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Our Little Boy is All Grown Up*
Well, there go my vacation plans...
Bitey Mikey Bites Back
Hot for Treacher?
Get Your Teen Freak On
It Ain't Hamlet, That's For Sure
My Political Compass
Peace, Love, and International Understanding

« April 2003 | Main | June 2003 »

May 31, 2003


Eric Robert Rudolph has been caught:

Olympic bombing suspect Eric Robert Rudolph -- wanted in bombings that killed two people and injured more than 100 in the Southeast -- was arrested early Saturday in western North Carolina, U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft confirmed.
I lived in Alabama when he bombed a Birmingham abortion clinic, injuring a nurse and killing a police officer, and when he bombed the 1996 Atlanta Olympics (we were watching it unfold live at a local watering hole).

The Army of God is now one member short - hopefully Ashcroft will make it permanent with a death sentence.

Posted by Andy at 12:09 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

Our Little Boy is All Grown Up*

Hey, hey, today we're off to celebrate RoverPundit's birthday in Fort Collins. So, posting will be non-existent (from me anyway) until I return - hopefully with some photos for your personal amusement.

Have a great day!

* He's even gotten his boobies.

Posted by Andy at 12:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

May 30, 2003

Well, there go my vacation plans...

AP: Americans in Gaza warned of kidnap threats

With nobody willing to toss themselves under bulldozers or standing in front of armed terrorists as human shields anymore, the ISM gets desperate in its recruiting efforts.

Posted by at 11:26 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

May 29, 2003

Bitey Mikey Bites Back

MSNBC: Tyson says he wants to rape former accuser

“I JUST HATE her guts. She put me in that state, where I don’t know,” Tyson said. “I really wish I did now. But now I really do want to rape her.”

A call for comment to Tyson’s adviser, Shelly Finkel, was not immediately returned.

That's got to be a fun career, being Mike Tyson's adviser. I figure that any overtime you spend on the job you get comped off of your time in Purgatory.

Posted by at 11:18 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

Hot for Treacher?

Jim Treacher has moved, adjust your clothing appropriately.

Posted by at 11:14 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Get Your Teen Freak On

Uh oh - the conservatives aren't going to like this one bit:

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Teenagers at high schools where condoms were available were no more likely to have sex than other teens, a study published Wednesday finds.
Of course, this was common knowledge to people who understand their own sexuality and remember what it was like to be full of raging hormones. The kids who are going to have sex are, well, going to have sex - and no virginal sweetheart is going to suddenly say "C'mon boys, sex me up somethin' good!" just because there's a condom in the nurse's office.
Some conservative groups have staunchly opposed such programs, saying they send the wrong message and in effect encourage and enable teens to have sex before marriage.
Because we all know that teens can't have sex unless they have condoms. That's right - the male penis doesn't work properly unless it's covered in a sheath of latex, and the female vagina automatically punishes any uncovered fleshy intruders with the very sharp teeth that girls have down there*. Fascinating stuff, this right-wing "science."

* If we just told boys a line like that, they'd never be willing to have sex. See, sometimes the solution is so simple that we overlook it.

Posted by Andy at 08:34 AM | Comments (41) | TrackBack (1)

May 28, 2003

It Ain't Hamlet, That's For Sure

What happens if you put one right-wing Christian* primate at the keyboard and give him a deadline? This.

Thomas Huxley ("Darwin's bulldog") is said to have come up with the most famous defense of the atheist belief that life was created by chance, not God. In a debate at Oxford, he is reported to have stated that if enough monkeys randomly pressed typewriter keys for a long enough time, sooner or later Psalm 23 would emerge.

Not all atheists use this argument, but it accurately represents the atheist belief that with enough time and enough solar systems, you'll get you, me and Bach's cello suites.

Actually, Dennis, it doesn't - you see, in order for the analogy of monkeys banging on the typewriters to work, anytime the monkeys put a letter in the right place, we'd keep it - and anytime they did something incorrect, we'd erase it. The analogy also, of course, assumes that the monkeys know to hit the keys (and the recent for-fun experiments reported in the news show that - duh - they don't). Apply the same thinking to the evolution of life in the universe, and you'll be on the right track.

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Andy at 10:37 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

My Political Compass

I know I've done this test before, but I don't know if I've posted the results. So, here they are. My scores place me in the same quadrant as Hayek, Friedman, and Rand - not bad company, if you ask me (and for those of you who consider it bad company, I didn't ask you). Woo.


Laurence has posted his here.

Maybe Tom and Jon will play along.

Posted by Andy at 06:01 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)


USA TODAY: AOL to launch area for African-Americans

Instead of a busy signal, you get the theme to "Shaft."

Posted by at 03:43 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Peace, Love, and International Understanding

CNN details the lengths to which President Bush will go in pursuit of peace in the Middle East.

Let's just hope they don't take any pictures. Shudder.

Posted by Andy at 02:03 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Down and Out

It looks like Instapundit, DailyPundit, VodkaPundit, and RoverPundit are - besides being remarkably similarly named - all offline at the moment.


Update: Michele (don't bother clicking, she's one of the down and out as well) says that our hosting company, HostingMatters, had a bit of a fire today.


Posted by Andy at 12:32 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

A World Wide Thank You

Hooray, the templates and CSS files are in working order now, thanks to the very kind help provided by AstreaEdge, whose own blog has a layout and design that makes this one look like it was put together in semi-WYSIWYG software by someone very far behind in their web design skills (and hey, what do you know, it was!).

Many, many thanks for your help in isolating and remedying the problem (hint: it begins with M, ends with T, and has ICROSOF in the middle).

Posted by Andy at 12:30 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Lenny Bruce is not afraid... because he's dead!

Lenny Bruce fans are harassing New York Governor George Pataki to posthumously pardon the comedian for his obscenity charges.

"I truly believe my father's soul can rest in peace with this," Kitty Bruce said.

I'm sure we'll be seeing that on the next episode of John Edward and his "Bogus Handsome Psychic" show.

Posted by at 10:32 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

The Good Old Days

Finally getting around to getting the old WWR material onto the MT-version of the site. Unfortunately, when we moved to MT, it only imported the last 1000 posts, leaving nearly the first three months untouched. So, piece by piece, I've been cutting and pasting them in - cleaning up the code - and publishing them. Since I've been doing it, it looks like I wrote all of the posts, but - truth be told - Tom wrote a good two or three.

To date, our first month - March, 2002 - is up and available. For some reason, using the same style sheet as the main page gave me a completely different (and poor) rendering of the page - so I've tweaked it a bit.

It's still not perfect, and it still doesn't make sense, so any CSS gurus out there that would care to help out - it'd be appreciated. I did some web design in 95/96, and then let my skills fall woefully behind. As you can see.

Anyway, if you're interested in our first half-month "on the air" - see the link above to the March '02 archives.

And if you're moved to give a little somethin' somethin' for our fourteen months of moderately entertaining whatever, there's a PayPal button over there for just such an event. PayPal is your friend.

Posted by Andy at 08:48 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

May 27, 2003

Are There Any More Clichès You'd Like to Mention?

I've been on a search committee for a position here and have conducted several telephone interviews this week. Apparently I either have better reflexes or more a devious bent than most people because I avoided the ENORMOUS missteps they make. A few tips in case you're being interviewed in the future:

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Jon at 03:41 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

No Coke... Pepsi

The latest front of the Cola War has opened up in China, and the United Nations can't do squat about it to prevent catastrophe...

HOUSTON CHRONICLE: Yao Ming filing suit in pop war - Pepsi fan seeking to stop Coke ads

Yao Ming would not like to buy the world a Coke or even sell it one, because he endorses Pepsi. So, why is his image appearing on bottles of Coca-Cola in China?

Coke won the rights to Yao's face as well because it cut a deal with the Chinese men's basketball team to display Chinese team players, including Yao, on its products.

Now the 7-foot-5-inch center is caught between two cola makers that can be as in-your-face as the Utah Jazz's power forward Karl Malone when it comes to endorsement deals.

So now he's fighting back -- sort of. "I am strongly against Coke's unauthorized use of my name and image to sell its products and for business promotions," Yao said in a written statement.

