April 07, 2004

You Must Not Vote for this MAN

Voting is more than a right- it is an obligation. It is the cornerstone of our world, the sole proviso of our founders that distances us from Third World despotism. It is not to be taken lightly.

Ordinarily I would think that a person's vote is as sacred and private as their religious beliefs, but when I see a travesty like the one that is happening today when people attempt to assuage their consciences and their simplistic moralities by voting for the person who they feel exemplifies the ideals and norms of a Golden Era that never existed save in the televised black and white mythologies of our collective video subconscious while ignoring the obviously more qualified and worthy candidates, I cannot keep silent without feeling that I have abandoned all principals.

America, you simply cannot vote for this man.

John Stevens is NOT WORTHY to be the next American Idol! It cannot happen. He is not good enough, he is not strong enough, he will not bring back the Rat Pack and restore them to the right hand of Elvis. It will not happen.

LaToya has ten times his range, twenty times his charisma, thirty times his dancing talent, and yet it was she, not the Bastard-of-Conan, who was reprieved last week by the narrowest of margins... WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! Her rendition of Ain't Goin' Down til the Sun Comes Up did for Garth Brooks what Tina Turner did for CCR, while John's cut of My Girl did for The Temptations what Ike did to Tina. (As for Crocodile Rock- John, me boogie, there's a difference in taking a risk and going on a suicide mission- you'd have embarassed yourself less had you gyrated in a thong to The Bitch is Back).

For that matter, why wasn't Jon Peter "The Singing Hobbit" Lewis in the loser triumvirate? Or Diana, the vanilla syrup nymph who could walk unnoticed into the midst of any convention of Nick Lachey fangirls and whose rendition of I'm Still Standing sounded as sincere and hearfelt as a painted and permed four year old warbling What I Did For Love in the Little Miss Terre Haute Pageant?

Tis racism, and nothing more. Put it behind you and let not LaToya down. She must persevere over he who would be Tony Bennett, or else Rosa Parks died on the Underground Railroad in vain for nothing.