June 28, 2005

Close Encounters of the Non-existent Kind

Steven Speilberg is confused:

Oscar-winning director STEVEN SPIELBERG is baffled that fewer UFO sightings are made now than were made twenty years ago - because the technology to record would-be aliens is so commonplace today.

• Aliens aren't visiting us and all reports of UFOs have been hoaxes or misidentification of natural/manmade objects and events. It's also unlikely given the "youth" of intelligent life on our planet, the distance between stars, and that we see stars in all stages of life (some being born in the last several centuries, others dead for millennia), that the probability of the confluence of events necessary for a visit in the current blink of an astronomical eye is virtually nil.

• Aliens were visiting us, but caught an episode of Britney's reality show, "Chaotic," and decided they were wasting their time. They initially thought this when they saw "Full House" and "Family Matters" in the 80s and 90s, but decided to give us one more go. Our loss, because they were bringing us the cure for all diseases!