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Are You a Gullible Idiot?
A Lengthy Exposition
My Bizkit Has Gone Limp
Public Service Announcement
Shit, Now What Do I Do?
So Long
How Not to Run a Message Board
An Anniversary
To Infinity... And Beyond!

« January 2003 | Main | March 2003 »

February 28, 2003

Are You a Gullible Idiot?

If so, Larry King has just the show for you tonight!

Friday, February 28

Has someone you love "crossed over" to the other side? Acclaimed psychic medium John Edward says he can communicate with the dead. He joins Larry for the hour and takes your calls.

I bet the first caller's name will start with "R." Or maybe "K." Or "B."

Update: The transcript can be found here. Some excerpts that prove that either the dead have a lot of trouble getting their point across, or John is a fraud. I leave it to you, dear reader, to make the distinction.

EDWARD: And I feel like I need to acknowledge that either there's some type of connection to the month of February or the second of a month, which to me means that there's either a birthday or an anniversary in the month of February, or something took place in the second of the a month. That's what they're showing me, OK?
Wow, how's that for specifics, folks? The month of February - that's 28 days to work with, or maybe the second of a month, that's another 11 days outside of February - and a birthday or anniversary around there. Gosh, if I could pick a 40 day period, I bet the chances of me landing on a birthday or anniversary are pretty damn good.

However, check the transcript - when he didn't get a hit with it, he never returned to the birthday/anniversary theme again with the caller.

KING: Bethel, Connecticut, for John Edward. Hello.

CALLER: Hi, John.


EDWARD: Well, let me tell you this. Before you even started to speak, when he was saying -- announcing where you were calling from, the first thing I wanted to talk about was a Catholic priest. So I don't know if you guys have a Catholic background.

Holy shit, a Catholic family in Connecticut? No way! What mystical observation next, John - Baptists in Alabama?

Oh, good lord, I can't keep on with this - it's amazing how willing some people are to believe such obvious crap - and everytime he's not getting a good "reading," what happens?

"Oh well, that's what I'm seeing, figure it out sometime - next caller!"

He's a fraud, and those who follow him are dim-witted gene pool rejects. I mean that in the best way possible, of course.

Posted by Andy at 02:27 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

A Lengthy Exposition

The Mykeru Saga continues, with his eleven-part exposition on the quaint idiosyncrasies and random idiocies of some net denizens.

Update: Perhaps, as in the case of me losing my virginity, you really had to be there, but that is one damn fine piece of writing - if I may say so.

Posted by Andy at 01:30 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

My Bizkit Has Gone Limp

I will never look at Britney the same way again after reading this - the horror! Tainted goods!*

And Fred, ever the eloquent romantic, had this to say:

"On the second night, as she was leaving, I gave her this letter I wrote saying she was really sweet and cool.

She came back at 3am wearing a see-through blouse and I could see her nipples.

We went back to her home in the Hollywood Hills, and there were some of her family and friends there.

We went off to a private room — and we were just doing our thing. She was wearing low-rider panties."

It boggles the mind that such amative phrases could spill from the same lips that informed us - so passionately and amorously - that he did it all for the nookie. Class act, indeed.

* Not that I was planning on hooking up with her, despite her pleadings to the contrary, because it would upset the wife and Oliver Willis

Posted by Andy at 12:38 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Public Service Announcement

Monte Montgomery is coming to Denver for the first time this weekend, for those interested (and even for those not - like Tom, say). Monte who?

Gimme gimme more more more »

Posted by Andy at 09:00 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

February 27, 2003

Shit, Now What Do I Do?

Damage from nuclear weapons is no longer covered in State Farm insurance automobile policies. Well, if nothing else, it means that as you spend the last hours of your life in agonizing pain, your hair falling out in clumps, and coughing up blood, you won't be stuck waiting around all day for an insurance adjuster to show up.

See, every mushroom cloud has a silver lining.

Posted by Andy at 09:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

So Long

You were our favorite neighbor, Mr. Rogers. Goodbye.

Posted by Andy at 09:05 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 26, 2003

How Not to Run a Message Board

Remember our endorsement of the very smart and funny Reverend Mykeru? He dared cut against the grain of the Straight Dope Message Board and got banned for it. It doesn't pay to not be a lapdog, folks.

Posted by Tom at 01:25 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

An Anniversary

Ten years ago today, terrorists detonated a bomb in the World Trade Center.

"It felt like an airplane hit the building," said Bruce Pomper, a 34-year-old broker.
An emotional Mario Cuomo, New York's state governor, told journalists: "We all have that feeling of being violated. No foreign people or force has ever done this to us. Until now we were invulnerable."
Sounds a lot like what we heard on September 12, 2001. I'm not sure what it is about us that makes us forget so quickly that, while we are the world's superpower, we are not invulnerable. After every tragedy, the media claims that America has lost its innocence. Sorry, but our terror-cherry was popped a long time ago; it's time to realize we can be attacked - and to destroy those who would attack us.

I used to find the phrase "he was going to hit me, so I hit him back first" rather funny - no longer. Now it should be doctrine.

Update: Common-sense has more.

Posted by Andy at 10:00 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)


Or Power Americana? I like the idea of both, actually.

Posted by Andy at 09:45 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

To Infinity... And Beyond!

NASA says goodbye to Pioneer 10.

At last contact, Pioneer 10 was 7.6 billion miles from Earth, or 82 times the nominal distance between the Sun and the Earth.

