptian goddess."
Riordan replied, "It means stupid dirty girl."
The mother of the girl, however, says it's over as far as they are concerned, as Riordan has apologized. She also added, "besides, we really can't expect so much from a stupid dirty man."
Well, not actually, but she should have.
And here's the best part:
Democratic state Assemblyman Mervyn Dymally, who had scheduled a protest by civil rights organizations, canceled the demonstration after an apparent mix-up over the girl's racial background.I see, Mr. Dymally: Only little black girls matter, huh? That's ok though, we all know black people can't be racist. (roll eyes)
Dymally was quoted in the San Jose Mercury News Thursday saying the child was "a little African-American girl. Would he (Riordan) have done that to a white girl?"
The girl is white, with blonde hair.
California: where idiots rule, regardless of their skintone.
Tonight's selection was "The Butterfly Effect," starring Ashton Kutcher, Amy Smart, and one of my personal favorite actors, Eric Stoltz, in the "have my agent book that now!" role of a pedophile, home-movie-happy father.
Ah, yes, my review:
Hey, I liked it, ok?And now for the "and then some..."
I watched the director's cut, so perhaps I have a different take than the reviews I've read, but this movie wasn't so bad. I enjoyed it right up until the end, at which point anyone who, during pregnancy, has been witness to the ultrasound of their own child would kind of feel uncomfortable and... well... sad. But I'm not sure I watched the same flick as, say, Dave Kehr from the New York Times:
Starring Ashton Kutcher, the shaggy-haired young actor best known for "Dude, Where's My Car?" and for dating Demi Moore, "Butterfly" is a supposed thriller that mines the memory loss theme that has been turning up with striking regularity in American movies, from "Memento" to "Paycheck."Actually, I think Kutcher is best known for "That 70s Show" and "Punk'd," and while Kutcher might have been dating Demi Moore, the snide remark of Mr. Kehr sounds more like someone who's jealous of the action in her pants than of a movie reviewer. Further, the "memory loss theme" is a catalyst to a larger story in this movie, not the focus; did Kehr actually watch the film, or did he just want to blast someone who's gettin' some lovin' that he isn't?
For reasons the film does not trouble to explain, Evan discovers that, if he reads a few lines from his childhood journals, he will be projected back in time...The film need not explain it, as it's a mere mechanism to gain access to the "real" story of the film; perhaps Mr. Kehr should review the concept of Willing Suspension of Disbelief (or, as I prefer, Willing Dispensation of Disbelief, because it sounds more like a seventy-five cent phrase, and the chicks dig those).
Kehr's entire review reads like someone who refused to even make an attempt to let the film wrap around them, to give into the story to see where it went, to stop thinking about where Ashton Kutcher sticks his pee pee and instead enjoy a tale unfolding on the screen.
Christ, this has turned into a review of Mr. Kehr's review, rather than my advice on whether or not to see this particular film. Allow me to summarize.
Is the movie perfect? No. Is it worth the rental? Certainly*.
* No, Ashton Kutcher did not offer to go down on me for this review as he did those thugs in the prison scene. At no time did I say to Mr. Kutcher "Shit on my dick or blood on my knife."
Donít tell us disenfranchising a million African Americans and stealing their votes is the best we can do. This time, in 2004, not only will every vote count Ė weíre going to make sure that every vote is counted.I can only guess that Kerry is referring to the Florida voting debacle. The first problem is that, as Will points out:
For one thing, it's a flat-out lie, as reluctantly found by the partisan Democrat-dominated US Civil Rights Commission, which despite months of investigation, noted only 26 people with "disenfranchisement" complaints, most of which were found to be specious (link is to a .pdf file of the minority dissent, see page 32).And also, let's do some math.
The population of Florida in 2000 was around 15.9 million, some 14.6% of whom were black* according to Census figures. That comes out to roughly 2.33 million blacks in the Sunshine State.
So, assuming that every one of them voted, Kerry is saying that fully 43% of the black population was disenfranchised during the 2000 election.
Just a few problems: they don't all vote and they're not all of voting age.
Thus, the actual number of voting blacks in Florida is far less than 2.33 million, meaning that Kerry is saying that far more than 43% of voting blacks in Florida were denied their Constitutional rights.
Which, in the language of blog shorthand, is - well - an absolute crock of steaming bullshit**.