Yao has sued Coke, demanding an apology from the world's largest soft drink company and for 1 yuan, the equivalent of 12 cents.

Question... is Yao Ming allowed to come out and publicly state that he finds the flavor of Coca Cola to be utterly revolting as a form of retribution/negative advertising?

"I like Pepsi. I think Coca-Cola sucks. I wouldn't wash my pet dog's balls with it, let alone drink it."

Posted by at 10:44 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

A Team By Any Other Name

I never thought I'd see a less threatening sports team name than that of my old high school, Sidney Lanier, whose intimidation factor was sent plummeting into the negatives with the following name:

The Sidney Lanier Poets

Yes, nothing would strike fear into the heart of the Vols or the Tigers across the way like a man with a pen and the ability to write lovely verse. Were we there to beat them or romance them? One could never be sure.*

Well, it looks like my hometown of Montgomery, Alabama has decided to do the Poets one better. They've just acquired a Class AA minor league baseball team. After spending the better part of two bits on in-depth name research, the owners have decided to call the team:

The Montgomery Biscuits

I shit you not.

* More often than not, it was to be beaten by them, like the sissy-named team we were.

Posted by Andy at 09:45 AM | Comments (12) | TrackBack (1)

Know The Enemy

Or at least know how to spell their belief:

"Creationism Vs. Evolutionalism," topic of Sunday's lecture through June 29; 11 a.m.; Institute of Divine Metaphysical Research, 11354 Amalgam Way, Suite B, Gold River; (916) 869-8217 or (916) 424-7427.

Um, ok.

Institute of Divine Metaphysical Research?

I'm afraid to ask.

Posted by Andy at 09:21 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

World War 3...

First Persian Campaign, or the Stabilization of South Central Asia.

At least, that's how I hope this plays out in 50 years. We've suspended relations with Iran, and I'm sure Khamenei, for all his anti-American rhetoric and bully-speak, is sweating bullets. After all, I'm sure he's perfectly aware that the US military occupies two nations bordering his own.

Not being a Republican nor even a "little L" libertarian even, my inner Liberal immediately sat up and thought, "Oh my God! Not another war! We'll just create more terrorists, etc."

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Tom at 12:04 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

May 26, 2003

E Pluribus Unum

What would happen if you continually randomly sampled the newest posts from over 40,000 blogs and tried to put some of them together in a semi-coherent format that resembled an e-newspaper?

This would happen: Bite My Blog.

The results can be... interesting.

Posted by Andy at 08:38 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

God Is Love?

I thought I knew about all the rather nasty stuff which the Bible holds, but this was a new one for me. The passage, Deuteronomy 28, has 14 verses detailings the blessings of God if you obey him, and 54 detailing the horrors that await those who would disobey.

And horrors they are:

53 Because of the suffering that your enemy will inflict on you during the siege, you will eat the fruit of the womb, the flesh of the sons and daughters the LORD your God has given you. 54 Even the most gentle and sensitive man among you will have no compassion on his own brother or the wife he loves or his surviving children, 55 and he will not give to one of them any of the flesh of his children that he is eating. It will be all he has left because of the suffering your enemy will inflict on you during the siege of all your cities. 56 The most gentle and sensitive woman among you-so sensitive and gentle that she would not venture to touch the ground with the sole of her foot-will begrudge the husband she loves and her own son or daughter 57 the afterbirth from her womb and the children she bears. For she intends to eat them secretly during the siege and in the distress that your enemy will inflict on you in your cities.
That's right - life will be so bad, thanks be to God, that you will eat the flesh of your own children. I'm happy to say that in my atheist household we've not had to resort to such extreme measures.

And people worship this beast? It boggles the mind.

Original idea came from here via here

Posted by Andy at 07:07 PM | Comments (38) | TrackBack (0)

Bath Night

AP: Girl rescued from washing machine

A 2-year-old girl was rescued from a locked, running washer at a coin laundry and her mother was arrested after a surveillance tape allegedly showed her putting the child into the machine, police said. An officer smashed the window of the machine with his baton to rescue the girl, who was "submerged in water," police Sgt. Matt Stone said.

The child was unconscious when she was pulled from the washer Saturday but breathing. She was taken to a hospital where she was listed in serious condition with cuts, scrapes, bruises. She had inhaled some water but was expected to survive, Stone said.

Her mother, Erma Osborne, 35, of Pomona, California, later was arrested for investigation of child endangerment and held on $10,000 bail.

What an idiot... didn't she realize that the socks go missing in the dryer not the washer? If she's going to put her kid in the machine to catch any socks escaping, it really needs to be the dryer.

Posted by at 10:05 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

May 25, 2003

Not Nearly Enough

The Raving Atheist has been writing recently on the legal presumption of atheism: that the law, for all intents and purposes, assumes that relgious beliefs are false. His primary example is that of rendering medical aid to an individual in an emergency room (and, in most cases, I'd agree his argument is sound).

However, this story shows it doesn't work in all cases.

London — Walter Zepeda was possessed by the devil.

His parents, devoutly religious members of a Pentecostal church that believes in such manifestations, knew that much to be true...

So Diego Zepeda-Cordera called his friend Alex Osegueda, a fellow member of the Missionary Church of Christ and a man of equal devotion, to help him rid his son of the evil. They had no idea the seven days of forced confinement it took to drive away the devil would also, literally, drain the life out of Walter.

He lost nine litres of fluid as he lay strapped with men's ties to metal chairs in the basement apartment he shared with his family in this western Ontario city. Ultimately he died of dehydration.

Sounds like murder to me - how about you?

If I didn't like the fact that Fiona cried for no good reason at night, and blamed it on a boogeyman going bump in the night, and then wrapped her in duct tape and put her in the closet for a few days, I'd rightly - I hope - be sent to prison for life, or committed to the Sunny Days Happy Land Institution for the Insane, for my obvious inability to maintain a grasp on reality.

So, what did the law give the murderers in question?

Yesterday, the squarely cut shoulders of Mr. Zepeda-Cordero heaved silently as a judge sentenced him and Mr. Osegueda to four years in penitentiary for the ritual that caused the death of the teen...

The young man's mother, Ana Mejia-Lopez, sobbed into a handkerchief as she was given a single day for failing to provide the necessaries of life to her son. She was freed yesterday afternoon — the 500th day the trio had spent in incarceration.

Yeah, boo hoo, so she spent an extra 499 days in prison FOR KILLING HER SON. If you're looking for sympathy, move along.

And four years is a laughable joke of a sentence (as was the five that the prosecution was seeking).

Ontario Court Judge Deborah Livingstone said she had been struck through the long hours of the preliminary hearing by their emotion, obvious distress, and significant remorse.
Note to the judge - who the hell cares? They killed their son. What did they think would happen by tying him up in the basement for seven days?

I doubt they would have been let off as easily had they claimed that Gulong the Space Turtle had possessed their son, and that Vortu the Mighty Pan-Galactic Chicken Curry Dish demanded the exorcism to free his soul. Somehow, god-belief gets special consideration - perhaps because it's an all-too common irrationality.

The law is atheistic? Not nearly enough.

(original story found via Corsair)

Posted by Andy at 11:38 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

A Fiona First

Fiona, aka The World Wide Runt, hit a major milestone this evening.

We fed her before dinner, then proceeded to enjoy a traditional Sunday roast (apparently traditional in LimeyLand, from where my wife hails). As we sat around for after-dinner talk, I took Fiona from her babyseat and proceeded to burp her.

She burped out the back end instead.


And it leaked.


On to me.

Lots. Lots. Lots.

It looked remarkably like chili con carne, but I seriously doubt it tasted anything like it. And I had no plans to sample her digested wares. The real trick was figuring out how to get my polo-style shirt* off without making contact with poop-laden cotton. Mission accomplished.

I'm so proud of my little girl.

* Not a Polo shirt, though. Do I have to hand in my neocon card?

Posted by Andy at 09:53 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

But of Course

It's the weekend - a holiday weekend - and you know what that means! That's right, pointless quiz-time. I do it for you, my people.

