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April 07, 2003

What would Jesus do?

I'm fond of the phrase "lying for the Lord" - it's generally how I describe the actions of charlatans like Benny Hinn or the half-truths of people like James Dobson. This, however, beats all of them:

CAMP BUSHMASTER, Iraq - In this dry desert world near Najaf, where the Army V Corps combat support system sprawls across miles of scabrous dust, there's an oasis of sorts: a 500-gallon pool of pristine, cool water.

It belongs to Army chaplain Josh Llano of Houston, who sees the water shortage, which has kept thousands of filthy soldiers from bathing for weeks, as an opportunity.

''It's simple. They want water. I have it, as long as they agree to get baptized,'' he said.

Any self-respecting Christian should be disgusted by such a con-job. I imagine the ones that aren't offended by it are the same type that find Pascal's wager a convincing reason to believe (as if God couldn't see you were just hedging your bets).

It's even sadder that chaplain Llano thinks he is actually converting people - they just want a goddamn bath, and after a month in the desert I'd tell you I believe the Iraqi Information Minister if it meant I got access to clean water.

Earlier this week, word went out that portable showers might be installed here soon, but Llano was undaunted.

''There is no fruit out here, and I have a stash of raisins, juice boxes and fruit rolls to pull out,'' the chaplain said optimistically.

When the Word of God just won't do, Fruit Roll-ups will. If only Yahweh had known that, he could have spared us 2000 years of religious wars and forced conversions.

Thanks to Zuly for the link.