August 01, 2006

keepin' it real

But first....There is a CONTEST down there, people! One with actual prizes. Prizes that will be mailed to you in pretty little packages with ribbons and superhero stamps and stuff. Play the game, damnit! I worked REALLY hard on it!

Well, wasn't yesterday fun? Boobies, milk, oral sex, what next?

You all should know by now that I write a mommy blog. I feel no shame for this. Some may say that the mommy blog is the bastard red-headed step child of the blog family, but I disagree. We mommy bloggers have a lot to say. We are smart, we are funny. And best of all, we are creative.

When I asked Andy why the hell he would ask me to blog at his site, he said it was because he thought I could bring something "different" to the table. Different, as in boobies? Maybe. But I think that this was just Andy's way of asking me to help him out with the blog. You know, to put a woman's touch on the place. That special touch that only a mommy blogger can.

Sir, I accept your invitation.

So, what I was thinking is this:

First of all, all this blue has got to go. It's not inviting at all. What does it say? Serious, that's what. And serious = boring. What he needs is some backround pattern. Like a nice pink, with stars. Yeah, that's it. Hot pink with purple stars!

He needs a charcter on this page. Where's the visual interest? That weird monkey up there? Creepy does not get you readers. Pooh Bear does. Classic Pooh doubly so.

Maybe each little pooh character could head a different section of the blog. Like Tigger for the blogroll, with Roo half way down it. You know, like in that story where they get stuck up in the tree and the have to bounce down. Ohhh, that would be sooo cute!!!

Andy likes to have advertisements blinking up in the top corner of his blog. That is SO yesterday. What people want is a personal statement, not some cookie-generated advertisement for penis-enlargement or stem-cell research. He needs some Blinkies. Nothing brightens up your blog like a Blinkie.

(Made that last one myself. Sweet, eh?)
His font. It's all wrong. What is this, like Ariel or something? He needs a better font. I really like that Curlz one. It's pretty and inviting, without being all trampy.

So, what do you think? Wouldn't it just look so much better this way? Andy, no need to thank me. I am happy to help. There are just some things that I as a mommy blogger can do that you just, well, can't.

Top THAT, Blake.