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LAST 10 ENTRIES

Do You Believe In Jesus?
Insert Pun Here (e.g. "Don't Lose Your Head" or "Pizza to Die For!")
Voices*
I Am Blogger, Hear Me Roar
There She Goes Again
It's Official
Shariah Law: The Other Set of Commandments
Guess Your Sex
Cuddle Up a little closer, God of war...
Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't do Reality TV




« July 2003 | Main | September 2003 »



August 31, 2003

Do You Believe In Jesus?

Well, if Charles Bronson he did, he's just gone to meet him. See ya, Charles.

Posted by Andy at 10:11 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)




Insert Pun Here (e.g. "Don't Lose Your Head" or "Pizza to Die For!")

Strange, very strange:

ERIE, Pa. — Federal and local authorities are investigating the case of a pizza deliveryman who was killed when explosives strapped to his neck detonated after he robbed a bank.

Brian Douglas Wells, 46, answered a delivery call Thursday to a mysterious address in a remote area and ended up at about an hour later at a bank wearing a bomb.

As the time bomb ticked tried in vain to convince police, who were waiting for the bomb squad to arrive, that he was forced into the crime, but died when the explosives detonated.

The Erie police department is investigating, while also using inappropriate colloquialisms:
“We’re not ruling anything out, we’re investigating it hot and heavy all weekend,” McCabe said....
Somehow I think that "hot and heavy" and a man getting blown to pieces should only go together in the mind of a Palestinian terrorist who creams himself right as he goes off to see his virgins.

Posted by Andy at 04:49 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)




August 30, 2003

Voices*

Consider me one of those that doesn't understand the current controversy over releasing transcripts of the emergency calls made on 9-11. I realize, of course, that many people find the sounds and images of that day to be too horrid to listen to or watch, but that choice should lie with the people.

Gimme gimme more more more »


Posted by Andy at 05:13 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




I Am Blogger, Hear Me Roar

Or something like that. Here's my Official Battle CryTM anyway.

Gimme gimme more more more »


Posted by Andy at 01:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




There She Goes Again

As some of you regular visitors probably know, Vicky came out to Denver about a month ago to see what life out here was like and to see about getting established so that she and Matt could consider relocating to our fair city. Well, as of this morning, she's headed back to Arkansas. It's difficult to leave home and familiar things behind in order to start something new in a strange place, so I can't say I fault her for feeling drawn back to Fayetteville. Maybe in the months ahead they'll look at coming our way again. I hope so.

Vicky and I had become good online friends thanks to our being victims of a kooky lefty troll of the highest order at the same time, and when she arrived here, one o'clock in the morning after driving some thirteen hours, it was like meeting an old friend after being apart for ages. We got along great and had a fun month hanging out - so, admittedly, I'm being a bit selfish when I say I hope they decide to come back to Denver.

Especially because she improvised a pretty mean tuna salad sandwich and potato salad. Hey, sue me, I love food!

I feel like I found a dear friend only to lose her again; silly, I know, given this age of instant communications, but I imagine it's like any other time someone exits the stage of your life and you watch their car make that final turn and drive out of sight - leaves you, at least temporarily, feeling a little empty. I value friendship very highly (even more than money and beer - no lie!) and I'm the kind to only form close bonds with a few others at any given time, so I'm curious to see what other acts this play holds.

I'm sure a day with The Crimson Tide and Mr. Fat Tire will help, though. Roll Tide! And "mmmm, beer!"

I will take a moment to say that for those who think blogging is a waste of time, they couldn't be more wrong. I have met many great people through this goofy website of mine, along with the obligatory idiots and trolls (and if you have to ask which you are, then you probably don't want to know). When I lost my job, you folks came out to help and support us - left me in awe, it did. And when I landed my new job, you celebrated with me and for me. I think, just short of massive amounts of free porn, that's about all a guy could ask for from this internet thing.

Thanks to all of you - and best of luck to Matt and Vicky.

Posted by Andy at 12:27 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)




August 29, 2003

It's Official

My background check came out clean, so I begin my new job on September 15. Two more weeks of paid vacation until then! Yay!

Update: As long as I'm being my own personal cheering section, I should add that this means that my purchase of a swanky HDTV widescreen television is a go, and that in the Spring I'll be putting in my deck with hot tub. That is, of course, if the new job goes well. So, my local blogger friends, let there be parties - in the Spring.

Posted by Andy at 10:31 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)




August 27, 2003

Shariah Law: The Other Set of Commandments

Just a friendly reminder of the compassion and love that is Shariah law:

Tears of fright in her eyes, a 32-year-old Nigerian single mother cuddled and nursed her young daughter in a sweltering Islamic appeals court Wednesday as lawyers pleaded she be spared death by stoning for bearing the child out of wedlock...

An Islamic court convicted Lawal in March 2002 following the birth of her baby, more than two years after Lawal and her husband divorced.

Judges ordered her buried up to her neck in sand and stoned. While appeals continue, courts have ordered Lawal's execution postponed until her child -- now nearly 2 -- is weaned.

Awww, well, isn't that just absolutely the sweetest concession for them to make. Let's wait until the baby is old enough to appreciate watching its mother senselessly slaughtered! Hooray!

Attention multiculturalists: some cultures are, indeed, better than others. We have superstitious idiots falling down in prayer around a big rock monument; they have superstitious idiots cracking open the heads of innocent women with rocks. I know which idiocy I favor, given the choice (and, of course, the same people in the US who find such acts revolting often are strangely silent on the Biblical command to kill homosexuals and smart-aleck children; do as I say, not as I do, I suppose).

Defense lawyer Aminu Musa Yawuri urged judges to acquit Lawal, arguing that an earlier confession was invalid because no one had explained to Lawal -- a poor, uneducated woman from a farming family -- the nature of the offense or the punishment.

Yawuri also contended that under some interpretations of Shariah law, babies can remain in gestation in their mother's womb for up to five years, making it possible under Islam that her ex-husband could have fathered the child.

On the flip side, maybe superstitious idiocy can save this woman's life. Hooray for ignorance!

