« Apology, I Wonder | Main | Their Cups Runneth Over »

April 25, 2006

American Idol Live Recap

Once again, here we go:

I think Andrea Bocelli was just singing "me.... monkey...." I'm not sure I want to know any more about that.

Andrea says Katharine McPhee has a beautiful voice. This is when someone should tell him it kind of sucks to be blind (although since it happened to him in his youth, he's probably seen some Italian hotties in his time). Of course, seeing Katharine in this yellow dress (and such portions of her bosoms that might not be in the same yellow dress), I still think it's a shame he's blind.

I think the judges are on crack (well, I think we all know Paula's on something most nights she's sitting at that table). Katharine's got a fine voice... and the legs ain't bad either (also revealed by the yellow dress). I might be a bit biased by her knockout good looks though... oh well, I'll get over it.

Elliott is up, all gussied up with no sign of his bosoms. Huzzah.

Good rendition. Great voice tonight. And, look, like I told you: Paula is deep in the drugs tonight. "You move me in my musty, lusty places, Elliott!"

Kellie Pickler... another bad time to be blind... let's see if it's a good time to be deaf or not...

First impressions: ok, with that odd hairdo, perhaps Mr. Bocelli is the lucky one in that he can't see it.

So, "Unchained Melody." Hmmm. Not sure about this one... the wee Fiona just crawled into her chair and is falling asleep. I blame the music more than Kellie's voice or, say, her rear in them thar jeans. Looks like the judges came off their crack for this one.

Paris, who I've liked since the first show (not that I watch American Idol, of course), is up now. Looks like a little Gladys Knight. Big voice... squeaky breathing. I like her performances because she gives the impression she's actually read the lyrics and knows the story they tell, rather just being a robot (a la Pickler vs. MechaPickler).

Taylor Hicks... looks like George Clooney in that lighting. And why are he and Elliott so in love with the Kevin Corvais "stiff-armed palm of great emotion" gesture? The judges' comments aside, I think the dude puts on the best show of the lot of them (well, depending on how much cleavage Katharine's outfit reveals on any given episode).

Chris Daughtry just said a Bryan Adams song was great musically and lyrically. American Idol? Maybe. Sane? Highly questionable as of tonight.

You know, guy's not a bad singer, but if he wins, I hope he uses his earnings to buy a new expression. And, hey, everyone, look - the camera loves the classical guitarists (are they contestants?). I suppose if Kat McPhee can have her own accompaniment below her chin, then Chris can have a couple of dudes with guitars.

Personally, I didn't think it was nearly as good as the judges thought... but then I'm not the one who is going to take any originality the guy has, filter it into a non-descript uber-blandness, and make millions off his labor, so what the hell do I know?

So, let's sum up: who's going home this week?

Don't really care. Unless it's Katharine. Then I weep... but, thanks to baby Jesus, we'll always have her through the magic of Google.

Amen.

Note: The American Idol formerly known as Zombyboy is doing some Cliff's Notes blogging on the show.

Note 2: All of you Google-hunters in search of "Katharine McPhee nude," this is not the blog you're looking for. But, uh, if you do score that photo, how about let a brother know, ok?

Note 3: Another Katharine fan with running commentary and this line:

Paula's tears stand out as one of the most uncomfortable moments in a long series of uncomfortable moments.

Indeed.

Note 4: And one more:

Oh, Katharine McPhee. You can wear your tight yellow dress with your amazing boobies and your amazing legs and sing any song you want for me....

I mean, seriously was it that bad? I'll openly admit that my thought process was, "Boooobies. HAIR. HELLO, LEG! Seriously, HER HAIR! Oh, boobs of joy! KAAAAAAAATHARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!"

. . .if Katharine gets voted off before Kellie Pickler? I will punch everyone in America in the face.

Good, that'll save me the trouble of doing the same.