I Think a Divine Mass Driver Would Have More Impact

UK Bishops think invisible elves make floods, and see proof of elves.

The floods that have devastated swathes of the country are God’s judgment on the immorality and greed of modern society, according to senior Church of England bishops.

One diocesan bishop has even claimed that laws that have undermined marriage, including the introduction of pro-gay legislation, have provoked God to act by sending the storms that have left thousands of people homeless.

While those who have been affected by the storms are innocent victims, the bishops argue controversially that the flooding is a result of Western civilisation’s decision to ignore biblical teaching.

I think the bishops interpretation shows a decision to ignore Biblical teaching. Let’s consult Genesis 9:9-11

9 “I now establish my covenant with you and with your descendants after you

10 and with every living creature that was with you—the birds, the livestock and all the wild animals, all those that came out of the ark with you—every living creature on earth.

11 I establish my covenant with you: Never again will all life be cut off by the waters of a flood; never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth.”

And just to show he was going to make good on his offer, that he was an upright bloke, he changed the laws of the universe and gave water refractive properties it never had before, all so gay people could have a very colorful pride logo millennia hence.

Amen.

Update: Perhaps God is answering the prayers of the Governor of Alabama, but just has lousy aim and poor judgment.

2 Responses to “I Think a Divine Mass Driver Would Have More Impact”

  1. Robin Roberts Says:

    Admit it, the rainbow was a nice touch by god.

  2. mr lady Says:

    Andy, you kill me.

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