Posted by Andy at 08:01 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (1)




August 26, 2003

Guess Your Sex

No fair looking down your pants or shirt, either!

ZombyBoy bring us this algorithmic doodad that supposes it can predict your gender based on your writing. I've heard of programs being used to determine if a piece is copied from another source, but not for determining gender.

Apparently with good reason - it guessed me a female once and a male once, and the overall results seem to indicate it is right 50% of the time. Yeah, big whoop, so is flipping a coin.

Yawn.

Posted by Andy at 09:55 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)




Cuddle Up a little closer, God of war...

In case you're wondering why Mars seems to be the size of a dinnerplate in the night sky, it's because it's closer than it's been since 57,616 BC. For perspective, the last time Mars was this close, being a Neanderthal was still a valid alternative lifestyle.

Posted by Jon at 07:19 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't do Reality TV

When an idiot is the victim of an idiotic policy, who do you side with?

Posted by Jon at 07:13 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




"I LOVE THE 70S" DELENDO EST

or THAT'S MR. MOODRING TO YOU, ROCCA!
or THAT PARTICULARLY BAD 70S SHOW

Just a frivolous mini-rant: nostalgia shows are to me what grains of rice are to a vampire- I have to stop and look at every one if I'm flipping channels. VH1's I LOVE THE 80S I particularly liked since that's the decade I went from adolescent to young adult and though I was listening to the music of the 30s/40s I was enough of a TV junkie that I loved the references.

However, I LOVE THE 70S is a bastard brother born of a particularly unclean Kalmuk serving woman and it must be driven into the desert.

Gimme gimme more more more »


Posted by Jon at 11:15 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)




August 25, 2003

They Aren't Selling Cookies Door to Door

Continuing in the fine tradition of the last several years, there's more evidence that the French government is either stupid or complicit.

Shameful.

Posted by Andy at 03:37 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (1)




Who Writes This Stuff?

Sorry, I just liked this headline:

Big Shiite demonstration outside coalition headquarters, U.S. death toll stands at 276.

Posted by Andy at 03:33 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)




At Least They Aren't Puking on the Sidewalks

Of course, the protests of conservative Christians in Montgomery will probably be about as effective as the idiotic nonsense carried out by the far left anti-war kookage a few months ago. At least no one will have to wash vomit off the sidewalks, or douse the Court building with 982 cans of Lysol to kill the body odor.

About 100 demonstrators prayed Monday outside the Alabama Judicial Building, keeping up their opposition to a federal court order to remove a 5,300-pound stone representation of the Ten Commandments from the building's rotunda.
They're praying, but then they say God is going to do whatever God wants to do, because everything is God's will anyway. Sorry, just taking a moment to point out how absurd the concept of requesting divine intervention is in light of the other beliefs.
Many of the monument supporters spent the night in sleeping bags on a plaza outside the building and nearby steps, and one scaled lattice work on the side of the building and spent the night on a ledge. The unidentified man climbed down after daybreak.
That's, uh, some civil disobedience there, dude. At least they aren't going around breaking things. It makes me a lot more empathetic toward their beliefs, but I still think they are misguided midgets of mental stature.
Whenever workers come to remove the monument, supporters of Moore intend to keep it from going anywhere by locking hands and dropping to their knees.
'Cause you see, since God can't be bothered to show up and handle things, they have to - it's almost like they know that praying about it is useless. Ah, the joy of discordant philosophies. At which point:
Alice laughed: "There's no use trying," she said; "one can't believe impossible things."

"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

In a lifetime, that's a lot of impossible things to believe!

Actually, though, I heard on the news today that organizers are asking the protesters to follow the instructions of police and to make the protest peaceful. We'll see how that goes. Given that the crowd isn't populated by a bunch of socialist or commie wackos who fear the mighty, mighty showerhead, I suspect the monument will be removed without much trouble.

Posted by Andy at 03:28 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (1)




August 24, 2003

This Rainman's Gone To Heaven

Silly superstition claims another victim:

MILWAUKEE, Wisconsin (AP) -- A pastor said Saturday that church leaders were trying to heal an autistic 8-year-old boy when he inexplicably stopped breathing and died during a prayer service Friday night.

During the hourlong session, the boy's feet and hands were restrained by his mother and other church members who prayed intensely for his violent tendencies to cease, the pastor's wife said.

You know, I bet that boy wouldn't have had autism if we only had the Ten Commandments in our schools.

Posted by Andy at 10:30 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)




Deja Vishnu

OK, so it's really "Deja Allah:"

Canadian police arrested 19 men last week in a case that, according to court documents obtained by a newspaper, has eerie parallels to the preparations for the Sept. 11 attacks on the United States...

The Toronto Star newspaper said the men were arrested after a "pattern of suspicious behavior" which featured one man taking flight lessons that took him directly over an Ontario nuclear power plant.

In court documents obtained by the newspaper, the student pilot was described as "unmotivated" and he raised suspicion because he has trained for nearly three years to obtain a commercial pilots license that normally takes only a year.

"He often brings with him an unknown male as a passenger," the document read.

Interesting at the very least.

Posted by Andy at 12:39 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)




August 23, 2003

Oh, and Get The Priest As Well...*

Convicted child molester, and former Roman Catholic priest, John Geoghan has been killed in prison. I'm not one to jump on the bandwagon and say good riddance (although I don't think he'll be missed), but it's not surprising. It is my understanding that inmates don't take kindly to those who abuse children (or, in the case of Jeffrey Dahmer, who eat them).

His death aside, I did find one quote in the story particularly interesting, especially in light of the "it's the queers in the clergy!" line of argumentation we so often hear:

A psychiatrist testified that Geoghan acknowledged having sexual fantasies about children.

"We discussed his ability to control his sexual fantasies and his sexual feelings about women and boys," testified Dr. Edward Messner, a Boston-based psychiatrist who said he treated Geoghan between December 1994 and July 1996.

While it isn't explicitly stated, using "women and boys" in the same sentence does indicate a similarity in fantasy subject matter between the two. I realize, of course, that this will do nothing to even spur the interest of those who link homosexuality with pedophelia despite any evidence to the contrary.

