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April 04, 2006

American Idol Recap

And, here we go:

Holy cripes, is that really Kenny Rogers? Did he wear a lot of eyeshadow once upon a long ago? Did I just forget what The Gambler looked like?

Anyway, on with the reviews:

• Taylor Hicks - *snore*

  And that's sad, because I like the guy. I think he's one of the most unique and talented people on the show. I also think he fell asleep while driving those country roads taking him home.

• Mandisa - girl can sing, for sure, but isn't one of the most basic rules of fashion that horizontal stripes make you look wider and vertical stripes make you look taller? Well, what the hell were they thinking? It's like she's sitting on, and singing from, the world's ugliest sofa. A dancing sofa at that.

  But girl can sing. Not that this was a very good song, regardless of whomever was singing it.

• Elliot - *snore* and what's with the vibrato on every single note he carries? He can sing, but he can also sing me to sleep.

  And what the hell is Randy smoking? Stupid, deaf weed?

• Paris - I'm still impressed beyond belief that a 7 year old can sing like that.

  Seriously, her original classic stuff remains my favorite from her, but this was pretty good. Randy and Paula are sniffing glue (which is hardly unexpected for Paula, but Randy?).

• Ace - I can never decide if his puppy-dog camera-eyes are faux sincerity or a serious need to poop a big poo, right there on stage.

  Oh, and - uh - *snore*.

  But, hey, dude can count to five.

• Kellie Pickler - she's got breasteseses. And she can sing. And boobs.

  Not that I think American Idol is all about boobs, because that would mean that Clay Aiken has a secret none of us know (other than the gay thing).

• Chris Daughtry - boring as all get out, but not awful, and it's a change from his "look at me, dude, I'm Creed" performances of the past 938 weeks.

• Katharine McPhee - oh, yummy. Yummy yummy yummy.

  I've got it - she looks like Jessica Alba crossed with Valerie Bertinelli.

  And she's by far the best of the night so far. And given that Bucky is next, I suspect she'll remain the best to the end. Oh yeah, and she's super-mega-special-hot.

  And I agree with Simon: country music sucks (well, modern country anyway).

• Bucky McHairstyle - Kenny says he should enunciate. What does he do? Starts out by muddling it all together in countrified gobble gobble, to the point that the wee Fiona was singing "pee pee poo poo" to the tune.

  I s'pose he saved it toward the end.
  

My vote: once again McPhee and Pickler in some sexy kind of wrestling thing for profit.

Update: Looks like Zombyboy is in the American Idol groove too.