May 24, 2003

If Washington Post hands you lemons...

then get an endorsement deal from Minute Maid.

The thriving desertropolis of Battle Mountain, Nevada, was voted "Armpit of America" by Gene Weingarten in last year's Washington's Post. Rather than send suicide bombers to the paper's headquarters like some desert dwelling people would have done, they're having a $75,000 celebration underwritten by Old Spice underarm deodorant.

Not a big story, but I have to admire both the city pit-hairs and the company for their sense of humor. It also makes me think that Gene Weingarten must not be that widely travelled. It's also a bit galling that somebody from Washington, D.C., would point fingers at any city's shortcomings.

My votes for armpit of America would have been

Mapplesville, AL- have I ever mentioned my "seen that tire in the road" experience there? If you're ever in the mood for a 20 page indictment of a tiny town and it's people lemme know

Talbotton, GA- where I spent an interesting hour in trying to find out where the store that launched the fortunes of Isidor & Ida Strauss

Shamrock, TX- where a waitress expressed wonder and confusion that the ice in my tea melted (long story)

Deerfield, NH- where I saw people take aim at whitetrash kids playing by the side of the road but the local video store owner HAD to have been an FBI relocation guy because he was way too New York Italian and way too intelligent to have ended up there by chance

Billingsley, AL- where I loved spending weekends with my grandfather (the late great Mustang Golson) but a place that makes Whistle Stop look like 1930s Berlin.

Of course the small but extant romantic side of me is still convinced that somewhere there really is a Cicely, Alaska, and one day I'll find it. Hopefully it'll be on a day when Chris is out of town and Maurice is wanting to talk about both handguns and showtunes.