...Pioneer 10 will continue to coast silently as a ghost ship into interstellar space, heading generally for the red star Aldebaran, which forms the eye of the constellation Taurus (The Bull). Aldebaran is about 68 light-years away. It will take Pioneer 10 more than two million years to reach it.

I think that, in the wake of the Columbia tragedy, stories like this are good reminders of our successes - they can re-ignite our passion for venturing to the stars. I'd like to see humanity (or whatever we've evolved into in the next two million years) already in the Aldebaran system* when Pioneer 10 makes its grand entrance.

* I am not a Star Wars geek. Shut up.

Posted by Andy at 09:13 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 25, 2003


"Will Norah Jones' wins change radio?" asks the AP. We here at the World Wide Rant, after careful, scientific analysis and a good bit of talking out of our asses, say:

No, it will still suck.

Posted by Andy at 03:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

So, I Made a Compilation CD

Among its more interesting qualities, it contains songs by Aphex Twin, Judy Garland, Wilco, and Chilliwack. I'm diverse like that.

An enigma, even.

Posted by Andy at 12:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Colorado Respects the Constitution

The Second Amendment gets a win in the Colorado State Senate. The bill now moves on to the House for approval.

Posted by Andy at 11:07 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 24, 2003

Bubble Gum, String, and Toothpaste

I have a solution for how we can stop any Iraqi biological weapons attack. Admittedly, it's unorthodox and - well, some might scoff - but it's a method that has been field tested for seven years. That's right, our secret weapon will be Richard Dean Anderson, the man we call MacGyver. Just look at how he handles a deadly, rapidly mutating life form in the episode "Kill Zone."

Back off Saddam, the game is over!

Yes, I'm watching TVLand, why do you ask?

Posted by Andy at 10:40 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)


A little Q&A with Richard Dawkins. I like this one best:

If, when you die, you find yourself unexpectedly at the Pearly Gates, what would you say to St. Peter?

OK, I was wrong. But I was wrong for the right reasons. Those guys in there were right. But just look at their reasons.

Posted by Andy at 03:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Calling Dave Barry

Someone needs to ask Mr. Language Person what the hell Fred Durst was on about:

"I think we're all in agreeance [sic]," he told the audience while introducing the award for best hard rock performance. "This war should go away as soon as possible."
Wow, a two-for-one: a wholesale slaughter of the English language combined with an overly simplistic comment on foreign policy!

Keep your day job, Fred - wait, please don't. Your band sucks.

Posted by Andy at 10:55 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)


Yet another one has come and gone, bringing me back to the work week and that much closer to the grave. Ah, the optimism of my youth!

Friday night resulted in a rather ad hoc get togeter at Casa de Andy, with our friends Sean and Carmenza coming over for the evening (and the night, actually, as we encourage guests to take advantage of our guest room rather than drive while sleepy, drunk, or both). We watched "Monsters, Inc." and the aforementioned documentary "Hell House," while dining upon the nutritious and delicious delicacies provided by the legions of mini-Dave Thomases at Wendy's. Mmmmmm, beef products, potato products, and artificial flavorings, all in one delightful gustatory package!

As a complement to the festivities, I was fielding phone calls from Vicky who was attending the Midwest Blog Bash. I think we had a bit of miscommunication along the way, as Mrs. Andy (after talking to the effervescent Vicky*) indicated that Vicky thought she was intruding on us with the phone call. I attempted to ring her back, but it turns out it was J. Bowen's phone she had used, so I'll make it official here: nary a bit of bothering took place.

Saturday, we were invited to lunch at a friend's house to see their new baby (well, a few months new anyway). I learned that I have the ability to soothe the savage baby about 50% of the time, while my wife's batting average is considerably lower. We have our work cut out for us before the arrival of the World Wide Runt.

During the conversation, held over grilled chicken, multiple varieties of couscous, corn, rolls, and other goodness, we discussed boys' names for our own upcoming production. The Mrs. has the unique ability to fall in love with Celtic and Scottish male names that guarantee two things: if we have a boy, the child will have a unique moniker, and will get his ass kicked on a regular basis for having a sissy name.** Adding to the misery, I told them that - if we have a boy (see, we're not finding out until his wee-willy-winkie is in view, if there is one) - he's going to be not-very-tall and have red hair: a sure recipe for being picked on. No one believed me, except for our friends' young daughter, who confirmed that, yes, that's how the laws of elementary school work.

So, I think I've won on the sissy names front. For now.

Sunday was spent shopping for the perfect writing desk - this time at The Brass Armadillo. No luck. You see, the "perfect writing desk" is like obscenity - I'll know it when I see it. The obvious difference is that I won't lock myself in the bathroom for some private time with the desk. We ended the day by watching a harmless, British comedy called "Little Voice" on DVD - predictable story, over-the-top acting (well suited for the type of movie, actually), and great - no, amazing - singing by Jane Horrocks in the title role.

So, how was your weekend?

* I like the way "effervescent Vicky" rolls off the tongue. So to speak.

** Not that all Celtic or Scottish names are sissified, of course - just the ones she loves.

Posted by Andy at 09:58 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 22, 2003

On a Lighter Note

We watched the documentary "Hell House" tonight. For those not in the know, it's a true-to-life view of just how wacky and ignorant one mass of people can be, and how stupid and willing to hand over their money some 13,000 other people can be. Yes, that's right, it's like an Avril Lavigne concert.

