Jesus Built My Hotrod Flying Saucer

The sweet, sweet voice of calm and reason is alive and kickin’ it in Texas:

STEPHENVILLE, Texas (AP) — In this farming community where nightfall usually brings clear, starry skies, residents are abuzz over reported sightings of what many believe is a UFO…

“People wonder what in the world it is because this is the Bible Belt, and everyone is afraid it’s the end of times,” said Steve Allen, a freight company owner and pilot who said the object he saw last week was a mile long and half a mile wide. “It was positively, absolutely nothing from these parts.”

Well, duh, unless it was a flying tractor or pick-up with ridiculously large tires, how could it be?

As for it being a sign of Biblical end times, I guess I must have missed the “Book of St. Predator to the Cat from Outer Space” in my copy of the Bible.

Update: The excitement continues as more details come in about the UFO sighting:

Pilot Steve Allen saw the object when he was out clearing brush off a hilltop near the town of Silden. Allen described the unidentified object as being an enormous aircraft with flashing strobe lights — and it was totally silent…

The veteran pilot said the UFO, an estimated half-mile wide and a mile long, was “bigger than a Wal-Mart.”

Bigger. Than. A. Wal-Mart.

That there’s purty dang big, y’all!

All we need now is a report that it landed on the outskirts of a trailer park and aliens carrying Miller Genuine Draft streamed out.

3 Responses to “Jesus Built My Hotrod Flying Saucer”

  1. Walter Says:

    I miss Revco.

  2. Derek Gilbert Says:

    Pretty sure you’re smarter than the “several dozen” witnesses, including the pilot and the cop, aren’t you?

  3. andy Says:

    It’s entirely possible, but then I know plenty of smart people that believe some really strange things.

    I’m more having fun with the silly Biblical overtones and yokel-esque commentary provided by the residents.

    You might want to have your humor chip repaired by a qualified professional.

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