Just sayin' is all.

* Warm wishes and happy happy thoughts to the first person to identify the source of the title of this post

Posted by Andy at 06:26 PM | Comments (14) | TrackBack (0)




August 22, 2003

Some of Them Thar Laws Is Good, Ayup!

Plenty of people are saying that the Ten Commandments are "good laws," and that they should be allowed to stay in the Alabama case. They claim that some of them are secular (and, indeed, they are), and that we should just overlook the religious ones (sorry, but no). They claim they are historical in nature and don't create a situation in which the state is endorsing religion.

Unfortunately, Judge Moore says otherwise:

Asked on CNN whether he would support an Islamic monument to the Koran in the rotunda of the federal building, Moore replied, "This nation was founded upon the laws of God, not upon the Koran. That's clear in the Declaration (of Independence), so it wouldn't fit history and it wouldn't fit law."
Not an establishment of religion, you say?

I say you're an idiot.

Good riddance to the monument and, hopefully, to Judge Moore.

Posted by Andy at 07:48 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)




Justice delayed is bad, but a justice suspended is good

"Big 10" Roy has been temporarily suspended and removed from office pending an investigation by the Judicial Inquiry Commission. Yee-hah!

Gimme gimme more more more »


Posted by Jon at 06:17 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




August 21, 2003

Job Watch - Mission Accomplished

As soon as I receive and sign the offer letter, I shall once again be gainfully employed. It looks to be a great job with a company that, the more I learn about them, the more I like them, especially their philanthropic side (I know, sounds odd coming from me). I told Nicky that I was contemplating a change of jobs to one in which I could actively give something back to the community, and this job appears to combine that with the need for business acumen, so it came along at the right time for me. Assuming my criminal background check comes out clean (and I have no reason to think it should not), then all is well in Andyland.

I imagine blogging will be light once I start work, as there will be much to do and learn, and until I understand the culture there, I don't want to jeopardize a good thing. So, I might become one of the early-in-the-morn and late-at-night blogger types. Please do stick around.

Thanks again to all of you for your support and help during what was a fairly stressful period - I'm glad it didn't last long!

Posted by Andy at 04:21 PM | Comments (14) | TrackBack (2)




Virus Warning

Just noticed that I am getting rejected e-mail messages for e-mails that I never sent, apparently due to a virus being attached to the e-mails in question. I'm up to date on my virus definitions, have installed the MS updates as necessary, so I'm inclined to think someone out there is infected and it has pulled my e-mail from their address book to use as the "from" address. So, naturally, any rejects are bouncing to me directly.

If you get an e-mail from me with the subject line of "Approved," don't open it - delete it immediately. In the meantime, I'll keep an eye on my virus definitions and PC behavior just in case my machine is the unwitting victim of some idiot.

Posted by Andy at 03:45 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)




Job Watch - Day 35

The tides of unemployment could be turning. Soon. Very soon. Will keep you posted. Wish me luck.

On the other hand, it's been a nice vacation of sorts, getting to be Mr. Mom a couple of times a week, hanging out with friends without regard for the alarm clock the next morning, and catching up on the backlog of books I'm trying to read.

Which books? Glad you asked:

Reviews when I finish them.

Posted by Andy at 12:14 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)




Not All of Alabama Is Stupid

Eight residents, at least, have mental functions other than those provided by the brain stem:

MONTGOMERY, Alabama (CNN) -- Alabama's state Supreme Court justices overruled their chief justice on Thursday and ordered that a Ten Commandments monument be removed from its public site in the Alabama Judicial Building.

"The refusal of officers of this court to obey a binding order of a federal court of competent jurisdiction would impair the authority and ability of all of the courts of this state to enforce their judgments," the eight associate justices ruled.


Posted by Andy at 12:02 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)




August 20, 2003

Might I suggest using your night-stick, officer...

Eleven have been arrested so far in the little 'Judge Roy Moore's Last Sharia West of the Chattahoochie' showdown. Needless to say, hizzonner ain't among them.

And for those who truly love godawful doggerel-iffic verses, get ready to make a right turn going 90 mph down Lucky St., cause here is the Mother Lode.

(A handful of love to the first person who correctly answers which 20 year old movie the title of this thread came from, incidentally.)

Posted by Jon at 05:33 PM | Comments (33) | TrackBack (0)




August 19, 2003

Moore's Law

Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore, that is.

Between 3,500 and 10,000 people from as far away as California trekked to Montgomery Saturday to support Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore and his 5,300-pound Ten Commandments display in the judicial building's rotunda.
You'd think that if the Ten Commandments were the bedrock of our law - its undeniable underpinnings, its divinely-inspired claim to righteousness - that they could get more than 10,000 people to show up for the rally. Hell, the Alabama vs Auburn Iron Bowl football game each year brings in 80,000 people from around the state, region, and country. Grid Iron uber Yahweh!

And where is God in all this? I notice he's conspicuously absent, instead relying on these yahoos to do something he could do with barely a blink of one of his omniscient eyes. Perhaps he's ashamed of them too.

"When God gives you a champion, get behind him," said Jerry Falwell, one of the speakers at the rally.
Falwell was quick to point out that he didn't literally mean to get behind him, because heaven forbid anyone think you're a homosexual.
"We may have to visit [Moore] in jail someday. Like Martin Luther King and his army of a generation ago, we shall overcome."
First PETA compares chicken slaughter to the holocaust, now Falwell is comparing defending a piece of rock to the battle for civil rights in America. Sorry, Jerry, but I don't see Americans United rounding up a posse here and there to scare, maim, and kill Christians or stopping them from participating fully in public life. In fact, if memory serves, some of the most adamant anti-civil rights folks were "good Christians" in the South...but I digress.
Moore spoke mainly in poems he'd written, with such lines as "In houses and schools across the land, it's time for Christians to take a stand."
In another masterwork of verse, he rhymed "life" with "strife," sending shockwaves throughout the poetry community with his daring originality.
"It's not about me," he said. "I will pass away as every politician and every pastor, but the laws of God will remain forever."
Oh, it's definitely about you, Roy. You're the one who campaigned as the "Ten Commandments Judge." You're the one continually making an issue of this. You're the one who thinks that your God and his laws are so feeble that removing a monument to them will be the undoing of life as we know it.
U.S. District Judge Myron Thompson was cast as the chief villain at yesterday's rally. He has ordered Moore to remove the monument by Wednesday. Moore has petitioned the Supreme Court for a stay of that order.

