JEFFERSON TOWNSHIP, New Jersey (AP) — A piece of artillery that was apparently misfired by the military crashed through the roof of a New Jersey home miles away Friday and injured a young girl’s cat, which had to be euthanized, officials said.
“Apparently misfired.”
Does anyone really think maybe they were aiming for the kid’s cat after all?
Take that, evil atheist Nazi evolutionalistic people!
A fossil animal locked in Lebanese limestone has been shown to be an extremely precious discovery - a snake with two legs.
Of course, some are not convinced:
Current evidence suggests that snakes started to emerge less than 150 million years ago.
Two theories compete. One points to a land origin in which lizards started to burrow, and as they adapted to their subterranean existence, their legs were reduced and lost - first the forelimbs and then the hind-limbs.
The second theory considers the origin to be in water, from marine reptiles.
Uh, hello, pardon me, but what about a third theory:
God did it!
That’s right, after Adam and Eve ate the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, God punished the snake by taking away his legs. And He took millions of years to do it, because God doesn’t work on our schedule, He works according to His own plan.
As soon as you’re capable of living for millions of years like that, then maybe you’ll have room to talk and spout your “science” theories as the Truth.
I won’t hold my breath.
(I swear, being a creationist must be so easy - this idiocy practically writes itself!)
That’s right: silly, harmless.
A Waukegan mother claimed her 6-year-old daughter attacked her with a butcher knife because the petite kindergartner was possessed by a demon, Lake County authorities said Tuesday.
Nelly Vazquez-Salazar insisted to investigators that she was defending herself when she fatally slashed and stabbed her 51-pound daughter, Evelyn, whom she had grown concerned about in recent months because the girl had started sleepwalking, authorities said…
The little girl was found slain about 4:40 a.m. Monday after Vazquez-Salazar went to a neighbor’s apartment and told them she thought she had killed her daughter.
A bloody butcher knife was found next to the girl, as was a framed religious picture that included St. Joseph, Mary and Jesus Christ, Scheller said. The faces of all three figures had been stabbed, he said.
Sigh.
I really do.
That’s right, it’s the final eight on 04/08/2008, and if you multiply the 2 in 2008 times the 4 in 04, you get 08 (bear with me), leading to the final eight on 08/08/2008. It’s a first in American Idol history: time travel!
Huzzah!
On with the show.
Hey, look, there’s Randy, Paula, Paula’s ridiculous cleavage for a woman her age, and Simon.
First up, Michael Johns , who may or may not have a surname indicating where he was conceived, performing Aerosmith’s “Dream On.” It was more about the orchestral presence than any originality, if you ask me. Which you did not. But you’re here, so too bad.
Did Paula just say her chihuahuas will join him on stage? I suppose since they’re already leaping out of her top, they might as well. Yap! Yap!
Syesha Mercado, whose last name means “SuperTarget,” is singing a song by a previous Idol, which is either a lame bit of coattail riding or absolute genius that will pay off in the end. Either way, all this song needs is a huge gospel choir in the back and then a huge chunk of syrup-covered cheese falls on Syesha.
Number three (better than going number two, that will be his tagline, and I think it will help sell millions): Jason Castro.
Perhaps “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” that boy will find his balls again.
In the meantime, yes, I know, he’s pretty.
Randy’s on crack. Paula is about to unleash her chihuahuas again. Simon is holding the collar of the chihuahuas as they bound across the stage.
Note: Zombyboy is blogging it too.
Note 2: Do the makers of that Meatloaf commercial not realize the next line is ‘So now I’m praying for the end of time / to hurry up and arrive?”
Continuing with the show… Kristy Lee Cook… is hot. Someone send Paula’s chihuahuas to the pound and liberate Kristy’s puppies, would you?
Yeah, I’m classy. We’ve been over this.
Now she’s singing some song I don’t know. But that’s pretty common these days.
