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May 29, 2003

Get Your Teen Freak On

Uh oh - the conservatives aren't going to like this one bit:

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Teenagers at high schools where condoms were available were no more likely to have sex than other teens, a study published Wednesday finds.

Of course, this was common knowledge to people who understand their own sexuality and remember what it was like to be full of raging hormones. The kids who are going to have sex are, well, going to have sex - and no virginal sweetheart is going to suddenly say "C'mon boys, sex me up somethin' good!" just because there's a condom in the nurse's office.

Some conservative groups have staunchly opposed such programs, saying they send the wrong message and in effect encourage and enable teens to have sex before marriage.

Because we all know that teens can't have sex unless they have condoms. That's right - the male penis doesn't work properly unless it's covered in a sheath of latex, and the female vagina automatically punishes any uncovered fleshy intruders with the very sharp teeth that girls have down there*. Fascinating stuff, this right-wing "science."

* If we just told boys a line like that, they'd never be willing to have sex. See, sometimes the solution is so simple that we overlook it.