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June 22, 2003

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

Usually, that is. It might even hold true in this instance if, rather than a 6-foot tall wood fence, my neighbor's home was enclosed in a 60's high-tech Cone of Silence. However, it apparently isn't to be.

So, a bit of advice for those of you looking to be good neighbors:

• If you plan to have a party with live music, make sure you get a permit.

• Once you have your permit in hand, politely inform your neighbors (a flyer on the door would do) of your plans to have this party. Trust me, with a little forewarning, they won't be wishing for your death as they hide in their basements from the ruckus you're creating.

• If your party happens to be a mid-life crisis backyard bash (as indicated by the huge birthday banner and the plastic vultures on the front law - oh ho ho, how that joke never gets old!), hire a band that does something other than play lame covers of songs from your youth. Apparently the only songs that existed for this individual were "Brown Eyed Girl" and "Proud Mary."

• Hire a band that, after each song, doesn't have to say "Thanks for that - how's everyone doing out there?" Crickets. "Hey, alright, thanks again!"

And most importantly, invite your neighbors - otherwise they will sit at home and blog about you with smug self-satisfaction. That'll show you.