Archive for March, 2002

First Ira Einhorn, Now Zac Moussaoui

Friday, March 29th, 2002

The French government is again protesting American barbarism by refusing to provide any evidence in Zac’s trial that might lead to his being subjected to the death penalty.

We actually agree.

We’d much rather see him convicted and put in general population in a maximum security prison.

All The Same

Friday, March 29th, 2002

President Bush on drilling in the ANWR:

“ANWR can produce 600,000 barrels of oil a day for the next 40 years. What difference does 600,000 barrels a day make? Well, that happens to be exactly the amount we import from Saddam Hussein’s Iraq.”
– U.S. President George W. Bush
May 17, 2001

Frankly, Mr. President, we’d rather see Hussein out of power. That way, you can leave the ANWR alone.

Breaking News

Thursday, March 28th, 2002

The scientists who discovered that New Yorkers are suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome as a result of 9/11 have just issued a follow-up report indicating that if you rub a balloon on your head, it will magically stick to a wall.

Lock Your Doors, The Idiots Are Loose

Thursday, March 28th, 2002

Apparently, exposing high school students to the real world and respecting their rights to free speech and expression of their concerns is bad. Sorry, all you head-in-the-sand types, but see if you can follow along: 1) Lesbian couples are real. They have real concerns. Some of your fellow students may even be (gasp) homosexual. 2) The legalization of marijuana is a valid topic of debate and opinion. 3) The freaking liquor store didn’t advertise liquor. 4) Some high school chicks get pregnant. They might need pregnancy counseling.

What, did you people think that students who run a student-run paper shouldn’t be allowed to express their opinions and explore their concerns?

Silly Alarmist Americans

Thursday, March 28th, 2002

Italian authorities are denying American claims that there is a credible terrorist threat against US citizens in Venice, Florence, Milan, and Verona, and are angry that we have the audacity to tell our citizens to be careful. Gabriele Albertini, Mayor of Milan, says, “There is no need for alarmism. There is no concrete evidence of a threat.” That’s why it was characterized as a “possibility,” Gabe. I can think of a couple other unfortunate events of which we had no credible warning, and I’m sure that with a little thought, you can too.

Hey guys, think that if any Americans die in a bomb blast in Milan in the next couple of days, the Italians will start supporting us in this little spat we’re having with Islamic Fundamentalists? Nah, we don’t either.

Wow, No Kidding?

Thursday, March 28th, 2002

Researchers have discovered that many New Yorkers – after the tragedy of September 11 – suffer from post-traumatic stress syndome, and that use of alcohol, tobacco, and drugs went up as well.

Gosh, who would have imagined?

Do we pay people to research this?

We Don’t Get No Stinkin’ Backpay

Thursday, March 28th, 2002

The Supreme Court has ruled that illegal immigrants who are fired for attempts to unionize are not entitled to back pay.

We’re not sure why it took the Supreme Court to realize that people in the United States illegally have zero, zilch, nada when it comes to the right to employment within our borders.

Advocates worry that these workers, unable to unionize, will be further exploited by employers who can fire them with impunity – perhaps that’s one more reason for the border-runners to go about entering our country the legal way.

Constructive Criticism?

Thursday, March 28th, 2002

Under Zimbabwe’s newly approved Public and Security Act, Mugabe’s government can arrest anyone making a statement that is seen as critical of the President.

The latest victim: Peta Thorncraft, a reporter for the British Daily Telegraph, who was documenting reports of violence by the ruling party against the opposition.

Hmmm, makes us wonder what Mugabe has to hide – and it also makes us wonder why the Commonwealth has been silent since symbolically condemning the unfair elections in Zimbabwe.

It’s time for Africa to clean up its own back yard.

Unconditional Love

Thursday, March 28th, 2002

How touching.

Hold us, please.

Oh, and Ms. Moussaoui?

There’s a reason we “can’t find the people who are truly responsible for this crime” – they are torn to shreds in the wrecked remains of the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and a crater in Pennsylvania.

Another Newsflash

Thursday, March 28th, 2002

Ariel Sharon is a Hawk.

A stern reaction to the recent bombings is understandable, but we here at WWR believe that Sharon is proving by his actions that he has no real desire for peace with the Palestinians.

We knew that Arafat is a hypocrite, but somebody is going to have to compromise here.