You will sink in a mire. You like to think you're
normal, but deep down you really just want to
strip off your clothes and roll around in
chicken fat.

What horrible Edward Gorey Death will you die?
brought to you by Quizilla

Posted by Andy at 12:55 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

May 24, 2003

If Washington Post hands you lemons...

then get an endorsement deal from Minute Maid.

The thriving desertropolis of Battle Mountain, Nevada, was voted "Armpit of America" by Gene Weingarten in last year's Washington's Post. Rather than send suicide bombers to the paper's headquarters like some desert dwelling people would have done, they're having a $75,000 celebration underwritten by Old Spice underarm deodorant.

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Jon at 12:44 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

May 23, 2003


Perusing the referrer logs, I came across the Canadian site Discover Teenergy.

Welcome to
Teen + Energy = Teenergy! Discover Yours!
Exciting activities to enrich the lives and learning of teenagers.
I'm used to Site Meter showing referrals that have nothing to do with the WWR (such as CNN, or the NYT, which when they first showed up nearly gave me a heart attack), so I didn't expect to find a real link to the WWR.

Well, lo and behold, there we are.

Not sure if they chose us because we have something to offer gifted students (having been ones ourselves, thank you very much, and yes you may touch us, but not down there - well, maybe the cute ones can) - or because my name is Andy (as there seems to be an Andy thread running through the links they provide). Maybe both. Maybe neither.

Either way, welcome, Canuckistan teens!

Posted by Andy at 09:46 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

When You Care Enough To Send The Very Best

My ex sent me some thoughtful greeting cards that you won't see from Hallmark, and - as it's a holiday weekend and I might not blog much - I thought I'd share.


Posted by Andy at 06:04 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Just In Time to Mess Up Weekend Plans

Bigwig over at Silflay Hraka is a daddy again. Go congratulate him and his wife - moreso the wife, as she did the real work while he just blogged about it. I think Mrs. WWR would have killed me had I been blogging during the c-section; she's already not so keen on the series of photos I have of it.

Yes, I'll post them, if you want. Well, some of them.

Thanks to Matt for pointing out the news.

Posted by Andy at 04:52 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

Plan SARS From Outer Space

Sure, sure, Vicky can say that SARS comes from cats, but those of us in the know, well, know:

The SARS virus might have originated in outer space, according to a scientist in Britain.
I bet those damnable Operating Thetans are behind it all. Stupid old space-based spirits.

Posted by Andy at 03:07 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

Bunny Tickets

REUTERS: Bunny picks up parking ticket

A lop-eared rabbit has picked up a parking ticket that is well beyond its means, pet shop owner Cliff Chamberlain says.

Chamberlain said he drove off before a traffic warden could slap the ticket on his van outside the shop. The frustrated official then stuck the ticket to the creature's hutch on the pavement.

Chamberlain said zealous traffic wardens made loading and unloading animals from his pet shop in Eccles, near Manchester, extremely difficult. "Somebody makes up all these rules and they have messed up," he told Reuters.

A parking official said tickets were only valid if they were handed straight to the driver or stuck to the vehicle.

The bunny's sudden fame has encouraged a number of potential buyers but Chamberlain insists it is not for sale.

I don't think this guy's problem is the loading and unloading of animals at his pet shop. Instead, I think he really needs to learn Supply and Demand: if people want to buy an animal from his pet shop he needs to be willing to sell it.

Why would he be unloading animals he isn't willing to sell them? What kind of pet shop is that? Is it next door to Michael Palin's cheese shop with the bazouki player?

Posted by at 11:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

My In-Laws

by Andy

This story is about my in-laws. They are really great. I like them very much. They are very nice. They brought me a good gift*. My in-laws are good people.

The End

* It's not on the site anymore, but it's a lovely 18-year old bottle of the Glenturret single malt scotch. We opened it last night for a toast to Fiona - ahhh, a wee dram of heaven, it is.

Posted by Andy at 08:14 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

May 22, 2003

Unfortunate Company Names

Today, I got to thinking - something I like to do from time to time, just for giggles - that I've seen some companies with some really unfortunate names in the last couple years.

One of them is the Colorado Boring Company. Don't invite them to your next party.

Another is Cummins - whose webpage motto is "Unleashing the Power of Cummins." Well, alright, you just be sure to clean yourself up when you're done - here's a tissue.

Even better is when they put their name up alongside one of their subsidiary's names - that subsidiary being Onan. Kind of like they do here. Do the boys and girls in marketing think these things through?

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Andy at 05:45 PM | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)

Need a Job?

Raytheon is hiring.

In Antarctica.

Too cool - but you'll need to have cooking skills.

Posted by Andy at 05:33 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Take It Back?

Radley Balko writes at Fox News about how the word "liberal" has been misappropriated and tainted by the left:

The problem is that "liberal" has been so defiled here in America, true liberals may never be able to reclaim it. In America, "liberalism" has been attached to such miserable public debacles as the welfare system, ever-expanding (and ever-failing) government and Michael Dukakis (search). Dukakis, you might remember, wore the "liberal" label George H.W. Bush tagged him with proudly -- and was promptly trounced in the 1988 election.
The word "liberal" has become so infused with negative connotations, that the left is now attempting to hijack another word for their own use:
It's easy to see why the left likes "progressive." "Progressive," of course, connotes "progress," and by calling themselves "progressive," leftists can then point to their opponents as "regressive" or "opponents of progress."

But if your measure of "progress" is similar to most people's -- rising standards of living, longer lives, a happier citizenry, general prosperity -- the policies embraced by self-described "progressives" haven't done much to push us in that direction. The welfare state has wrought mass poverty, perverse incentives and a generation of fatherless children. Big government and excessive regulation have put unnecessary restraints on economic growth, innovation and the free market. And there are a growing number of environmentalists who now take the position that "progress" actually means moving backward, that we've put too much emphasis on human welfare at the expense of what was here before us.

It's similar to how the mainstream recording industry stole the label of "Alternative" from indie college rock and used it to mean "a band you've never heard of but now we're going to shove it down your throat, so you better like it." It had nothing to do with what they were offering, but everything to do with what they wanted you to think they had to offer.

The left is simply trying to sell itself - while hiding its failures.

Balko suggests that free-marketers, libertarians, and some conservatives should adopt the title of "liberal" and steal it back from those who ruined its proud history with their collectivist, socialist nightmares; I'm not sure I'm that brave.

For now, "small-L libertarian" suits me fine.

Posted by Andy at 04:54 PM | Comments (12) | TrackBack (0)

if you can read this then it doesn't apply to you

Okay, not to sound like a neocon or anything, but...

The school board where I live (Georgia college town- population 20,000) is hearing motions today on whether or not to use a part of its already overextended budget to buy Spanish language textbooks and hire more bilingual teachers. The county's non-English speaking population is 6.1%.

Okay... not to sound like Limbaugh but here goes- in this part of the country as is the case in other parts of the country (even moreso in most), English is the language of government, newspapers, popular culture, commerce, traffic signs, and medicine not to mention being the language of Shakespeare and Jesus. Why isn't it the official language?

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Jon at 02:58 PM | Comments (14) | TrackBack (0)


I'll be doing a little guest blogging over at Vicky's place today. Won't you stop by?

Would it help if I said she had her photo back up on the site?

(It turns out that someone I linked to over at Vicky's is unable to comment, so in case that person wants to comment, I've reproduced the post as an extended entry below)

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Andy at 12:51 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

May 21, 2003

Move Over, little dog, and see the light...

I almost don't know what to say about these people.

Oh's coming to me- here it is: They're a pack of self-righteous mongoloid philistines*. Maybe when we've solved this problem (which I think is so much more pressing than the removal of everything but silent prayer and the "Evolution is just a theory" stickers from the Montgomery County School system) we can send Johnny Cash back to prison.

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Jon at 08:11 PM | Comments (16) | TrackBack (0)


Goldberg's third installment on neoconservatism is up for public consumption.

Thanks to John for tipping me off to it.

