American Idol, Live Recap, April 22, 2008

Hey, welcome back.

The final six will be taking on selected works of Andrew Lloyd Webber, famous for his grills (and who knew he wrote music too?).

Syesha Mercado is singing “One Rock n’ Roll Too Many,” a song I don’t think I have ever heard, and quite possibly have misspelled in some fashion.

Wow, who knew those yabos and twisty hips were hiding under there all this time? Listen, dog, that’s hot. And the singing wasn’t half-bad either; a very solid performance.

The judges agreed, and Paula almost got cut off in mid-sentence, but the cruel fates decided to go back to her so she could finish.

Aside: Why is Johnny-5 playing a cartoon robot named Wall*E in that new Disney movie?

Up next is Jason Castro, who thought really hard about washing his hair for tonight’s show, but then decided against it, singing “Memory.”

Well, it was… uh… a sickly sweet performance, and not enough to top Syesha at all. Randy didn’t dig it, y’all. Paula at least started out without saying he looked nice, but then Randy did. Simon calls it.

Aside 2: Netflix confirms that “Cloverfield” shipped to us today. Nifty!

Contestant number three of the night is Brooke White singing “You Must Love Me.” But not before getting ripped a second anus by Webber for not understanding the motivation behind the song. And, uh, not before screwing up the start of the song. Probably that second anus was kind of itchy or something.

All of that out of the way, not a terribly shabby performance for a chick with two hiney holes. I agree with Simon that stopping and then starting was the right thing to do… so does Randy, once again proving that Paula is a schlub.

David Archuleta will be taking on “Think of Me.” Andrew Lloyd Webber (named after Christopher Lloyd), indicates this was a song written for a woman, a diva, and – well – it sure seems like the right girl chose it tonight. Huzzah.

Now, for the performance… first observation: how quickly he forgot the two lessons he was taught (one for each eye). Second observation: this kid is so gonna win this thing. Somebody put on some Spice Girls, ’cause we need some girl power, y’all!

Third observation: wow, Paul Stanley looks… uh…. hmmm. Um, yeah, OK.

After the break, Carly Smithson. Did Andrew Lloyd Webber say she had a big chest? And does anyone else notice how her accent goes between Dubliner and Valley Girl on a whim? And does this song start off like the theme for “The Rockford Files” or what?

And, uh, that dress? Sure, it’s short, but what good is that when I’ve gouged out my eyes to avoid looking at it?

The performance was big and loud and generally good.

David Cook, who had some MP3s available on Amazon.com until he got the AI smackdown put on him, is singing “The Music of the Night.”

OK, fine, maybe he beats little Ms. Archuleta after all. And Paula loves his beautiful instrument. Which would be hot, if it weren’t Paula.

But now it’s time for some Ramsay action in the kitchen. See ya!

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