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June 18, 2003

It Must Be Drugs, Drugs, Drugs...

Natural selection is on the job in the Prairie State:

An Illinois man has been sentenced to 10 years in prison for a crash that killed his girlfriend while they were having sex behind the wheel.

Sonny Morris El was convicted of aggravated driving while under the influence of drugs in the January 2002 crash that killed 25-year-old Kristina Valerio. He was acquitted of reckless homicide.

Tests showed the 32-year-old Morris El had marijuana in his system when his car crossed the center line and collided with a tractor trailer.

Yep, it must have been that evil marijuana that caused the accident, and not the fact that his girlfriend's rising and falling body, her breaths growing more rapid and shallow, her head tossed back in wild abandon as their passion came to a screaming crescendo, and - uh, anyway, I think she was in the way.

And so was that truck.

In another example of not placing blame where it belongs, we have this:

Teens Listened to 'Helter Skelter' Before Killing Boy

Note, the headline doesn't stress that four teens conspired to kill, and did kill, another teen - that they lured him to a vacant lot - that they broke all but one bone in his face. No, the real story here is that they listened to a Beatles song.

You just knew nothing good could come of those long-haired British weirdos, didn't you?