"Judge Thompson has violated his oath of office by disregarding the constitution by attempting to usurp an elected judge of the state of Alabama," said Conservative Caucus head Howard Phillips, calling for Thompson's resignation. "That's why we hold them in contempt."

Alan Keyes (like Phillips, a former presidential candidate) attacked Thompson's ruling as a "lawless act" that's part of an effort to tell Americans they have no right to live in communities "with laws that reflect our beliefs… . What we are faced with now is an effort to set the stage for religious persecution."

Keyes, aside from making ridiculous comparisons between the Constitutional separation of church and state and religious persecution (something Christians have a lot of experience carrying out), was also unable to explain why his prayers to win the Presidency have never been answered.
Vision America President Rick Scarborough summed up the feelings of the supporters, many of whom said they'd support civil disobedience in support of the Commandments display if the Supreme Court doesn't issue the stay. "We're here because we believe our God has been insulted," he said. "Judicial tyranny has drawn a line in the sand. We will not go any further in expurgating God from our culture."
Once again, more evidence that the God of old who could rain fire and brimstone on cities is too impotent a diety to stand up for himself in the here and now. It's almost like he doesn't exist, isn't it?

As for expurgating God, I think he just insulted his Lord, for "to expurgate" is to purify by removing offensive or wrong things. Look out for that lightning bolt!

Oh, and maybe you should learn the difference between removing God from government, and removing him from the culture. Last I checked, Christians were still the majority, with thousands of churches around the land, and even an entire network dedicated to spreading lies and misinformation the TruthTM to those with open hearts and wallets.

(thanks to Josh Claybourn for the link to the story)

Posted by Andy at 02:29 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (1)




August 18, 2003

and this week's Gore Vidal Award for Most Frivolous Lawsuit Filed by a Celebrity (However Minor) goes to...

Marty Ingels. (And you thought it'd be Al Franken or Ben Affleck, didn't you? I see what you was thinkin'....)

Last month Ingels, the former Catskill comic turned multimillionaire super-agent who is probably best known for the books on how to have a successful marriage that he writes with his perpetually estranged wife (Academy Award winner Shirley Jones), used a false name, dialed into the radio program of L.A. shock jock Tom Leykis, and was hung up on when he disagreed with Leykis and mentioned that he is 67 years old. Ingels has filed a lawsuit claiming loss of dignity, public humiliation and age discrimination against s Leykis. (Say what you want about Ingels, but you watch what you say and do to his pseudonym.)

Gimme gimme more more more »


Posted by Jon at 05:49 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




August 15, 2003

Two Quick Things

1. Don't know what to get for the guy or gal who has everything? That's simple- a phone call from Fred "Rerun" Berry and or Lorenzo Lamas! Only $19.95 will get you a full fifteen seconds of soul-baring conversation.

2. If you love Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and blasphemous comedy, check out Betty Bowers site. (Yes, Betty Bowers is a parody site.)

Posted by Jon at 09:23 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




RMBB II.V Reminder

Don't forget, kids, that tomorrow is the Rocky Mountain Blogger Bash II.V! All kinds of bloggers are invited, so don't worry if you're a politico or a techie, straight or gay, black or white, alien or human. Aliens, however, are asked not to eat the other guests and to not conduct horrible biological experiments on them with a variety of cold probing instruments. Thank you.

Get all the details on the event right here.

Posted by Andy at 04:38 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)




Civic Duty

Matt Moore's "sexiest female blogger" contest is well underway, with contestants around the blogosphere begging their readers to find ways to vote multiple times, sometimes bribing them with offers of nudity or strange, sexual favors performed in underground S&M clubs.

Go vote.

Posted by Andy at 04:23 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




The Zomby Five

Sure, sure, not as catchy as the Friday Five, the Tuesday Two, or the Monday Million, but still....

  1. First and foremost, how goes the job search?

    It goes quite well, thank you for asking. I've had a number of leads and an interview here and there, with one that might pan out into something that would be a win-win situation for all involved. You can't tell I'm in the consulting field, can you?

  2. Progressive, flat, or consumption; how does your tax scheme grow?

    Once upon a time, I favored a flat tax alone, but now I can see combining that with a consumption tax (such that the use of resources is a flat tax rather than progressively based on wealth, resource consumption in general, or alien invasion).

  3. Your ranting has mellowed quite a bit since the arrival of the World Wide Runt. Has your daughter blunted your otherwise finely honed ranting edge?

    Blunted it? Nah, I'm still a right cynical bastard, but my time for such has grown shorter. Fiona is the most important thing in the world to me and there's nothing I wouldn't do for her, so she will always, from May 2nd onward, be of the utmost importance in my life. While I love to blog, and appreciate the readers, my beautiful daughter wins out everytime.

    I'm sure as she ages and learns the word "No," I'll blog about the hell that is parenthood. Stay tuned.

  4. Was there ever a moment in your life when you actually believed that God (in some form) might exist? Were there drugs or alcohol involved?

    Son, I was a fairly devout Catholic for some 18 years, a doubting Thomas type for 4 years (although Jesus never saw fit to meet me for a beer and show me his wounds), and an atheist ever since. There might be a god out there, but there's nary a shred of evidence to support any current ideas of such, so it strikes me as a grand waste of time.

    I have an interesting story about God and sleep paralysis, but that's for another time.

  5. Best ever: song, movie, book, alcoholic beverage.

    For assorted reasons of varying import, "Black" by Pearl Jam, "Say Anything" by Cameron Crowe, "The Demon Haunted World" by Carl Sagan (open to much change), and - damnit - beer. Good beer. None of the crap beer most of you folks order.

  6. Bonus question because you, too, are special: Han Solo, Rick Deckard, or Indiana Jones; Harrison Ford's coolest character.