Posted by Andy at 01:51 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

Yes, That Is A Gun In My Pants, But I'm Actually Just Happy To See You Here In The Bank

REUTERS: Court: Bank Robber Had Gun, Wasn't 'Armed'

More stupidity from the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals on the Left Coast:

A federal appeals court has tossed out the armed bank robbery conviction of a Los Angeles man after finding that -- while he admitted being armed and robbing the bank -- he did not mean to show his gun to a teller while demanding money.

Deshon Rene Odom carried a loaded revolver in the waistband of his pants while he and an accomplice robbed a Los Angeles-area bank in 1996, but he did not brandish the weapon or even mention it to employees.

A manager noticed the gun only when Odom raised his jacket to stuff away a pillowcase full of stolen cash.

When it comes to thinking a guy armed with a gun in his belt is unarmed, I guess you shouldn't except any less rational a decision from a panel of judges who are incapable of judgement.

Posted by at 01:28 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Space Taker-Upper

Feeling relatively uninspired today, so I'll take this opportunity to fill you in on my literary and musical pursuits of the moment. Feel free to add your own to expand our horizons, leading us to new vistas of exemplary displays of the written word and auditory pleasure. Or tell us you're reading Michael Moore and listening to Blink 182. Either way.

Currently ListeningCurrently Reading

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Andy at 01:24 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

Neocon, Part Two

The second installment of Goldberg's series on neoconservatism is up. The more I read, the more convinced I am that Goldberg's assertion that:

And a few don't even know what the word means, they just think it makes them sound knowledgeable when they use it.
...succinctly describes certain people who like to throw the neocon label on anyone who dares disagree with their liberal views.

(thanks to Josh for the pointer to the new installment)

Posted by Andy at 08:25 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

May 20, 2003

The Requisite Linkage

Aw, c'mon, Susanna - don't be that way.

Here's your link

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Andy at 10:16 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

We're Number One!

That's right, Denver is number one on the list of cities with the sleepiest drivers:

The survey says 45 percent of Denver drivers have admitted they have fallen asleep at the wheel at least once.

The national average is 36 percent.

The survey also found Denver drivers are among the rudest in the nation. Forty percent say they have honked at another car within the last month.
Yeah, but how else are we supposed to wake up the idiot sleeping in front of us at the light? After all, the middle finger doesn't exactly make noise.

Posted by Andy at 03:54 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

A Really Big Honor, I Must Say!

So am I the only one who won't be surprised tomorrow night when Clay Aiken wins on American Idol, then reveals that the whole act is nothing more than a prank by beloved (although Canadian) funnyman Martin Short?


Posted by Jon at 10:40 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

Got Milk?

AP: Cookie Baked in N.C. Breaks World Record

A jarringly large cookie broke a world record Saturday before a crowd of 1,500 hungry onlookers. It took eight hours and a cookie sheet the size of a basketball court to bake the 100-foot, 20-ton chocolate chip colossus. The cookie was baked in an oven bag that released the smells of chocolate and warm, sugary dough when it was opened.

Forget the cookie... it's probably a revolting doughy novelty blob. I'm wondering if the cookie sheet the size of a basketball court broke a world's record, too.

Posted by at 10:08 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

More Fun Than A Barrel Of...


Chimpanzees are so closely related to humans that they should properly be considered as members of the human family, according to new genetic research.

We shared a common ancestor many millions of years ago
Scientists from the Wayne State University, School of Medicine, Detroit, US, examined key genes in humans and several ape species and found our "life code" to be 99.4% the same as chimps.

They propose moving common chimps and another very closely related ape, bonobos, into the genus, Homo, the taxonomic grouping researchers use to classify people in the animal kingdom.

An interesting idea - and, hell, if the data warrants it, let's do it.

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Andy at 08:21 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

And The Truth Shall Set You Free

Jayson Blair, the disgraced New York Times reporter, is planning to explain his side of the story to the public.

When his new book, Big Fat Liar: How I Tainted the Success of Minorities In My Field, hits shelves, we'll all be able to read about how none of this is really his fault.

It all began back when he was the fourteenth son of a share cropper in rural Alabama in the 1890s, compounded with the difficulties of being a deaf, dumb, and blind kid - until that fateful day when he learned to connect words and meanings by having his mentor hold his hand under running water while spelling out the word "water." Oh, and he also realized he had a gift for pinball. After being the inspiration for a certain band's rock opera, he dedicated his life to finding over 300 uses for peanuts, while also being the star member of the Tuskegee Airmen. Oh, yeah, and then there was that syphilis experiment that the U.S. government conducted in Tuskegee - he was a victim of that too. You might also remember the beating he took at the hands of Los Angeles police officers, the trials of whom sparked riots across the country, and then his unfair and racist prosecution for the murder of his ex-wife and one of her friends (who, they say, was just returning a pair of glasses). To this day, he is seeking the real killers.

With such a hard life, is it any wonder that Jayson turned out the way he did?

Posted by Andy at 08:04 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

May 19, 2003

Stunning Revelation About Texas

REUTERS: Man Who Used Stun Gun on Children Sent to Prison

Know what scares me about my state?

Jurors asked to try the stun gun out during the trial, and returned their verdicts a few hours later.

It won't be long before they're trying out guns, bathtubs, and Mercedes on each other in the jury room.

Posted by at 09:29 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

Hard to Believe

Fox News is declaring the Middle East peace road map to be in jeopardy after four Hamas attacks in half as many days.

You're shocked, I'm sure, given the rousing success stories of the past when Israel and the Palestinians were minutes away from laying down their arms and cuddling on the sofa while watching "Ghost."

The unfortunate thing about this road map (and all the others) is that it is based on the utterly mistaken assumption that Hamas has any intention of letting Israel have peace, let alone exist, and that Arafat does anything more than pay lip service to putting an end to the attacks.

But you knew that.

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Andy at 07:19 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

May 18, 2003

It's Not About Race

Except when it is.

Raines also said that if he looked into his heart, his guilt as a white man from Alabama had something to do with why he gave Blair, a black reporter from Virginia, second and third and fourth chances.
Pardon me as I chime in as a "white man from Alabama." I have no white guilt. None. Zip. Zero.

I'm happy as a white man - and I'm sure I'd be happy as a black man, a blue man, or a zebra-striped man, because I've worked hard to get where I am. My success is my own doing, "privileged white frat boy" rat-terrier-yapping from the far-lefty kooky zoo to the contrary.

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Andy at 09:56 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (2)


Know what bothers me about cell phone ringtones these days?

I find most ringtones annoying, but the worst are the snippets of classical music people use like Fuhr Elise and Beethoven's Ninth. If they're trying to impress people with their use of classical music as their ringtone, they're not. The last place I want to hear these beloved classics rendered is from a tinny electronic handheld device.

The same goes for doorbells and car horns. Unless it's an orchestra, I don't want to hear Classical coming out of it.

Posted by at 08:31 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

May 17, 2003

Welcome Home

In light of last week's tragic deaths of illegal aliens being snuck into the United States*, this is funny:

BOGOTA, Colombia (Reuters) - Yelling "Hey, Colombian people!" five Colombian stowaways emerged jubilantly from a ship they thought had docked in Miami only to discover they were still in their homeland after five days at sea, police said on Friday.

The Dutch-flagged cargo ship carrying the unfortunate five, which sailed from Buenaventura on Sunday, had mechanical problems which meant that its five-day journey only took it as far as another Colombian port, Cartagena, by Thursday.

The stowaways' rudimentary English yells of joy were interrupted when they were arrested by Colombian police.

You'd think that all the people speaking Spanish around them would have been a clue - but then again, they were heading to Miami, so maybe not.

Hola amigos! Bienvenidos a Colombia!

* I don't fault the illegals for wanting a piece of the American dream, although it'd be nice if they'd go about obtaining it legally (and we should deport them when they don't). I do fault the coyotes who abuse their foolishly misplaced trust.

Posted by Andy at 08:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Wish Fulfillment

How can we say no to the Syrians? They're begging for it!

Posted by Andy at 08:38 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Special Rights!

OK, where do I sign up to be a Jew?

Posted by Andy at 06:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Hey You - Yes, You!

What are you doing here, people?

