Hell’s Kitchen, June 11, 2007

Let’s get down to it. L-l-let’s get down to it.*

I always aim to give you insightful information about your favorite reality shows and contestants. I anticipate this “Hell’s Kitchen” outing to be no different!

And, to double your pleasure, you can read this post twice, or maybe just click on over to David’s when you’re done.

Now, the recap:

Bonnie – super cute; looks good in her underwear

Little known fact: wanted Blake Lewis to win American Idol, because Jordin Sparks was, like, 27 feet tall, and Bonnie has a matching Monchichi tattoo on her bum.

Jen – stepped up to lead the team with positive encouragement

Little known fact: longs to play George Eliot in a future biographical piece.

Joanna – talk to the hand!

Julia – screw the fancy restaurants; give me an order of hashbrowns smothered and covered, sister.

Little known fact: named after Julia Child.

Melissa – not as pretty as she thinks she is, although her breasts are.

Little known fact: boobies.

Aaron – if a woman can smell desperation from a mile away, they can probably pick up Aaron’s complete lack of self-esteem from twenty clicks. Sexy!

Little known fact: former Wal-Mart greeter, but was let go for being unable to handle the pressure.

Brad – who?

Little known fact: will be completely forgotten approximately eight seconds after leaving the show.

Eddie – looks like Rudy is out for the season.

Little known fact: none, because I will not make “little” jokes, except for the Rudy bit above.

Josh – tonight’s main course? Your meal, all screwed up.

Little known fact(s): once tried to pick up a girl by creatively packaging his wahoo as “Beef Swellington.” Nickname is “Half-ass Monkey Boy.”

Rock – until the end of the episode, my thoughts were “who?” (see: Brad). After that, I admired his ability to lay low among a bunch of incompetents.

Little known fact: none, because I think he might kick my ass.

Vinnie – aspires to portray Gary Numan in a TV-movie about the life of Gary Numan.

Little known fact: not really a disrespectful asshole with an ego beyond justification, he just plays one on TV.

* We like the music. We like the disco sound. Hey. Extra bonus points and a saucy wink for naming the source.

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