Archive for August, 2007

I, for One, Am Horrified

Sunday, August 26th, 2007

Shock and horror, disgraced pastor Ted Haggard is begging for donations from his slaughtered flock, while continuing to own a 3/4 million dollar home and receiving an annual stipend of over $130,000 from his former church (hey, times are hard in the Haggard household).

Hardly surprising when one looks at other religious leaders, isn’t it?

Whether it be con-men like Benny Hinn duping the dimwitted out of their money for faith healing via his MagicFingers on the pretty-picture-box, or Bishop McBoylove using the funding of the faithful to silence the sexually abused, this much remains true: there will always be people willing to do anything for power and riches, and there will always be people dumb enough to enable them to do so.

I’d have more respect for Haggard if he got into the business of manly backrubs and backroom meth deals.

As for his followers, hey, can you send me $10?

Update: More shocking news from the land of greed in the name of God:

TAMPA – As a team, pastors Randy and Paula White attracted tens of thousands to Without Walls International Church. But behind the picture perfect image, the couple’s 18-year marriage was in trouble.

At Thursday night’s service, they announced plans to divorce. Both have been divorced before. ..

The couple shares a $2 million dollar home on Bayshore Boulevard, along with a private jet. Some say the pastors have been spending more time apart as they buy property and pursue ministries elsewhere. Paula White owns a Trump Towers condo in New York City and a home in San Antonio. Randy White is reportedly leasing property in Malibu.

It’s a rough existence. Thank God there are people stupid enough to help them live it!

What Indeed?

Saturday, August 25th, 2007

This is probably old news, but I just saw it: in 1994, Dick Cheney was interviewed and asked if the United States should have continued its Desert Storm march all the way to Baghdad.

In the interview, he says no, and one of his reasons relies on a very prescient question:

“Once you got to Iraq and took it over, took down Saddam Hussein’s government, then what are you going to put in its place?”

What indeed? It seems you gave very little thought to this question in the near decade that passed between the interview and the invasion, Vice-President Cheney. Perhaps if you had, I would not feel that my support for the war was placed with fools.

Other reasons given? “Quagmire” and “casualties.”

When he’s out of office, maybe Cheney can charge $15 a pop to tell others the future. He seems pretty good at it.

Unlocked iPhone?

Saturday, August 25th, 2007

Everyone knows by now that a teen and some of his online associates have unlocked the iPhone so that it can run on networks other than AT&T, with a very minimal loss of features.

There seems to be a lot of rejoicing among the nerderati everywhere, but I can’t say I am terribly interested.

The reason I didn’t buy an iPhone wasn’t because it only ran on the AT&T (formerly Cingular, formerly AT&T, the circle of life) network; it was because it was too expensive for something I’m probably going to drop and break within a year.

If my RAZR breaks? No big deal. They hand them, and Nokias, out like candy.

If my iPod shuffle breaks? Whoopity do. No emptying of the wallet needed to replace it.

Now, when we get to a point where the iPhone is more at my price point, then I’ll worry about what network it runs on. I trust by then Apple will have become less about tight-fisted control and more about meeting customer wants and needs.

Dear Mother Teresa:

Friday, August 24th, 2007

A woman who sits on great sums of donated monies and doles out the most basic of pain relief to the dying, so they can be more like Jesus, is an object of scorn, not worship.

That said, an article like this, doesn’t bring any pleasure to me. If anything, it is more saddening that you engaged in such atrocious and immoral behavior despite knowing better; that you neglected your humanity to suck up to the nonsense of spirituality.

You sacrificed the comfort and peace of others on the altar of your own perceived spiritual inadequacies. If there be a hell, may it have a special place reserved just for you.

And There’s a Storm That’s Raging Through my Frozen Heart Tonight

Friday, August 24th, 2007

Well, that was odd.

Not that I quote Jonathan Waite lyrics, although that qualifies…

No, there’s a brilliant storm raging across town tonight.

Loads of rain and thunder and lightning.