    Han Solo, except in the modified version of Star Wars where Greedo fires first.

Well, that was fun!

Posted by Andy at 01:01 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (1)




August 14, 2003

Monumental Stupidity Is More Like It

Today's Montgomery (Alabama) Advertiser has this story:

An army of Christian soldiers is marching on Montgomery from all directions to wage what many of them believe is a pivotal battle in American history.
Coincidentally, many of them also believe that the South will rise again and are equally wrong on all counts.
They are coming to stand and fight beside Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore and protect the Ten Commandments monument he has planted as a touchstone in the rotunda of the state Judicial Building.
I think this is a fine time for them to ask "What Would Jesus Do?" After all, you don't see him riding into town on a white steed with some flaming sword declaring that they dare not remove the monument to Papa's Rules, do you? You'd think if God could smote cities and flood planets, he could protect a chunk of rock with maybe just a passing thought.
Christians have slumbered as federal judges excised God from his rightful place in American public life, ushering in a 40-year era of steady moral decline, according to the Rev. Rick Scarborough and other religious leaders. Gay rights, violence, sex, drugs and any number of real and perceived evils have plagued the nation since the courts removed prayer from schools in 1961.
Aye, right Reverend, how the world has changed! Why, in 1960 there were no gay people, no violence (except for smoting of cities and planetary floods and turning people to salt), no sex (we did it the old fashioned divine-insemination way I guess), and no drugs (water into wine anyone?). Earth was a planetary Nirvana, and removing prayer from the schools was the equivalent of Kurt Cobain's head being separated from his body by a shotgun.
"Judge Moore wants this as a controversy," said George Olsson of Montgomery. "He is using, he is abusing the Ten Commandments. He has been abusing it since he first started, and it's actually a shame that it has gone to this extent. The only thing I can say is I wish lightning would strike the rock."
Patriotism is not the only refuge for a scoundrel; religious fervor works just as well in some parts.
"There is a simple assertion, and I would agree with it, that to remove the Ten Commandments is symbolic of removing God as the acknowledged author of our laws. After all, where do the laws come from?" said the Rev. Jay Wolf....
Rev. Wolf, get thee to a civics class where one might learn from where our laws arise.
The rally is likely to draw national media coverage. C-SPAN will provide live coverage, Scarborough said, and CNN is planning multiple reports leading up to the rally.

The cable network's executive producers "think there is enormous national interest in this story," said Linda Sathers, a senior producer at CNN who is working on a feature about the historical context of the issue in Alabama.

Yup, nothing like watching the South look back-assward again so that the rest of the country can pat itself on the back and say "Thank God we're not like them. Those poor, poor people."
AVIDD organized a similar rally last year with hopes of attracting thousands, but only 60 to 70 showed up, Wilson said. While Thompson's removal order has forced the issue to critical mass, Wilson said he is not convinced the crowd will meet organizers' ambitionsexpectations.
I just wanted to quote a paragraph that used the fabulous, made-up word "ambitionsexpectations." Sounds naughty. I like it. I'll use it.
Rabbi David Baylinson, adjunct assistant professor of religion at Huntingdon College in Montgomery, said such rigorous debate surrounding the Ten Commandments monument is not surprising.

"The area in which we live in is a great faith-based area, and therefore the issue of the Ten Commandments may have inflamed more people than perhaps any other area," Baylinson said.

"However, the mere fact that (Christian groups) are marching to Montgomery only underlines the fact that the Ten Commandments are a religious symbol and do not belong in the public building," Baylinson said.

Ah, a voice of reason. Those damnable, dirty Jews!
Montgomery resident Danita Rivers, however, said she believes the monument belongs in the Judicial Building.

"I didn't have a problem with it being there in the rotunda at all. We need the things of God to be more visible in these types of places," said Rivers, who attends Fresh Anointing International Church. "Nobody had a problem on Sept. 11, when the towers were attacked. We had 'God Bless America' everywhere."

She continued to state that she had completely missed the irony in putting up signs saying "God Bless America" while religious nuts were also claiming that 9/11 was God's judgement of our nation. However, I'm not one to expect internal consistency from a religion, or even more specifically, its adherents.

Grab your popcorn and beer, kids - this should be good.

Posted by Andy at 09:23 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)




Shock! Shock! Horror! Horror!

Laurence, he who used to post here but has denied us his blog-love for some time now, probably not wanting to overshadow my current status as "job seeker," has pissed off an entire cadre of illiterates!

Fight the power!

Posted by Andy at 12:33 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




It's Rigged! Rigged I Say!

The Heat Miser wants Vicky to LOSE in his contest for Sexiest Female Blogger.

This can't be allowed to stand. Boo hiss on the Heat Miser!

Posted by Andy at 12:16 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)




August 13, 2003

First It Was Astrology

..., then it was oral action, now it's Jack van Impe's end-times prophecy showing up in the Oval Office.

I am not sure whether he knows all of the prophecies and how deep of a student he has been in God's Word, but I was contacted a few weeks ago by the Office of Public Liaison for the White House and by the National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice to make an outline. And I’ve spent hours preparing it. I will release this information to the public in September, but it’s in his hands.

He will know exactly what is going to happen in the Middle East and what part he will have under the leading of the Holy Spirit of God. So, it's a tremendous time to be alive.

If true, our President is being guided by the voice of a televangelist (whose goblin-like appearance is second only to that of Pat Robertson) and his incessantly fawning wife with the sincerely silly name (Rexella: a cross between your childhood dog and a terrible lizard).

I've been asked here, there, and not really everywhere why - as an atheist - I am so concerned with the theistic beliefs of those around me. It should be stunningly obvious: even superstitious adults get to vote (and sometimes they even grow up to be Mr. President!). And do you want to see what an America dominated by superstition looks like?

Here you go. Scary, scary stuff.

Found via Josh Claybourn.

Posted by Andy at 11:23 PM | Comments (16) | TrackBack (0)




A Hole Found in the Godfather's Family Tree

Today's weirdest celebrity news: DNA testing has allegedly proven that alleged singer and actress Courtney Love is the granddaughter of superstar turned icon Marlon Brando. Love's mother was Brando's lovechild, born when he was a 20 year old struggling actor- this is obviously the result of a well planned Bene Gesserit youthful seduction (which could explain the levitators around Marlon's girth of late).

