American Idol Finale, May 22, 2007

Blake Lewis, Round One: “You Give Love a Bad Name” – decent performance, entertaining as usual, but for me seeing the same song a second time just saps it of its originality. Not that Bon Jovi songs offer much in the way of that anyway, but you know what I mean.

Jordin Sparks, Round One: “Fighter” – the weakest link here is the on-again, off-again lameness of the house band. Maybe it’s the sound system (entirely possible since I notice that the Dolby 5.1 surround on this show consistently sucks).

Wow, her dress shading at the hemline makes me think there’s a magnet near my television.

Trivia: Did you know that Blake Lewis’ favorite kitchen cleaner is NOT 409 as has been rumored, but Fantastic? No lie, and you heard it here first.

Blake Lewis, Round Two: “She Will Be Loved” Uh, yeah, Jordin’s the stronger singer. The falsetto is killin’ me, Blake.

My 18 month old boy, however, is clapping and dancing. I should probably be worried.

Other than the falsetto, I suppose it was ok, if dull.

Jordin Sparks, Round Two: “A Broken Wing” – Did she steal Kat McPhee’s hair for this performance? Mmmm, Kat McPhee.

That was a controlled, nearly flawless performance, which I almost completely missed because writing the bit of trivia below was more entertaining – for me anyway.

Trivia: Jordin Sparks was supposed to be cast in a 2006 remake of “Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman,” but the producers balked when they realized she was a good 22 feet 10 inches too short.

Don’t worry, babe, Hollywood is still a-callin’ your name!

Can you hear it way up there?

Blake Lewis, Round Three: “This is My Now” – Oh boy, the winning song from the American Idol songwriting competition. Wow, this should be lame.

All gnarled and crippled and drooling, even.

Watching Blake try to act motivated and inspired by this god-awful piece of music is almost as painful as the song itself. I dunno, Blake, I think that your inability to hide how much you abhor this sonic crap is going to cost you the competition.

That said, I think you have a bright future as a producer, if nothing else.

Jordin Sparks, Round Three: “This is My Now” – A strong voice helps this song about as much as a strong undertow helps a drowning man. You can point in the toilet and marvel at the big poop you made, but – dude – it’s still poop.

Can we just forget that these last two performances ever happened?

Can we at least dub in other lyrics? I think Monty Python’s “The Lumberjack Song” would be a drastic improvement.

How unfortunate that when Jordin cries at the end of a song, it’s powerful – but if Blake were to do the same, it would mean he’s a momma’s boy.

Trivia: “This is My Now” really sucks big donkey nuts. I kid you not.

So, in closing, and speaking of poop: tomorrow is elimination night.

2 Responses to “American Idol Finale, May 22, 2007”

  1. mr lady Says:

    You can point in the toilet and marvel at the big poop you made, but – dude – it’s still poop.

    Between David and you, I’m going to need adult diapers.

  2. suanie Says:

    My nearly 2-year old nephew loves Blake. We can tell by the way he jumps up and furiously dances when Blake does his thing on TV.

    But since Sanjaya got booted, the whole show went spiraling down (for me). Not even looking forward to the final 2 performances tonight (we get it one day later).

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