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September 15, 2004

Doubting Tonto

Look, if so many Christians can - somehow - still believe in a global flood and a big boat full of animals that are on their best behavior, that don't need to eat, and most certainly don't poop, then does anyone really think that this is going to make a dent in Mormonism?

In Losing a Lost Tribe: Native Americans, DNA, and the Mormon Church (Signature Books), research scientist Simon G. Southerton of Canberra, Australia, notes that none of the nearly 7,500 DNA-tested Native Americans shows any link to ancient Israel. More than 99 percent show an Asian heritage. The Book of Mormon, however, says that Israelites emigrated to the Americas 2,600 years ago, with the now-extinct Lamanites and Nephites becoming the ancestors of American Indians.

Granted, there will be a few people who are able to disengage their dogma and come to see the Crock of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Scams for what it is: a load of hooey (just like Catholicism, Judaism, Protestantism, Islam, Moonism, Heaven's Gateism, yada yada yada insert name of religion slash cult slash poppycock here).

However, the bulk of the Church shall hold Steve Perry on high, singin' "Don't Stop Believin'.

Staunch apologists of the faith deny that science disproves the faith's principal scripture.

Disproves? No, but it does sort of reduce the origins tale from one of a mass exodus to just the story of a single homely Israeli who found his way to the Americas, couldn't land any of the native chicks, and died without progeny.

And then somehow the story just built up around him.

You know, just like with other religions.

FARMS founder John W. Welch said such opposition has been circulating for nearly a century. "The DNA factor is just one more indication that people came from various places in the world," Welch said. "This is just one more piece in a very big and complicated and obscure archaeological and anthropological picture."

When the puzzle is complete, Mr. Welch, I'm willing to bet a million dollars that it won't be a picture of a smiling Joseph Smith.

"The Book of Mormon never claimed to be an exclusive account of people of the Americas," said Daniel C. Peterson, editor of The FARMS Review.

The Book of Mormon also doesn't claim to be a big pile of supernatural doo doo either, but...

Yes, my very brief hiatus is apparently over.