Archive for January, 2008

Did Sean Connery Kidnap Madeleine McCann?

Sunday, January 20th, 2008

…this sketch of a possible suspect points that way!

(Or, well, not, but I found the resemblance something worthy of a post, for some reason).

(I’m still not convinced the parents didn’t play a role, but that’s what the police and courts are for, so there you go).

(O.J. is innocent!)

Like Sam the Butcher Bringing Alice the Meat

Saturday, January 19th, 2008

Allan Melvin (whose name I never really knew until today) has died:

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) — Allan Melvin, a character actor best known for playing Sam the Butcher on “The Brady Bunch,” has died. He was 84.

Melvin died of cancer Thursday at his home in the Brentwood section of Los Angeles, said Amalia Melvin, his wife of 64 years.

The jowly, jovial Melvin spent decades playing a series of sidekicks, second bananas and lovable lugs, including Archie Bunker’s friend Barney Hefner on “All in the Family,” and Sgt. Bilko’s right-hand man Cpl. Henshaw on the “Phil Silvers Show.”

But his place in pop culture will be fixed as butcher and bowler Sam Franklin, the love interest of Brady family maid Alice Nelson, who was played by Ann B. Davis. Melvin played the role from 1970 to 1973.

Wow, only until 1973? I guess therein lies the magic of re-runs way back when on SuperStation WTBS, as I remember the character quite clearly (and I was just a wee lad of 2 in 1973).

Personally, I believe that much like the Poltergeist curse, this is all a result of messing with that damned Hawiian Tiki god idol!

American Idol 2008, Episode Dallas, Live Recap

Wednesday, January 16th, 2008

…here we go with night two of American Idol, Season 7. Tonight the judges are in Dallas, a city most well-known for competing with Houston for ugliest, sprawling metropolis in the United States.

Quite frankly, I just don’t have it in me to spend the next two hours writing about (a) complete failures of human evolution, (b) hotties hotties hotties, and (c) watching Paula try to squirm her way out of telling some poor soul that their life’s ambition to be a famous singer is a really, really dumb dream to hold.

Oh, please, baby, don’t look at me like that. It’s not you. It’s me.

Update: Jessica Brown = hot. Especially for a former meth-head. She could have ended up being part of Faces of Meth; instead, her kiss, her kiss, is on my list.

OK, so maybe I’ll just chime in from time to time. I’m all about being a value-added contributor to the mythos of Idol.

Bruce… hey, I’m ok with the “sex until marriage” thing. That’s cool, uh, for you, I guess. But never kissing a girl? That’s just… hmmm. You’re coming out to your folks when?

Kady Malloy – I think we have our fourth American Idol winner in only two days! Who would have thunk it?

American Idol 2008, Episode 1, Live Recap

Tuesday, January 15th, 2008

…will begin whenever American Idol starts sometime tonight.

Yes, once again, this site will be your number one source for all sorts of utterly thrilling commentary about the American Idol contestants, with the much-loved undeniably true trivia and factoids about same.

Here’s hoping this year brings us a bumper crop of Katharine McPhee “yellow dress moments.”

Sigh.

And so it begins…

(more…)

Jesus Built My Hotrod Flying Saucer

Tuesday, January 15th, 2008

The sweet, sweet voice of calm and reason is alive and kickin’ it in Texas:

STEPHENVILLE, Texas (AP) — In this farming community where nightfall usually brings clear, starry skies, residents are abuzz over reported sightings of what many believe is a UFO…

“People wonder what in the world it is because this is the Bible Belt, and everyone is afraid it’s the end of times,” said Steve Allen, a freight company owner and pilot who said the object he saw last week was a mile long and half a mile wide. “It was positively, absolutely nothing from these parts.”

Well, duh, unless it was a flying tractor or pick-up with ridiculously large tires, how could it be?

As for it being a sign of Biblical end times, I guess I must have missed the “Book of St. Predator to the Cat from Outer Space” in my copy of the Bible.

Update: The excitement continues as more details come in about the UFO sighting:

Pilot Steve Allen saw the object when he was out clearing brush off a hilltop near the town of Silden. Allen described the unidentified object as being an enormous aircraft with flashing strobe lights — and it was totally silent…

The veteran pilot said the UFO, an estimated half-mile wide and a mile long, was “bigger than a Wal-Mart.”

Bigger. Than. A. Wal-Mart.

That there’s purty dang big, y’all!

All we need now is a report that it landed on the outskirts of a trailer park and aliens carrying Miller Genuine Draft streamed out.

So, Where Do We Put the Bits About Stoning?