Among the most prominent errors made by the cast, crew, and mental midgets putting together their house o'damnation:

All in all, a sad bit of documentary - most appalling was the scene in which they basically challenged the young kids to go into the next room to pray, threatening them with hellfire and damnation, and waiting for just one of them to break ranks. As soon as one does, several others suddenly follow. Folks, this isn't the Lord - this is idiotic peer pressuring of the worst kind.

Beautifully, though, most of the kids stay put looking skeptical. Maybe there is hope yet.

But don't bet on it.

Update: I forgot to add this particular screw-up, but it turns out other people noticed it too:

Even something as potentially benign as set-building (they start from scratch every year) becomes inadvertently hysterical, like one heated discussion over whether red or white spray paint should be used for a pentagram in one of Hell House's rooms, only to see the Star of David on the wall in the following scene.
Yes, kids, that's right - their pentagram was actually an encircled Star of David, painted in a blood drip motif. Faux pas or hidden agenda?

Posted by Andy at 02:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Update The Second

Well, I'd like to give you a meaningful second update, but I can't. All I know is that there was drinking going on, the bloggers were trying to create a new drink called The Blog, and when I hit *69 on my phone, some guy answered and it wasn't Vicky. So, I left polite messages on the voicemail of Vicky and Matt, telling them to call me when someone was naked. No call, so I'm guessing all clothes remained on.

Very sad. Very sad indeed.

Update: Oh, I did get word that Susanna was going to send me a book on Intelligent Design. Errr, that should be interesting (but hey, I never say "no" to free - well, sometimes I do, but just that once, and she wasn't my type).

Posted by Andy at 01:17 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

February 21, 2003


It's underway, somewhere in the Midwest - place names really aren't that important since it certainly can't compare to the beauty of the Rocky Mountains (home to the Rocky Mountain Blogger Bash). But, that small detail aside, Vicky just called to provide an update on the festivities. First off, Juan Gato won the free beer of the evening by securing Tim Blair as his celebrity blogger. Well, I tried to warn dear Vicky that I was the unknown Baldwin brother to Tim's Alec in the blogosphere. Oh well.

Speaking of Juan Gato, I know his first name now. I'll score a last name depending on how liquored up Vicky gets in the hours ahead. And speaking of Vicky, she sounds nothing like her picture. Which isn't to say, of course, that she sounds like a burly man or someone with a nasty sore throat or maybe someone in a nursing home coughing up phlegm with every utterance. She sounds just fine.

Anyway, without further ado - here is what I can read from the rapidly scrawled notes I scribed upon Vicky's call:

And now, my own beer is calling - next update when Vicky calls!

Posted by Andy at 08:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

The Camera Adds Ten Pounds

And it subtracts about 135,000 protesters.

San Francisco -- A survey using sophisticated aerial photography of Sunday's anti-war march and rally in San Francisco has produced results that indicate a far smaller crowd than the 200,000 protesters estimated by police and event organizers.
The estimated crowd size, arrived at independently by the SF Chronicle and the aerial photography company, was only 65,000. That's less interest than is shown annually in the Alabama vs. Auburn "Iron Bowl." Oops.

Event organizers and the local authorities are saying the new estimate is far too low:

"Oh my word. Come on, that's ridiculous," said Bill Hackwell, spokesman for International ANSWER, one of the groups that organized Sunday's march and rally. The organizers have another planned for March 15 in San Francisco, coinciding with rallies in Washington, D.C., and elsewhere.
Yup, apparently eye-balling a crowd is a much more reliable way of counting than a fairly rigorous methodology involving still photos of the event. But, then again, I'm not surprised that ANSWER has no problem denying the obvious (c'mon, they actually think communism can work).

Expected attendance at the Washington, D.C. rally, according to ANSWER, is 42,000,000.

Found at Instapundit.

Posted by Andy at 11:07 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Have a Cookie - And Pay Up, Whitey

UCLA Republicans make their case regarding affirmative action with a quaint bake-sale:

The sale, held on Bruin Walk on Feb. 3, offered cookies at different prices depending on the customer's race and gender. Black, Latina and American Indian females were charged 25 cents for cookies that cost males of minority descent 50 cents. White females were charged $1, and white males and all Asian Americans were charged $2.
Naturally, somebody had to miss the point completely:
Torres, a former California state senator, believes UCLA Republicans have been "emboldened" by the recent race-sensitive remarks by various Republican leaders....
Uh, no, Mr. Torres - that "whoosh" sound is not a low-flying airplane.

This is not about the UCLA Republicans being racist - it's about racial preferences when it comes to receiving goods (be it a cookie or a diploma). Now, had they handed out free watermelons to the black students, $2 tacos to anyone Hispanic, a $10 dog-on-a-stick to anyone Asian, and then $10 hamburgers to the Man, one could have reasonably argued that they were being ignorant and backwards (I mean, seriously, who doesn't like dog-on-a-stick?).

As it stands, they've simply pointed out the hypocrisy of those on the left that support affirmative action - why should it be ok to receive preference regarding something as expensive as a college education because of your race, yet receiving a discount cookie makes them pitch a fit?

Very telling.

Thanks to Single Out West for the link.

Posted by Andy at 10:49 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

20 Questions

Let's play with the Saudi ambassador to the United Kingdom. The Beeb is having an online Q&A session with him this Sunday - get your questions in early!

