New Jobs for Britney Spears!

If this whole pop star thing goes kafoozaly-boom again in the near future, fear not, for Britney is a young woman of many talents (among them: going commando, missing court dates, and performing at your big comeback like a drugged-up slug in ill-fitting clothes).

Surely, she will step back, evaluate her position, and further enrich the world by contributing in any way that comes to mind.

Such as, say – surprise! – model parent:

When “American Idol” host, who has a morning radio show on KIIS-FM in Los Angeles, asked Spears if she was doing all she could for her children, Spears replied, “Oh God yeah.”

Spears was unclear when Seacrest asked how often she would see the boys.

“That’s, like, all in the court,” she said. “Stuff like that, my lawyers know all that stuff.”

Because, really, why would a mother want to know when she’s getting to see her kids? I mean, after all, isn’t she doing all she can for them as it is?

Oh God yeah!

Those demanding, little ingrates! Hey, when social services brings them around next time, maybe Britney can pay someone to talk to them about all this too.

Not sold on the model parent idea? How about dispenser of sage advice?

However, she then said: “People talk and they say what they want at the end of the day, you know in the tabloids and in the magazines,” she said. “But you just try to keep on doing what you do, like, you know, and as long as you know what’s up and you know what’s true, that’s all that really matters, you know?”

Now, honestly, who could argue with that?

OK, if anyone understood it, who could argue with that?

Whereas many of us had to read the “Desiderata” in school, I have a strong feeling that Britney’s powerful words will replace them in decades hence.

Like, you know?

2 Responses to “New Jobs for Britney Spears!”

  1. Blake Says:

    What exactly is a “drugged-up slug?” Oh, you mean, “slut”. How dare you!

  2. andy Says:

    No, I meant slug. Did you see her move?

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