Go! Go check out my daughter - the youngest, most cuddly blogger around!

Don't make me tell you again.

Posted by Andy at 12:31 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

May 16, 2003

I Know You Are But What Am I

Jonah Goldberg's series of columns on neoconservatism should be an interesting read:

In fact, neoconservative has become a Trojan Horse for vast arsenal of ideological attacks and insinuations. For some it means Jewish conservative. For others it means hawk. A few still think it means squishy conservative or ex-liberal. And a few don't even know what the word means, they just think it makes them sound knowledgeable when they use it.
Given that we've been labeled as neocons in the past, apparently simply because we agreed with war in Iraq and don't think the government taxing us out the ass is a good thing, I plan to follow Goldberg's column on the subject in the days ahead. I suggest some left-wing, overly-happy, jingoistic, label-throwers do the same.

Let's see how it pans out. Maybe I'm a neocon - maybe I'm not. So long as we turn the world into a mirror of America via military and economic warfare, all the while stomping on puppies and shooting poor people, does it really matter?

Update: Oh, forgot to mention that I found the Goldberg link via Josh Claybourn.

Posted by Andy at 03:06 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Something in the Water in Austin

That's the only explanation for this:

The communal, cooperative nature of IndyMedia makes it one of the best alternatives to the mainstream press going these days, particularly during the politically combustible ramp-up to the war in Iraq.
I'm sorry, but "one of the best alternatives to mainstream press?"

Yep, nothing says news like this and this. Bush-hating conspiracy kooks parading as journalists?* I think not.

(Nutty Indymedia links courtesy of Little Green Footballs. Original article found at Dru Blood.)

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Andy at 01:15 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

That Wacky Berlin Sex Tax...

For those of you planning a weekend of sex and debauchery in Germany, make sure you take enough extra cash to handle the new proposed taxes:

REUTERS: Pleasure Tax' on Brothels

With the German economy on the brink of recession, cash-strapped cities are resorting to slapping a "pleasure tax" on brothels to help balance budgets.

Berlin and Cologne said on Friday they may broaden their existing pleasure tax -- which already applies to casinos and public events -- to brothels, sex shows and erotic trade fairs. The cities of Gelsenkirchen and Dorsten have already done so, but with only modest success. Only about a tenth of brothels have paid up since the tax was broadened in January.

Tax officials are checking out sex venues and prostitutes working from home to see if they are eligible for the tax, which amounts to 5.60 euros ($6.40) per 10 square meters (107 sq ft) of business space per day. Any smaller establishment is exempt.

So if the prostitutes work out of their cars or a phone booth, I take it they're exempt? What about streetwalkers that use nearby alleyways? Do you measure the whole alleyway or sidewalk?

Posted by at 09:56 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (1)


Since Laurence was kind enough to link to our store the other day, I thought I'd point out what has to be one of the best CafeShops items available anywhere:

The Amish Tech Support Teddy Bear*

Buy one. Now!

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Andy at 09:37 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

May 15, 2003

Does an Ed Asner flush beat an al-Tikriti full house?

These cards are ridiculously petty and obnoxious, and ridiculously overpriced at $14.95. Still, they're going to go for a lot more on e-Bay in 20 years than the Most Wanted Iraqis that everybody has two decks of. And whoever thought you could use "Gore Vidal", "Barbra Streisand", "Harry Belafonte", and "straight" all in the same sentence?

Posted by Jon at 12:43 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

All the news that's fit to sit

The Dutch have come up with a sport that won't be held at Olympic competitions anytime soon.

REUTERS UK: Iron buttocks in pole-sitting battle

The unusual sport dates back to 1952, when villages in the Dutch province of Holland were flooded and inhabitants sat on top of poles until rescuers arrived.

The Dutch are the sport's purists.

"The Dutch competitions mimic the original scene. There, you don't get to sit on a board, and you can't come down. The winner is the last one to fall into the water," Mueller said.

It's amazing how some sports get their start. I mean, soccer came from kicking a Dane's head around, and handball comes from winner-gets-killed competitions among the Aztecs. You would think by this logic that Smash-A-Store-Window-Grab-A-TV-100-Meter-Sprint would be a sport in Los Angeles after the Rodney King riots.

What regional sport would come out of the disasters and events in your part of the world?

Posted by at 08:15 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

May 14, 2003

Change of Scenery

Matt's got a brand new blog.

Well, ok, a new look for his old blog.

It's "festive."

Posted by Andy at 08:38 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (1)

What's Blown Up, Doc?

CNN: Bugs Bunny to warn about land mines

The cartoon characters Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck will be used in public service messages educating Cambodians about land mines, the State Department said Wednesday.

The State Department's Bureau of Political-Military Affairs and the U.S. Agency for International Development are developing the messages, which will be delivered in Khmer, the country's official language.

The topics will be "mine risk education" and "social reintegration" for land mine accident survivors. The ads feature "Rith," a Cambodian land mine survivor, created by Warner Bros. for the project.

Roland Eng, the Cambodian ambassador to the United States, and others were consulted. The State Department said Bugs Bunny was purposely chosen because "the rabbit is considered a kind and intelligent creature in Cambodian culture."

Well, as least they aren't using Wiley Coyote to warn kids about land mines, considering he's been blown up hundreds of times by them and other explosives while trying to catch the Road Runner. But then I can't help but think that Bugs doesn't come on the scene with clean paws, considering he's gotten Yosemite Sam, Daffy Duck, Wiley Coyote, and Elmer Fudd to immolate themselves a few hundred times.

Posted by at 01:44 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Quote of the Day

The Raving Atheist, in a response to Steven Den Beste, delivers a choice line about why it's supposedly ok to criticize another's politics, but not another's religious beliefs.

I think the difference is this: whereas ordinary politics wears a suit, religion wears a dress -- and nobody wants to hit a girl.

Posted by Andy at 11:59 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

All the news that's fat to print

And now... The Fat News

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by at 09:03 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Another PSA

Attention: This cute college senior needs a job. Won't you give her one?

If not, she'll end up teaching English in France for $200/week.

That's right. France.

We must put a stop to this.

Posted by Andy at 08:07 AM | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)

Uh Huh

The Saudi government is vowing to help find the people responsible for Monday's terror attacks.

Does this remind anyone else of OJ vowing to find the real killers?

Posted by Andy at 07:43 AM | Comments (23) | TrackBack (0)

May 13, 2003

Blog Travels and Travails

It's late. I'm bored. Michele is slacking and hasn't sent in her potential winning entry in the contest. Nor has Vicky, even though she said she was working on one. Woe is the blog.

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Andy at 11:00 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (2)

As if I needed another reason to dislike DiCrapio

I hate when this happens:

I love true crime and for years have thought the story of Herman Mudgett (aka H. H. Holmes was particularly fascinating and deserving of a really great novel or non-fiction work. The best to date is the one that appeared last year: The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson. (Not flawless- dwells too much on Daniel Burnham and not enough on Holmes, though anything with a cameo by Helen Keller* is interesting.)

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Jon at 03:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Contest Time

Based on the post below, "29 Dead," perhaps we should have a little contest of sorts. Who knows, there might even be valuable prizes - or not - although having just redesigned our goods, you never know your luck.

Michele is all tied up (not literally, much to her dismay) with her sign contest, so I'll be hosting this one.

Let's have a "Protest Signs You Won't See From the Far Left Anti-War Crowd" contest. Imagine we live in a world where they have some integrity and consistency of opinion, and work from there. Feel free to use Michele's sign generator from her contest, or Photoshop your own if you prefer. Make them funny. Make them serious. Make them a little of both. Hell, make them simply about the Far Left if that tickes your fancy (or slaps your ass - you know who you are).

Leave your contributions in the comments field as a standard URL - it'll convert it to a link automatically. Mine can be found in the "29 Dead" post.

And this will be my last semi-anti-war-kooky-left bashing post. For now. Promise.

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Andy at 11:50 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (7)

Go ahread and throw your popcorn at this guy...

There's still no cure for cancer, but British scientists are working hard on the cure for bad box office.