Posted by Andy at 10:28 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

February 20, 2003

Who's Feeling Up Saddam?

Single Out West has its suspicions:

I think that's why we see the French and Germans throwing every roadblock they can in front of the U.S's desire to invade Iraq. They're terrified that if we invade we'll find out that they've been touching Saddam's boobies.
That's one way of putting it.

Posted by Andy at 11:19 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Vicky Wants You

No, not like that, but she would like it if you would visit her site so she can get enough hits to hook up with Juan Gato and make hippie love children with him or something. Matt seems down about his traffic, so go visit him too and that will make Vicky all sorts of happy. And maybe Matt will want you - yes, like that - if that happens.

Posted by Andy at 10:19 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Fun with a Video Camera

Priceless video can be found here, courtesy of Andrea Harris. I will say some of the editing is questionable, but most of it is absolutely beautiful. Enjoy!

Posted by Andy at 01:02 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 19, 2003

I Forgot to Ask

Did anyone watch last night's episode of "24?"

Yes, yes, plenty of excitement regarding the terrorist threat against LA, the political intrigue in the Palmer administration, etc. - but the night was surely made memorable by two things: Elisha Cuthbert and a white tank-top t-shirt. Oh. Sweet. Jesus.

Shut up, I do so have a life.

Update: For young men like Walter, they can find a picture of the lovely Elisha here.

Posted by Andy at 03:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Rule by Fear

Another Iraqi exile makes it clear that the Iraqi people live in fear of Saddam:

The 55-year-old writer says outsiders wondering how Saddam keeps control despite mounting U.S. pressure to disarm him fail to appreciate how fear of his security apparatus paralyzes dissent, even among many exiles, and breeds submission...

He would reluctantly support an attack on Saddam even though he distrusts the Americans, saying he wants an end to Saddam's rule and he wants to return to Baghdad. He argues that left in place, Saddam would kill more Iraqis than would be killed in a U.S.-led war.

But, since this war is just about oiiilllll, that's the way it has to be, right lefties?

Update: First, I really like the phrasing of "right lefties?" in the post above. Second, the same scientist is saying Saddam will likely use chemical weapons (you know, the ones he doesn't have) in a last stand as we move to take Baghdad. That would be interesting - I wonder what the Jacques Chirac would say.... wait, no I don't.

Posted by Andy at 10:12 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Man's Best Friend

The white-crested cockatoo.

Posted by Andy at 10:08 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

This is European Justice?

Germany today convicted a Moroccan student on 3,045 counts of accessory to murder and five counts of attempted murder and bodily injury in relation to the September 11 attacks on New York and Washington. What gets me is that, he was

...sentenced to the maximum 15 years in prison....
Wow, that's an amazing 1.8 days for every instance of being an accessory to murder. Harsh!

Posted by Andy at 09:47 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 18, 2003

One or the Other

So, Mark, tell me - am I Beavis or Butthead?


Posted by Andy at 01:46 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Saddam, Dangerous?

An Iraqi scientist seems to think so:

Hussain Al-Shahristani, former chief adviser to the Iraqi Atomic Energy Commission, said he believes Iraq’s nuclear program has been dismantled, but Saddam still has chemical and biological weapons.

He said such weapons are relatively easy to make and that Saddam has "mobile" laboratories that roam the countryside, making it hard for U.N. weapons inspectors to find them.

He said stockpiles of those weapons are also located underground and in tunnels.

Wait - you don't mean to imply, Mr. Al-Shahristani, that Saddam has been misleading the UN inspectors do you? Surely you don't mean that he would actively try to hide his weapons production from the world! I mean, if an impoverished nation like North Korea can apparently keep a nuclear program running in secret while being watched, there's no way that a man like Saddam with his palaces and wealth could do the same, is there? Certainly not!
Despite this, Al-Shahristani said, Saddam does not have the technological capability to use biological or chemical weapons in attacks on other countries -- unless he gives his weapons of mass destruction to terrorist groups who can smuggle them into other nations.
And he wouldn't do that, would he?
..he does have a number of terrorist cells that he has used in the past.
Oops! Maybe he would!
"Iraqis cannot feel safe and secure in their country, he said. “They cannot practice their basic human rights without Saddam being forced to leave and relinquish power in the country."
Which makes it all the more odd to me that the left should be against such a war.

Posted by Andy at 12:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

The End of the World

When he opened the seventh seal, there was a silence in Heaven... that's right, folks! Today is my guest blogging day over at Now, you may ask yourself, "Why is an atheist blogging at the site of an evangelical Christian?"

Because he can!

Actually, I do like Josh - he's mistaken on the whole religion thing, of course, but he means well and his heart is in the right place and a bunch of other cliches like that. And I also believe he's more libertarian than Republican, but he'll figure that out in due time (he's one of the few Republicans I've seen blasting nonsense like TIA and Patriot II).

Anyway, do stop by and say hello to me, Josh, and his loyal readers.

Posted by Andy at 08:50 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 17, 2003

Don't Pass Out

Kim Jong Il threatens to hold his breath until he turns blue unless the United States threatens to invade North Korea right this instant.

Posted by Tom at 10:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

I'm Gonna Make Them An Offer They Can't Refuse

France gets snarky, bullies smaller countries, saying that Romania's and Bulgaria's support of the US position against Iraq might very well have a negative influence on their potential membership in the EU.

