That’s right, it’s the final eight on 04/08/2008, and if you multiply the 2 in 2008 times the 4 in 04, you get 08 (bear with me), leading to the final eight on 08/08/2008. It’s a first in American Idol history: time travel!
On with the show.
Hey, look, there’s Randy, Paula, Paula’s ridiculous cleavage for a woman her age, and Simon.
First up, Michael Johns , who may or may not have a surname indicating where he was conceived, performing Aerosmith’s “Dream On.” It was more about the orchestral presence than any originality, if you ask me. Which you did not. But you’re here, so too bad.
Did Paula just say her chihuahuas will join him on stage? I suppose since they’re already leaping out of her top, they might as well. Yap! Yap!
Syesha Mercado, whose last name means “SuperTarget,” is singing a song by a previous Idol, which is either a lame bit of coattail riding or absolute genius that will pay off in the end. Either way, all this song needs is a huge gospel choir in the back and then a huge chunk of syrup-covered cheese falls on Syesha.
Number three (better than going number two, that will be his tagline, and I think it will help sell millions): Jason Castro.
Perhaps “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” that boy will find his balls again.
In the meantime, yes, I know, he’s pretty.
Randy’s on crack. Paula is about to unleash her chihuahuas again. Simon is holding the collar of the chihuahuas as they bound across the stage.
Note: Zombyboy is blogging it too.
Note 2: Do the makers of that Meatloaf commercial not realize the next line is ‘So now I’m praying for the end of time / to hurry up and arrive?”
Continuing with the show… Kristy Lee Cook… is hot. Someone send Paula’s chihuahuas to the pound and liberate Kristy’s puppies, would you?
Yeah, I’m classy. We’ve been over this.
Now she’s singing some song I don’t know. But that’s pretty common these days.
It might be Martina McBride, but it feels like a Lee Greenwood song, doesn’t it? Where are the fireworks and flags and eagles soaring proudly above the crowd?
But girl can sing and girl is hot. And Lee Greenwood is not.
And, I could be wrong, but did she just blow me a big kiss? I think she did. She must read the blog. Oh my goodness, I’m all giddy now!
David Cook is up, sporting a beard he’s been trying to grow since he was 13, singing (or nasally belching forth, it sounds like) “Innocent” by Our Lady Peace. Lord almighty, what was he doing for the first part of that song? Showing how someone with sleep apnea would sing it?
It got better, but not much.
Across the country, millions of tweeners are saying “WTF?”
Randy calls it. Paula talks about David’s package. Simon agrees with Randy. Paula points out the spontaneously-planned promotion of the American Idol charity show on David’s palm.
Carly Smithson is up.
Initial observation: nice pants. Let that show go on, awww yeah.
And Randy’s dog pound is missin’ some Irish wolfhounds, I think.
Getting close to the end of the show. Here comes David Archuletta, who is stumbling over his words with Ryan like he’s talking to a girl for the first time. Remember, girls , no matter how much you bounce and yell and cheer and cry, your boobies are forever invisible to Archuletta’s eye.
(Note: not confirmed, pure speculation, don’t sue me).
Wait, dude chose “Angels” for its power and message? This could be beyond speculation now.
That said, I think he’s en route to victory the way it’s going.
Randy likes it. Paula wishes David was more manly so she could turn her chihuahuas lose upon his youthful libido. Simon’s on board too.
After the break, it’s Brooke White, who obviously drew the “who goes after Archuletta?” short straw.
And who also apparently got the last dress left on the rack.
And, uh… hmmm… it’s a nice song and she’s pretty and the guy on piano looks like Randy’s twin brother, Liam. Bet you didn’t know he had a twin brother named Liam, did you? Honest, I don’t make this stuff up.
Or, wait, maybe Liam is sitting in Randy’s chair… I’m all confused now! Evil twins, dawg!
That’s that, and we’ll see you next week unless I get a better offer.