REUTERS: Academic Suggests Formula for Perfect Film

While the movie "Shakespeare in Love" scored close to having the right combination of ingredients it could have done with more special effects, Clayton's research suggested.

"What light through yonder window breaks?"
"That's no moon. It's a space station."

Posted by at 11:33 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (1)

The Four C's

Capitalism. Consumerism. And Conspicuous Consumption!

These are a few of our favorite things.*

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Andy at 08:03 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

29 Dead

Officials say the death total from yesterday's terrorist attacks stands at 29, including nine idiots who will never get the 72 virgins that their myth promised them.

I wonder if anyone from the far left will use photos of the maimed and mutilated innocent victims of these brutal terrorist attacks to urge Al Qaeda and other groups to halt the violence (you know, like some of them did with that poor, unfortunate, armless Iraqi boy while encouraging Bush to choke on a pretzel).

No, I doubt it too.

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Andy at 08:02 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (1)

Badgers? We don't need no stinkin' badgers!

REUTERS: Five Hurt in Badger Rampage

An angry domesticated badger savaged five people, leaving one man so seriously injured he needed skin grafts, and chased away pursuing police officers during a 48-hour rampage through a quiet English town.

How exactly do you domesticate a badger? If only there was some sort of society, dedicated to educating people as to the delights and dangers of badgers.

Posted by at 07:49 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

May 12, 2003

Buddy, Can You Spare a Dime?

No, I can't.

And the city of Denver is on my side.

Panhandling is a difficult issue faced by every major city, and Downtown Denver is no exception. People who panhandle may need help, but the experience of numerous social services agencies indicates that money given to individuals on the street often supports destructive habits, including alcohol and drug addiction.

The Downtown Denver Partnership encourages Downtown workers, visitors and residents to redirect their generosity to the institutions best suited to helping our city’s homeless and struggling citizens. By donating your money and volunteer time to organizations and service providers, you play an integral part in improving the lives of these individuals.

Begging has become a fairly commonplace event on the 16th Street Mall in downtown Denver, usually consisting of two to four unwashed young people who do nothing but sit along the sidewalk asking for change. Sometimes right in front of a store with a "Help Wanted" sign hanging in the window. Some folks are simply down and out - these kids are simply worthless.

The most they'll get from me is the view of the side of my head as I ignore them.

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Andy at 07:12 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

It Was Good Enough for Abraham

When God tells people to do good things, or to give money to Benny Hinn, or to pursue the faithful life, few people raise the issue of the sanity of the person hearing said voice.

But when something like this happens, suddenly it's all about how crazy the poor woman must be, and how "our God" would never tell someone to kill their children.

Except when he does.*

* And nevermind the attention-starved mentality of a god that would require such a test.

** Oh, and I think anyone who thinks God talks to them - good or bad - is a slice of bacon short for a BLT.

Posted by Andy at 06:24 PM | Comments (27) | TrackBack (0)

A new kind of crash-test dummy?

(Via Silflay Hraka)

REUTERS: Car traps official when computer fails

Security guards smashed their way into an official limousine with sledgehammers on Monday to rescue Thailand's finance minister after the car's computer failed. Suchart Jaovisidha and his driver were trapped inside the BMW limo for more than 10 minutes before guards broke a window. All doors and windows locked automatically when the computer crashed, and the air conditioning stopped, officials said.

"We could hardly breathe for over 10 minutes,'' Suchart told reporters. "It took my guard a long time to realize that we really wanted the window smashed so that we could crawl out. It was a harrowing experience.''

Thank to technology, some day we'll be referring to car crashes as having to do with the onboard computers failing instead of the vehicle smashing into something else.

Oh, that's not to say that vehicles won't smash into something else. We'll just come up with some new politically correct term for it. Heck, even now when some nutjob gets a command from Space Station Venus-5 and turns their Honda into a bus stop the media still reports it as an "accident."

Posted by at 11:51 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

May 11, 2003

Word of the Day

Instapundit links to this MSNBC article, with the following quotes:

And so it goes now at the offices of the Committee [of the Missing], hour after hour, day after day. Anyone who doubts the brutality of Saddam Hussein’s regime need only spend a little time here, at the epicenter of efforts to unravel what happened, account for the dead and missing, locate the bodies in the mass graves that are daily being discovered throughout the country.

Working from archives seized from many of the regime’s buildings housing secret police, state security, military intelligence, Baathist Party headquarters and so on, the Committee so far has produced a list of 10,000 names of those executed by the regime. After cross-checking, they post lists of those confirmed executed; as of this week there were 5,663 names posted on sheets of white paper taped to the courtyard walls. Most are handwritten. “We’ve only gone through 1 percent of the files so far,” says Ameer Ali Saleh, who is in charge of the Committee’s files section. “You can do the arithmetic yourself.” That could be as many as half a million victims, then, an astonishing figure, far worse even than most of Saddam’s critics had imagined...

The Committee’s view is that Saddam Hussein’s regime slaughtered 8 million people; in a country of 25 million that’s a pretty extreme estimate. “Hitler was a minor student in the school of Saddam, and not a very good student by comparison,” Idrisi said. “Just in my small family, my cousin was in prison, my father, brother, and five or six other cousins disappeared,” he said. Saleh agreed. “No family in Iraq is without its missing. My brother, too. Still I haven’t reached his grave, but I saw the file.”

On the low end, half a million dead or missing - on the high end, possibly 8 million during Saddam's 30 year reign of terror. For those of you - regardless of political leanings, of whether you like Bush or not, of whether you agree with the reasons, real or imagined, behind this war - who think not one accidental, innocent death was worth putting an end to this - you embody today's word of the day (definition number three, for the confused amongst you).

The shoe fits nicely, doesn't it?

Posted by Andy at 09:34 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

Fetus Cleaning

Since the Connecticut Supreme Court ruled fetuses to be body parts, does that mean that Lever 2000 needs to be sold in that state with a disclaimer that it doesn't clean the new "fetus" part, or should they be forced to rename themselves Lever 2001: With New Fetus-Cleaning Action?

And who would want to clean their fetus anyway?

California is trying to bring up Scott Peterson on two counts of murder based on the death of the unborn child inside Laci Peterson. If killing a fetus is going to be considered murder, does that mean that pregnant women should expect presents on Mother's Day? Or do they need "Not Quite Yet Mothers Day" added to the calendar?

Posted by at 08:59 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (1)

May 10, 2003

The Bad News Blair

If you believed this article, you'd think women like Vicky were few and far between:

LONDON, England (AP) -- Prime Minister Tony Blair has been voted the most unpopular person in Britain -- followed by a topless model and the nation's first female premier Margaret Thatcher.

The vote, conducted by Channel 4 television and aired Saturday, saw the prime minister top the list of the "100 Worst Britons."

Wow, doesn't look good for our pal Tony does it? I wonder what strict methodology was followed to ensure that a statistically valid sampling was conducted. You know, surely CNN wouldn't report fluff as fact, would they?

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Andy at 05:27 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Poetry Corner

Someone with too much time on their hands wrote a program that will scan a website of your choosing and then create a poem, of sorts, from what it finds. It's the perfect time waster for people like me - and readers like you - who also have a brief spell of time to kill.

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Andy at 01:16 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

Signs signs everywhere signs

Michele of A Small Victory is holding a contest.

Head over to the The St. Claire Safety Sign Builder and make some signs, okay? You'll need Adobe Acrobat to view the finished products.

Posted by at 11:25 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

What the Hell?

OK, somebody needs to tell the Denver weather gods that it isn't supposed to snow in May.

DENVER - Just as everyone thought spring was here to stay, the metro area got socked with another snowstorm. As much as 10 inches of snow fell in parts of the metro area overnight.
I didn't get 10 inches, but I did just spend a half hour moving about 5 inches off of my driveway. Good thing I had leftover cold pizza in the fridge for all my shoveling energy needs.

My folks are in town to help out with the blob. So, expect blogging to be light for my part for a while. In between raising a baby, planning my return to work next week, and doing some DIY projects around the house, it's going to be a full couple of days.


Posted by Andy at 11:13 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

May 09, 2003

It's a Damn Shame

...that she lived.