Gimme gimme more more more »


Posted by Jon at 05:22 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




August 12, 2003

Hooked on the Krak

Though I'm busier than an appropriate euphemism of late, every so often you read a book that you just have to talk about. I’ve read two by the same author this week: Under the Banner of Heaven and Into the Wild, both by Jon Krakauer. (I also read Da Vinci Code, which sucked like a Hoover Upright with an outboard motor.) I'm not exactly the first to make it to any of these (Into the Wild in fact is a cult classic), but still thought I'd share.

Gimme gimme more more more »


Posted by Jon at 03:14 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)




Discussion O'The Day

Technically, it's been the discussion of the last few days. Who would have thought that an inflammatory post about the Catholic church would stir up such strong feelings (ok, guilty as charged). I am, however, quite pleased with the ensuing discussion, particularly with some of the newest contributions (being that they, to me, ask questions that need to be answered before the Church is off the hook for its recent behavior).*

* Uh huh, I know, the "Church" is not the bad, bad people doing bad, bad things, and Enron technically was just an entity on paper.

Posted by Andy at 07:36 AM | Comments (31) | TrackBack (2)




August 11, 2003

Modern Drunkard

...in the style of James Lileks.

Found via a link from another link at Single Out West.

Posted by Andy at 11:42 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




August 10, 2003

Pope Prays, God Answers

Attempting to display just how he has the ear of the Big Guy upstairs, Pope John Paul II prayed for an end to the European heatwave:

PARIS -- Pope John Paul II on Sunday prayed for much-needed rain and relief from the punishing heat wave that has smothered large parts of the continent for two weeks, as temperatures in Britain shattered an all-time record.

"I invite you to join my prayer for the victims of this calamity and I urge you to fervently pray to the Lord to give the parched earth a bit of cool rain," the pontiff said in a mass at his summer residence in Castelgandolfo south of Rome.

God (aka the Alpha, the Omega, and even the Epsilon), however, was busy on vacation and failed to hear the plea:
But there was little relief in sight as new wildfires broke out late Sunday in Portugal and Spain, forcing nearly 1,000 residents to flee their homes. The fires and the heat have killed more than 40 people across the continent.
Or maybe God doesn't like the Portuguese or the Spanish. I suppose when compared to flooding the Earth to kill little babies and puppies, this heat should be seen as small potatoes. You know, since America didn't get the message from 9/11, he's putting on a show in Europe with the sun (I recommend a better PR person, myself).
But not everyone was singing the summer blues: pub and bar owners in Britain were rejoicing, as an estimated three million extra pints of beer were expected to be consumed over the weekend.
Or maybe God owns stock in a brewery.

Posted by Andy at 10:41 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)




Winning Their Hearts and Minds, Another Chapter

This isn't the way to do it:

BAGHDAD, Iraq (AP) - The night air hung like a hot wet blanket over the north Baghdad suburb of Slaykh. At 9 p.m., an electrical transformer blew up, plunging the neighborhood into darkness.

American soldiers, apparently fearing a bomb attack, went on alert. Within 45 minutes, six Iraqis trying to get home before the 11 p.m. curfew were shot and killed by U.S. forces.

Excusing the literary horror that is "like a hot wet blanket," this story is tragically sad. We've heard that Iraq is "not safe enough yet" - but safe for whom?

We have the finest military in the world, but if our soldiers in key positions like this are not better trained and more patient, we are destined for losing the support we so desperately need.

"I wish Saddam (Hussein) would return and kill all Americans," Anwaar Kawaz said. Under Saddam, "we used to go out at one in the morning. We went out at 9 now and they killed us.

"I want to drink Bush's blood. They are all criminals," she said, beating her chest.

Sure, they are Shiites, but they aren't going anywhere, and they will be essential to building the Iraq of the future.

Posted by Andy at 10:19 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




One Less Worry

Having had the saddening experience of watching my grandmother waste away courtesy of that old bastard Alzheimer's disease, this was welcome news:

Brain images show that people who are more intelligent and better educated use their brains differently, which in turn may help explain why keeping the mind active protects against Alzheimer's disease, researchers reported this week.
So, don't expect yours truly to go quietly into that dark, forgetful night in the years ahead!

The downside of this is that everyone at Democratic Underground will eventually be in nursing homes, clutching their baby dolls, and begging the mean men in white not to hurt them again.

Posted by Andy at 10:11 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)




August 07, 2003

Mystery Solved!

Researches have finally identified the secret behind walking on water:

If you have ever wondered how saviors like Jesus walk on water or skim across the surface of ponds, rivers and oceans, scientists in the United States have the answer.

Rather than move by creating waves, as some researchers had thought, Jesus uses one of his three sets of hairy legs like oars to create vortices or spirals in the water that propel him forward at speeds of up to 150 cm (60 inches) per second.

OK, admittedly, I took some liberties with the original.

Posted by Andy at 12:40 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)




Defending the Indefensible Faith

Please explain to me why anyone would remain Catholic after stories like this:

CBS News Correspondent Vince Gonzales has uncovered a church document kept secret for 40 years.

The confidential Vatican document, obtained by CBS News, lays out a church policy that calls for absolute secrecy when it comes to sexual abuse by priests - anyone who speaks out could be thrown out of the church.

The policy was written in 1962 by Cardinal Alfredo Ottaviani.

The document, once "stored in the secret archives" of the Vatican, focuses on crimes initiated as part of the confessional relationship and what it calls the "worst crime": sexual assault committed by a priest" or "attempted by him with youths of either sex or with brute animals."

Bishops are instructed to pursue these cases "in the most secretive way...restrained by a perpetual silence...and everyone {including the alleged victim) ...is to observe the strictest secret, which is commonly regarded as a secret of the Holy Office...under the penalty of excommunication."

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark the Holy See. And has been for some time. Sorry, I don't see this as an institution which needs a thorough housecleaning; this kind of corruption is only ended by dismantling the instruments of power which allowed it to fester in the first place.

