It's the end of porn on the internet!
Fed up with hackers, a flood of spam and lousy connections, Italian Roman Catholics have launched a search for a patron saint of the Internet. And they hope their online poll will yield a holy Web protector by Easter.To counter this move, I suggest that charismatic, evangelical Christians appoint a Patron Sleazy Televangelist of the Internet to ensure that pornography and scams on the web remains safe and sound.
Tom notes that pedophiles shouldn't worry, as the assignment of a Patron Saint of the Internet will actually have no impact on child porn.*
* Countdown until S.F. says "that's not very funny" - 3... 2.. 1...
Kevin Parrott has some hints and tips for those of you looking for love in all the wrong places.
The judge in the Richard Reid case had some choice words for the shoe-bomber after he was sentenced to life in prison.
Calling the sentence Reid will face "a fair and just sentence, a righteous sentence," Young said, "We do not sign documents with terrorists. We hunt them down one by one and bring them to justice. ... You're big, but you're not that big. You are no warrior. I know warriors. You are a terrorist.At the same time, Reid's defense attorney was once again demonstrating that he is clueless:
"You hate our freedom -- our individual freedom to live as we choose, to come and go as we choose, and to believe or not believe as we individually choose. ... See that flag, Mr. Reid? That is the flag of the United States of America. That flag will fly there long after this is forgotten. And it still stands for freedom."
Defense attorney Owen Walker called Reid "laid back," and said, "You can do a malicious act without being a malicious person."No, you can't. Assigning the word malicious to an act is a reflection of the actor, not of the act itself. An act cannot act out of malice - it is the result of malice on the part of the actor. Richard Reid is a malicious person. A terrorist - and one who is getting off easily at that.
It also describes Nelson Mandela pretty well.
Speaking at the International Women's Forum, Mandela said "if there is a country that has committed unspeakable atrocities in the world, it is the United States of America."Yeah, but don't let little oversights like that stop you in your self-righteous anti-war tirade, ok?
Mandela said U.S. President George W. Bush covets the oil in Iraq "because Iraq produces 64 percent of the oil in the world. What Bush wants is to get hold of that oil." In fact Iraq contributes to only 5 percent of world oil exports.
Receiving applause for his comments, Mandela said Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair are "undermining" past work of the United Nations.Yo, Nelson, old buddy - you might pause to take a note of the fact that we humored the UN in going ahead with a new resolution and new inspections. The inspectors have done their job and they have made it clear that Iraq has no intention of complying with the resolutions for disarmament. The only UN work we're undermining is the last five years of you yahoos sitting on your hands while Iraq continually snubbed its nose at you.
As I said on a message board, the UN crowd that only wants diplomacy realizes that as long as they can say they are doing something (negotiating), they can act like it's meaningful - even if all those years of "something" add up to "nothing." You know, kind of like they do right now.
"They do not care. Is it because the secretary-general of the United Nations is now a black man?" said Mandela, referring to Kofi Annan, who is from Ghana.Wow, the race card - I'm dead impressed. I bet Colin Powell is just seething with hatred at that damned negro Kofi Annan - oh, wait, you say Colin is black? Well, hmmm.
Nelson, I'm thinking it's time someone check you into a home for your own good.
And thanks to Josh Claybourn for the link to the story.
* Lame joke #2 for the day - hooray!
Many moons ago, when Tom and I were young and foolish and, well, just plain mean, we took to Usenet in search of fun and adventure. What we found was the newsgroup rec.music.makers.songwriting, where aspiring songwriters would post their best work for all the world to see. Unfortunately for them, we were part of that world and took a look - and gave our heartfelt, honest, and constructive reviews under the name of Hatchetjobforu. You can almost feel the honesty and constructive..err...ness, of it all, right?
Given that over the months, we both grew, matured, became kinder and gentler, and - well - generally got bored with the practice altogether, we let it come to an abrupt halt. Today, thanks to the magic of Google, I went back and retrieved some of our greatest reviews for your reading pleasure. They say you're only as old as you feel - and I think we were feeling about fourteen back then. Ah, childhood!
Anyway, enjoy the reading - and we hope that none of you fell victim to our mean-spirited assaults on the craft.
Really. Honest Injun and stuff.
But we do hope you kept your day job.
*But those aren't funny, so we left them out.