It might be Martina McBride, but it feels like a Lee Greenwood song, doesn’t it? Where are the fireworks and flags and eagles soaring proudly above the crowd?
But girl can sing and girl is hot. And Lee Greenwood is not.
And, I could be wrong, but did she just blow me a big kiss? I think she did. She must read the blog. Oh my goodness, I’m all giddy now!
David Cook is up, sporting a beard he’s been trying to grow since he was 13, singing (or nasally belching forth, it sounds like) “Innocent” by Our Lady Peace. Lord almighty, what was he doing for the first part of that song? Showing how someone with sleep apnea would sing it?
It got better, but not much.
Across the country, millions of tweeners are saying “WTF?”
Randy calls it. Paula talks about David’s package. Simon agrees with Randy. Paula points out the spontaneously-planned promotion of the American Idol charity show on David’s palm.
Carly Smithson is up.
Initial observation: nice pants. Let that show go on, awww yeah.
And Randy’s dog pound is missin’ some Irish wolfhounds, I think.
Ahhrrrroooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Getting close to the end of the show. Here comes David Archuletta, who is stumbling over his words with Ryan like he’s talking to a girl for the first time. Remember, girls , no matter how much you bounce and yell and cheer and cry, your boobies are forever invisible to Archuletta’s eye.
(Note: not confirmed, pure speculation, don’t sue me).
Wait, dude chose “Angels” for its power and message? This could be beyond speculation now.
That said, I think he’s en route to victory the way it’s going.
Randy likes it. Paula wishes David was more manly so she could turn her chihuahuas lose upon his youthful libido. Simon’s on board too.
After the break, it’s Brooke White, who obviously drew the “who goes after Archuletta?” short straw.
And who also apparently got the last dress left on the rack.
And, uh… hmmm… it’s a nice song and she’s pretty and the guy on piano looks like Randy’s twin brother, Liam. Bet you didn’t know he had a twin brother named Liam, did you? Honest, I don’t make this stuff up.
Or, wait, maybe Liam is sitting in Randy’s chair… I’m all confused now! Evil twins, dawg!
That’s that, and we’ll see you next week unless I get a better offer.
Ah, the memories of songs like “Camping on Acid” from my college days:
It pays better, sure, but money can’t buy you happiness or love (no matter what Spitzer says).
OK, maybe the happiness part it can, but not love.
Thieves Pilfer $24,000 Worth Of Beer In Wis.
Talk about a beer binge: Authorities are searching for three men who stole about $24,000 worth of beer from a trucking company south of Milwaukee…
They were trying to hook a trailer full of Miller Brewing Co. beer to the tractors when they were interrupted. The men then fled, taking a different tractor-trailer rig full of Miller beer, and a semi tractor with no load.
Miller?
I thought the headline said they stole beer.
We shouldn’t seek to punish these men; we should reward them for sparing that nasty brewer’s spew from being inflicted upon the population.
License plate I saw today:
EDUKATR
I’m hoping they were aiming for irony.
It used to be that porn lead the development of new internet technologies; now it’s particle physics.
THE internet could soon be made obsolete. The scientists who pioneered it have now built a lightning-fast replacement capable of downloading entire feature films within seconds.
At speeds about 10,000 times faster than a typical broadband connection, “the grid†will be able to send the entire Rolling Stones back catalogue from Britain to Japan in less than two seconds.
The latest spin-off from Cern, the particle physics centre that created the web, the grid could also provide the kind of power needed to transmit holographic images; allow instant online gaming with hundreds of thousands of players; and offer high-definition video telephony for the price of a local call.
David Britton, professor of physics at Glasgow University and a leading figure in the grid project, believes grid technologies could “revolutionise†society. “With this kind of computing power, future generations will have the ability to collaborate and communicate in ways older people like me cannot even imagine,†he said.
Breaking news: The RIAA is crapping themselves right about now (or will be in about 10 years, when they once again drag their feet on adapting to new technologies and then blame the consumer for their own industry’s shortcomings).