Update: In the comments, reader S.F. points out that the document deals with solicitation and not with sexual activities. If so, then the CBS article is making a broad generalization. However, that still doesn't justify keeping Father Bill's hitting on little Timmy in the confessional a secret. Solicitation is certainly less revolting than child molestation, but with this encouragement of an aura of secrecy around inappropriate behavior, I am not surprised the Church covered up the fondling Fathers of fun for so long.

Gimme gimme more more more »


Posted by Andy at 08:55 AM | Comments (74) | TrackBack (1)




Pointless Lyric of the Night

Today's entry comes from Wilco's "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" album, and the song "Jesus, etc.":

You were right about the stars
Each one is a setting sun
Not sure what the significance is either, but I think they're great lines. It's probably the beer. I could have gone with these:
Shiny shiny pants and bleach blonde hair
A double kick drum by the river in the summer
She fell in love with a drummer
Another & another
She fell in love
Although, admittedly, I really like that song too.

Posted by Andy at 01:20 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




August 06, 2003

Ooh, Ahh, the Gay Backlash Has Begun

Now this is real news:

Between a recent Supreme Court ruling legalizing gay sex, news of a gay public high school, a gay Episcopal priest becoming bishop and five gay fashionistas making television history, some conservatives say straight Americans are suffering from overload.
Holy crap, I bet "some conservatives" are also saying that they won't drink from the same fountain as the darkie on the corner. Or maybe they're saying that their woman better have dinner on the table when they get home from a hard day at the office. Or maybe they're saying "kids today! What the hell is wrong with them? Why when I was their age I had to walk eight miles to school, uphill both ways!"

In short, who cares what "some conservatives" have to say? I mean, of course, we have to be concerned since the Constitution allows any idiot on the left or right of the aisle to pull the voting lever, but beyond that, this isn't news, folks.

Rhetoric aside, a recent Gallup Poll (search) suggests that for the first time since the 1980s, support for the gay lifestyle — including the much-discussed idea of same-sex marriages — has begun slipping.

Pollsters acknowledge that recent events have played a role in what might be a "gay backlash."

I imagine the backlash is coming from those straight folks who also say "I don't hate gay people, I have lots of gay friends!" They never pause to consider that they like them in spite of their being gay, rather than being neutral or even in favor of it. Personally, I'm neutral to it - if you're gay, fantastic for you, have a happy life. If you're not, hey, welcome to the club, now let other people live their lives and shut the hell up already.
On the pop-culture front, two new cable TV shows have generated endless chatter and record ratings: "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," about five gay men who give fashion-unconscious straight men makeovers, and, on the same channel, a reality dating show, "Boy Meets Boy."

Rev. Lou Sheldon, spokesman for the conservative Traditional Values Coalition (search), said Americans have reached their limit.

Oh, lordy lordy lordy, it's like Ellen all over again, isn't it?

How tired of the gay theme is America? Let's find out!

It worked once, so why not try it again? Michael Starr in the NY Post reports that NBC is "definitely considering re-airing" episodes of the Bravo hit Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, in the face of record-breaking ratings for the cable show. The July 29 episode of the show on Bravo (which is owned by NBC) drew 2.8 million viewers, smashing the record for the most-watched show in Bravo history: the 1.6 million who watched the series premiere on July 15. The first episode then drew 6.7 million viewers to NBC when re-aired on the broadcast network on July 24.

In the face of the 63% increase in audience, an NBC spokesperson said that Queer Eye was "gaining the same type of momentum that The Osbournes had" during its debut season on MTV. In addition, Carson Kressley, one of the "Fab Five" doing the makeovers, has been gathering Simon Cowell-like publicity.

Wow, sick of it indeed! The end is nigh! The end is nigh! Wait, it's probably just the homosexuals - I bet that's why the SuperBowl gets such good ratings. You know, all those gay men checking out the beefcake in tight, padded pants, getting sweaty and slamming into one another in a faux act of man-on-man lovemaking. Or something.
But Bill Leap, anthropology professor and gay-issues expert at American University, said that despite the conservative bluster, most polls still reflect a strong majority in favor of laws protecting gays from discrimination.
Sorry, just had to include this since FoxNews actually allowed an article to say "conservative bluster."

The times they are a-changin', my friends.

Posted by Andy at 11:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




Man and Woman He Made Them

And the women are kickin' butt and takin' names:

ROME, Italy (CNN) -- A 27-year-old woman died Wednesday of the human form of mad cow disease, marking the first Italian death blamed on the illness that has claimed more than 100 lives in other parts of Europe.
First they go around offering Adam that dreaded, cursed apple and here they are cartin' mad cow disease into Italy. I'm telling you, women will be the death of us.

Sorry, folks, slow news day - I'll do better next time.

Posted by Andy at 08:57 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)




Job Watch - Day 19

Another day, another day without pay. This is the life!

Actually, today was good fun. Woke up far too early with very few of my faculties in working order and went downtown with Vicky. Showed her around the 16th Street Mall, had an appetizer and drinks at The Paramount, then drove over to My Brother's Bar for some more conversation and drinks. Our bartender was Howard, or - as Vicky pronounces it - Walter, and the service was exceptional.

After those festivities, it was up to Fort Collins to see Roverpundit and help him clean up his apartment as his lease is nearing its end. I do believe this was the first time in 3 years that his place had seen instruments of cleanliness. It quaked with fear, it did. We fought valiantly and eventually had it looking pretty decent.

Now it's late, and I'm off to bed as I am short on sleep. Much to do tomorrow, and much news on the job front as well. Still productively unemployed, but things are looking up.

P.S. On a side note, Dell's customer service - who I used to praise - now sucks. With a capital S. And a capital U-C-K-S. And an exclamation point tacked on for good measure.

Posted by Andy at 12:58 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)




August 05, 2003

SleepyHead

Well, Vicky is sound asleep now, and I am heading that way, so good night one and all.

Talk to all of you soon as the ability to type warrants more then I can.... Just kidding, chirrens, talk soon.

