« The Falling Man | Main | 9/11 »

September 10, 2003

Awww, Po' Widdle Telemarketers

The American Teleservices Association is all upset and going to cry about a Dave Barry prank:

Encouraging readers to call the ATA ''to tell them what you think'' about the group's telemarketer members, Barry included the organization's toll-free phone number in his column titled Ask not what telemarketers can do to you .

Readers of the column, published weekly in about 500 newspapers across the country, took Barry up on his suggestion. They called. And called. And 10 days later, they're still calling.

Turnabout, fair play, yada yada yada. I imagine they aren't really enjoying getting unsolicited calls (at least none of them are probably sitting down to dinner in the office when the phone rings).

''It's in the few thousand,'' said Tim Searcy, executive director of the ATA, who was straining to take the matter lightly. ``It's difficult not to see some malice in Mr. Barry's intent.''

No, Mr. Searcy, only an idiot would be unable to see malice in Barry's intent, and only a bigger idiot would wonder why such malice might exist in the first place. But then again, any company that calls me at 8pm on a weeknight to try to sell me an item I don't need, want, or have any interest in is a pretty sizeable idiot to start. Color me not surprised that you're among this group.

The ATA has filed legal challenges to the Do Not Call list, which now has more than 40 million phone numbers of people who want to avoid telemarketers' sales pitches. The ATA argues that the list violates telemarketers' First Amendment rights.

Nah, the government is simply doing what it should do - protecting my property from the abuse of others. I pay for my phone service. I pay for the phone into which those twisted copper pairs run. You have no right to send your data across any of my property without my consent. Since you fail to respect my property and my unwillingness to deal with you, the government has stepped in, as it should. Consider it a really big No Trespassing sign that even you simpletons can read.

Your industry brought this on itself with its utter disrespect for the property of others.

Searcy said Barry's prank will be costly because the association must pay for the toll-free calls and for the staff member who spends hours sorting through the recorded messages.

Awww, cry me a river and I'll play the world's tiniest violin for you. Hell, Dave, do it again next week. And the week after.

Found here.