I can't imagine bringing any harm to my Fiona*, and if anyone dares try, I hope they're willing to die for it. I say we give the firing officer a medal, and some more gun range training so next time he can tap a psycho in the forehead.

* No "My Sharona" comparisons or sing-alongs, please.

Posted by Andy at 08:54 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Turn About

An Ohio school board is deciding the fate of a student for violating its zero-tolerance policy on weapons:

A school board near Youngstown, Ohio, is debating whether a 6-year-old should be suspended from school for taking a plastic knife from his school cafeteria.

Kevin Long was suspended for doing just that.

And, he could even face expulsion, WLWT Eyewitness News 5 reported Friday.

The plastic knives are given out in the school cafeteria with meals, and Kevin simply wanted to take the little knife home with him (rather than, say, hijack a plane). His parents, rather than simply getting mad, have found a way to get even:
And, if the school insists on upholding the suspension, his parents reportedly will seek criminal charges against the school for supplying weapons to children.

(found via Single Out West)

Posted by Andy at 08:25 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Progress Marching On

The statist kooks on both sides of the aisle will probably have a fit over this:

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Looking to build on the Iraq war victory, President Bush on Friday will call for a free trade area between the United States and countries of the Middle East within a decade.
The lefties will be frothing that the evils of capitalism will soon be present in Baghdad in all their glory, and the righties will be upset that some jobs might move offshore to Iraq (which, if I remember from my reading, has a particularly sizeable and obviously under-utilized professional class).

I say screw'em both and bring it on. Hooray for free trade!

Posted by Andy at 02:55 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

And people still make fun of Texas over that whole Chicken Ranch thing...

AP: Varsity coaches, players benched after report of strip club visit

A school district has benched two coaches and more than a dozen high school baseball players as it investigates whether a parent took the athletes to a strip club during the team's spring break trip to Florida.

How awful! Those evil, stupid coaches! Where were the parents in all this? Were they aware?

"A parent escorted a group of players into the club," Sheedy said. "This parent was buying drinks and who knows what else." The parent was not identified.

Um... okay. Never mind.

Posted by at 02:25 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

Protestant Work Ethic?

Uh oh.

ASHINGTON -- The Bush administration has quietly altered regulations for the nation's leading job training program to allow faith-based organizations to use ''sacred literature,'' such as Bibles, in their federally funded programs. Civil liberties activists say the new rules blur the line between religion and government.

The change, made by the US Labor Department last month, could allow faith-based groups to use religious books as historical texts or as inspirational stories for job seekers, as long as organizations do not proselytize or conduct prayer sessions.

I'm not aware of many jobs in which the training to perform them requires access to the Bible or a Koran in any form - unless, of course, we're now funding televangelist and suicide bomber job fairs. And who, exactly, will be monitoring these groups to ensure they don't proselytize or conduct prayer sessions? Once again, the "small government conservatives" are creating the need for more and more government. Nice going, George!
In a separate action, the House is expected today to approve a change allowing private groups that run job training programs to discriminate on the basis of religion when they hire people to run them. That change, part of legislation to renew the overall program, would lift a ban that has existed in federal law for two decades.
At first glance, I don't have much of a problem with allowing private groups to hire as they see fit - except that it seems these private groups receive your and my tax dollars in support of their efforts. Sorry, I don't want my taxes to pay for your religion or your ability to discriminate based on which flavor of magical sky pixie to which you bow down.

Posted by Andy at 02:22 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Just An Observation From Dad

[Revelation 13:18] Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.
Perhaps little Fiona should have been named Damien?
Posted by Andy at 10:35 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

A cure that's full of beans

REUTERS: Sars? Pass the Green Bean Soup

Terrified that the deadly SARS virus is about to hit their country, Cambodians have been gulping down bowls of green bean soup, rumored to ward off the disease.

Bean prices in markets across the country have sky-rocketed ever since word first began to spread this week that the thick sweet brew could beat the disease.

The poverty-stricken Southeast Asian nation so far remains free of Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS), which first reared its head in China and has killed hundreds of people worldwide.

Rumor that bean soup worked to ward off and even cure SARS spread so quickly it jammed the country's telephone networks as terrified Khmers phoned loved ones to pass on the message.

'My mother-in-law forced me to eat a bowl. I don't believe in it, but I don't mind because I've always liked green bean soup,' one 29-year-old Cambodian television reporter told Reuters.

The Official Third World Cure for SARS now stands at throwing a firecracker at a statue of Buddha while wearing a bra on your face and eating green bean soup. Watch for the World Health Organization to ask the United Nations Printing Office to print up a million brochures detailing this cure in Najavo, Afrikaans, and Esperanto.

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by at 08:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

May 08, 2003

Pick-up line opportunity?

Since throwing firecrackers at idols in temples doesn't seem to be doing anything, Chinese villagers are now wising up and acting like a bunch of boobs.

Out of Masks and Scared of SARS? Try a Bra

Villagers in southern Taiwan are strapping bras to their faces to guard against the deadly SARS virus due to a shortage of surgical masks.

'I went to every pharmacy in the village and it's impossible to find a proper mask,' a middle-aged man told cable television on Thursday, his face partially covered by a dark red cup.

'Somebody came up with this idea so I decided to give it a try,' he said at a village near the southern city of Tainan.

A small bra factory is producing the make-shift masks, with workers cutting each of its colorful bras into two and sewing on extra straps to help the desperate villagers.

I guess this will lead to the new Chinese bar pick-up line: "Pants, schmants! I want to get into your bra."

Posted by at 08:11 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

May 07, 2003


So here's something to make you feel better about airport security. I flew to Phoenix, Arizona last week for business. I packed up my laptop case with my computer, an optical mouse, a few books, papers, etc. The usual. I got pulled aside at every single security checkpoint. I guess a 6'1", 235 pound guy may just look inherently threatening.

They did the shoe check thing, the security wand thing, the carry-on inspection thing, the explosives residue wipedown thing, the manual pat-down thing. Pretty much everything except a body-cavity search.

Guess I looked suspicious as all hell. Fine with me. I'd rather be inconvenienced than see another 9/11.

Well, I got to the office today, proceeded to unpack my carry-on bag, and noticed, in a front pocket, that I'd carried a Buck knife that I use for field work the entire way.

Nope, nobody ever found it. Oops.

Posted by Tom at 01:03 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (1)

Awww, She's One Year Old

In the Fiona hubbub, I missed that Jo was having her one year blogiversary. Go wish her well and tell her that her sometimes-socialist leanings are very unbecoming and that she really needs to learn the joys of conspicuous consumption.

Posted by Andy at 10:30 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

The Severed Head News

REUTERS: Man Slices Own Head Off in Supermarket Suicide

A South African man died trying to cut his own head off with a butcher's band saw in a major supermarket, police said on Wednesday.

Superintendent Jay Naicker said the Shoprite Checkers store in Richards Bay had been ready to close on Monday when the man wandered in and headed for the meat department. "He just walked in, went to the band saw machine and switched it on," Naicker told Reuters. "Apparently he knew what he was doing. He put his neck to the blade and it cut about half way through before he fell to the floor."

Cleanup on aisle six!

REUTERS: Man Arrested Carrying Severed Head Through Town

Police arrested a German man on suspicion of murdering his sister-in-law on Tuesday after he was spotted carrying her severed head through the streets of a town near the Dutch border.

Police received several calls after passers-by saw the 24-year-old walking with a blood-soaked knife and the head under his arm in the town of Uebach-Palenberg, near Aachen, public prosecutor Robert Deller said. After arresting him, police discovered the decapitated corpse of his 25-year-old sister-in-law in the man's apartment.

Actually, he was arrested for incest, because...

Never mind.

Posted by at 07:59 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Kinder and Gentler?

It's 12:18am on Tuesday night. I only know it's Tuesday night because I realized, after visiting TV, that I had missed tonight's episode of "24." Hey, hey, let's hear it for Tuesday. Now I'm just hanging out until 2am - that's when Fiona is due for her next feeding and a diaper change.

I've sat here trying to get riled up about something. Anything. Well, anything of at least mild importance anyway. And it's not working. This is disturbing. One would think that reading the idiotic zealotry of this guy would trigger at least my atheist gag reflex, but no - hardly anything.