* No, I won't say "African-American" any more than I would demand you call me an "Irish-German-English-Whatever-American." Get over it.
** You know, assuming he was talking about Florida.
Wackiness: 30/100Sounds about right, except for the whole sober part. They must have caught me on a good day.
You are an SEDF--Sober Emotional Destructive Follower. This makes you an evil genius. You are extremely focused and difficult to distract from your tasks. With luck, you have learned to channel your energies into improving your intellect, rather than destroying the weak and unsuspecting.
Your friends may find you remote and a hard nut to crack. Few of your peers know you very well--even those you have known a long time--because you have expert control of the face you put forth to the world. You prefer to observe, calculate, discern and decide. Your decisions are final, and your desire to be right is impenetrable.
You are not to be messed with. You may explode.
And they'll lie if they want to. Lie if they want to. You would lie too* if it happened to you. (bum-bum-bum-bum-bum!)
Democrats make show of being hip to blog culture, invite bloggers to Democratic National Convention, until they actually read them.
Personally, I think saying a blogger is invited really hinges on what the definition of "is" is.
* Actually, you probably wouldn't, because you're an honest and upstanding sort. Apparently unlike Francesca Gage and Michael Hurlbut, Directors of the DNCC Press Gallery.
The Wisdom of Crowds: Why the Many Are Smarter Than the Few and How Collective Wisdom Shapes Business, Economies, Societies and Nations, by James Surowiecki. Only halfway in, but so far it's a fascinating look at how crowds (or informational markets) form, change, and direct outcomes. Topics include: the wonders of hog-weight guessing, why Italian soccer teams are comprised of whiny gits, how Google does what it does, how the stock market solved the Challenger disaster, and how primates other than humans understand fairness and value*.
Oh yeah, it's also caused me to completely rethink any hesitation I once had to the Policy Analysis Market.
You know, just when I am almost convinced that American kids today are good-for-nothing hoodlums, and that "rock and roll has got to go!" - they turn around and do something like this:
A three-alarm fire claimed the life of a 73-year-old Malden woman yesterday, despite the efforts of a group of children to save her.I wonder how much oil was in the old woman's house (after all, that's the ONLY reason we Americans risk our lives, as you know). Spanish kids would have just thrown more kindling on the fire in order to appease it, lest it come and burn down their house. Stay away, bad fire, stay away!*
"I just feel a little guilty I couldn't save her,'' DiGregorio said. "All I could do was reassure her, and she died anyway.''
* Yes, I know that little tirade was apropos of nothing, but it sure felt good.
Learn all about Paige Davis' anatomy, if that interests you.
It does me.
Hey, folks, I just report the news. Or whatever.
Update: Did I say Paige Davis? Sorry, she's been surpassed by fellow TLC personality, Jennie Bertson, from "In a Fix." Home improvement never looked so good.
Is the end of spam near?
GENEVA (AP) - The United Nations is aiming to bring a "modern day epidemic" of junk e-mail under control within the next two years by standardizing of legislation around the world to make it easier prosecute, a leading expert said Tuesday.Short answer: highly doubtful.
The UN added that they are not yet certain which high-ranking UN officials will receive kickbacks from the spammers so that spam continues to get through.
From the WWR international desk:
Poll: over 40% of Canadian teens think America is "evil"In another poll released today, 40% of American teens think Canada is a type of bacon.
Hmmm, now that Portugal and Nauru have fallen to my blog hordes, perhaps it is time to pay a visit to our neighbor to the North.
(found via Drudge)
People of the tiny island nation of Nauru:
I have found it in the goodness of my heart to not invade your country for my own nefarious purposes. This is because I am kind and gracious and benevolent and fully aware that there isn't much on your island that would interest me, and if there were, there would only be eight square miles of it anyway.
You may continue to go about your lives and business as you see fit.
Update to the Update: In light of Michele's comment,
Damn. I thought we could use it as a little hideway. For those special times.I must officially rescind my previous declaration that Nauru would be allowed to remain a free and independent state. Instead, I am planting my blog-flag in your phosphate-laden shores and claiming your island for myself. I dub thee the Island of Assslap!
Update to the Update of the Update: "planting my blog-flag in your phosphate-laden shores" should not be construed as a colorful euphemism for "getting funky on the Nauruan monkey."
