American Idol Recap, March 6

I’ve been horribly delinquent in writing about the phenomenon that is Season 6 of American Idol. I probably should have continued to be so, but I’m fresh out of topics at the moment.

Blake: I missed his performance as I was putting the wee Fiona to bed. So long as Sanjaya and Sundance are still on the show, though, I don’t think Blake has to worry about going home. Scritchy-scritchy-scratch-scratch.

Sanjaya: I fear that “Vote for the Worst” will continue to work its magic and keep this guy around for another week. The judges call this one right.

Sundance: I’m not sure which was worse: the dull vocals or the lame and emasculated house band performance of “Jeremy.” Simon is right; Randy is nuts; and Paula is, well, Paula.

Brief Indulgent and/or Masturbatory Interlude: Say, remember Katharine Mcphee? Va-va-va-voom!

Chris: For some reason, he reminds me of a monkey. Not a bush baby, though, so there’s that. I guess the vocal was… passable… and cheesy. Not my mug of beer, but I bet some pre-teens melted during it. I guess I’m just not his target audience.

Sigh, Chris, ’twas not meant to be, mi amigo…

Brief Non-masturbatory Interlude: David J is blogging the auditory disasters as well.

Jared: The Crown Prince of Eyebrowia is up. His look and dance reminds me of that SNL episode where Eddie Murphy dresses up as a white man.

As if to prove my point, Paula says Jared needs to “color up” his singing. I think that’s what she said anyway. Wait, maybe it was “pull up,” as she just said that too. I dunno.

Brandon: Decent performance, particularly when compared to the crap that has come before. Paula is making goo goo eyes at him. How shocking.

Phil: Crikey, put a little mascara on the dude and he’d look like Boy George in that hat. Started off all throaty gross, but finished better.

Chris: Chris is the Taylor Hicks of the night, although his dancing could use a little more epileptic zing. I think Randy was right, Paula was Paula, and Simon just doesn’t like the fat kid staying in the picture.

With the girls singing tomorrow night, it’s bound to be better. Or, prettier, at the very least.

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