Well, f*ck you very much, Chirac. Maybe we should ask if they want to be US "member states." How would you like that?

Update: For some reason I'm picturing Chirac as Marlon Brando when I read things like:

When asked why he wasn't similarly critical of the EU nations that signed the letter, Chirac said: "When you are in the family ... you have more rights than when you are asking to join and knocking on the door."
I like a good French whine, don't you?

Posted by Tom at 10:32 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

You Must Be Shitting Me

Part 1.

Posted by Tom at 05:05 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 15, 2003

Down for the Count

Well, Haloscan appears at least temporarily hosed. Many apologies to our millions of fans waiting to comment on Jewel's uhhhh...guitar. Mmmmm...Movable Type.

Posted by Tom at 07:38 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 14, 2003

Slow Day at the World Wide Rant

So here's an AP picture of Jewel taken at a performance yesterday. I can't say I care much for her newest releases (cursed by the gods of the Great Sell-Out), but she still has a couple of admirable qualities.*

This photo originally found via Phillip Coons.

* Flames from hypersensitive feminists welcome for my obvious chauvinistic attitude.

Posted by Andy at 01:19 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Happy Valentine's Day

First and foremost, to Mrs. World Wide Rant, my lovely wife who is now six months along with our first child (aka The World Wide Runt). It was five years ago today that we had our second wedding ceremony at St. Mary's Church in Gamlingay, England. Why a second one? Because I'm American and she's English, and we wanted all of our friends and family to have the chance to buy us gifts and lavish us with booze and good food. Why else?

Also, well wishes go out to Jo, one of the very first regular readers we had, who needs to cheer the hell up. Go over and say something nice to her if you have the chance. Tell her how much you like her hair color.

Happy corporation-concocted holiday!

Posted by Andy at 09:21 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 13, 2003

A Very Special Blossom

I will be guest blogging over at next Tuesday, February 18. Yes, I think he's a brave soul for allowing it too.

This should be interesting.

Posted by Andy at 02:51 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Televangelist, Heal Thyself

Pat Robertson has prostate cancer. Naturally, I wish him a speedy recovery and hope that perhaps the threat of an untimely death will make him a more decent human being.

Televangelist Pat Robertson said Thursday that he has prostate cancer and will undergo surgery next week to remove his prostate gland.
Wait, surgery? But why on Earth, when - in the past - Pat has said things like:
Let's assume you had an accident in which your leg is broken. You can say, "I broke my leg. It hurts. But God's power is healing my leg right now. The pain is leaving. Jesus is doing a miracle, and I thank Him for it. I thank Him that regardless of what happened to my leg, a miracle is taking place. Therefore I command my leg to knit together and be healed. Praise God!"
Jesus went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed of the devil and all who were sick. Everyone who came to Him for healing got healed. I don't know of anybody He turned down, so it is God's plan and will to heal people -- physically as well as spiritually.

How do you get it? You have to empty yourself and ask Him. Sometimes it is spontaneous.

And I suppose if it isn't spontaneous, you fall back on evil, secular medicine to save your hide. Oh ye of little faith!

For more of Pat's views on divine healing, go here. It may be good enough for the sheep and their pocketbooks, but it isn't good enough for Pat.

One more thing, like I said - I hope he survives. I hope modern medicine opens his eyes to the wonder of science and the danger of dogmatic superstition. I hope he comes out of this with a new appreciation for all people, even those atheists, gays, and pro-choice people who caused 9/11 to happen. I'm also not counting on any change of heart.

Posted by Andy at 12:35 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Second Verse, Same As The First

The Patriot Act II is not getting a warm reception by members of Congress, thanks to the secrecy and apparent outright lies of the Justice Department. "We're not working on a new bill... oh, you meant THAT bill!" Among the provisions which lil' Johnny Ashcroft would like to have:

Ah, yes, defending our liberties by undermining them - about as sensible as trying to lose weight by eating a box of doughnuts.

Posted by Andy at 09:52 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 12, 2003

Nope, Sorry

Can't explain this. Blame Kevin Parrott.

Posted by Andy at 11:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

You, My Dear, Are a Twit

An Open Letter to Jen Taliaferro, in response to her e-mail of this afternoon that, in summary, said I was "not too bright" and that I "might learn something" from perusing her "fine blog."

Actually, I'm quite bright (I can provide the test scores to back it up, if you like), but thanks for replying.

Your post certainly seemed to be anti-Catholic in that you mocked, as a Protestant, aspects of doctrine very near and dear to hearts of Catholics (as I can attest, being a former Catholic). The tone of your post also indicated some issues with homosexuality in general, especially with regard to the priesthood.

And, if you had read closely (a valuable skill, do try to pick it up sometime), you would have seen that I called you a "well-meaning supporter of Israel." How you derived "anti-Jew" or "anti-Zionist" from that is beyond me, but I would like to suggest new bifocals, or perhaps a text-to-voice add-on for your web browser.

Finally, all that my reading your blog on a regular basis tells me is that I'm a glutton for punishment, for more often than not your arguments are naught but Republimasturbatory pep rallies which indicate megalomaniacal tendencies on your part, what with your exhortations that we respect your journalistic integrity and the like.

All I've learned from your blog is that even a stopped clock is right twice a day and that the lunatic fringe of the GOP apparently has internet access.

Thank you again for your reply, and for stopping by the World Wide Rant on a regular basis, although if you left comments, the dialogue would be much more entertaining for us both (but then again, we know your stance on dialogue and comments).