Update: You know how somethings you write make sense when you write them, but then later when you read them, they don't really. Yeah, that's my feeling right now about that last sentence. OK, off we go.

Posted by Andy at 04:33 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




Rumors of My Death

...while very entertaining, and possibly worth points via Laurence and his dead pool, are terribly premature.

However, rumors of the death of my hard drive are not premature, and were sadly borne out by the horrid blue screen of not-coming-back-from-this-one death that greeted me around noon today. For the moment, let's overlook that I lost so valuable data (most of it was backed up), and let's pretend that Dell isn't full of shit when they say my warranty is expired, even though their own website says I have over 480 days of coverage left (but then again, what do I expect when they outsource all of their customer service to India, apparently in the neighborhoods of the Untouchables, where nary a one speaks English other than "Thank you for calling Dell! Good day to you!"). But, like I said, kids, let's overlook all of that.

Because I now have a lovely 120GB hard drive in place (that's 14,230,197 in porn years); but it doesn't like some nasty conflict between my video drivers and my scanner drivers. And here I thought Microsoft had revolutionized the computing world with Plug n Play back in the mid-90s - but no! I've got a continual sandbox brawl going on on my end of things.

In the meantime, I'm awaiting the arrival of Vicky here in Denver. Assuming her car didn't break down, and that she's making good time, she ought to be in the area within an hour or so. So, here I sit, beer in hand, anxiously awaiting the arrival of my fellow blogger. After that, bedtime - and tomorrow, a walking tour of the Mile High City! Oh the thrill!

Anyway, many details and much fun to follow...talk to you soon!

Posted by Andy at 12:59 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




August 02, 2003

PSA

Matt Moore has started a new webring for unemployed bloggers. I've joined. You should too, at least if you're a) blogging and b) out of a job.

In fact, it's such a cool club you should probably quit your job just so you can join.

Posted by Andy at 09:07 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (2)




Fiona Update

She's three months old today; they grow up so fast! Sure, for now she just sits there, flailing about, farting, and laughing when she does (she is her daddy's daughter, it would seem), but soon she'll be driving, dating, getting married, and converting to fundamentalist Christianity just to annoy me.

I'll try to get some photos up in the very near future.

Posted by Andy at 12:36 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)




What's Black and White and Read All Over?

Not California newspapers, apparently:

The California NAACP announced today that it will file a lawsuit to push the recall election back a month in an effort to create fairness for the state's poor and minority voters.

California NAACP President Huffman said that her group is suing to delay the recall election to November because as it stands black voters would be disenfranchised and the state could see confusion reminiscent of the 2000 Florida vote.

Because, as we all know, all of California's newspaper websites, vending machines, and television news anchors come with the new-fangled BlackBlockTM and SpicStopTM technologies (in which all news anchors speak in something, remarkably, resembling English, which they speaky good) preventing minorities from gaining access to information available to white people across the state via direct mail and specially targeted television commercials.
The Oct. 7 voting date does not leave enough time to educate minority voters about election issues or encourage them to vote, according to Huffman.
Errr, ummm, I'm just a dumb, white, libertarian type of person but since when is it the duty of the state to actively educate people on how to vote? If you don't care enough to vote, then don't. If all you want to do is bitch about your current state rather than work to change it, then bitch away. But, damn, don't whine that it doesn't leave you enough time to get out to the "ignunt" masses so you can "edumacate" them; that's the gravest insult to the intelligence of minorities that one could imagine (except for, perhaps, "You dumb minorities!").

And, I'm sorry, but that's exactly what they are saying with this lawsuit: minorities don't follow the news; minorities don't keep up with issues that may affect them; minorities don't know how to look out for themselves - the typical left-wing helpless-victim mentality that ensures that these same minorities stay poor, downtrodden, and looking to them for help.

Ah, a perenially captive market for the Democrats! Eureka!

Posted by Andy at 01:00 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (2)




August 01, 2003

Rocky Mountain Blogger Bash II.V

Gather round, chirrens, and let me tale you a tale of things to come. There will be merrymaking, hilarity, and the sweet amber nectar of ye gods of Olde in copious quantities, yearning to be imbibed, disassembled, and processed by the various organs of the human body before winding its way to some waste treatment plant. OK, that was a bit much, I admit.

Of course, this means that it's time for the RMBB II.V! You may be saying to yourself, "Hey, shouldn't this be RMMB III, since the last one was RMBB II?" A fine question, to be sure, but the answer is: No! In keeping with the tradition established in millenia past by somebody somewhere probably, the RMBB is an annual event - and since we've already had one in 2003, we can't have RMBB III until 2004. So, after consultation with my legal aides, it was decided that we could safely call this event RMBB II.V without invoking the unholy and ancient wrath of that same somebody somewhere probably.

Now, for the details:


Rocky Mountain Blogger Bash II.V
August 16, 2003
5:30 pm - until

Wynkoop Brewing Company*
1634 18th Street
Denver, CO 80202

MAP


Feel free to come out and mingle with the bloggers - at your own risk. Don't worry, we're a harmless sort, even if you're a nutty far right-wing Republican out to oppress homosexuals, atheists, and anyone who doesn't think like you, or a granola left-wing window breaking hoodlum protesting globalization because you never learned anything in history class, and still inhabit a fluffy dreamworld where socialism and communism are workable models and pigs can fly. This is about having a good time, good talks, good food, good fun, good stuff, blah de blah.

I'll be there with bells, and little else, on. As will Zombyboy, Matt Moore, Roverpundit (I think!), soon-to-be Denver transplant Vicky, and her husband Matt. I'll update this list as attendees are confirmed - exciting, no?

If you plan on attending, please say so in the comments - I'll also be attempting to e-mail some other local bloggers who either don't read this site or who, for reasons known only to them and the aliens who control them via long-distance mind beams, have denied us their presence in RMBBs past.

Hope to see you there!

* I need to confirm that Wynkoop has nothing huge and special going on that evening, but I'm pretty sure the pool room will be available for us to occupy as we wish.

Posted by Andy at 09:02 AM | Comments (23) | TrackBack (10)






MONKEY BUSINESS








THE BLOGROLL