Usually nothing to worry about, but the thunder was getting loud, the lightning intense. It woke up the wee Fiona, so I went to her room and we had a talk about lightning and thunder. I was in the midst of explaining how the hot lightning makes the air in the sky rise like a cake, and when it cools, the cake collapses, sounding much like how when we clap our hands together. She was totally on board, nodding in ready agreement that there was nothing to fear, that it was – in fact – pretty cool to experience.

That was, at least, until a strike near our house.

I don’t know if it hit the house, or something near the house, or just did a little jig in the sky nearby.

No matter.

Big flash; bigger bang.

And, with that, all sorts of battery-powered devices sprung to life at 1am in the morning. All of our fire alarms did their “battery dying” beeping song de la muerte. In Fiona’s room, a number of her toys started talking, flashing, whatever. In our bathroom, Fiona’s toothbrush, which has a flashing light to tell her how long to brush, began to illuminate the room. And the hair on my calves stood on end.

Fiona screamed (sky clapping be damned), as did Ewan, and now they’re all in bed with Mommy, while Piers and his infant brain are far too busy to care about dumb things like lightning and thunder.

I’m about to go make sure there’s no smoldering fire on the house, and then off to bed.

Weird stuff.

Netflix vs Blockbuster, Continued

Friday, August 24th, 2007

So, I started streaming, via Netflix, the movie version of Vonnegut’s “Slaughterhouse Five.” Decided I’d rather watch it on a real screen, so it’s in the queue (heck, maybe Netflix isn’t so much offering streaming so you watch the movie but so you book it in the queue and stick around long enough to get it in the mail – evil geniuses, they are!).

Instead, I just clicked on the 1981 movie “Heavy Metal” to stream. I can’t recall a thing about it, other than that as a child I think I wasn’t supposed to watch it because of cartoon boobies and blood.

Well, I’m an adult now.

I can type one handed to cartoon nudity AS MUCH AS I LIKE.

(Or, well, not at all).

Yes, But Will Barbara Crampton Be Naked?*

Thursday, August 23rd, 2007


BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) — Nightmarish political realities in Baghdad are prompting American officials to curb their vision for democracy in Iraq. Instead, the officials now say they are willing to settle for a government that functions and can bring security.

To that end, they are asking all mad scientists to send tips on reanimating the broke-neck corpse of Saddam Hussein. They will also be Photoshopping all banners of Bush on the aircraft carrier from “Mission Accomplished” to “If It Ain’t Broke….” In addition, all US History textbooks will have a chapter on the “crazy Baghdad vacation” the government let our troops have for a few years.

The results of the incompetence of this administration continue to topple like particularly dumb dominoes.

* Reference: the movie Reanimator, 1985, in which the dead get brought back and Ms. Crampton gets undressed.

Breaking News

Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007

Hardcore creationists also tend to be dishonest hacks.

Remember, folks, lying is ok, so long as it’s lyin’ for the Lord.

Also: Ben Stein, despite having kept much of his money for himself on his game show, isn’t very bright when it comes to science.

And one more thing: Dear Ben Stein, you do not have an introductory “blog.” You have an introductory “post.” The blog is the aggregate of your posts. You have done the equivalent of writing a short chapter for the mentally handicapped and then calling it “your first book.” Your webmaster appears to know was much about blogging as intellectual honesty.

America’s Got Talent Names a Winner: Terry Fator

Tuesday, August 21st, 2007

For those of you who have faithfully been watching “America’s Got Talent,” despite the consistent presence of David Hasselhoff (and, from what I have read, his singing tonight), you’re probably asking: Who won?

Well, now you and the 486 other “America’s Got Talent” viewers have your winner: Terry Fator.


I have no idea, but apparently Terry Fator has a Vegas show, which is all the rage, and would probably be super-duper popular in beautiful Branson, MO. He can now spend his million dollars on another 10,000 puppets and, say, a signed photograph of Hasselhoff’s hairy chest – wow!

In the meantime, I leave you with this:

And, uh, this…

Terry Fator is in Super Pursuit Mode for riches!

(You’d think I simply write these posts for the traffic, no?)


Tuesday, August 21st, 2007


(Hey, who knew that Fox News was part of the liberal media?)