All the best,


Aside from one small typo, I think it reads quite well, although Tom's suggestion that I use the word sweetcheeks or sugarbritches at least once was a fine one (which, alas, came too late for inclusion in my electronic epistle). It's saddening that we're reduced to e-mails and open letters for dialogue, but - well - you, dear reader, are probably aware that Jen lives in all-consuming terror of encouraging free discussion and possible dissent. I take the only avenue available in this case, although I rest assuredly aware that it will not change her mind in the least.

'Cause when you're right, you're right! - all evidence to the contrary be damned!

And, Jen - sweetcheeks - for the real reason I write about you, please reference reason #4 here. If the editorial gods will allow, I'd also like to add reason #5 - it's so easy.

Update: One more thing, sugarbritches - you're the one who changed your blog entry in response to my ripping it apart, not the other way around. If anyone's not too bright, I'd say start with a good look in the mirror. Hey, who's that lookin' back at you?

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Time Waster

Today's is the Hartman Value Profile. In consulting, I've seen quite a few personality tests - some fairly accurate, some that suggest I should simply close my eyes and rock back and forth until the end of the world. This one was a new approach (for me), and the results - when you read the details of what they mean - seem to nail me pretty well... almost scarily so. Yes, I'm a sample size of one - and yes, maybe it's partially seeing what I want to see - so I'd be interested in any feedback you folks have if you take it.

Also - it will ask you for a lot of personal information, but you don't have to provide it. Just click on the "next" button.


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Mind Control

The German Thought Police go after Ogrish, and win temporarily. I've browsed Ogrish once or twice out of a macabre sense of curiosity, but it's not something I'd make a habit out of; however, I don't need the government telling me that the photos are too much for my tender constitution. If that's the case, I'll find out when I puke my guts up after seeing something on-screen.

Does anyone know if there were any Nazi-atrocity-related images on the site? Just wondering the motivation...

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You Don't Look a Day Over 193

A warm 194th Happy Birthday to Charles Darwin today. I imagine he would have liked to have attended the birthday bash in Australia, but I guess he had other plans. Being dead is funny like that.

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Aww, It's Got Your Dark Matter

Check out the baby pictures of the universe. Too cool.

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February 11, 2003

Attack of the Tacky Photoshop Brigade

Argggh, someone stop them before they make even more of this maudlin kitsch! Wasn't the torrent of it enough after September 11? Ye gods!

Found via Vodkapundit.

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So Similar

Takes one to know one, eh Germany?

BERLIN (Reuters) - A majority of Germans believe the United States is a nation of warmongers and only six percent think President Bush is interested in keeping the peace, according to a survey published Monday.
Maybe they're just mad that we're setting off to topple another tyrant like we did half a century ago.

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Jen Update

A victory of sorts as she has now removed her praise for Martin Luther from the post. Oddly enough, she didn't credit the World Wide Rant for her edification. I don't think she likes me very much.

Oh, it's still a pretty solid anti-Catholic rant though, for those Catholics interested.

Update: Thanks to Michele for the heads-up that Jen has changed her post yet again. It's now decidedly less anti-Catholic and nary a mention of pedophilia and gays. Although without providing a disclaimer that she has changed the post, she's engaging in some serious revisionist blog history.

I'd say I'm surprised, but...

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Ow, My Achin' Head

I had a pleasant evening out with Dork, Matt Moore, and Jeff Goldstein (formerly of Protein Wisdom) and his wife, Helen. Spent a few hours and more than a few dollars at the Heavenly Daze Brewery and Pub. Still paying for it today.


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February 10, 2003

What's the Word?

Unconditional means unconditional, unless you happen to be Iraq dealing with the UN:

UNITED NATIONS (CNN) -- Iraq said Monday it would allow the United Nations to use American U-2 spy planes for aerial surveillance without conditions -- but shortly after, Saddam Hussein said coalition forces patrolling the "no-fly" zones should not launch raids on Iraq during the U-2 surveillance flights.
Maybe I'm crazy, but I seem to detect a pattern in Iraqi behavior when it comes to making unconditional agreements. It looks a lot like this: "Yes, but... yes, but... yes, but... yes, but..." The UN must not be much for pattern recognition or they'd have tired of these games long ago.

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I Should Leave Jen Alone

...but she keeps saying the damnedest things:

And in the meantime, I'm more delighted than ever to be a Protestant. Thank you, Martin Luther!
Nothing wrong with being a Protestant, of course (aside from the usual assortment of arguments against faith, etc) - but to give praise to Martin Luther shows either ignorance or blinders the size of dearly departed Nell Carter's tuchus.*

Allow me to present some choice words from the esteemed writer of the "95 Theses", and the lesser known "The Jews and Their Lies":

What shall we Christians do with this rejected and condemned people, the Jews?

...First to set fire to their synagogues or schools and to bury and cover with dirt whatever will not burn, so that no man will ever again see a stone or cinder of them. This is to be done in honor of our Lord and of Christendom, so that God might see that we are Christians, and do not condone or knowingly tolerate such public lying, cursing, and blaspheming of his Son and of his Christians.

...Second, I advise that their houses also be razed and destroyed. For they pursue in them the same aims as in their synagogues. Instead they might be lodged under a roof or in a barn, like the gypsies. This will bring home to them that they are not masters in our country, as they boast, but that they are living in exile and in captivity, as they incessantly wail and lament about us before God.