A local family, out enjoying the Fourth of July holiday fireworks, had a bit of bad luck:
The family was sitting next to their church, about 250 yards from the truck beds where the fireworks were set up. A spokesperson for the city of Aurora said a shell exploded in its canister, knocking other canisters over and sending one off into the direction of the crowd.This blogger tried to contact God to find out why He would let run-away fireworks injure his flock, even those sitting at His holy house, however our prayer was not returned. Remember, Yahweh, even the appearance of your non-benevolence (or, dare I say it, non-existence) is something you might want to avoid in the future (although your track record is, well, abysmal).
True to form, though, the people on the scene took action:
The Williams family said paramedics responded quickly and many people helped out. "We're just thankful for all the help that was given us, especially from the people from our church," said Ollie Williams.Although I am curious why the people from the church who helped would deserve more thanks than those not from the church. After all, isn't it sort of expected that people from the church would help others and that strangers might be less willing to help? Yet, help they did. While God was too busy doing something else. Bad God, bad!
I'm just glad that quick human thinking and the laws of physics conspired to result in less injury than might otherwise have occurred. Thank you, fellow humans!
Guilty as charged. Well, some 15 years ago anyway, but now I'm married and have had sex and everything. Honest! Link courtesy of here.
P.S. Os povos de Portugal amam beijar bocais da cabra.
P.P.S. What is it about the Portuguese ego that they will ignore the actual content of any post and instead focus solely on the one little thing meant to push their buttons? I can talk about this all being a joke, about wanting to visit Portugal, with nary a comment - but, lordy, mention they like to kiss goat nipples, and it's like you spat on their mothers' graves.
That's it. I've had enough.
Portugal, the World Wide Rant is annexing your country! Your nation is now called the Grand Duchy of World Wide Rant, and Lisbon is now called Lesbian, because it's kind of similar but would probably draw more tourists.
This war is over. Now I must conquer Nauru, as indicated below, which might prove difficult as all of their telecommunications were cut in 2003 - so they might not even know I'm taking them over via the blog!
We've just returned from a night at the local fireworks show. We took a blanket, the wee Fiona, a bag of Cheerios (for the wee Fiona), and a bottle of wine (for the not-so-wee parents-of-Fiona). There was a symphony orchestra to entertain with a litany of standards... and then medleys from Star Wars and Grease, which, unknown to many, were personal faves of the Founding Fathers (some have indicated they also had a thing for Roger & Me, but we have our doubts).
So, there we were,
in the jungle laid out on our blanket, wine in hand (or Cheerios, if you're the under 21 part of our family unit), watching the colorful display of explosions and shimmering light. Accompanying it was a largely cheesy and sometimes appropriate soundtrack (meaning they played Lee Greenwood - example of nationalistic cheese - and the national anthem - appropriate, more please).
I'm lying there, with my lovely wife and my perfect daughter at my side, watching these fireworks, listening to the music, enjoying the spirit and energy that was evident in the crowd, and I once again realized:
There are people who want to stop this. There are crazed Islamists who hate the fact that we are celebrating this way. There are terrorists who would like to see as many of us on this field dead as possible in an attack for the glory of their idea of Allah.And I realized I'd rather see them dead first. I'd rather see us lay waste to any enemy of freedom and democracy. I'd rather see us destroy those who would intentionally target innocent civilians to make a point. I'd rather see us win.
So, here's to America. Here's to victory in Afghanistan and Iraq. Here's to pursuing the idea that all nations can be comprised of free men being provided an environment in which to excel by their own merits. Don't get me wrong; the United States has problems, things we need to fix, but we are the most successful political experiment in the history of Western civilization.
And, if you don't agree, you're probably from Nauru, the next country against which I intend to declare war, having soundly defeated Portugal (please, please, your begging for mercy has grown old and sour).
Happy Fourth of July to my fellow Americans!
We'll be spending the day in Colorado Springs at the abode of the Vodkapundit, with other bloggers (rumor has it that neither Wonkette nor Atrios got invites) and non-bloggers and people who say "blogging? huh?" After sundown, and many a beer, it's back up to Denver to take the wee Fiona to our local fireworks show. Then home to
make the sweet, sweet monkey love do whatever. You know how it is.