Tuesday, January 15th, 2008

Republican Presidential contender Mike “Me and Jesus” Huckabee wants The Constitution of the United States of America to read more like his Holy Bible:

The United States Constitution never uses the word “God” or makes mention of any religion, drawing its sole authority from “We the People.” However, Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee thinks it’s time to put an end to that.

“I have opponents in this race who do not want to change the Constitution,” Huckabee told a Michigan audience on Monday. “But I believe it’s a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living god. And that’s what we need to do — to amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards rather than try to change God’s standards so it lines up with some contemporary view.”

Wow, I bet some people of color are going to be pissed that Huckabee wants them to go back to obeying their masters. You know, rather than “some contemporary view” that they are people too.

Maybe that’s why they tend to vote for Democrats.

(found via PZ Myers)

Schroedinger’s Murderer

Sunday, January 13th, 2008

Wow, nothing gets past the crack reporters at CNN!

From the front page of the CNN website:

The suspect in the death of a pregnant Marine may be heading to Texas — or somewhere else.

Well, that about covers it. At least they won’t have to print a retraction.

I Can’t Believe iTunes Doesn’t Have This Yet!

Friday, January 11th, 2008

I’m not usually one to lavish copious quantities of effusive praise upon bands or albums or songs, but in this instance I feel I have to make an exception. I’ve never heard anything quite like this.

African American National Biography Project album coverAfrican American National Biography Project is, I can almost promise, the best band of which you have never heard.

And, as luck would have it, their newest album, “Sucked Into Jet Engines” is quite possibly the least listened to piece of sonic joy and goodness of 2008 (yes, I know, we’re only a couple weeks in, but I have a gut feeling about this one).

Formed in 2006 by four ambitious African American men and one woman of unclear Asian descent (all from Iowa), AANBP has recently been playing to standing room only crowds across the greater Des Moines metropolitan area.

Critics have praised their unique sound as “ephemeral,” “effervescent,” and “a rock your nads right off hybrid of old school and back to the future with a bit of Touched by an Angel. Booyah. Can’t touch this.”

No faint praise, that.

The band consists of Gary Turner (vocals, yodels), Eugene Henderson (guitar, e-bow), Larry Stevens (bass, honky tonk piano, didgeridoo), Bruce Thompson (drums, screeches, bellyaching), and Changchang Cheung (sowing discord among band members).

Be sure to check out the other acts on their record label, such as:

Pormestarin Tytaer
Factsheet Five
Hoplite
Robin Byrd
The Oval

Curious what the hell this is all about? Check out Factsheet Five for where this round began, but here’s the scoop:

How to Play:

  1. Go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random – The first article title on the page is the name of your band.
  2. Click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3 – The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.
  3. Visit http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/ – The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
  4. Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together, and post the result. And then ask someone else to play.

So, if anyone else wants to play, be my guest – let me know and I’ll link you up.

Silly, Harmless Beliefs – A Continuing Series, Part 1034

Wednesday, January 9th, 2008

Fresh from the “New Reasons to Type with One Hand” Department:

HAYDEN, Idaho (AP) — A man who believed he bore the biblical “mark of the beast” used a circular saw to cut off one hand, then he cooked it in the microwave and called 911, authorities said.

The man, in his mid-20s, was calm when Kootenai County sheriff’s deputies arrived Saturday. He was in protective custody in the mental health unit of Kootenai Medical Center.

“It had been somewhat cooked by the time the deputy arrived,” sheriff’s Capt. Ben Wolfinger said. “He put a tourniquet on his arm before, so he didn’t bleed to death. That kind of mental illness is just sad.”

Just remember: modern Christians believe the Bible is the true word of God, until someone has the audacity to claim it’s about them specifically. Then it’s “mental illness.”

Oh ye of little faith!

Maybe Next He Can Recommend Victims Read “The Secret”

Sunday, January 6th, 2008

Continuing the Catholic Church’s brave, introspective, and soul-searching battle to fight sexual abuse of minors by clergy, the Pope has advocated that the Church move beyond the earlier bold and daring coloring book initiative.

VATICAN CITY — Pope Benedict XVI has called on Roman Catholics to pray “in perpetuity” to cleanse the Church of clergy who have sexually abused minors, The Times of London reports.

Vatican officials said that every parish or institution should designate a person or group each day to conduct special prayer sessions worldwide for the victims of sexual abuse by priests.

Well, that will certainly work as well as it does on any other issue of importance (note to self: world hunger must be an illusion).

The Church seemed to take tangible steps to hide the problem for decades; perhaps I should not be surprised that their efforts to cure it are absolutely laughable.