...Third, I advise that all their prayer books and Talmudic writings, in which such idolatry, lies, cursing and blasphemy are taught, be taken from them.

...Fourth, I advise that their rabbis be forbidden to teach henceforth on pain of loss of life and limb.

...Fifth, I advise that safe-conduct on the highways be abolished completely for the Jews.

...Sixth, I advise that usury be prohibited to them, and that all cash and treasure of silver and gold be taken from them and put aside for safekeeping. The reason for such a measure is that, as said above, they have no other means of earning a livelihood than usury, and by it they have stolen and robbed from us all they possess.

...Seventh, I commend putting a flail, an ax, a hoe, a spade, a distaff, or a spindle into the hands of young, strong Jews and Jewesses and letting them earn their bread in the sweat of their brow, as was imposed on the children of Adam.

Indeed, let us give thanks for such an honorable man whose words are strangely reminiscent of, oh, someone in Germany in the 1930s (warning: very close to Godwin violation, tread lightly) - um, I mean, a Palestinian militant in 2003. Given that Jen seems to be a well-meaning supporter of Israel, I'll chalk this one up to ignorance on her part (although it's still the size of Nell Carter's tuchus).

Update: Tom (of World Wide Rant fame, among other things) asks why I am bothering pointing this out in a mean way since anyone could make the same mistake. Good question, and here is my answer:

  1. Jen has brought the vitriol upon herself with her continued baseless rantings against any and all who do not subscribe to her narrow worldview - and with her refusal to entertain any idea or concept that runs counter to her pre-conceived and cement-solid notions. Yes, yes, 'tis her blog and she can run it as she sees fit - but it doesn't obligate me to remain silent in response.
  2. Anyone could make the same mistake, but should they? Should someone that so proudly declares themself a Protestant lack fairly basic knowledge of the founder when they call him by name?
  3. It's the World Wide Rant, not the World Wide Oops You Made a Mistake Won't You Sit and Have Some Tea. Don't hit me, Tom.
  4. Admittedly, it's kind of fun.
But, in the spirit of teamwork upon which this lovely lil' blog was founded, I shall henceforth hold fire on Jen's overconfident ignorance (for we are all ignorant in some subjects) and only go on the offensive when I take specific exception to an espoused position. Thank you, and whatever and ever amen.

* Thanks, Sporkadelic!

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Free to Choose?

Speaking of free will, or not, Jody links to some interesting thoughts on free will in the supposed Christian afterlife (or, more accurately, the necessity of a lack of it in the next world).

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Not a Trace

Nope, no sign of evolution at work here.

A bacterial infection that overpowers most antibiotics has escaped the confines of hospitals and is showing up in alarming numbers among the general public in California, according to health officials.
It makes me wonder, do hard-core creationists think nothing of failing to finish a prescription of antibiotics since evolution is so obviously false? Of course, I realize that many people fail to do so, and in part we probably owe them a hearty thanks for helping create a superbug.

For those who think humans are the most successful species on the planet, it might be time to think again.

Update: And no evolution happenin' here either.

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Old Stuff

The wife and I went antique shopping yesterday. We don't actually go with the intention of buying outrageously-priced antiques, of course, but rather in search of smaller items that happen to be in the same building. We came home with a new, hand-painted, colorful teapot and a hardback copy of Stephen King's "Needful Things." Antiques Roadshow we're not.

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February 07, 2003

The Idiocy of Ann Coulter

Yes, another installment. What can I say? When she writes tripe like this, it's obvious that she lives in mystical, magical Jenland:

The idea that liberals feel the shuttle explosion was a tragedy is patent nonsense.
Of course, Ann bases her opinion on a sample size of one: a letter from a liberal in San Francisco.

She neglects to mention that the idea that Christians see the shuttle disaster as a tragedy is patent nonsense as well. What? Don't believe me? Look, here's my representative sample.

While engaging in statistical dishonesty, Ann also seems to have a knack for outright lying in general:

In other appeasement news, former U.N. arms inspector Scott Ritter has completely vanished from the anti-war scene since news of his sex arrest broke.
He has?

That will be news to students in San Bernardino and at the University of South Florida. Oops, and here he is in Tokyo just this past week, which was also covered in Australia. Whoops, don't look now, but it was standing-room only for Ritter in New York a week ago. Here is a reference to a broadcast of his reaction to Bush's Iraq stance in the State of the Union address.

Yep, he's practically the Invisible Man. Perhaps Ann should realize that we're not hearing about him because the evil, liberal media isn't covering him much in light of the sex scandal. It's clear that Mr. Ritter is not trying to hide under a rock (although if Ann would crawl back under hers, that would be nice).

Now, now, Coulterites - deep breath and count to ten. I'm in support of a war with Iraq - I am not, however, in support of the partisan nonsense that Ann spews everytime the GOP elephant's penis falls out of her mouth.

Thanks to Jo for the heads-up on this one.

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We're In It Together, Idiots

What will it take before the rest of the world realizes that it's not just America that these people hate? It's the entire West.

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February 06, 2003

Don't Try to Out-think God!

Theological scholars address reconciliation of omniscience and free will, and are soundly rebuked for realizing it just doesn't work.