While reflecting on American independence (something all Americans ought to be doing, especially today), let's not forget the people of Iraq who are finally out from under the tyranny of Saddam Hussein, even though a lot of Europeans (hey, I didn't even mention Portugal) think they should still be suffering, oppressed, and thrown into plastic shredders whenever the mood strikes. So, our best wishes to the people of Iraq - there are tough times ahead, but even 228 years later, our own great experiment is still ongoing.
While the media may be willing to give up all hope a year or more before the Iraqis took back their country, which, please note, has nothing at all to do with this being an election year, nothing at all, we here at the WWR are cautiously optimistic that Iraq can be a model for the Middle East, a friend to the United States,
AND A SOURCE OF OIL THAT WE CAN PLUNDER AT WILL AND I HOPE THEY HAVE TWINKIES TOO!
Sorry, sorry, was overcome by the ghost of Michael Moore there.
Anyway, have a good holiday - hugs to your friends and families, particularly your wives if they are hot and, you know, you're not the jealous type and such.
(hum Lee Greenwood song here - then realize what crap that song is - and instead hum the Star-spangled Banner)
The so-called Ugly American is generally a visceral reaction to the lesser-known, but widely available, European Prick.It came to me, much like gaggles of supermodels do, in a dream.
Update: People of the world, lend me your ears. As I know that my opinion is very important to you and to your self-esteem, allow me to clarify my feelings toward all of you. I think you are all wonderful people!
Well, except for those of you who are socialists caving into terrorists and their demands. You folks are imbeciles.
There, all better.
Or at least this wee corner of the blogosphere, as, in the spirit of the holiday weekend*, and following the teachings of Binky the Magic Space Clown, Book of Floppy Red Shoes 13:4-7:
4 A reading from the first letter of Binky to Siegfried and Roy....we, the people of the Blog of World Wide Rant, do hereby decree an immediate ceasefire on the cowering populace of Portugal.
5 And I say unto you, that what so ever you do unto the littlest of my people from the littlest of my nations,
6 even those nations that have global relevance akin to Gary Coleman's with Hollywood,
7 this you do unto me. Now, into the clown car with ya!
Yes, I found it odd that an entire nation would bow down to one guy with a blog, but then look at Spain with their train bomb / election fiasco. Clearly, the precedent was established, and being considerably smaller than Spain, the destructive force necessary was thus reduced from several explosives to one cynical and insulting American.
In closing, people of Portugal, you may come out of your cellars. You may breathe deeply of the fresh air. You may take down the plastic sheeting and duct tape. You may cease with your burnt offerings and cries for mercy. You may once again engage in random and unwarranted anal probing with your fellow countrymen.
This I decree! Let there be peace!
Besides, this was all getting a little boring, no?
* The Fourth of July always brings out my kinder side. Experts estimate that by the Sixth of July it will be snuffed out for another year or so.
Have you ever just thought up a word, tacked on ".blogspot.com" to the end, and seen what the internet would bring back for your blogsumption?
I have. Well, just now. And it's rather sad.
buttmunch.blogspot.com - one post, apparently by a rather confused feminist, so dedicated to her cause that she was never heard from again
hotspot.blogspot.com - one post, apparently by one Brandi Thorn who could use a little excitement, or, barring that, a life
dogs.blogspot.com - about dogs? no, about nothing, but written by a drugged up loon with very little ambition for blogging greatness
bikinilineshaver.blogspot.com - some random babbling by a Portuguese guy. Yes, I'm only mentioning this to be annoying.
portugal.blogspot.com - one post, seems to be in portuguese. Apparently Portugal is only cool enough to warrant one post. Yes, I'm only mentioning this, also, to be annoying.
409.blogspot.com - no, nothing about America's favorite degreaser, but - ummm:
it's like duhhhhcheaptrick.blogspot.com - nary a mention of the band and their former glory, or their current has-been tour circuit adventures!
it's like pooooo
it's like argggg
it's like woooo
it's like ahhhh
it's like moooo
vodkapundit.blogspot.com - always fun to check out the hacked version of Steve's site. Well, not really, since the goon who hacked it never updated it with any indication of wit.
End of experiment.
Time for bed. Sleep well, especially you Portuguese who are celebrating as if you've accomplished something of any historical importance by kicking the little round ball into the net.
You know, perhaps I should look into becoming a kindler, gentler blogger. The kind of blogger that shows respect for all opinions and beliefs, that never has an unkind word for anyone, that only sees the good in all people.
Man, I bet that would kill traffic in a snap.