New Age Marketing Genius!

Wow:

The Nexus Journey Stone is one of the most innovative tools for self-improvement available anywhere. It looks really cool (your very own rollie poly little alien friend).

Because the first step in self-improvement is to wear a cheap, useless stone amulet that some guy selling it says “looks really cool.” And, no, honey, those pants don’t make you look fat.

The process is unique and simple. All you do is wear the amulet and let the energy of the stone connect you with the Oracle. You will connect in your own time, in your own way. Until you decide to make the connection, you can have a lot of fun just wearing the darn thing and enjoying how good and alive you feel. You will become a more positive person and a stronger and happier one too.

Wow, that’s amazing! How does this wondrous magic happen? I wonder, what with it being so wondrous!

The Journey Stone vibrates at a high, very healing, frequency. You raise your own personal energy vibration to match it by holding or wearing the amulet and focusing on the energy. Then you just be still and listen.

Can you imagine if the Journey Stone vibrated at the all-too-common, low, tissue-damaging frequency? Why, no one would buy the thing! Haven’t we all had enough of rocks that vibrate in such a way that they kill us?

The Nexus Journey Stone is a truly inspiring meditation tool that can take you to places you’ve never been before and show you the larger reality in which you exist. You can wear it as often as you want.

As opposed to those lifeless rocks you can only wear on Tuesdays, I guess.

You are the guiding intelligence for matters that pertain to yourself. By working with the Journey Stone you begin to tune in to yourself at the “being” level. And when you’re there, the answers just come to you – naturally.

I believe most of us call this exciting process “thinking.” And I’ve been doing it for 36 years without the benefit of the Journey Stone. I must be a truly gifted soul!

Which is a good thing, because…

One of the most unique and wonderful things about the Nexus Journey Stone is that I cannot tell you how to use it.

“Unique.”

“Wonderful.”

“Instructions not included.”

What is this, “The Greatest American Hero?”

I simply must know: are people stupid enough to buy this crap?

6 Responses to “New Age Marketing Genius!”

  1. Kaf Says:

    Looks like they’re hocking an expensive pet rock, but one with the Age of Aquarius timestamped on it. It’s pure genius!*

    *Sarcasm.

  2. wheels Says:

    I’m sure that there are some people dumb enough to buy this. There are probably others who’ll buy it with a sense of supercilious irony. I just couldn’t feel right about myself if I tried to sell something like this, though.

    I used to tell people I could never make it in Sales and Marketing because I had to much respect for the innate dignity of my fellow human beings. The longer I live, though, the less I can think of that as a justified reason.

  3. Walter Says:

    This could be pretty cool. Any other hand-held sized thingie I can think of that vibrates requires batteries. Battery free would be nifty.

  4. The Retropolitan Says:

    I want a New Age rock tumbler.

    Also, I have BF2142.

  5. Sean Says:

    Where do you find this shit? I’d have no problem selling it. Andy, you write the copy, I’ll go find some rocks in the woods.

  6. Diana Says:

    I think I’m gonna get one of these….it vibrates, fer Christssake.

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