"We say, yes, God has the power but He gives room for human and creaturely freedom. God's sovereignty is general over the world, but not meticulous," said Pinnock, a professor of theology at McMaster Divinity College in Hamilton, Ontario. "God wants free creatures to have some say."
Traditionalists complain that this is un-Biblical (probably right) and reduces their God to something not very god-like (also right in my estimation). At a forum in 2001, members of the Evangelical Theological Society voted:
...that God has infinite foreknowledge of all events, including the actions of free moral agents.
While the non-traditionalists end up with a god that isn't much of one, the traditionalists end up with complete nonsense. If a god knows everything I will do with perfect certainty before I do it, then I cannot choose to do something that this god does not already know I will do. My free moral agency is illusory in such a world. Good news for the predestination crowd, not so good for the rest of Christianity.

And, before anyone mentions it, I will say that I believe it could be possible that a completely materialistic universe is entirely predetermined and we are but actors executing our lines as written. My free moral agency could be illusory under this atheistic approach as well - but at least I don't have to complicate it with god talk.

Tom sez: Pinnock summarizes the salient points nicely when he says:

"It just didn't make sense that God predestined everything, because that would mean everyone going to hell is there because God wants them there," Pinnock said.
That's precisely right. If he knows EVERYTHING that will happen, then that must mean he knows what choices will be made (everything means everything, or the claim of omniscience is crap). This implies that all actions are known beforehand (even to the beginning of the universe) and that we therefore have no free will...making our eventual eternal punishments or rewards utterly spurious and arbitrary.

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Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Part Two - and this time our subject is Daniel Strahan, who - somewhere in the vast, recent wasteland that is Haloscan - belches forth:

Ignorance is defined by denying the fact that the gay lifestyle causes disease and cuts lives short. Deal with it.
Actually, Danny, ignorance is defined by the dictionary - wherein it says:
The condition of being uneducated, unaware, or uninformed.
As luck would have it, this precisely describes your mental state with regard to the "gay lifestyle."

Let's be more precise, my troglodyte friend, shall we? Unsafe sexual practices, gay or straight, increase the risk of disease. Engaging in homosexual sex does not "cause" disease - if the big words are within the scope of your reading talents, I highly recommend you learn about the evolution of the AIDS virus. While particular behaviors might increase the successful spread of a disease, proper precautions can limit it - just like we heteros have done with any number of ailments. I realize this will take away one of your reasons to hate gay people, but oh well - you live, you learn.

Or, in your case, you probably remain a thick-headed caveman grunting in the dark. Deal with it.

Update: After perusing Danny's site, I see he's a fan of Jack Chick. That alone should be indicative of the level of mental prowess at work (hint: equivalent to the gymnastic skills of a handicapped rhino).

Update Two: And our dear idiot Danny links to God Hates Fags with the cutely deceptive name of "Homosexuality in a Nutshell." What God and hate have to do with gays and nutshells is beyond me, but then I'm a thinking sort, unlike Danny and his hateful ilk.

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February 05, 2003


Photos of a memorial to the Columbia at the Johnson Space Center courtesy of The People's Republic of Seabrook.

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A Boobyless World?

The power of the internet can also work against it:

It only took 10 minutes for the SQL Slammer worm to race across the globe and wreak havoc on the Internet two weeks ago, making it the fastest-spreading computer infection ever seen, researchers said on Tuesday.
That was a close one - imagine a world without free porn! Shudder.

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February 02, 2003

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Now, I'm not saying that that lead-in has anything to do with the content of this post, or certain persons described herein, who might decide to threaten a lawsuit or whatever if I insult their journalistic integrity. That disclaimer out of the way, on with the post...

...does anyone remember a certain keyboard-based altercation between a blogger named Wilde and Jen T. late last year? Well, if not, the start of my running commentary can be found here. Plenty of fun was had, with Jen referring to Wilde as a "Dimocrat," automatically discounting anything he said because of her own prejudice, and generally turning herself into the Ann Coulter of her little corner of blogdom (with additional martyr and persecution complexes as a bonus!). Of course, it'll be hard to get Jen's side as she disabled her comments function and deleted posts when the landslide of reason started to bury her, and Wilde took his site down shortly thereafter.

Which leads one to wonder - where, oh where, did our level-headed pal Wilde go?

Why, he went to his new home at American Empire.

You know, American Empire - the blog that now shows up in Jen's blogroll (screenshot here). Proof positive that Jen cares not about the message, but only seeks to shoot the messenger (if he admits to not being a Republican, anyway) - and I imagine she'll shoot American Empire right off her blogroll when she notices her, uh, oversight. Of course, if one actually reads the blogs to which one links, such oversights might not occur. I'm envisioning the title of Wilde's new home setting off all kinds of flag-wavin', uber-patriotic, we-love-Dubya fireworks in Jen's brain and then up went the link without a second thought.

Countdown to its removal...commencing in 3... 2... 1...

Update: Well, the link is gone, as was predicted. Woohoo!

And, it looks like I made some guy named Tom mad with my widdle post about Jen and Dustin, as he's indicated in the comments. While he might be right about it being a cheap shot at Jen (but, dude, they're so easy...) - he quickly goes into the expected territory of how we must hate patriotism if we dare disagree (nevermind that whole representative government, opposing views, etc thing).

Sigh, another victim of Jentality. Perhaps, someday, they'll find a cure in simple-to-take pill form - or suppository, but that would require Tom extracting his head from his ass in order to insert it. Oh my, another petty potshot. Forgive me.

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