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August 05, 2005

Let's Play Pretend!

Today, WorldNetDaily provides a fascinating article by Police Sgt. Samuel Blumenfeld, detailing how he want to a Walgreen's, bought a fake plastic badge, and then felt he knew everything there was to know about crime scene investigations.

Oh, oh, sorry - my mistake - that would be Dr. Samuel Blumenfeld, who got an honorary doctorate in law from that esteemed institute of higher education, Bob Jones University*, and then felt he knew everything there was to know about the science of evolution.

To wit (or nitwit, as in this instance):

Also, there is no factual basis to key tenets of evolutionary theory. The fossil record shows no intermediary forms of species development.

Dr. Blumenfeld, since I've read what an advocate of education you are, may I recommend some light reading?

The fossil record is replete with transitional forms, and to claim otherwise is indicative that one is, as I like to say, unintentionally ignorant or willfully stupid. Which is it, doc?

No scientist has been able to mate a dog with a donkey and get something in between.

OK, the safe money is now riding on "willfully stupid." People think I'm being over-the-top when I mock creationists as saying things like "I ain't never seen no fish turn in to no monkey!" I'm just being a realist (although, granted, even I am amazed that someone - especially with a "doctorate!" - would say something so idiotic).

But homeschoolers, although not affected by what the court forces on government schools, should know how to refute the fairy tale called the Theory of Evolution. Justice Brennan called it fact, which simply indicates the depth of his ignorance.

I think you have that back-ass-wards, Herr Doktor.

First, what exactly is the Theory of Evolution? For the answer, we must go to the source: Charles Darwin's "The Origin of Species," published in 1859.

Right, just like if you want to understand modern physics, you rush to grab a copy of Isaac Newton's Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica. Absolutely nothing has been learned in the last 350 years, not a thing.

Blumenfeld then goes on to attack this strawman as if he were Dorothy's little dog Toto (with a doctorate, no less) humping the Scarecrow's leg with wild abandon. Squeech squeech squeech squeech ahhhh, sweet release!

After a satisifed smoke, he moves on to praise Dembski's ID ideas with the same kind of insightful brilliance you've come to expect in the last 45 seconds:

Dembski proves that design is "empirically detectable," because we can observe it all around us. The birth of a child is a miracle of design. The habits of your household cat is a miracle of design.

Babies born with only half of their brain are miracles of design. OK, more like "half miracles," really.

Stillborn infants are God's precious little gifts, like puppies at Christmas, except someone forgot to poke an airhole in the box. Poor puppy. Jesus loves you!

All cats do the same things. These are the inherited characteristics of the species.

Clearly, doc, you're not a cat owner. We have two of them and they're no more alike than Laurel and Hardy.

Now, I'm not arguing that species don't have inherited characteristics because, well, that'd make me look as dumb as you looked with the fish/monkey comment. I'm more making the point, doc, that it's got poop all to do with your argument.

The idea that accident could create such complex behavior passed on to successive generations simply doesn't make sense. The complexity of design proves the existence of God.

Apparently in Dr. Blumenfeld's academically rigorous (and imaginary) doctorate program, they didn't touch on logical fallacies such as the argument from personal incredulity.

Intelligent Design is certainly proven by the fact that every living organism lives through a programmed cycle of birth, growth and, finally, death.

Yep, because nothing says "God made and loves us" like being shoved through a birth canal too small for our heads and finally ending up with the bulk of us dying from painful heart failure or the agony of cancer. Thanks again, G-dawg!

That very specific program is contained in the tiniest embryo at the time of conception. The embryo of a cow probably does not look any different from the embryo of a human being. But each has been programmed differently: one creates a cow, the other a human being.

Uh... yeah... it's called DNA. You might want to look it up sometime. Given that your science library apparently stops right around the original publication date of On the Origin of Species, you might have missed it. It's one of those pesky "scientific advances" you hear so much about (except from creationists).

But wait! It gets better!

In the case of the latter, that tiny embryo contains an incredibly complex biological program that causes the individual to be born, pass through infancy and childhood, develop into maturity, middle age, old age and, finally, death – a process that takes sometimes as much as a hundred years. How can an accident know what is going to happen 100 years after it has happened?

I don't even know where to begin with this one.

I suppose I'll now have to believe that invisible elves manipulate every gravitational effect we see; after all, how can a ball know to fall to the ground everytime I drop it? That's either one smart ball or here there be elves!

Yes, ladies and gents, this is the guy who is going around consulting on how to best educate our children. I'd laugh were it not so freaking sad.

But since Intelligent Design infers the existence of a designer – God – it is likely that evolutionists will resist any change in their views, since the acknowledgment of the existence of God is too nightmarish for them to contemplate.

Thank you, LaShawn. I never knew you were a white man! You look so... tan... on your blog!

Seriously though, Fake Doctor Blumenfeld, you are aware that there are plenty of evolutionists that are Christians, right? One would think that an educator might actually engage in picking up a book every now and again (maybe something by Dr.Kenneth Miller as a start). Learning's a beautiful thing, you know.

In closing, allow me to modify an earlier question I put to Dr. Blumenfeld:

Are you simply ignorant, willfully stupid, or utterly dishonest? It's one of the three.

* How cool must it be to be able to reply, when asked where you attend school, "Oh, BJ University." Sweet. Speaking as a man and previous recipient of said two-letter acts, I'm all in favor of opening a college to teach the art.