And it's all that darn baby's fault.

When I look at her, hear her (through the baby monitor sitting to my right), or just think of her, I can't be mad at the world or the stupid people who, by sheer dumb luck (or Intelligent DesignTM), happen to share it with me. She's the best thing to ever happen to me - she's amazing in every way, although I admit rather readily I'm a bit biased on the matter. And I could do without the really loud farting, but it's cute in its own special baby-way.

I don't know what's happened - it's like Fiona entering the world has taken the edge off me. I sure hope I find it again soon!

But for now, fatherhood feels perfectly fine and right. I love my little girl.

I think I'll go check on her.

Posted by Andy at 12:27 AM | Comments (10) | TrackBack (1)

May 06, 2003

Quiz Time

A quick test for those willing to take it. Enjoy.

Found at Naked Writing.

Posted by Andy at 08:31 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

Going Home

Today is the day - we're taking our Fiona home from the hospital. It's a very nice hospital, but our humble abode is more conducive to family matters - and, of course, we have high-speed internet access there. Woohoo!

Posted by Andy at 09:04 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

Deep in the thong of Texas

AP: Texas Man Rides Bike Wearing Black Thong

San Antonio Park Police say they've received dozens of complaints about a man riding his bike in the park wearing only a black thong.

Be thankful he doesn't have a Segway.

Posted by at 08:35 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

May 05, 2003

It could have been worse... they could have ordered a Suicide Bomber stripper.

REUTERS: Israeli Cop Mistakenly Undressed, Fondled at Party

An Israeli policeman responding to neighbors' complaints about a rowdy hen party received an unexpected welcome at the door when revelers mistook him for a stripper and began to take off his clothes and stroke him.

"The women had ordered a stripper dressed as a police officer," national police spokesman Gil Kleiman said on Monday.

The policeman showed the women his badge but they thought it was part of the act. He was extricated only after his partner came up and vouched for his identity, Kleiman said.

"She took off my shirt and untied my shoelaces," the officer was quoted by the Yedioth Ahronoth daily as saying about one of the partygoers. "She started stroking me and called on her friends to join in."

I thought that you were supposed to fly an Israeli Flag on Remembrance Day, not fondle the security personnel.

Posted by at 09:37 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

May 04, 2003

Some advice for the new parents...

Remember, Andy, the sooner you get Fiona a Social Security Number, the earlier she can learn about the thrills of identity theft!

Need more advice? I'm overflowing with it.

Posted by at 04:32 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

For Sean

One day in 1998, after I'd been on an unsuccessful job interview in Boston, I drove up to North Conway, New Hampshire, and stayed a few days with Sean (a frequent commenter on WWR and close friend from grad school) to see the mountains during the winter.

It was spectacular, and during that week, Sean took me through Franconia Notch and pointed out to me New Hampshire's most famous symbol, The Old Man of the Mountain.

Well, now he's gone, fallen finally due to the natural processes of erosion and the freeze/thaw cycle.

I wonder how long it'll be before some fundy trots this out as further proof that God's protection has been lifted from the US.

Posted by Tom at 11:50 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

If they had used War and Peace, they could have taken down the whole block

What do British Muslims find in the Koran that's so powerful?

  1. The examples of how to live through the lives of the Prophets.
  2. Suras justifying the supremacy of the Islamic cause above all others.
  3. The principle that subjugating your free will to God (or his agents) on Earth brings salvation.
  4. Explosives to be used against Israeli Jews at a coffee bar

The answer is in the extended entry.

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by at 07:58 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

And On The Third Day...

Well, here we are... Day Three of the Fiona Adventure. It feels more like a week, or maybe just a day - it's hard to tell when you're sleeping in two or three hour bursts around the clock. You really begin to lose track of what happened when. After I write this, I plan to get another couple hours of sleep and continue in the tradition of temporal confusion.

Fiona is fast asleep in her rolling crib, having just had a little bit of food from Mom, supplemented with some formula. She's still not quite got it down how to breastfeed, but they say she is learning fast and should eventually get it. It's not like the movies where they just pop baby on the boob and away we go!

The thinking now is that Fiona may be a couple weeks premature, but in the case of a breech baby c-section, they pretty much have to go when their estimations say she's at 38-39 weeks. The doctors want to be sure they extract the baby before the mother goes into labor, as that could result in an emergency c-section, increasing the risks to both mother and child.

So, preemie or not, Fiona is here and doing well - and we're both completely smitten with her. Well, when we're not crashed out sleeping that is.

I promise to return to my belligerent ranting sometime in the next week. For now, enjoy my fatherly pride and Fiona blogging.

Posted by Andy at 07:19 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

All Rejoice


In honor of Her Grace Fiona Andreovna O'Reillya, Grand Dutchess of Cyberia and of the World Tomorrow Heiress Apparent, please help yourself to a Cohiba Esplendida (thick, aromatic, hand rolled on the thighs of Cuban beauties, and a steal at $600 per box).

Posted by Jon at 12:16 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

May 02, 2003

Baby Photo Fun Time

So I made a cross-town drive to the office to find my adapter. Didn't find it at the office, so I went to drive to the house - found out my radiator had leaked all of its coolant leaving me with a hot-running engine, had to stop at a gas station for some water to refill it, then trekked to the house to drop off the car, find my adapter, and bring the wife's car back instead.

No adapter. But I am now driving the wife's car.

The adapter, of course, had somehow wedged its way into the smallest of small pockets in the tiniest of tiny openings in my laptop case. It was at the hospital with me the whole time.

But at least I found out I need some radiator work done.

Oh, and yes, Fiona's photos are up. A few of them anyway. I'll spare you the "pull the baby out feet first" c-section ones - or charge you for them, one or the other.

Posted by Andy at 10:08 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

She's Arrived

As you've been dying with anticipation, I figured I should find some time to dial in and update everyone.

Little Fiona Evelyn entered the world at 10:44am this morning - 5 pounds 13.5 oz, and 18.5 inches long. Mother and baby are doing well.

I'll be posting pictures and updates on Fiona's blog:

Thanks for everyone's kind words, warm thoughts, and yes - even your prayers. All your gestures were very appreciated by all of us.

I'll be mainly blogging over at Fiona's for the next few days, as we'll be living at the hospital until Tuesday. So, go there for all the fun and excitement.

Posted by Andy at 03:36 PM | Comments (24) | TrackBack (9)

While waiting on the baby to be birthed, we’ll waste time with The Friday Five. Please play along.

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Jon at 12:24 PM | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)

Grave error demand gravity-based solution

WASHINGTON POST: Reporter Resigns Over Copied Story

I thought the standard punishment for shamed New York Times reporters was to force them to jump off the roof of the New York Times Building. You know, like Allen Myerson did.

Maybe they got a ticket for littering or something and had to stop.

Posted by at 07:07 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (2)

May 01, 2003

The Change of a Lifetime

So, here I am - a mere 13 hours and 49 minutes away from what will, I imagine, be the biggest change of my life: the arrival of my first child. I'm surprisingly calm about the whole affair, but then again, I'm not the one who is going to be on a table getting their belly cut open. I have the easy part - my wife is the real trooper.

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Andy at 08:57 PM | Comments (11) | TrackBack (3)

For Your Information

Laurence has posted an instructional poster on how to best go about protecting terrorists and their interests with nothing more than your own body!

Posted by Andy at 10:32 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Uncle Ted's Cabin

REUTERS: Unabomber's Log Cabin to Be Destroyed

The Montana cabin where convicted Unabomber Theodore Kaczynski lived during his deadly spree of bombings will be destroyed at his request, an official said on Wednesday.

Officials moved the 10-by-12 foot (3-by-4 meter) cabin to the California capital Sacramento for his 1998 trial and it has since remained in storage there. On Thursday, workers at a nearby airfield will start up chain saws to demolish the notorious shack, an official at storage company Safestore said.

Plans to move the cabin to New York City fell through when nobody could afford the $3,000-per-month rent they planned on charging.

Posted by at 08:40 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)