Archive for October, 2007

Before the Lady Who Didn’t Swing Her Arms When She Walked

Monday, October 22nd, 2007

…there was the stand-up comedian who couldn’t modulate his voice when speaking.


Thanks to Scientology, Jerry Seinfeld knows how to speak like a normal person:

“In my early years of stand-up, it was very helpful. I took a couple of courses. One of them was in communication, and I learned some things about communication that really got my act going.”

“It was just things about understanding the communications cycle… Even the volume at which I’m speaking now is the right volume for where you’re sitting. I’m almost performing, in a way.”


Hey, Jerry, I could have saved you the $1000 the kooks of Scientology took from you when you were an up-and-comer.

If you’re speaking to someone and they are leaning away, covering their ears, and grimacing in pain, you are speaking too loud.

If you’re speaking to someone and they are leaning toward you, cocking an ear your way, and saying “What?” then it is a safe bet you are speaking too softly.

Normally, I charge $82.50 for that lesson, but – Jerry, for you – gratis.

(found via Pharyngula)

Oh, Tell Me, What’s Your Secret Ingredient?

Sunday, October 21st, 2007

The wife would probably like to have one of these in our kitchen.

I wonder if the manufacturer’s name can be removed from the front…

I can see that turning off guests.

Or, well, me.

(Although I do think Smeg, despite their name, makes some neat appliances).

And He Tapped His Foot in the Hogwart’s Bathroom Too

Saturday, October 20th, 2007

Oh no, another reason for the right-wing religious nutzoids to think Harry Potter is of the devil:

NEW YORK (AP) — Harry Potter fans, the rumors are true: Albus Dumbledore, master wizard and Headmaster of Hogwarts, is gay.

J.K. Rowling, author of the mega-selling fantasy series that ended last summer, outed the beloved character Friday night while appearing before a full house at Carnegie Hall. After reading briefly from the final book, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows,” she took questions from audience members.

She was asked by one young fan whether Dumbledore finds “true love.”

“Dumbledore is gay,” the author responded to gasps and applause.

I’m not sure how “Dumbledore is gay” answers the question of whether or not he finds true love. Does that mean that gay people can or cannot find it?

I’m all confused now!

Airport Wi-Fi is So Awesome

Friday, October 19th, 2007

So I can, uh, do this.

And, well, that’s about it.

Signing off from Charlotte, NC.

And He’s Off

Tuesday, October 16th, 2007

There will probably be a lull in the blogging around these parts, as tomorrow I’m off to the East Coast on business.

Back on the weekend, perhaps sooner if schedules allow and stupidity makes itself known to the news.

Magic Fingers

Tuesday, October 16th, 2007

The office tower in which I work is currently being renovated and updated with new wall designs, new ceilings, a gym, a new lobby, all sorts of improvements to help fill some of the empty floors (or to sell the building, I guess, but whatever).

As part of the construction work, all of the wall- and door-mounted signs were removed and replaced with paper versions until the mess is gone. So, plaques with company names, bathroom signs and stairway signs, etc, are now 8.5″ x 11″ dopplegangers of their former selves.

Stairs sign with BrailleNo detail was spared in this endeavor. Company names are provided in full, in clear fonts. Stairs are clearly marked for quick exits. And all of the Braille on each sign has been reproduced.

All of the Braille.


In ink.

And then… photocopied.

I know that losing one sense can sharpen the others, but I doubt a blind person can feel the tracks of a photocopied Sharpie.

(OK, so maybe it’s just someone pretending to make Braille dots, which is funny – it’s not like some blind guy will see it).

Vonage Vs Comcast

Tuesday, October 16th, 2007

Granted, it’s already no contest given that Vonage offers you many more features than Comcast, and for less money per month. Comcast, however, has been able to use their strength in providing cable service to lure the unsuspecting and ignorant to their (currently) poorer offering.

Vonage has now made their product even better with the introduction of V-Access. Now, your non-Vonage friends can call you for the price of a local call.

Vonage wants everyone to experience the great savings – even if they’re not a Vonage customer! With V-Access you – or anyone – can make calls to any Vonage phone just like it’s a local call. Say your sister in Indiana calls you every day using her old landline. Just look up a local V-Access number and let her call you for the price of a local call!

Make calls to any Vonage number or toll-free number and be charged for a local call, even when placing International calls or dialing long-distance. Reach out from almost anywhere in the US, UK, Canada, France, Mexico and Spain.

Not so useful for domestic calls, given that so many of us have free long-distance on our mobile plans, but it could mean substantial savings for friends and family abroad – or for calling home when you’re across the pond.

Rock on, Vonage (now, if only you’d quit violating patents and get in the black someday, things would be ideal).

Colorado Rockies Make World Series

Tuesday, October 16th, 2007


For the first time in the history of our great state, record quantities of Colorado Rockies team memorabilia have been bought by die-hard fans that, well, really didn’t know much about the Rockies season 6-8 weeks ago. But, dude, they’re all about the Rockies now. Because they’re die-hard.

No, no, wait – Rock-hard!

I suppose that fair weather fan counts as much as any other fan, at least until you lose.

Now, now, calm down, oh Rockies die-hards of the last 72 hours or so, I’m happy for them that they swept the Diamondbacks and have made their way into the World Series. Bully for them; I’m sure they’ve earned it.

I just don’t much care about baseball, and won’t pretend like I do.

So, for those of you who have kept up with the Rockies, win or lose, all season long, I wish you and your team well.

For the rest of you, on behalf of Rockies gear manufacturers everywhere, thank you for your temporary love of the game.

Another Reason to Move to Sweden

Monday, October 15th, 2007

OK, fine, so it’s the only reason so far I’ve seen to move to Sweden, but surely there are others. Like loads of hotties, or something.

STOCKHOLM (AFP) — The Swedish government on Monday presented a series of proposals banning public and independent schools from introducing religious elements into their classes except during religion lessons.

Religious elements “can take place … but only outside of coursework. Teaching should not be influenced” by religious beliefs, Swedish Education Minister Jan Bjoerklund told reporters.

He said religion could still be studied at school as a separate subject but other classes could in no way be influenced by religious convictions.

For example, the origin of human life would have to be explained from a scientific point of view and not a religious one, he said.

See, one good reason. And a few others*.

* Fine, so they were American, but let’s pretend.

The Burning Bush Thing Is So B.C.

Monday, October 15th, 2007

…I think we need a grilled cheese Pope JP II icon!

This fiery figure is being hailed as Pope John Paul II making an appearance beyond the grave.

The image, said by believers to show the Holy Father with his right hand raised in blessing, was spotted during a ceremony in Poland to mark the second anniversary of his death.

Details appeared on the Vatican News Service, a TV station in Rome which specialises in religious news broadcasts.

The image, said by rational people to show a large flame caught in mid-flicker by a camera, a camera which also took numerous other photos of the flame that showed nothing, was spotted during a ceremony in Poland that attracted one or more credulous twits.