Lysa Harding Hates Her Vagina

Well, not really (I think), but she sure hates books that talk about sex, even when they are cautionary tales about the problems that can follow sexual activity at a young age:

BROOKWOOD — Lysa Harding, 15, couldn’t believe the sexually charged prose of the novel she checked out from the library at Brookwood High School. Her grandmother was offended, too.

Now they’re refusing to return the book, “Sandpiper” by Ellen Wittlinger, saying other teens shouldn’t be exposed to it…

The novel tells the story of a 15-year-old girl named Sandpiper Hollow Ragsdale who is on a “sexual power trip and engages in random hookups,” according to a review by the School Library Journal.

The book has been favorably reviewed and is intended for older teens, said Jane Smith, library media specialist for the Tuscaloosa County School system.

“It’s a cautionary tale for teenagers that oral sex is sex,” Smith told The Tuscaloosa News.

Oh, sure, Jane Smith (if that is your real name), let’s just teach the kids about the emotional, physical, and social aspects of sexuality by including sex in the discussion. Riiiight.

What kind of hippie free love freak are you?

Everyone knows it’s best just to tell the girls they can get preggers from kissing, and to tell the boys that women have teeth down there. Like a snapping turtle. A blossoming snapping turtle. With teeth.

Snap. Snap. Snap!

Lysa, who checked the book out at random last week for a book report, said it goes into too much graphic detail for high school students.

“I honestly believe that it should not be at school, because at my school they teach abstinence and no sex before marriage, but then all the book is teaching is how to do those things,” she said.

Which tells me that, rather than grasping the message of the books she reads, Lysa writes book reports that read like so: “This book was good. I liked it a lot. It made me happy. I like ponies. And baby Jesus. Baby Jesus on a pony would be nice. The end.”

Just charge her for the damn book and put a new one on the shelf.

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